Dominate Me
by hotforteacher
Summary: "Taking in a slow deep breath to calm my hammering heart, I kneel in front of him. Feeling my blood pounding in my ears, I glance up through my eyelashes and croak, 'Dominate me.'" - Jean Luc needs to feel in control again. Can Beverly help him gain it back using her unconventional method?
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, so this little story popped into my head one night. I am super nervous about this. I have never done anything like this before. I do have other chapters planned, however if this isn't well received then I will leave this as a one shot.**

 **M-Rated for a reason. :)**

* * *

Dominate me.

That's all it took. Those two simple yet demanding words. After that, everything changed between us.

It began a few months after his abduction from the Borg.

 _Walking aimlessly down the corridor after my grueling shift, I hear Jean Luc's voice echoing down the corridor. I knew that it was him by the timber in his voice – it is so distinct. As he is yelling at a very young ensign, I observe that his shoulders are rigid with tension._

 _Having never seen him yell at someone like that, the poor ensign is just in the wrong place at the wrong time._

 _Shaking my head, I tiptoe behind Jean Luc and place a comforting hand on his shoulder._

 _Stopping in mid-rant, he glances over his shoulder._

 _Pure and unadulterated hatred passes through his normally cool gray eyes. Shrugging off my hand, he turns back to the ensign, presumably to berate him more._

 _My own fury flares. Stepping between the Captain and the ensign, I immediately dismiss the young officer. Then turning to Jean Luc, I lean in close and hiss, "Jean Luc, I don't know what all that was about but you need to get ahold of yourself. That ensign in no way deserves your wrath. If you are so angry at the world, then be angry on your own time."_

 _Not backing down from a fight, Jean Luc steps in so close that we are practically nose to nose. "If you are so concerned about Ensign Wheeler, then by all means run after him, coddle him, fuck him for all I care. Otherwise, mind your own damn business." Turning on his heels, he resumes his previous course, I'm assuming to his quarters._

 _However, I am just as stubborn as he is and now, unfortunately for him, I'm am pissed off. Stalking after him, I roughly grab him by his arm and dump him into an unused room. "Don't you dare talk to me like that! I have done nothing to you to-"_

 _Invading my personal space, he interrupts, "You stepped in between a Captain giving an ensign a well deserved lecture. Then you have the audacity to condemn me for doing my job."_

 _Never one to back down from a fight, I step toe to toe with him and hiss, "And yet your response to me was respectful?!"_

 _Seeing him take a deep breath in, once again I see incredible animosity passing through his features. It worries me. I've seen him angry before, but not like this._

 _And for one fleeting moment, I'm afraid that he is going to strike me, but then it quickly passes when he lets go of his hot breath and with it some of his resentment._

 _"No, it wasn't. My apologies, Doctor." Jerking down his uniform top, he shakes his head. "Back there, my anger got the better of me. One minute, I'm walking to my quarters and the next I'm blinded by rage. Ensign Wheeler was just at the wrong place and time. I will apologize to him as soon as possible."_

 _"Why?"_

 _Biting the side of his cheek, he stutters, "Uhh… Why, what?"_

 _Now I know something is wrong. In the span of two seconds I see Jean Luc do things I have never seen him do; exhibit a nervous tick like biting his cheek and stuttering. He's made it abundantly clear to everyone that he has returned back to his old self after his encounter with the Borg, but how can one ever go back to "normal" after that horrific experience. On the outside he plays the part of "normal" perfectly, but on the inside I can sense that things are anything but. "Why are you angry?"_

 _He shrugs his shoulders and looks away from me. Again, not normal behavior for him. I wonder if anyone else has seen it?_

 _Capturing his chin between my thumb and pointer finger, I look deep into his stormy eyes. He tries to brush me off, but I hold tight. And then I see the reason for his uncontrollable rage._

 _Weakness._

 _Cold, hard, unrelenting weakness._

 _And deep down inside, my heart breaks for him._

 _I want to hold him and tell him that everything will be alright, but he would think that I was pitying him. He doesn't need to feel pity, he needs to feel in control again. Thanks to the Borg, they took his control away and maybe being the Captain of the Enterprise just isn't enough to get it back. They mentally took advantage of him and stripped every fiber of his being. He needs to harness it back before he goes completely mad._

 _But am I the one to help him?_

 _I have healed his physical wounds but am I strong enough to help him heal his mental ones? I have an unconventional idea to help him. Knowing what steps need to be taken, I understand that Deanna can't be the one to do it. It would be crossing a line that I know she is not comfortable with. But I ask myself again, am I strong enough to help him?_

 _Staring into his helpless eyes, I know that the risk is worth it._

 _Taking in a slow deep breath to calm my hammering heart, I kneel in front of him. Feeling my blood pounding in my ears, I glance up through my eyelashes and croak, "Dominate me."_

 _Rolling his eyes, he shakes his head, "Beverly, what are you-"_

 _Grasping his thighs, I repeat, "Dominate me."_

 _Grabbing my shoulders, he tries to force me to stand. However, he doesn't get to far._

 _Clinging tightly to his legs, I lean forward and press my nose to his already hard cock. Yes, this is exactly what he needs. But will he take my offer? Taking in a deep breath, I whisper into the fabric of his pants, "Dominate me."_

 _Sitting me back down on my knees, he stares at me for a heated moment, like he is weighing his options. Licking his parched lips, he demands, "Stay here."_

 _He strolls over to the replicator and orders a robe and two pairs of cuffs. Throwing the robe at my feet, he orders, "Take off your clothes and put this on. When you come into the bedroom, I want you to kneel in front of the bed as if you are praying."_

 _Silently nodding my head, I stand to take off my uniform. I notice before he walks into the bedroom, he turns to look at me._

 _He wants confirmation._

 _He needs his control back, he needs me to help him gain it back and who am I to deny him. I give him my confirmation by unzipping my uniform and sliding it down my body._

 _Giving me a slight nod, he turns and marches into the bedroom._

 _Instantly feeling aroused, my skin burns with anticipation as my shaky hands pulls over the robe. It is a gorgeous robe, but with my height, it stops just under my butt._

 _Perfect._

 _Stepping into the bedroom, I am not surprised to see that he is stripped down to his boxers and leaning back into a chair._

 _Following his orders, I kneel in front of the bed._

 _"Close your eyes and keep them shut."_

 _Biting my lip hard, I press my thighs together to suppress the want and need that is reverberating down to my core. With my sight gone, I hear him stand up and pad closer to me. Reaching around my waist, he unties and slides off my sash that once held my robe closed. Feeling him lean in, his lips barely graze the top of my ear as he whispers, "If at anytime you feel uncomfortable, I want you to say 'Captain'. Do you understand?"_

 _Nodding my head, my lips part as he ties the sash around my eyes._

 _"Stand up."_

 _Feeling my legs wobble under my weight, my robe falls open, exposing my naked body for him to see._

 _Grasping my shoulders, he turns me around and pushes me back so that I fall onto the bed. "When I touch you, I don't want to hear any noises coming from you. If you cum, you will surely regret it. Nod once if you understand."_

 _I nod once._

 _"Good. Lift your hands above your head."_

 _Following his order, I try not to let out a moan as I feel my body stretch for him to view._

 _Binding my wrists with the cuffs, he demands, "Tell me the safe word."_

 _I breath out, "Captain."_

 _"Good."_

 _For a long time after that, nothing happened; at least on his part. My body, however, is pulsating with want and desire._

 _Then I feel the soft pads of his fingers lightly touch my collarbone and I just about explode. Biting down hard on my bottom lip, I barely suppress the moan that threatens to escape._

 _Then his touch is gone and for a split second my body is in agony._

 _Then it is back, but this time it is on my stomach. I grip the chains of the cuffs and pull down hard, however, I don't make a sound. Out of a natural reaction, I press my knees down to the mattress, opening my legs to him, inviting him to touch me._

 _"Ohhh…" I shiver as I feel his hot breath tickle my nipples. "You want me to touch you."_

 _I don't dare make a sound. He knows exactly what I want._

 _"Do you want me to touch you here?" He touches my arm._

 _I stay quiet._

 _"How about here?" He touches me on my sternum._

 _Close but I stay quiet._

 _"How about here?" He lightly caresses my knee._

 _Quivering under his touch, I'm still quiet._

 _"Hmmm… I'm getting close. How about…" he lazily slides his finger up my leg and stops at the sweetest area of my body. Gently, he slips his finger in between my folds, "… here?"_

 _Pressing my lips together with my teeth, I feel my head become dizzy with the beginning of an orgasim. Yet, I have not made a sound._

 _"Good job. You will rewarded."_

 _My stomach flutters to new heights as I feel his finger flicker inside. Feeling bruises form underneath the cuffs, it doesn't stop me from pulling down on them to keep myself grounded._

 _"Very surprising, Beverly. Have you been a submissive before?"_

 _I quickly shake my head. This is all brand new to me, however it seems like in his younger days he had no problem being dominate in the bedroom._

 _"You are incredible wet."_

 _Feeling his warm breath caress my nipples, I fling my head back trying every trick I know not to make a sound. Then as his experienced finger circles my clit, his tongue darts out and sucks on my nipple._

 _And. I. Am. Done._

 _My orgasim hits me hard and fast. Pulling down on my cuffs, the pain that it causes adds more to my orgasim. Just as I am coming down from my high, I let out a long, slow sigh._

 _Then his finger disappears along with my glorious climax._

 _"Bad girl. I told you not to cum. Now you are going to be punished."_

 _He unclamps my wrists from the cuffs and demands, "Get down on your knees."_

 _Taking a raged breath, I push myself off the bed and onto the floor. My muscles feel weak under my weight._

 _He then cuffs my hands behind my back. "This is what happens when you disobey me. This will be your punishment." Lifting my chin with two of his delicate fingers, I smell my cum as he commands, "Open your mouth."_

 _Slowly, I open it, heady of what's to come next._

 _"You will fuck my cock with your mouth until I cum. You will swallow. You will not be allowed to touch yourself."_

 _My mouth waters with anticipation._

 _"Tell me the safe word."_

 _Licking my dry lips, I whisper, "Captain."_

 _Then without any notice, his cock slams into my mouth. I almost choke on his length, but he pulls out and slams back in. I soon become accustomed to his length as he slides in and out of my hot mouth._

 _Bobbing my head back and forth, I feel his hand grab my hair._

 _My pussy is so wet with wanted attention that I rub my thighs together to alleviate the pressure._

 _All of a sudden he pulls my hair back, removing his cock from my mouth with a faint pop. "You are not to touch yourself. Spread your knees apart."_

 _After appeasing to his demand, he shoves his wet cock back in my mouth, however, this time I am ready for it. After a few pumps, my tongue swirls around the head of his penis every time he pulls away._

 _His grip on my hair tightens and I feel his muscles begin to quiver._

 _He is so close._

 _To help him along, I scrape my teeth along his shaft as he pumps in and out._

 _That was it._

 _"Ohhh… Fuck." Is all that he calls out as he cums into my mouth. My jaw is throbbing but I suck it all in, every last, delicious drop._

 _He pulls out of my mouth, picks me up by my shoulders and lays me on the bed. Placing his hands on my knees, he spreads my legs wide open. "You little minx." He makes me jump when he presses his nose into my sensitive bundle of nerves. "You are so wet. Do you want me to fuck you?"_

 _He didn't have to look at my face to know my answer, it was touching his nose._

 _"Oh, you want me to fuck you, but I'm not. It's part of your punishment. Plus, I want you hot and ready for me for the next time. However, I am not that cruel, so until then…" His tongue make a delicious path from my asshole to my clit and then it swirls in a figure eight motion. I nearly cum again, but he stops just in time. "Until next time." He stands and uncovers my eyes from the make shift blindfold._

 _I blink at the bright light, like I was seeing a sun for the first time._

 _He turns away from me and pulls on his boxers._

 _God, I want him so badly. But he is in charge and I have to wait for the next time. My body tingles with anticipation with the thought of our next sexual encounter together._

 _After his uniform is on, he turns and stares at me. Unable to look away, I know that I am still open to him, hope budding within the pit of my stomach that he will fuck me hard to the point of oblivion._

 _He grins and shakes his head, "I don't think so." He grabs my shoulders and lifts me into a sitting position. Within a few seconds he has uncuffed me and is marching over to the living area._

 _Messaging my wrists, my body aches all over, but I have never felt so alive. Lifting myself off the bed, I follow Jean Luc towards my clothes. Slipping on my uniform, I can't help but grimace as the scratchy material glides against my fiery skin._

 _"Thank you, Beverly."_

 _I turn to see him staring down at his hands. His voice is delicate yet a little bit of dominance from a moment before is shining through. Stepping up to him, I place my hand on his shoulder and smile, "Until next time, Jean Luc."_

 _Raising his head hopefully, he exclaims, "You want to come back?"_

 _Arching my brow, I quip, "Jean Luc, you need to finish what you started. Are you really going to leave me hanging with anticipation?" Seeing him silently shake his head, I grin as I make my way towards the door. However before I go through it, I look over my shoulder and add, "And try not to yell at anymore ensigns."_

 _When I saunter into my quarters, I'm not surprised to see them empty. Wesley has a few more weeks to finish up class work and projects before going off to Starfleet Academy._

 _I make a beeline to my bedroom and shut the door. Shredding every stitch of clothing, I snuggle under the sheets and close my eyes. Every blessed image that runs through my mind is of him; touching me, licking me, dominating me. Leaving me so high with release, my hands make their way to my nipples, pulling and tugging at them until they are taunt and hard._

 _"Until next time." His deep baritone voice reverberates from deep within my hearts and sends a wet shockwave down to my most intimate area. Wanting to be touched, my fingers ghost over my clit as my other hand plays with my nipple._

 _His bedroom voice whispers in my mind, "You are so wet." and "Do you want me to fuck you?"_

 _Mumbling into my pillow, my fingers easily slide through my slick folds. "Yes. Fuck me. Fuck me hard."_

 _Burying my fingers deep within my hot, wet pussy, my mind keeps replaying tonight's events, paying special attention to the moments his cool fingers caress my steamy skin. Feeling my climax start to build, I add my other hand to do a figure eight motion over my clit. Imagining his hot tongue making the same motion, my stomach starts to clinch as my fingers start to move faster._

 _Matching the fast motion with my hips, I hiss into my pillow, "Oh… Oh, yes… Fuck me." Lifting my hips, my climax slams into me._

 _Basking in the afterglow, I caress my nipples with my cum stained fingers._

 _Twisting my sheets around my body, I still feel like I need a release – a release only Jean Luc can take care of. It isn't the same as if I had him between my legs, but it's as close as I'm going to get tonight. Cuddling into the mattress, I shiver with anticipation of the next time we meet as a dominate and a submissive. At least then, we will both get what we want._

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 _ **I would really like to know what you think since this is something new for me! Any feedback is appreciated!**_


	2. Chapter 2

**This is me still nervous...**

 **I have an idea of where I want this to go, I just hope that it's not up in smoke. I can promise that it will follow the TNG timeline.**

 **Thank you for all of your lovely words of encouragement! I still want to continue on with "Touch", however, I am hitting a wall. So this story is my surprising solution.**

* * *

A few months had gone by since the next time we were able to meet. It was right after Chief O'Brian and Keiko's wedding.

Wesley had already gone to Starfleet Academy, so I was a bit lonely at the time.

Very lonely.

And, yet, despite my solitude, he had me wait. And being the good girl that I am, I appeased to his demand. At that point, everything was still brand new and exciting.

The independent woman in me screamed for wanting to play into his fantasy, however, my devious heart would always answer back that it was I who first initiated our new found role. And in the end, both mind and heart agreed that it was an exhilarating experience, despite the guilt and jealousy that later came with it.

After all this time, I still wouldn't change anything about.

That night, after waiting for what felt like ages, I was in Sickbay at a late hour when he commanded my presence.

.::..::..

 _UGH!_

 _Throwing the latest medical journal onto my desk, I lean back into my chair rubbing my tired eyes._

 _What a nightmare the past week has been. Between giving Data dancing lessons, the ambassador's mysterious "death" and the schoolyard fight with the Romulans; I'm ready to put this all behind me. However, I do have to say that Chief O'Brian and Keiko's wedding was rather unique with the traditional ceremony mixed in with the galexy stars as a backdrop._

 _And Jean Luc in his dress uniform… Mmmm… I'd love for him to dominate me wearing that._

 _Shaking my head, I continue to be in awe of where that thought comes from. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine being sexually dominated by my dead husband's best friend, turned on by the thought of his touch and wanting so much more after my body has been satisfied. He has awoken something in me that is both_ _frightening_ _and stimulating at the same time._

 _However, I notice that his behavior has become less erratic and Deanna has mentioned several times on how well he is coming along since the Borg attack. So despite my_ _confusion_ _as to my thought process, I must have done something right._

 _Straightening my back, I slowly roll my neck to release some of the tension that has held itself ransom there for quite some time. Closing my eyes, I let my head fall to one side then to the other._

 _Hearing a rumble coming from my stomach, I quickly open my eyes and glance around my desk._

 _Should I go home to empty quarters to eat or stay here to work longer than needed? The choice is so simple. Since Wesley left for Starfleet Academy, I have been avoiding any and all alone time in our – my – quarters; well with the exception of sleep and personal hygiene._

 _And self-gratification. Deep, primal, oh so delicious gratification._

 _Those nights, I would beg for a sweet release as I played with my nipples and swirled my nimble fingers over my clit. My treacherous mind would always replay the events that unfolded that fateful night. His tongue licking the parched lips between my legs. His fingers dancing along my heightened skin. His timber voice giving me an order to submit to his every command._

 _Every time, I imagined it was him between my knees as I came onto my overworked fingers._

 _However, by now, my self-indulgence is only taking me so far._

 _Being new to this type of "relationship", everything is foreign to me. Hopefully being the faithful submissive that I'm supposed to be, I wait on pins and needles for him to contact me for our next rendezvous, never daring to initiate the conversation. And I hate it, but at the same time, with every orgasm I take from my own hand, I find myself becoming wetter and wetter with longing apprehension to have him between my legs._

 _Ding!_

 _Lifting my eyes to my computer, I notice that there is a new message from him._

 _Stardate: 44399.8_

 _To: Crusher, Beverly, CMO_

 _From: Picard, Jean Luc, Captain_

 _Subject: Room_

 _Emoc._

 _Staring_ _inquisitively_ _at the screen, I wonder if this is a computer glitch or maybe a message sent by accident. Rubbing my sleepy eyes, I glance at the screen again. With desire bubbling in my stomach, I see the message for what it really is._

 _To any observer who might read this message, they might think along the same lines as I just did. But they don't know about our rendezvous. "Emoc" is the word "Come" spelled backwards. Simple, yet, effective._

 _Standing at once, I make a beeline towards the same room we had used previously. Sounding the chime, I glance up and down the corridor. To my surprise it is unusually quiet. The Delta shift must have just relieved the Beta shift. At such a late hour, everyone is either in their quarters or at their stations. His timing is impeccable._

 _Sounding the chime again, I slightly jump when the computer voice calls out, "Safe word?"_

 _Instantly I answer, "Captain."_

 _The door slides open, granting me entrance into the room I have been dreaming about for the past few months. On the chair, I see the same robe I wore the last time I was here. Shivering with excitement, I quickly divulge myself of my stuffy uniform and slip on the silky robe._

 _Stepping into the bedroom, my eyes are instantly drawn to him. He is sitting in a chair with just his boxers meekly covering his already hard cock. Dropping to the floor in front of the bed, I close my eyes as I clasp my hands together. Sending a quick prayer myself, that tonight he will finally fuck me like how I have been imagining he would._

 _Hearing him stand, he pads his way over to me. Gliding his hands around my stomach, I feel him untie the sash and slide it out from the robe. "Come." He gently lifts me from my position onto the bed. "Lay on your back with your hands above your head. Don't open your eyes or you will be punished."_

 _Nodding once, I push myself further up the bed and turn my body over, letting my robe fall wide open, exposing every inch of my eager body._ _Lifting my hands above my head,_ _I shiver as I feel the cool air lick my already hard nipples._

 _Using the sash, he binds my wrists together to the headboard. "A few days after our first time together, I noticed that the handcuffs we used gave you bruises." He lightly draws his fingers around my wrist as he finishes tying them up. "It pained me to see that mark on your beautiful skin. If something like that happens, use the safe word so that I can uncuff you."_

 _Licking my lips, I dare to ask, "But isn't the point of this exercise is to explore the fine line between pain and pleasure? Bruises are just a side effect." Don't get me wrong, my wrists, along with my jaw, was sore for a few days after, but I could have healed them within a minute. Oddly enough, I wanted to feel the pleasure from the pain. It reminded me of him._

 _"The point of this is control. You are mine and I control you and your every move. The pain gives into the pleasure and that's just an added bonus." Giving my nipple a light pinch, the pain shoots right down to my core. My hips buck trying to find something to appease its need for attention. "Tonight I will let you have the pleasure you have been seeking since the night I licked that delicious pussy. However, if you do not follow my directions, I will take your pleasure away and keep it to myself. Do you understand?"_

 _I nod._

 _"Good. We are going to try new things just to see how far I can take you."_

 _I nod again. Digging my nails into my palms, I take a deep breath to steady my nerves._

 _"Keep your eyes closed. You are allowed to make noises, however, once you have reached five orgasms, I will fuck you hard."_

 _Five?! Can he honestly give me five orgasms? Out of all the other lovers I've had in the past, only a select few were able to give me at most two genuine orgasms within one night._

 _"Do you doubt my ability, Beverly?" Instantly, goosebumps erupt across my skin as I feel his lips barely stroke my neck._

 _Hmmm… I'm not sure about five but I do know that I'm about to cum with just the sound of his timber voice making these delicious declarations of pleasure. Not wanting to go down to four so quickly, I bite the side of my lip as I slowly shake may head. Digging my heels into the mattress, I attempt to calm my ravenous heart._

 _His fingers start at the base of my neck and slides along the edge of my robe. Tracing lightly down the inseam, he opens it further._

 _Subconsciously, my body trembles into his touch, wanting oh so much more._

 _Straddling my waist, I feel his erection pressing into my lower abdomen. He bends over and begins his assault on my over-sensitized skin. Kissing, licking, nipping all along my collar bone._

 _Stretching my neck to the side to give him ample room, I lift my hips to rub against him to gain some much needed friction._

 _Feeling his smile stretch against me, he murmurs, "Very anxious. No worries, we can have all night, if need be."_

 _Feeling brave, I quip, "I won't need all night for my five."_

 _Chuckling, he replies, "Well, then I might have to slow down."_

 _Pressing my head into the pillow, I whimper, "Nooo! Please!"_

 _Without hesitation, his teeth sinks down onto my nipple sending a rippling shockwave that I can feel in the tips of my toes. Letting out a slow moan, I lift my hips again. I need him to touch me, to fuck me. His tongue swirls around, making the same figure eight motions he did with my clit those many months ago. Raising his hand to my other breast, he rolls my nipple between two fingers, playing a sinful duet with his tongue._

 _Panting like a dog in heat, I bite my lip hard. However, the faster I breathe through my teeth, the faster he licks and pinches my nipples. Feeling the familiar clinch in my stomach, my hips now start to buck in the same delicious rhythm of his attention to my chest. Then my orgasm gradually hits me in a powerful wave. Lifting my chin up, I breathe out a hot breath onto my bound wrists._

 _"One down." he teases._

 _"Four more to go." I add under my breath._

 _He lifts himself off of my waist and orders, "Don't move."_

 _With my eyes still blissfully closed, I hear his footsteps walk away. My arms feel a little weak against my restraints, however my body is absolutely buzzing with excitement. I hear him order something from the replicator, although I can't hear what he says. I don't dare move an inch, despite my desire to wipe my sweaty hair from my brow. Hearing him return to the room, I urge my quivering body to stay still._

 _"Good girl. Lift your head." Doing as he ordered, he places something around my eyes. "I have blindfolded you. Do you need water?"_

 _Hearing the clink of ice against glass, I moisten my lips as I shake my head. I just want him._

 _"Pull your knees up and spread your legs as far as they can go."_

 _Oh, God! Sighing into my arm, I feel so open to him, almost to the point of vulnerability. Knowing that I can trust him, I throw my head back onto the pillow and bite my lip with delirious anticipation as to what will come next._

 _With my heighten senses working overtime, I can still hear the ice clinking against the glass as I feel the bottom of the bed bow to Jean Luc's weight. To my astonishment, he slides his finger between my slick folds making me pull down hard on my restraints. Feeling his hot breath caress my kneecap, he murmurs, "You are incredibly wet, but not as wet as I want you to be when I fuck you." Trailing his nose down the inside of my thigh until he reaches the soft apex between my legs, I tremble when he adds, "I have been wanting to make your sweet pussy mine since the first time you bowed down to me, begging me to dominate you."_

 _Letting out a small moan, I can feel my heart pumping deep within my core, aching for him to fuck me into oblivion. "What's stopping you now?" Oh, shit! I meant to keep that in my head, yet somehow it left my mouth._

 _Nipping my bud for talking out of turn, he instantly soothes it by pushing his tongue between my soaking wet lips and licking me from stem to stern. Throwing my head back, I groan as I tighten my grip on the silky bindings and tug down._

 _Leaning on my quivering knees, he inserts his nimble finger as he continues to fuck my pussy with his glorious tongue._

 _Bouncing my hips up and down to match his speed, I moan shamelessly as I feel my orgasm reach its magnificent peak. Just as I am about to cum, he treacherously pulls his tongue and finger out, leaving me panting and wanting more._

 _"Control, my dear Beverly. I control you." Pressing a gentle kiss to my stimulated center, he adds in a stern voice, "As a punishment for talking out of line, you now only have three orgasm left. There will be no need for your smart mouth unless I require an answer. Otherwise, you will be punished by putting that beautiful mouth to good use."_

 _Wanting him to fuck me instead of my mouth, I nod obediently._

 _In can hear him smiling, the smug asshole._

 _Stepping off of the bed, he grabs my hips and orders, "Slide that sweet ass down to the edge of the bed. Keep your legs wide open."_

 _Wiggling my body down, he positions himself between my legs as I hear the same clink from the glass. Briefly, the doctor in me wonders if he is dehydrated or sick. Then that thought instantly flies out of my head when he places the chilled glass on my taunt stomach. "If you can keep this glass on your stomach, I will reward you with what you have been wanting since the first time I made you cum."_

 _Hearing him swirl the ice around the cup, I try to put all of my concentration on keeping my muscles firm and still. However, all of that goes out the window when I feel a dripping wet ice cube tracing along my collar bone. Shock over takes my body making it involuntarily jump. I feel the glass shake but thankfully it doesn't fall._

 _He then brings the melting ice down my sternum and circles it around my breasts. When there is nothing but water between his fingers and my heated skin, he reaches into the glass and retrieves another piece of ice. Biting my lip, I groan loudly when he places the ice on the peak of my taunt nipple. An instant rush flows down to my core. Wanting so desperately to buck my hips against anything hard, I stop myself when I feel the glass slightly tip._

 _However, by the grace of everything that is holy, it stays on my stomach._

 _Shaking my head, I take a few deep, calming breaths, however, Jean Luc doesn't stop his icy torture. He swirls the quickly melting ice against my other nipple, making it raw with want. I shiver as I feel the chilled water running down my heated skin. Gathering another ice cube, he draws a watery line from the glass to my heated center._

 _Gripping my silky bindings that stretches above my head, I prepare myself as he gradually sweeps the ice cube over my sensitive folds._

 _Taking a deep breath, I see stars sparkling in my limited view as I feel another orgasm beginning to churn._

 _Keeping the piece of ice on the outside of my heated folds, he starts to mirror his chilled movement with his devious, hot tongue. Swirling the ice along my clit, he thrusts his tongue deep within me._

 _Squeezing my eyes closed, I pierce my bottom lip instantly drawing blood. I don't care. The only thing I can concentrate on is the clashing duet between fire and ice assaulting my most sensitive area._

 _Feeling my muscles contract and flourish under his contact, I let my orgasm ripple through my body. "Ohhh… fuck me."_

 _Lifting the cool glass off of my stomach, he whispers against my quivering core, "I plan on it."_

 _I didn't even have time to register what he said before he plunges balls deep into me. Throwing back my head and pulling my hands down hard from their bonds, I let out a lusty moan as my skin erupts with goosebumps. God, his thick, hard cock stretches against my tighten walls and it feels oh so fucking good._

 _If this is what I can get from him dominating me, then he can possess me mind, body and soul. Again, I would have never imagined myself being fucked mercilessly by Jean Luc but now I can't see myself anywhere but here._

 _Pressing his fingers into my thighs, he relentlessly pumps in and out of me while moaning raw, sexy words that nearly had me cuming and wanting more. "Fuck… I want you to fuck me back. Lift your ass off of the bed."_

 _Digging my heels into the mattress, I lift my hips up to his, matching his speed and determination. The new angle he has me at reaches me in a place that I had never felt before. With him driving into me, hitting that sweet spot every time, I feel my body start that familiar climb to the top of primal blissfulness. Grabbing onto my silken rope for dear life, I hit my climax screaming out his name._

 _As my body slacks into a euphoric state, he lets me ride out the rest of my climax with his hard cock sliding in me at a snail speed. Once I am able to control my breathing, he sets me back down on the bed and begins to massage my sensitive bundle of nerves. Feeling my body ready for him again, I can't help but be surprised at how wet I still am. We have only been together two times, if that, and he is attune to what my body craves and desires._

 _Then out of nowhere, he stops his ministrations and pulls out of me. Instantly, I feel the loss as if I am missing a limb. Feeling confusion at my new found emotion, I tuck it away to explore at a later time._

 _Placing his hands on my waist, Jean Luc commands, "Turn over, tuck your knees under and lift your ass into the air."_

 _Although my binding feels tight against my wrists as I maneuver my buzzing body around, it heightens my need for him to be inside me. Tucking my knees under my hips, I steady my shaky limbs as I lift my ass into the air._

 _I feel more exposed to him now than ever before. Again, I put my trust in his capable hands._

 _Leisurely, he pushes my robe to the side as he caresses my bottom with the soft pads of his fingertips. Tracing over my puckered hole, he murmurs, "I would love to fuck you here."_

 _My muscles tighten under his gentle hand. I have never experienced anal sex. It's not that I don't want to try, I was just never comfortable with anyone to do it correctly, including Jack._

 _Jack. What would he say to this?_

 _Pulling me out of that guilty tunnel, Jean Luc slide his finger between my folds to find it slick with hidden desire. "You want it too, my dear, however, we will save that for a different night." Positioning himself at the apex in between my legs, I feel the head of his hard cock at my opening._

 _With my arms outstretched, I curl my fingers around the headboard as I prepare for his glorious assault. With my body pulsating with anticipation, seconds feels like hours as I wait for him to plunge into me._

 _Gripping my hips, he ferociously drives into me, over and over, blurring the thin line between pain and lust. His hard length strikes a new spot in me that I can't help but screw my eyes shut as my body prepares itself to once again reach that toe curling peak. Bowing my head into my arms, I bite into the mattress as he keeps pounding into me._

 _He then reaches around my hip and begins to stroke my clit, rendering me unable to breath._

 _"Beverly," He grips between his teeth, "let go."_

 _Relaxing my body, I let my orgasm take over. I quite literally see stars bursting from my blocked vision as I scream out his name from my fiery lungs._

 _Just as I am coming down from my high, I feel his penis expand ready to climax._

 _Pushing my ass back to match his speed, in a matter of seconds, he cums hot and full in me, "Ohhh… Fucking hell!"_

 _He stays in me as he rides down from his own powerful climax. Giving me a light kiss on my spine, he lifts himself up and pulls out of me._

 _I moan first at his very_ _intimate_ _touch and then as he leaves my body. Once again, I'm hit with the feeling of a loss. Pushing that feeling to the back of my mind, I can hear him walking around the bed. Pulling off my blindfold, I blink several times as the low light invades my eyes. He then unties me from my bindings._

 _Helping me sit up, he softly inspects my wrists. They are sore, however, I don't think there are any bruises. "I don't see anything, however, if you see any bruises later on, mend them and then inform me right away."_

 _I roll my eyes. I don't need him to tell me how to take care of my body._

 _Quickly lifting me up by my wrist, he commands, "If you roll your eyes at me again, I will put you over my knee and spank you. This is your only warning."_

 _I'm not sure how I feel about this new information. Spanking is quite humiliating, but I still feel a treacherous new rush of desire down to my core. Can I possibly be turned on by this? Hesitantly, I nod but add, "That might be asking too much, Captain."_

 _Understanding my use of my safe word, he nods back and says, "Think about it and quickly let me know." Sliding his hand into mine, he pulls me towards the bathroom. "After we finish, I would like for us to take a shower together."_

 _After the workout we just did, I wouldn't mind a quick shower. Besides, how would it look if I came across someone with the smell of sex all over me? Slightly shivering, I shake my head as I follow Jean Luc to the bathroom._

 _Once we are in the shower stall, we dance around each other, very careful not to touch one another. However, when I rinse the soap off of my body, I notice that he is staring at me. Turning away, I playfully shake my butt for him._

 _Within my next breath, he pushes me against the cool tile with his already hard cock nudging into my back. Tracing his deft fingers down to my hips, he murmurs, "Turn around."_

 _Slowly, I appease to his demand on legs made of jello. With my back flush against the wet tile, I notice that his eyes are dilated with desire as he gazes at my lips. I feel a rush of lust spiral down to my core. My overworked body should be fighting this lust, but to my amazement it accepts its greedy hunger for more. The seconds tick into minutes as he continues to stare at me._

 _I think if anyone else was on the receiving end of his glare, they would feel uneasy, but I feel irresistible and downright sexy. Something I haven't felt in a long time._

 _Gripping the top of my thighs, he pulls them up so that my legs surround his waist. Throwing my arms around his shoulders to steady myself, he eases his cock into my wet folds._

 _I lay my forehead against his as he begins to leisurely pump into me, reaching an entirely different spot than the others before. How does he know my body better than any other man I have been with? My mind flutters back to Jack. I do not want to go down that path again. Opening my eyes, our noses touch as I moan out Jean Luc's name. The intense look he gives me nearly takes my breath away. Rather than seeing the hard, cold steel of him wanting to dominate me, I see something warm and comfortable._

 _Love._

 _Secretly, my heart trembles to see such feelings in his eyes, yet, a moment later, it confuses me. This new relationship we found is based off of strict control. Love should never be mixed in it._

 _Should it?_

 _Sensing my confusion and hesitation, Jean Luc reverts back to his domineering figure. "Hold onto the shower head. Do not let go."_

 _At first devastated at the loss of warmth in his eyes, I quickly grab the shower head, offering my body for him to control. He takes my pert nipple into his wet mouth, swirling it around between his tongue and teeth as he quickens his speed to fuck me brashly against the shower wall._

 _With the help of the shower head, I move up and down in sync with him. At once, we both slam into our climax together._

 _Fireworks. Big, gaudy, New Year's Eve fireworks._

 _It's the best way to describe how it feels to cum together. It is worth all the bruises and complete lack of control. In some way, it is also worth the guilt._

 _Although I have come down from my own peak, I still hold onto the shower head as he sets me down. He has yet to tell me otherwise. This hold he has over me is incredible. Looking through my lashes, I notice that one of his hands rests against the wall as he tries to regulate his breathing._

 _Lust and sex crosses his features when he whispers, "You are insatiable."_

 _Biting my lip, I rake my eyes all over his gloriously naked, wet body and quip, "Five orgasms in one night. That's a first in my books."_

 _Taking a sponge, he rubs in the soap and smirks, "The night is still young Beverly. Keep your arms up. I will clean you."_

 _Ohhh… The thought of him giving me one sweet release after another sounds exhilarating. However, as much as the prospect excites me to the core, my mind reasons that I have to report for duty in a few hours. Regrettably, I shake my head and mumble, "I have an early shift, Captain."_

 _Beginning near my collar bone, he gently sweeps the sponge across my chest. "I could order you to stay."_

 _Giving in to the tingling sensations that erupts over my buzzing body, I close my eyes and lay my head against the tile. "You would have done so by now."_

 _His hands falter for a second, but then resume their soapy assistance. He is quite as he cleans my body. I know he is thinking about what he wants for the rest of the night, but I can't give in on this. His sponge scrapes across my sensitive nipples when he mumbles, "Six."_

 _Concentrating on my body's reaction to his sensual touch, I offhandedly offer a deep throated moan, "Hmmm…"_

 _Grinning like a Cheshire cat, he orders, "Spread your legs." Giving into his demand, he bends down on his knees bringing the sponge over my hip bone. Kissing right below my belly button, he states, "Six. I gave you six orgasms."_

 _Thinking, let alone counting, is a difficult feat in itself when he is trailing his lips down to my swollen sex, but I manage. "Ohhh… I… Ummm… counted five."_

 _Grinning against my inner thigh, he says, "Tell me the five you remember and maybe you'll remember the one you forgot."_

 _He trails the sponge down my legs, which frees my mind to think back to tonight. "Well there was the one at the beginning and then the one with the-"_

 _"Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I want you to describe each one." Looking up from his perch between my soapy legs, he adds, "With as much detail from that smart mouth of yours." Slowly standing, his eyes never leaves mine when he orders me to turn around._

 _Giving me some time to think, I feel the cool tile against my flaming hot cheeks. I have talked dirty with other lovers, however I never had to described what they did to me to make me cum. Licking my parched lips, I stutter, "The first time, you were licking and squeezing my nipples."_

 _Lightly kissing my shoulder blade, he swipes the sponge across the same spot and mumbles, "One."_

 _"The next one was with the ice."_

 _Skimming the soapy sponge along my outstretched arms, his lips tickle my ear as he asks, "What did I do with the ice?"_

 _Feeling his ready-to-fuck cock pushing into my flesh, I sigh into my arm, "You then fucked me with your tongue as you ran the ice over my clit."_

 _"Two. Keep using that smart, dirty mouth of yours."_

 _Rather than feeling embarrassed by my words, I become embolden with the effect it is having on him. "Then after being a very good girl," peering over my shoulder I give him a wink, "you fucked my hungry pussy."_

 _Nipping my ass as he begins his soapy descent down my legs, his moans becomes hoarse with yearning, "Three."_

 _"Then you fucked me from behind, after which, you had your orgasm." Looking down at him, I mischievously grin. Two can play this game. "One."_

 _Throwing the sponge off to the side, he takes the removable shower head and sprays the warm water over my heightened body. "Four."_

 _"Last, in the shower, you lifted me up and fucked me against the wall. Two."_

 _Replacing the shower head back, his nimble fingers trace down my sides, leaving a burning path to my hips. With his chin resting on my shoulder, he groans into my neck, "Five. Turn around." Leaning away from my body as I give in to his demand, his hands keep their place on my hips. "There is one you forgot."_

 _Trying to remember the last one, I glance down._

 _Oh, fuck me…_

 _My mind has ceased all function as I take in his truly delectable cock. It is hard as a rock as it stands erect from his masculine body. God, is this what I do to him? I have this overwhelming urge to touch it, to touch him. However, in the back of my mind, I know what will happen if I let go of this pipe. Oh, but to have him in me… I become dripping wet with excitement and it has nothing to do with the shower._

 _To my utter surprise, he slides his finger between my wanting folds. "You have incredible stamina. Tell me the one you forgot and I will fuck you again. If you don't remember than you will fuck my cock with that smart mouth of yours."_

 _Why does he keep talking about my mou—_

 _Wait… "It was my punishment, you brought me to the brink of my orgasm and then you stopped."_

 _"Correct." In one swift movement, he lifts me up and slams into my ready center. He pounds into me ferociously as he steadies me against the tile. Circling his fingers around my thigh, his other hand slides to my ass and squeezes it._

 _I lustfully yell out, "Ohhh, yessss… Fuck me into number seven."_

 _Playfully spanking my ass, I begin my heavenly ascent towards my seventh orgasm._

 _Apparently, I don't mind him spanking me, it pushes me further towards my climax. Letting my shoulder blades press into the wall, I lift my ass away and dig my heels into his lower back. With our new position, his pubic bone brushes along my clit over and over again, carrying me to my sweet oblivion._

 _Letting my orgasm wash over me, Jean Luc follows me by crying out my name against my neck. He leans his tired body against me as he tries to hold himself up._

 _My arms are screaming to let go of the shower head as I tighten my hold to his hips._

 _Glancing up through his eye lashes, he lifts his chin until we are nose to nose. "Beverly, you can let go."_

 _My shoulders protest the new movement, but the pain quickly subsides when I rest them around Jean Luc's neck. My head becomes dizzy as I feel my heart bang mercilessly against my rib cage. Leaning my forehead against his, we stare into each other's souls as the water drums silently along the tile. For one moment, one glorious, heart wrenching moment, I want to kiss him._

 _Tenderly, he leans in, ready to give into my demand. However, at the last possible millisecond, he stops and tilts his head back._

 _I try not to show the hurt as he pulls away. Silly me of me to want something so foolish. Secretly my heart hurts but my mind reasons that this isn't that type of romantic relationship he needs. He is in dire need of control with boundaries and rules. Kissing would elude to something more chaotic._

 _And beautiful._

 _Understanding my role clearly, I give him a shifty grin and purr, "Three."_

 _Appreciating my change of pace, he slaps my ass and adds, "Seven with the added bonus of smacking your delicious ass." Twisting around, he sits me down on the tile seat and says, "We will have to wash again."_

 _Thankful that he sets me down, I can just start to feel my legs come back to life. Giving me a sponge with soap on it, I get to work cleaning my aching body. Using the wall, I stand under the gentle water fall to rinse._

 _Once we are both sufficiently clean, he turns off the shower and opens the door. Feeling the cool, refreshing air sweep across my face, I reach for my towel and dry myself off. Silently, we both step out to the living area. Slipping the fuzzy towel off of my damp skin, I replace it with my stuffy uniform._

 _"Beverly, I would like for us to sit down together and discuss our boundaries and limitations as well as specifics to our new relationship."_

 _He sounds businesslike, as if he is on the bridge negotiating with a combative race. "What is there to discuss? You control my every move as you tie me up." I subconsciously rub my wrists as I cheekily add, "And you sweetly give me seven of the best orgasms of my life."_

 _A slight smile graces his features as he picks up a PADD and hands it to me. "This has all the rules I want you to abide by. It's also includes my hard limits and some of the more taboo things I want to try with you. I would like for you to read over it and add some of your own hard limits."_

 _Shaking my head, I question, "Hard limits?"_

 _"Activities that you are not comfortable doing and items you don't want me to use."_

 _Cocking my head to the side, I wonder aloud, "You certainly know a lot about domination. Who else have you done this with?"_

 _Glancing down at the carpet, I notice a slight blush creep along his cheeks. "Read it, make notes and we will meet tomorrow night at the same time to discuss them." He makes his way towards the door and quips over his shoulder, "Until next time, Beverly…" and walks out of the room into an empty corridor._

* * *

 **Reviews, both good and constructive, are greatly apreciated!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello! Thank you for the amazing responses and feedback from everyone!**

 **I am having a lot of fun writing this story!**

 **This takes place the following night after the last chapter. Enjoy!**

* * *

 **The next night…**

Ohhh… The rules.

That night, I got a real glimpse at what this "relationship" would look like.

Spreaders, flogs, plugs… I had no idea as to how far this would go.

Looking back, I was extremely naïve. However, in my defense, I've had no other education on the matter. My only concern was about the items we would be using and activities we would be doing. And after the previous night we had spent together, I was more than willing to play along.

It was just sex.

Or so I thought…

I would have never believed that it would be the rules that would cause the most problems.

Guilt is never forgiving and jealousy can be a cruel bitch.

However, throughout that whole night I kept telling myself that I had started this on a whim and I was dead set on following through.

It. Was. Just. Sex.

Or I told myself, not knowing how deep this need for control ran through his veins.

.::..::..::..

 _Wow. Shaking my head, I'm still amazed at the literature I have in front of me._

 _Rereading over the PADD, I can't help but feel overwhelmed by his extensive list of activities and items to go with it. Thankfully he included a description with what each activity entails and what each item does. Blushing, I feel my heart accelerating to new heights and the apex between my legs becomes damp with want as I imagine him thinking of me when he was writing this list._

 _When did I become so turned on by the thought of BDSM? I would have never thought this was possible ten months ago, let alone ten years ago. Jack was always a gentle lover, never wanting to take things to the extreme. At that time, I was content with it, albeit at some particular moments I wanted more. However, he would leave for months on end and by the time he would come back, I was just happy to have him, period. If he were still alive, would he—_

 _No! The last place I need to travel is down that road of what if's._

 _Now then, as far as the rules are concerned, I don't disagree with most of them with the exception of a few. However, they are just a formality. The sex is what we both desire…_

 _I'm sure the rules will be easy to follow._

 _Looking at the chronometer, I throw the PADD onto my desk and stretch. I have about 30 more minutes until I am to meet Jean Luc in the dungeon. That's my new nickname for the room we meet in. Dark, seedy and full of secrets, the name sticks in my head. Making my way towards my bedroom, I freeze when the chime sounds._

 _He was specific when he said that we would meet in the dungeon. Who could it be?_

" _Come."_

 _Cheerfully walking in, Deanna beams, "Hey Beverly! Whatcha up to?"_

 _Smiling back at her, I reply, "Nothing much. What are your plans for the night?"_

 _Leaning against the edge my desk, she says, "Will is having a poker game in his quarters. I've noticed that you have been on edge since Wesley went to Starfleet Academy. I was wondering if you wanted to join me?"_

 _Thinking quick, I resolve to tell the truth… Well at least partially, "I'm sorry I can't. Jean Luc and I are having dinner."_

 _Raising her eyebrows, she questions, "Really?"_

 _Turning, I walk into my bedroom to fetch my jacket and to hide the blush creeping up to my cheeks. "Yes. He asked me after Wesley left. We just haven't gotten around to it until now."_

 _There. The partial truth. He really did ask me to dinner after Wesley left and chances are we will be having dinner tonight. The only part I didn't divulge is that we will be discussing our BDSM hard and soft limits in the dungeon._

 _Stepping out as I slip my jacket on, I notice Deanna glancing over on my desk towards the PADD with the rules and descriptions._

 _For a hot second, I feel my panicky heart beginning to pound hard against my chest. Bolting over, I quickly snatch up the PADD and quickly say, "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get going."_

 _Feeling her empathic mind buzzing, I sense her eyes bore into the back of my head. "Beverly, is everything okay?"_

 _Sighing, when I reach the door, I turn and lean against it. Crossing my arms, I passively explain, "Of course. Why wouldn't it be?"_

 _Walking up to me, she places a comforting hand on my arm. "Honestly… I worry about you."_

 _Mentally sighing, I let my shoulders fall in a slight defeat. I want to confide in her, but Jean Luc has made it very clear in the rules that he doesn't want anyone to know about this. Even if I were not going to accept the terms and conditions of our new relationship, I will still respect his privacy. Besides, how would I be able to tell her? 'Yeah, Deanna, I get turned on when I submit myself for Jean Luc to dominate me with whips, clamps and spankings in the room I have nicknamed the dungeon.'_

 _Closing my eyes, I shiver as I feel a rush of deep desire seep down to my core. Confusion settling in the pit of my belly, I still can't believe that I'm agreeing to this. What if someone does find out? How would they look at me? How would they look at Jean Luc?_

 _Squeezing my arm, Deanna brings me out of my revere. "Earth to Beverly…"_

 _Shaking away my anxious nerves, I glance at Deanna and give her my best confident smile, "I'm fine, really. I just have a lot of things going on and I'm looking forward to a nice quiet dinner with a friend."_

 _Expecting her to question me further, surprisingly she nods and let's go of my arm. "But you will come to me if things get too overwhelming?"_

 _Opening the door, I let her exit first. "You are the only one I would come to."_

 _Strolling down the corridor towards Will's quarters, she threads her arm through mine and quips, "I better be. I have worked very hard at gaining your trust and that is including a full year you spent at Starfleet Medical!"_

 _"Ha. Ha." Stopping in front of Will's door, I bid her a quick goodbye with a stern order to clobber the boys in poker._

 _Making my way to the turbolift, I bask in the last few quiet moments I have before officially giving away my control and, quite frankly, my sanity to Jean Luc._

 _However, after last night's seven – SEVEN – orgasms, I think I would offer him anything._

 _I'm just a little nervous._

 _Okay, more like terrified._

 _In reality, I have no idea what I'm getting myself into. Yes, I have a list of things that Jean Luc wants to do with me, however, I still don't know what it all entails. What if my body won't be able to handle it? What if I'm not what he wants? What if he needs someone with more experience? What if he gets frustrated with me? What if after a few months he doesn't want me anymore?_

 _STOP!_

 _I need to stop with the 'what ifs' and be honest with him. After all, it takes a lot of courage to open up to someone about this. I'm sure he doesn't walk around looking for submissives everywhere he goes. Stepping off of the turbolift, another question pops into my mind, blindsiding me._

 _What about love?_

 _It's the one thing both my mind and heart has reservations about. My heart desperately seeks it and my mind wants to protect me from the ravages it can create; especially with this type of relationship we are entering._

 _Yesterday in the shower, I could have sworn I saw something more than the need for control in his eyes. Is that why he blindfolds me? That was one of the rules stipulated, 'When the submissive walks into the bedroom, she shall be dressed only in the robe provided. A blindfold will be provided on the bed. The submissive is to kneel, place the blindfold on and clasp hands in front.'_

 _Oh, who cares… This is just about sex, nothing more, nothing less._

 _Ringing the chime, I answer the question to gain entrance. Poking my head in first, I don't see Jean Luc here. Stepping in, I call out his name, but I don't get a response. Glancing at the chronometer, I notice that I'm ten minutes early._

 _Sitting at the table, I turn on the PADD to read over the rules one more time._

'By reading and understanding t his, you agree to the terms and conditions stated as followed;

1\. You agree that I, Jean Luc Picard, will serve you as your dominant/ master; and in return, you agree that you, Beverly Crusher, will serve me as my submissive/ servant.

2\. You will follow all of the rules stipulated within the rules and commands given during allotted times.

3\. You, the submissive, shall serve me and only me, the dominant during allotted times. You shall do your best to please the dominant. In return, the dominant will ensure that all items are hygienic and safe to use while the activities are deemed safe and will not cause personal harm.

4\. If at any time the submissive feels that she cannot meet the demands of the dominant, then she will use the safe word, **CAPTAIN**.

5\. If at any time the submissive views any markings on her skin as direct cause from the dominant, the submissive will care for her wounds and tell the dominant immediately. _(I don't want to hurt you)_

6\. The submissive will accept any and all disciplinary actions deemed necessary. Any disciplinary actions will stay in accordance to the hard and soft limits stipulated by the submissive.

7\. The submissive will submit to all sexual activities demanded by the dominant. All actions and items used will stay in accordance to the hard and soft limits stipulated by the submissive.

8\. The submissive will not masturbate or give pleasure to herself unless commanded by the dominant.

9\. The dominant nor the submissive shall not agree to any other relationships with another person unless discussed with the other.

10\. The dominant and the submissive shall meet in the agreed upon room every two days starting at 2200 hours. The only times that this would not be possible is if one or both parties have other obligational duties to perform within the parameters of their job and title. The submissive shall stay until she is no longer needed by the dominant that night.

11\. The submissive, nor the dominant, shall discuss activities performed within allotted time outside of safe areas or with any other person. _(Please, Beverly, I would like to keep this as private as possible)_

12\. When the submissive walks into the bedroom, she shall be dressed only in the robe provided. A blindfold will be provided on the bed. The submissive is to kneel, place the blindfold on and clasp hands in front.

13\. The submissive shall be clean shaven in the following areas, underarms, legs, pubic area.

14\. After activities are performed, the dominant and submissive will clean themselves in the shower.

15\. The dominant and submissive both agree **daily** to obtain at least eight hours of sleep, eat three healthy meals and will exercise. (As allowed by their duties.)

 _"Interesting read?"_

 _Slightly jumping in my chair, I glance up to see Jean Luc standing across from me. His hands are behind his back as a mischievous grin graces his face. However, when I stare into his honest eyes, I can tell that he is extremely nervous. Instantly, I have this overwhelming need to sooth him. "No, just a light read on BDSM as I wait for my master to come in." Glancing at the replicator, I tut when I see the time. "Tisk, tisk, Jean Luc. Two minutes late. You should be punished."_

 _Sitting in the chair in front of him, he plays along, "Now I know for a fact that the rules had said that the dominant will punish the submissive. Not the other way around."_

 _Shrugging my shoulders, I offhandedly say, "Rules are meant to be broken."_

" _Not these." His eyes bore into my own, commanding me to not challenge him._

" _I do have some things I want to discuss about the rules and if I see fit, then I will agree to them."_

 _Offering me a smile, he comments, "First we will make our meals, then we will discuss." Making his way towards the replicator, he asks, "What would you like to have tonight?"_

" _Vegetable soup. It's under my name."_

" _Very well." Ordering the soup for both of us, he places the bowls on the table and begins eating. "Wow, this is delicious."_

 _Inwardly groaning, the first thing I think of when the word 'delicious' rolls off his tongue is when he is between my legs talking about how wet I am for him. Trying to ignore the desire that settles deep in my belly, I stuff a spoonful into my mouth._

" _Now, what was it you wanted to discuss?" His question is clip and to the point. Business first and then hopefully pleasure will be next._

 _Swallowing the last bit of my broth, I set my bowl aside and begin my concerns. "First, I wanted to let you know that I noted my concerns on here." I hold up the PADD and wiggle it back and forth. "I have a problem with the time you want to meet. My shifts begins at 0600 every morning. I want to be able to get a little bit of rest before my shift."_

" _Commander Riker, Troi and I have sat down to change the timetables for each shift to add in an omicron shift. We are going to introduce it tomorrow and hopefully by the following week it will be fully implemented. Your new shift time will be at 0900 hours, unless an incident were to arise in Sickbay."_

 _Sounds perfect… Almost too perfect. "Did you implement the change just to accommodate this?"_

 _Smirking into his spoon, he shakes his head as he swallows his last spoonful. "It seems like it, doesn't it? However, I can assure you that we have been planning this since the new personnel that came aboard from Starbase 133."_

 _Accepting his answer, I move on to the next concern, "You were never specific on how long we are to stay in here."_

 _"Each time will be different from the next. There are many, MANY, things I want to do with you. Some might take longer time than the other. Is there a specific time you wish to leave?"_

 _Giving it some thought, I'm honestly not sure how my body will react after our nights together. "I don't have a specific time, no, but I want to make sure I have enough sleep before my shift."_

 _Glancing down and fiddling with the napkin in his lap, Jean Luc reasons, "Your concerns are duly noted, Beverly." Taking a deep breath in slowly, he clears his throat and adds, "However, if you need to, you are more than welcome to spend the night here before your shift. I can arrange to keep some uniforms here for you."_

" _Will you be staying with me?" The question rolls of off my tongue and I sound like a lovesick teenager. Mentally berating myself, I stammer, "Your shift starts earlier."_

" _No." His answer has no room for discussion. That's okay, I can table this talk for another time. I just don't understand why he won't stay with me. I mean, why stay at all?_

 _Again, my mind kicks me in the ass. This is not a normal, loving relationship. It is just sex; amazing, toe-curling, can't-think-about-anything-else sex._

" _Okay." Feeling my hands start to get fidgety, I need to do something, change the pace. Standing up, I reach over to pick up his bowl and silverware. Stepping to the recycler, my hip brushes his shoulder ever so lightly. "You know Jean Luc, I hate to inform you that I had already broke one of your rules."_

 _On my way back to my seat, his hand quickly reaches out and captures my arm. "Then I have to punish you."_

 _Slipping my arm out of his grasp, I shake my finger in front of his nose and make my way back to my seat. "At the time, I was unaware of this contract between us, so my pleasurable transgression would be null in void. However, I do have a problem with the rule itself."_

 _Leaning his elbow on the table, all traces of his smile is gone as a frown replaces it. "I want every beautiful orgasms that screams from your body. It would be a shame for no one to see them. I will not be persuaded to change my opinion on the subject."_

 _Closing my eyes, I draw in a deep breath to calm my raging heart. Feeling my cheeks burn with lust, I open my eyes and quickly yield with an exception, "Just as long as we don't have three months between our times together, then I won't have a problem following that rule."_

 _Nodding his head, "That shall not be a problem with our new agreement." Leaning back in his chair, he crosses his arms over his chest and smirks. He is thinking dirty, sexy thoughts._

 _Looking every which way except towards him, I self-consciously ask, "What?"_

" _Once we have agreed to our terms, I would love to watch you touch yourself."_

 _Trying to ignore the flame that returns to my cheeks, I tuck my hair behind my ear and stutter, "Umm… Okay."_

" _Beverly, what are your other concerns?" Thankfully his voice is gentle, stirring me to think about my last concern._

" _Right…" Taking a deep breath, this last one I'm still unsure about. "Dating other people. In the contract, you made it sound as if this an open relationship." I don't know how I would feel if he started dating someone else. It would probably be the same feeling if I found out that he was fucking somebody else – spitfire angry and uncontrollable jealousy._

" _Again, I'm going to be honest to you. I don't like sharing. However, I put that in the contract because I know this is new to you. No one is going to know about our relationship. Confidentiality is key. I have worked very hard at keeping this part of my life private. I won't be able to give you the relationship you will eventually desire. I will never be that type of man where this relationship would be open for anyone to see. If you do seek the comfort of someone else, all I ask is that you tell me."_

 _He's lying. I saw it last night, the love that shone so brightly in his eyes while we were in the shower. Yet, I have a feeling that what I saw last night was something unusual. In fact, I'm sure he never showered with the other women._

 _What makes me different?_

" _Jean Luc, we have been friends for a long time. I know I don't have any experience with this type of affair, but I would still like for us to keep our friendship intact. I would like for us to find a way to spend time together outside of this room."_

 _Chewing the side of his cheek, he is quiet as he stews over my words. "What do you suggest?"_

 _Something that will work with our strict schedule, yet, not too committed. "How about breakfast? We meet here, do our…," I wiggle my hand back and forth, "thing, go to our quarters, get some sleep and then meet for breakfast."_

" _Not in here."_

 _Of course not... Last thing we want is to give the illusions that we are in a normal relationship. It is just sex. "How about we meet in your quarters?"_

" _Why mine?" He is more curious than hesitant._

" _Mine are too lonely since Wesley left for the Academy."_

 _If he thought my reason was peculiar, he never let on. Bobbing his head side to side, he quietly agrees to our arrangement, "Okay. I will add it to our rules." Leaning forward, he captures the PADD from the table and types it in. "While I have this open, is there anything you wish to add to the 'Hard Limits' list?"_

 _Biting my bruised lip, I reply, "No fisting of any kind. I don't want you to insert any objects that is not part of the BDSM paraphernalia. I would n-"_

 _Holding up his hand, he interrupts, "Hold on, Beverly, what do you mean by your last comment?"_

 _Looking down onto my clasp hands in my lap, I tremble as I think back to my time spent in my different internships. "As a doctor, I have seen many things. Some of which are items people decided to use during sex and found at the end that it wouldn't come out. I have seen a baseball bat, a rolling pin, even a phaser. And most of these items were not stuck in a woman." I glance up to find Jean Luc's mouth a lightly ajar and white as a ghost. "In most instances, we had to cut out each item."_

 _Closing his eyes and giving a slight shudder, he allows himself a moment before confirming, "I can assure you, that other than what is on this list, I will not be inserting something as grotesque as that anywhere near your insatiable body. I might use other items to enhance your sexual experience, but it will always remain on the outside."_

 _Silently nodding, I continue on, "Other than a blindfold, I do not want anything else covering my face, especially my mouth." After he is finished typing, I glance up bright eyed, ready to see his reaction. "That is it. However, I would like to reserve the right to keep the hard limits list open so that if there is something I do not like, we will be able to add it."_

 _Placing the PADD on the table, he grins as I notice a bolt of excitement course through his body. "Do you agree to these terms, Beverly?"_

 _Come on Beverly, you can do it. This is just sex. Giving a curt nod, I answer, "I do. When do we begin?"_

 _Quickly standing, he grabs ahold of my hand and blurts out, "Now." He drags me into the bedroom to the drawers and pulls out my robe. "You know what to do." Pushing me back out into the living quarters, he closes the bedroom door._

 _Sliding my uniform off of my curves, I regale in the comfort as I cover myself with the silky robe. I didn't think he would actually start tonight, however as I feel the familiar clinch of lust kidnap my body, I realize that there is no other place I'd rather be than here._

 _Stepping into the bedroom, I take my place at the foot of the bed and fulfill my duties with the blindfold._

" _Stand up and turn around."_

 _Abiding by his command, I feel my body buzz with delight. Keeping my hands clasp in front of me, I wait for him to bind them with my sash._

" _I will not be tying you up tonight. Sit on the bed and relax."_

 _Hesitant at first by the change of direction, I follow through by relaxing against the cozy sheets and taking a few deep breaths._

 _As he begins talking, I hear him glide something heavy along the carpet. "Earlier this evening, you had confessed that you had partaken in self-gratification. I want you to masturbate for me. Are you in need of any toys?"_

 _Licking my parched lips, I try to swallow the frog in my throat, "No."_

" _Then, begin."_

 _I wait a few moments to capture my fluttering heart. I have always done this by myself, never with anyone watching. This is almost just as personal as kissing._

 _This is just sex._

 _Sitting up, I untie my robe and throw it to the ground. "Please do not distract me."_

" _Pretend that I'm not even here."_

 _Closing my eyes against the blindfold, I lay back down as I let my knees fall apart. Feeling the cool air lick my throbbing pussy, I ghost my fingers over my nipples. Becoming more pronounced every time I graze over them, I feel both nipples stretch erect, aching for more._

 _Feeling a fresh new wave if desire flood down to my exposed core, I begin to scrape and pinch the areas around my chest. Desperately wanting to touch myself, for a moment I resist the temptation and instead continue my assault on the damp skin along my sternum._

 _Still fully aware that he is here and watching me intently, I gently caress over my sensitive folds with one hand as I squeeze one of my nipples with the other. Moaning into my shoulder, my touch becomes frantic, wanting so desperately to travel down south._

 _Appeasing to my body's demands, I begin to lightly massage my clit. Arching my back, I slip one finger into my already wet core. Adding another finger, I pump in and out relentlessly._

 _Throwing my head back, I relax my back against the mattress_ _ep before each body will react the after our night together. "iSickbaye it tomorrow and start implementing it the fol_ _as I feel my orgasm build to my nimble fingers. Moaning out his name, I feel my body shake under my slick hands._

 _Slightly jumping as I feel his hands encircle my wrists, he lifts them off of my body. Leisurely, he slips my slightly tacky fingers in his mouth and sucks one at a time. Every inch of me throbs as I feel his tongue swirl around my fingertips. Leaning over, he pushes my hands above my head into the mattress. "Keep your hands here."_

 _Gliding his soft fingers down my pulsating body, he stops at my knees and presses them down to the side, exposing every greedy inch of my pussy to him._

 _Sliding his fingers across my trembling thighs, I feel his hot breath tickle my swollen lips as he kneels down in front of me. "Have you ever masturbated with a toy?"_

" _Yes, usually to satisfy me further after the first time."_

" _What do you use?"_

" _A vibrator. I have had it for a long time, but it does its job."_

" _Admirably, I'm sure." Kissing my clit, my first instinct is to move my arms after his unexpected move. Taking in a deep breath, I press my wrists deeper into the mattress._

" _You will be a perfect submissive." Hearing him walk away, he mumbles something to the replicator. When he returns to his position between my legs, he explains, "From now on, I want you to use this anytime you are given permission to masturbate. It is a Tarcasian Pleasure Stick. I'm sure you will gladly throw out your vibrator for this."_

 _I slightly flinch as he inserts this strange object between my wet folds. It is firm, yet malleable. I have never heard of this particular item and so I'm a little apprehensive to use it, especially since I can't see it._

" _Trust me, Beverly. I would never intentionally hurt you." Gliding his palm along my thigh, he whispers into my knee, "Do you trust me?"_

 _Without a beat, I answer, "With my life."_

 _With a soft click, the item begins to move swiftly inside my. Rolling in a way that seems impossible for humans to masters, it touches me in a place that I have never felt before. Throwing my head back, my fists clinch as I resist the temptation to move them._

 _Just as I become accustomed to this movement, it adds a continuous rippling wave from the base. Giving into the urge, I rock back and forth to match its speed._

 _Then Jean Luc presses the base against my clit and I am done. The two fingers – just like the bunny ears on my vibrator – moves in a circular path away from each other. In an instant, my orgams which has been slowly building, slams into me with such force that I feel my lungs give out. For one scary, yet thrilling moment, my body refuses to take in oxygen. And for that one moment, I am content to die this way. Then the rest of my body catches up and forces air into my lungs so that I can lustfully yell out, "Ohhh…. Fuck!"_

 _Riding down from my mind-blowing orgasm, I speak without any thoughts to my words, "Fuck me right now."_

 _Sliding the Pleasure Stick out of me, he replies as he licks my exhausted muscles. "I'm the one who gives the orders here."_

" _Then order your cock to fuck me!" Every inch of my body is telling me to shut up, yet it comes out. This is my 'no filters' time. Everything that comes through my mind goes out of my mouth._

" _Enough!"_

 _Instantly my body freezes. I have heard that voice before, but never in the dungeon. Shivering, I know that I am about to be punished._

" _Sit up and slide that sweet ass down the bed until your back is against the headboard."_

 _Shooting up, I quickly appease to his demand. Within a millisecond he has my wrists tied to the headboard._

" _Spread your legs wide open."_

 _Opening my legs as wide as my hips will allow me, I send a silent prayer that his punishment won't hurt._

 _Without any warning, he rips away my blindfold, exposing my eyes to the semi-bright lights. Blinking away the different colors that pop into my view, I glance up to see that Jean Luc is completely naked. His hard cock stands at a firm attention away from his body as his clinched hands sit against his waist. If he weren't naked, I would be afraid._

" _You are to never give me an order. You are to know your place, servant."_

 _My blood begins to slightly boil. How dare he address me as 'servant'!_

' _You agreed to his rules just an hour ago. You knew what you were getting into!' My mind is screaming at me as I try to calm myself down._

 _"You are to watch me the whole time. When you go back to your quarters, you are bound by the rules to not touch yourself. And believe me, I will knowing if you do."_

 _For a split second I think about how he would know, when my thoughts are interrupted by him gliding his hand up and down his rock hard shaft. Instantly, a rush of wetness pools into the deep recesses of my core. God, I want him to fuck me, not his hand!_

 _He then stops and looks at me._

 _I bite my lip, fearful that I have said that out loud._

 _He reaches out and pumps three fingers in me hard and fast. Within seconds, I am about to cum. However before I am to reach that sweet oblivion, he pulls out and begins to masturbate with the hand that was just inside me. All he wanted was to lube his hand._

 _I should be infuriated at being used like that, instead, I am incredibly turned on. Pulling on my bindings, I desperately want to touch myself. Digging my heels into the mattress, I throw my head back against the headboard as my raging heart beats against my sweaty body. "Jean Luc!"_

 _Just as his name leaves my lips, he looks up at me from his ministrations with something more reflecting back from his incredibly honest eyes. It was the same mesmerizing look he gave me last night in the shower. And for one glorious moment, my heart slows to a warm and familiar lull as the rest of my body goes limp._

 _As he jerks himself hard and fast, his eyes burns into my soul, a desire I had never seen in my life shining brightly and without reservation. Leaning over the bed, he tears his eyes away from mine as he yells out his orgasm. After releasing his load, his other hand joins the bed as he catches his breath. His shoulders are still extremely tense when his breathing slows to a natural canter._

 _"Jean Luc?"_

 _Pushing himself off the mattress, he quickly dresses into his uniform and walks to the side of the bed. His eyes are downcast, refusing to even glance my way._

 _What did I do? Do I remind him of someone he had once loved?_

 _He unties my wrists and mumbles, "Take a shower in here. Once you are clean, you may return to your quarters." Throwing my bindings onto the chair, he swiftly turns and stalks away from me. Before reaching the bedroom door, he stops, glances over his shoulder and quietly adds, "I shall see you tomorrow for breakfast at 0700. Good night, Beverly." Within a blink, he is gone._

 _Messaging my wrists, I stare at the closed doors for a few moments. Feeling slightly used, I try to push away my hurt feelings by making myself busy with cleaning the room before going into the bathroom._

 _It's just sex. A contract between two people who seek out a physical release._

 _And as horrible as that sounds, I'm not ready to move beyond that, especially after tonight._

 _Turning on the water to scalding hot, I let the water rain over my buzzing body._

 _I want him. Desperately._

 _But more on a physical level. The way he looks at me while we are pursuing that orgasmic high, takes me to a new nirvana I had never thought existed. And while the ride there is truly exquisite, I can't help but feel guilty that I had never experienced that with Jack._

 _He was the love of my life… I should have hit that delectable high at some point in our relationship, but it never happened. And in the deepest, darkest recess of my mind, I'm a little disappointed._

 _Then guilt clinches my heart once more. That beautiful, sweet, loving man was everything I had wanted when we were together, both as parents and as lovers. We were young when we married. And while I would never trade my time with him for anything, I can't help but think what if I had met Jean Luc first instead of Jack._

 _Tucking that forbidden thought away, I quickly rinse my body and turn off the water. Stepping out, I dry off with a towel and make my way towards my uniform. Sliding it over my damp skin, I briefly wonder how the tension will be like tomorrow for breakfast. After tonight's hasty retreat, I'm surprised that he still wants to meet. Yet he wrote it into the rules, so now we are bound to them._

 _Giving one more glance, I pick up the PADD with our naughty contract and make my own haste out the door._

 _With my thoughts on the next morning, I don't realize the door opening on my right._

" _Beverly! How was your dinner with the Captain?" Deanna is all but skipping to catch up._

 _She must have cleaned the boys out. Grinning, I reply, "It was unexpected, but enjoyable all the same. I can tell by your smile that you took the boys to town."_

" _It was glorious. The look on Will's face… I wish you were there. It was almost better than chocolate." Shaking her finger at my shocked face, she quickly adds, "Almost."_

 _Folding my arms across my chest, I'm a little upset that I missed Will Riker losing, however, the thought of seeing Jean Luc inhibited tonight quickly makes up for it, despite the treacherous feelings that still reside in my heart. And the way he left._

 _Feeling a light hand touch my shoulder, Deanna pulls me from my thoughts a million miles away. "Beverly, your quarters are right here. You know I still worry about you."_

 _Glancing over to my quarters, I want so desperately to run from this conversation, yet all I have to run to is an empty, lonely space. "You wouldn't have a job if you didn't have someone to worry about."_

 _Leaning back as if I had slapped her, she snaps back at me, "You are more than a patient to me and quite frankly, it pains me that you simplify our relationship to just shipmates."_

 _There I go, saying hurtful things to try and push my loved ones away. I've been doing it ever since I lost my parents and so far the only people to ever call me on it was Nana and Deanna. That's gotta mean something. "You're right, I'm sorry. I feel like my life is spinning out of control and it's never ending. I'm just… I'm just tired. And as much as I want to talk about it, I'm not ready."_

 _"Did you talk to the Captain about it?"_

" _If I did, then we just barely grazed the surface."_

 _Letting go, she nods and says, "You know I am always here for you, despite ranks and duty. You are my friend and the only thing that will make me happy is to know that you are happy."_

 _Slowly bobbing my head side to side, I reply, "In due time, I will get there. In the meantime, count me in for the next poker game. I can't wait to see Will Riker squirm."_

 _Her face lighting up with pure joy, she lets out a small laugh, "It was definitely a sight to see." Patting me on the shoulder, she adds, "Good night, Beverly."_

 _Turning towards the door, I reply, "Good night." Stepping in, I throw the naughty PADD on my desk and make my way towards my bedroom. When I turn on the lights, I'm surprised to find a pot of purple and pink orchids on my dresser. A curious flower choice that I would have never made myself, however, after seeing it here, it brightens my quarters and gives off a sweet, calming aroma._

 _Walking up to it, I find a book on how to handle and take care of orchids and a note. An archaic form of communication, but incredibly romantic._

 _Opening the envelope, I read the semi-messy letter;_

" _I apologize for my appalling behavior during the latter half of our evening. Please forgive me. I am truly looking forward to our breakfast tomorrow._

 _Until then..."_

 _Although there is no signature, I know exactly who it's from._

 _And for a beautiful moment, I feel a real, genuine smile stretch across my face. Despite the guilt that is following me in this new relationship, I have faith that things are going to work out within its own given time._

* * *

 **Any feedback is appreciated! :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you, thank you, thank you for all of the reviews, favorites and alerts! I'm sorry this took a little longer than I expected it to. Never satisfied with it in the beginning, I had rewritten it a million times. I think (and hope) that it flows better and stays true to the story.**

 **I would love to know what you think! :)**

 **Takes place right before "Ensign Ro" and it is still Beverly's POV. It will be like that for the rest of the story.**

* * *

Ohhh, those months we met together as dom and sub were quite... Magnificent.

It wasn't perfect, but it was oh-so-glorious.

We stuck to the set schedule and rules as if our lives depended on it. Of course there were times where we couldn't meet, but we handled them to the best of our ability. And then the shit quite literally hit the fan…

First, I found out about Jean Luc's friend, Vash. Now I understand that he met her and fucked her before we began our little… rendezvous, however that didn't mean he had to fuck her that night. I'm not ashamed to admit that I was jealous and furious, but in the end, after everything we have been through since, I'm glad it happened. I know it sounds silly, but it was - how they say - a blessing in disguise.

Right after that, I began a surprisingly sweet relationship with Odan. At first, I thought I was spoiled, tarnished by giving into Jean Luc's demand, but it was quite refreshing to have a man treat me with such care. It was something that I needed and Odan was willing to give it wholeheartedly.

Then the ridiculous Klingon Civil War started.

Which was followed by Tasha, or should I say her daughter, coming aboard. Now, out of all the fucked up things to come onto the Enterprise, that one came right out of left field.

During that whole time, my body was gripped with a curious need to step back into my role as a submissive. I ached to feel the rush of adrenaline coursing through my every nerve, desperate to come apart at the seams every time I orgasmed and taste that initial high every time I would step in that room with nothing on but a robe and a mask.

My heart, however, felt shattered, fragmented into tiny pieces that I thought were never able to mend together. And I hated him for that. I felt weak and stupid for suggesting him to dominate me to begin with.

Change was in the air though. And boy, did it come in full force.

After Worf came back to the Enterprise after his post on the Klingon battle ship, I had sensed a change in myself. I felt more in control of my own body and what I wanted. And what I wanted more than anything at that time was him. Still hurt from his deception, I tried to wash it down with keeping myself busy, but in the end, I gloriously failed.

However, he was going to have to fight for me and I certainly was not going to make it easy for him.

..::..::..::..::..

 _"Doctor that was a fantastic play, as always. Thank you for directing it."_

 _Looking onto Emma, I serenely nod and smile. "I actually enjoyed it. Thank you for letting me be a part of it." Shaking her hand once more, she runs off to join the rest of the troupe in celebration. I can't help but notice that Johnson from exobiology putting his arm around her._

 _Well at least someone is getting laid tonight._

 _Turning quickly, I snatch my drink from the bar and mosey over to a private seat by the window. Sighing against the cushion, I down my drink in one gulp as I gaze out onto the stars._

 _With the thought of sex running wild in my mind, my body is suddenly on fire._

 _I want him and I want him badly._

 _Twirling the smooth glass between my pointer finger and thumb, my treacherous mind take me back to that sweet, delirious room. The smell of sex bombards my senses as I feel his hand caress my most forbidden area._

 _"Good night Doctor Crusher!"oo_

 _Glancing over my shoulder, I cheerfully wave to the group of young officers as they make their way out. Once they leave, my arm falls heavy into my lap._

 _God, I need another drink._

 _No, what I need is a good fuck, but after the past few months, a good fuck is the last thing I will get._

 _The next best thing is the vibrator next to my bed to calm my whiskey induced libido._

 _With my mind already content with how this night will end, I expect my body to follow orders and to make my way to my quarters. But somehow the two missed the connection and I stay rooted to my seat._

 _Leaning my head onto my knuckles, I wonder for the millionth time how did I become this way?_

 _All I can think about in my spare time is sex. And not just sex with anyone, oh no, that would be too fucking easy. No, it's sex with him that fills my sleepless nights. Before him, I was content with my life as a widow. Yes it was lonely and there were some men who tried to fill that void, but after everything, I was content. Then I had to walk in on him reprimanding an ensign and then one thing lead to another. The bindings, the tease, the sweet release of my innermost demons - I was hooked._

 _I think on paper, it sounded like a great deal – be a submissive without all of the drama of a relationship. What a load of shit! It's the relationship I wanted most. The sex was just the elephant in the room._

 _I knew it was only going to be a certain amount of time before I would desire for more. Then Vash stepped in and it made it abundantly clear that he didn't desire a relationship with me like I had wanted one with him._

 _Assuming that he is either a telepath – God help him – or an intrinsic bartender, Dave brings me another whiskey. Trading my empty glass for a new one, I make myself take sips this time. Enjoying the toxic burn cascading down my throat, I scold myself on taking this trip down the self-loathing road._

 _Honestly, there are worse things in this universe than not having a relationship with the one person who won't._

 _Regardless…_

 _God, I was fucking pissed when I walked in his quarters that morning. The stench of their sex nearly had me vomiting. On the outside, I was cool, calm and collected. On the inside, I was raging with jealousy and hurt._

 _Right after she left with Q on some grand adventure, he came by my quarters to apologize._

 _Smiling into my nearly empty glass, I remember the look on his face when he realized what he had just walked into._

 _Just a few minutes prior to his arrival, I fucked myself. Hard. I made it seem that I was rebelling against the rules like he did with Vash, but in reality, it was a horrible way to rid my mind of the agony that coursed through my veins. I was never able to achieve a full-blown orgasm, but I was close and that was good enough for me._

 _I swear the look on his face was the mixture of jealousy and the need to spank me for my dirty deeds. Daring him to touch me with my eyes, I told him to piss off. For one moment, I thought he was going to take me over his knee, but in the end, he conceded and left without another word._

 _After that, I began going on frivolous dates with other men from different areas of the ship to fill the void of loneliness that followed me every night. I never fucked any of them. Even though my body craved it, I knew I would never be satisfied with any of them._

 _It wasn't until I met Odan did I actually take someone to bed. I don't know what made him different from the other men I dated, he just was. Our first time together, I was still struggling with the guilt of being with another man; like I was cheating on Jean Luc. Sensing the internal war, he let me take the reins. I felt like a monster that first night. However the more nights I spent with him, the more I became relaxed. And for one tiny glimmer, I felt at peace with my destructive self._

 _He made love to me like how a man was supposed to love a woman. Yes, it lacked the passion that I experienced with Jean Luc, but I didn't need it. I needed to feel like a human again. His beautiful touch brought me back to the light of day at a time when I thought I could never see it again._

 _After he became hurt on the shuttle, everything became a blur with trying to keep both Odan and Will alive._

 _Within the span of a week, he had been placed into three very different types of people and without the ability to follow suit, I reluctantly bid him – her - goodbye._

 _That day in Jean Luc's ready room, had surprised me the most out of that whole time spent with Odan. We hadn't been near each other since he came to my quarters after Vash left. I could tell that he was trying to restrain himself, but once he saw how much I loved Odan, all I could see after was heartbreak. Pure, gut wrenching heartbreak. He tried to cover it with his friendship speech, but I could see past it._

 _After Odan left, I wanted to return to that room as badly as I needed oxygen. I honestly don't know why. At first I thought it was because I was used to making love to Odan whenever I wanted to, but my heart simply reminded me that there was no love in our agreement, just sex. Then I thought I just needed someone to talk to, but I met with Deanna all the time and the last thing I wanted to talk about was Odan or Jean Luc. So I just left it as a residue desire to have someone fuck me and I locked it away deep within my soul._

 _There were some days, however, when I was at a senior staff meeting and I found myself back in that delicious room waiting on pins and needles for him to touch me, to dominate me. When I shook myself out of my daydream, I could feel the weight of his stare on me. He knew exactly what I was thinking and not wanting to give in to his satisfaction, I ignored him for not only the rest of the meeting but for the next few days._

 _Nowadays, I keep myself busy with various experiments, directing and sometimes acting in plays and the day to day life of Sickbay. However when my nights aren't filled with rehearsals or emergency procedures, I down a few whiskeys to take the edge off and fuck myself until I am somewhat satisfied. It's not the best solution right now, but it's better than chasing after Jean Luc._

 _Glancing over at the chronometer, I jump out of my seat when I realize how late it is. Shit! Taking my empty glass to the bar, I wait as he brings out a fresh one. Throwing it back, I take comfort as the liquid burns my throat. Usually I drink alone in my quarters, but with the festive spirit after the final production of our play, I splurged._

 _After handing the glass back, I make my way out of 10-Forward. I usually go around the other way since it takes a more direct route to my quarters, but I'm too lazy to backtrack. Stepping into the turbolift, I announce my destination and lean against the bulkhead during the short journey. Closing my eyes for a brief moment, I try to relax my tense body._

 _The familiar dim room comes into my view as I make my way towards the bed. The smell of anticipation blankets the air as I bend down and assume my position. My heart is hammering against my chest as I pull the blindfold over my eyes. His lips barely tickle my ear as he whispers, "You need this just as much as I do." Tracing his finger down the side of my body, he stops just as he reaches my hip and commands, "Come." In a delightful symphony, one hand lightly caresses my clit as his other hands pinches my pert nipple._

 _Opening my eyes, I yell out, "Deck 9." The blood lightly pounds against my overworked body as my oxygen-starved brain tries to interpret my erotic daydream. Having the overwhelming urgency to step through the door to the dungeon, I no longer care about the reasoning of staying away. To hell with my stupid heart. It has been broken before and it will eventually heal. It always does._

 _The doors of the turbolift open and I stay rooted to the spot. It feels as if the room itself is beckoning me to come towards it. I should be fearful, scared even, but the need to have my deepest desire satisfied is too overwhelming. With as much confidence as I can acquire, I step off of the turbolift and head towards the familiar door. Just as I am about two feet away, my steps falter as my confidence hides behind my foolish heart. What if he is in there? With someone else?_

 _Tapping the panel, I ask the computer for the whereabouts of Captain Picard. It responds that he is in turbolift four on his way to deck ten._

 _Sighing against the black screen, I glance towards the forbidden door. I could appease my stubborn subconscious and then be on my way back to the safety of my quarters within the span of five minutes._

 _Ringing the chime, I slightly jump when I hear the computer asking for the safe word. Quickly looking up and down the corridor, I mutter my answer and slip in before anyone has the chance to see me._

 _Shit, I would have thought that after everything that went down between us, he would have gotten rid of it. However, if he didn't delete the password, is his BDSM stuff still in here? I can hear the blood pound against my eardrums as I try to figure who else is he fucking?_

 _Obviously I was not the first one to submit to him and I'm sure I won't be the last._

 _Fuck! I knew this was a bad idea, but seeing as I'm here now my rage quickly slips into curiosity. Agreeing with myself that I'll be in and out, I take a peak around the room. It is dark with the single exception of the lamp in the bedroom. As my eyes adjust to the lack of lighting, I notice that my robe is folded neatly on the chair._

 _Or is it still my robe?_

 _"Computer, who was the last person in this room?"_

 _"Captain Jean Luc Picard."_

 _"When?"_

 _"Stardate 45043.8."_

 _That was last night! "Was anyone else in here?"_

 _"Negative."_

 _Hmm... That still doesn't change the fact that he has moved on with another submissive._

 _Fingering the sash, I let the silky binding run through my hand. Why should I care if he has another submissive? I broke off our agreement after finding out that he broke the rules. I shouldn't care but, if that were true, what am I doing here in the first place?_

 _Trying to ignore that question all together, I squeeze the robe between my hands._

 _I wonder if I can take this back with me? Ever since Odan left, I have been trying to find this robe through the replicator. There are hundreds of robes available to choose from and it's been hard to pinpoint the number for this particular one._

 _God, I'm fucking delusional._

 _Throwing it over the crook of my elbow, I peak my head inside the bedroom. Everything looks the same. Glancing across the room, I see the same mask on the corner of the bed. Bending down, I pick up the silky black material._

 _All of a sudden I am hit with a wave of yearning and desire._

 _I want to feel this robe against my naked body. I want it to caress my nipples as I float into the bedroom. I want Jean Luc to free the sash away from my waist. I want him to slide it to the side so that he can fuck me from behind. I want-_

 _"You have been a bad girl."_

 _My breathing becomes erratic as my brain tries to comprehend those words. Turning to that unmistakable deep voice, I throw the robe and mask on the floor just as fury sits heavy on my heart. "What the hell are you doing here?"_

 _Clasping his hands behind his back, he smirks, "Funny enough, I was about to ask that same question."_

 _"Yeah, well, I asked first." Can I sound any more like a petulant child? I don't care. Figures, the first time we have been alone in a long time and it's in the dungeon._

 _Just. My. Fucking. Luck._

 _Quickly raking my eyes over his body, I already notice the bulge pressed against his pants. Feeling the appeasing heat of desire caress my cheeks, I try to swallow my arousal to no avail._

 _H sees me and he knows exactly what I am thinking. That bastard. "I am checking to see if you are finally ready to receive your punishment." The glint in his eyes matches the growl in his voice._

 _Furrowing my brow, I shake my head from my desire induced coma and sharply ask, "What the fuck do you mean 'my punishment'?"_

 _Staring at my mouth, he barely mutters, "What I'd love to do to your smart mouth…"_

 _Crossing my arms over my chest, I sternly command, "You can leave my smart mouth and the rest of my body out of this." Taking a step towards the door, I have every intention of leaving this godforsaken room._

 _Capturing my elbow, he questions, "Then why are you in here?"_

 _Good question. I wish I could answer it with the quick tip of my tongue, but my mind instantly goes blank. Looking down, I bite the side of my mouth and mumble, "I don't know."_

 _Grinning a maniacal grin, he responds, "Because you know you need a punishment."_

 _Wrenching my arm out of his slackened grasp, I slap him across his stupid smug face. "Fuck you, Jean Luc!"_

 _Capturing both of my arms, he pulls me so close that I can feel his hot breath on my nose. "You want to, don't you? I can smell the desire of your wet pussy across the ship. You want me dominate you and to fuck you until you can't stand anymore." Tilting his head, his lips barely graze my ear when he moans, "Admit it. You need this as much as I do."_

 _Leaning out of his candid words, I stare into those mesmerizing eyes. Delirious to his magnetizing touch, I try to resist the truth, "Yeah… Well… Fuck you." Feeling his hard cock press against my hip, my head grows dizzy with fierce desire. As the appetite to have him in me pools in the pit of my stomach, I shuffle from one foot to the other, subconsciously rubbing my pubic bone against his tight bulge._

 _Damn it! He is right of course. I have missed his presence and this room. I foolishly thought I could live without it, but now with his ready to fuck cock pressing into me, I can't see myself anywhere but here. Swallowing my fear and suppressing my stubbornness, I relax against his harsh grasp and grant him permission to punish me. Knowing what's coming next, my body trembles with excitement._

 _Letting go of my arms, he points to the floor and commands, "Get down on your knees." After appeasing to his delicious demand, he calmly says, "You have been a naughty girl. Do you remember what the punishment is when you have been naughty?"_

 _Spreading my knees apart, I nod before opening my quivering mouth. As he unzips his pants, I clasp my hands behind my back. My mouth instantly waters as his cock springs open from his material binding. Licking my parched lips, I eagerly await for his ravenous assault._

 _Spreading his fingers through my hair, he captures the back of my head and pulls me forward to take in his full cock. Back and forth, back and forth I move. Swirling my tongue around his swollen head, I let my teeth scrape along his shaft. Taking a brave peak up, I see that his head is tilted all the way back. A few strangled moans escape his throat as I apply more pressure with my teeth._

 _Quickly closing my eyes, I hear him stammer, "Fuck! Squeeze… Uhh… Squeeze my fucking balls."_

 _Gladly giving into his request, I cup and fondle his balls within one hand. Reaching out with my pointer finger, I lightly trace the sensitive skin from his asshole to his ball sack._

 _Gripping my head, he stops my movements as he cums in my mouth. Sucking him dry, I easily swallow every last taste of him._

 _Pulling his cock out of my mouth, he takes a step back and orders, "Get up and take off your clothes."_

 _For a hot moment, my blood begins to boil. Yes I want to be here and I know my place as a submissive, but he was the one that strayed. Maybe I can make him work to get me back. The only question is; will it work?_

 _Defiantly, I open my eyes as I leisurely stand up from my place of punishment. Grasping my zipper and easing it down, I slide off my sleeves one by one. Not letting my eyes stray for one second, I feel goosebumps cover my skin as I become exposed for him to feast on. Turning around, I clutch the top half of my uniform and push it down my legs making sure he gets the full satisfaction of me bending completely over. I silently thank God for choosing to wear my matching black lace lingerie tonight. Before I stand back up, I playfully wiggle my ass for him. Unhooking my bra, I peak over my shoulder before letting it fall to the ground._

 _Still staring at my ass, he barely registers that I am almost naked. Obviously he is enjoying my little striptease show._

 _Feeling empowered and damn right sexy, I take a brave step towards the bed and lean over the mattress. "Take off my panties." My command is stern as I spread my legs apart._

 _Slapping my ass, he insists, "I am the master. Only I can give the commands."_

 _Standing and facing him, the sting of his hand energizes the power behind my words, "If you want this, if you want me, then you will have to give in to some of my commands. I will never be a submissive who will just idly stand by while you fuck someone else. I will be the only one you fuck. And as **your** punishment for straying, you will follow **my** orders." My cold words vibrate off of the sterile walls as I quietly await his answer to my ultimatum._

 _After one tortuous moment, he slowly struts up to me, hooks his finger under the band of my panties and rips them down my legs._

 _A triumphant smile crosses my lips as I turn back towards the bed. Spreading my knees apart, I slowly bend over inviting him to touch me._

 _"If I am going to submit to you then you need to use that smart mouth of yours to tell me what to do." I can hear him grinning at my lack of experience of dominating a man in the bedroom._

 _I'll show him. "I was under the assumption that you thought primitive vocal communications were unnecessary. But maybe you need a little more direction than I had anticipated." Glancing over my shoulder, I command, "I want to feel your fingers fucking my pussy." He's not the only one who can talk dirty._

 _Quickly appeasing to my demand, his finger easily slides through my slick folds._

 _Biting the side of my lip, I am surprised that my arms are still holding me up in my euphoric state. "Slap my ass hard." My hoarse words barely make it out of my mouth before he follows my order._

 _Hearing the staccato sting reverberate throughout the room, I moan into my arm as he presses his finger into my sensitive nub. I don't know where in the hell that demand came from but I do know that it is playing a sweet duet on my senses. Pressing his already hard cock into my ass, he leans over and takes the initiative to pinch my nipples within his wet fingers. He is testing his limits and he should know that he will not get away with it._

 _Abruptly standing, he steps back to gain his balance. "I never told you to touch my nipples." Pointing down, I command, "Get down on the floor." Sitting on the edge of the bed, I keep my legs wide open. "Once you have crawled over here, you will eat my pussy until I am completely satisfied. If, and only if, I am pleased with your performance, then I will allow you to gain back your control. If I am not, then I will leave. Now crawl to me and prove that you are capable of fucking me."_

 _Crawling on all fours, his face shows pure primal hunger as he reaches my legs. He has something to prove to me now and I know without a doubt that he will rise to the challenge._

 _Taking my legs, he wraps them around his shoulders. Pressing his nose into my core, he mumbles against my trembling skin, "Did you submit to Odan?"_

 _Wow, that came out of nowhere. Opening my eyes, I stare at the ceiling for a few seconds to collect my scattered thoughts. My words are in contrast soft to the orders I just gave prior. "He made love to me and I submitted to his love."_

 _"You were in love with him." It was more of a statement than a question._

 _Lifting myself up on my elbows, I confidently say, "Yes."_

 _Leaning away from me, he quietly asks, "And Will?"_

 _"At that specific time, he wasn't Will Riker to me. He was still Odan." I leave it at that. The last thing I want is for Jean Luc to picture Will and I together. We did make love that night, but when I look back, I only see Odan over me not Will._

 _"If he were to come back in your life, would you go back to him?" The desperation in his soft voice astounds me._

 _Cutting the tension between us with a knife, I put his desperation to rest, "He changed too many times for me to keep up with. I could never compete with that. Despite the love, he was there at the right time and place. It would never be the same if I were to see him – or her – again."_

 _Staring at me for what seems like an eternity, he slowly nods his head. Leaning in, he lightly traces his fingers along my legs and rests them on my thighs. Wrapping them around his shoulders again, he plants butterfly kisses along my throbbing apex._

 _Leaning back, I rest my arms over my eyes as I relax against his expert touch._

 _Flicking his tongue, he makes quick work of my clit. Within a matter of minutes he has me quivering within the palm of his skillful hand. Inserting two fingers, his tongue swirls in a figure eight path._

 _Ohhh… It has certainly been a long time since I have had the satisfaction of him between my legs. We are reunited and it feels so damn good!_

 _Grasping the twisted sheets, I moan out his name as my orgasm hits its glorious peak. After my lungs have caught up to the rest of my body, I sit up on the edge of the bed. Trapping him between my knees, a line of sweat makes its lazy way down my sternum._

 _"By the sounds you made, I think that more than exceeded your satisfaction." There's that familiar cocky smirk. His eyes are dark with desire as he leans onto my thighs. Awaiting my answer, his fingers are playful against my glowing skin. I have never seen this side of him; at least not with the mask that normally covers my eyes. I like this flirty look on him._

 _Lightly touching his cheek, I serenely offer him a smile and nod. He's got me in the palm of his skillful hand and for once, I don't care._

 _Murmuring his appeasement, his smirk slides into a soft smile as he places a soft kiss on the inside of my thigh._

 _Closing my eyes for a brief moment, I am in awe with the change that has somehow seeped into this room. His lips are soft to the touch, his hands hold me as a lover and I can feel this deep need for tenderness rather than blind obedience. The power that flows between our electric connection is more than the control he aches for; it comes from deep inside his heart and who am I to deny it. Feeling his lips inch closer to my pulsating core, I lean back onto my hands and sigh, "Jean Luc…"_

 _When he glances up, the dreamy haze he once had washes into a look of confusion. It's like I had just caught his hand in the cookie jar._

 _Using his name surprises him, but at this moment, we weren't in this stupid role of master and servant. Right now we are Jean Luc and Beverly and I'll be damned if I try to make this last as long as possible. Capturing his cheek, I give him an encouraging smile._

 _Apprehension and fear showing through his features, he lightly shakes his head and leans his body back on his knees._

 _My heart sinks to an all-time low. I understand, I truly do, but this is something we deserve. Hell, it's something we need. My hand falls heavily into my lap as I quickly look away so that he doesn't see my hurt._

 _Damn this man! Why can't he follow his own damn feelings!_

 _"Beverly?"_

 _Oh, now he says my name. Just like any great diplomat, he is going to try cover his mistake with nice empty words._

 _"Beverly, please look at me."_

 _Finding a spot on the carpet more interesting than him, I refuse to give in. Two can play the stubborn game._

 _Leaning into my line of sight, he places both hands on my cheeks to keep me from looking away. "Beverly, I can't do what you want me to do."_

 _Laughing into the silent room, my reply is anything but kind, "But you could with Vash."_

 _"She… She meant nothing to me." Even he knows that that was the wrong response._

 _But it doesn't stop it from cutting deep. Closing my eyes, I shake my head and whisper, "That's what makes it worse." Standing up from the bed, I need to leave this stifling room. Frustration sets in as I look around the room for my clothes. "Fuck you." My words are harsh against the thick musk that blankets the room. "I should have never stepped in here."_

 _Before I can take a step, he grasps my thighs and begs, "No! Don't leave." Looking up from his perch, he chokes, "Please."_

 _Placing my clinched fists on my hips, I demand, "And why the hell should I stay?"_

 _"Because I need you." The desperation in his voice cuts deeper than any of his careless words._

 _And those eyes, those honest eyes... They get me every time. Why do I always fall for them? Letting my hands fall limp to my side, I murmur, "Then show me that you need me." It's another challenge, but one that I don't know if he will be able to rise up to._

 _Standing, he stares at me, contemplating if he should take the challenge or not._

 _After a moment of undecided movement, I turn towards my clothes. I'm not going to stand here and look like an idiot._

 _Before I can take one step, he grabs me by my hips and runs his thumbs along my heightened skin. "I have lost you once before. I'll be damned if I let it happen again." Assaulting the stretch of skin between my ear and shoulder with those delicious lips, his body closes the distance between mine. Grabbing my ass, my head falls back as his lips draw a tantalizing line across my throat. Pressing his semi-hard cock against my thigh, he mumbles along my skin, "If we are to continue, then we are to do this my way." Backing me until my calves hit the mattress, he pushes my hips down so that I am sitting on the edge._

 _With his delectable member a mere inch from my face, I take it upon myself to lick the head as if it were a lollipop. What can I say, I don't like to follow the rules._

 _Clinching his hands by his waist, he grits through his teeth, "Do you want this to happen or not?"_

 _Giving one last flick of my tongue, I lean back on my hands and innocently ask, "Where do you want me?"_

 _"Move back to where you are against the headboard and then spread your knees."_

 _Scooting back and adjusting my legs so that I am open and inviting for him, I steal a moment to gaze at his exquisite body. Despite his arousal standing at attention, he is still hesitating. "Jean Luc… Don't lose me."_

 _Kneeling down on the mattress, his lips start on my knee and slowly makes his way down my leg. Coming close to my aching center, he bypasses it altogether and leaves a burning trail up my stomach. Taking in my taunt nipples, I naturally arch my back begging him for more. Not giving into my demand just yet, his lips burn like fire when they reach my neck. Leaning back on his knees, his thumb circles around my pulsing clit. Capturing my hips, he silently asks for my permission as his cock stands poised at my entrance._

 _As much as I appreciate his consideration, out of this entire universe, this is exactly where I want to be. Nodding, I place my hands over his._

 _Easing into me, I close my eyes as I feel my walls expand to his glorious length. Pure heaven is the best way to describe what I am feeling right now._

 _Propping his hands next to my hair, he begins to rock against me in a melodic pattern._

 _Threading my fingers through his chest hair, my legs circle around his waist to encourage him to go faster. Tilting my head against the mattress, I moan shamelessly as his slow movements become hurried. Delicately biting the lobe of my ear, I mindlessly mumble, "I have missed you."_

 _Suddenly his speed slows to a crawling pace. Opening my eyes, I find remorse crossing his features. After gazing at me for a few seconds, he leans down and rests his forehead on mine. Kissing my nose, he quietly whispers, "I'm sorry for straying away from you." Shaking his head, he promises, "I will never betray you again. Not when I know I can have you like this."_

 _With his promise to be faithful, I capture the back of his neck and gladly close the distance between our lips. Opening my mouth to his, I feel every fiber of my being explode into a million fireworks. Every other touch with every other man seems petty to this one kiss I share with Jean Luc._

 _I should feel guilty or cheated, but this is where we belong; wrapped around each other, making love as if no one else exists._

 _Between each moan and groan, our tongues duel with one another over dominance. Lifting my hips to match his speed, the steady power behind his thrusts moves me towards that lovely orgasmic peak._

 _"Riker to Captain Picard." Will's voice cuts through our rhapsody induced haze._

 _Stopping and reluctantly pulling his glorious lips away from mine, he answers into the semi dark room, "Yes Number one." His voice is hoarse with a mixture of desire and annoyance._

 _"Sir, I'm sorry to interrupt your sleep but we have just received reports that Solaran IV outpost near the Cardassian boarder was just attacked. Starfleet has ordered us to investigate. At warp 7.4, we will be there within 37 hours."_

 _"Very well, Number One. Let's meets at 0600 hours to discuss mission specifics. Picard out." Hearing the beep of his communicator informing us that the link is severed, he glances down at me. As he lightly caresses my cheek, he looks at as if he was just waking from a dream._

 _Slyly grinning, I slide my hands under my head and leer, "So, this is how you want me."_

 _Staring at me for a hot moment, I instantly regret the teasing until he murmurs, "Every fucking inch." Clashing his lips with mine, he glides in and out of me with such delicious ease. Palming my breast, his nimble fingers pinch my erect nipple._

 _Caving in to his ravenous tongue, I slide my arms around his neck. The steam that is created between us makes my body ache for more – his lips, his touch, everything. Placing my feet on the mattress, I buck my hips to match his own erratic speed. I begin to feel my body unravel as the tip of his penis barely caresses a sensitive spot inside._

 _In need of oxygen, his lips leaves a hot trail to just behind my ear as mine lightly nips on his shoulder. The moans of my name fills the heavy room as they leave a hot, satisfying trail on my heightened skin._

 _Growing euphoric with each thrust, I wildly mumble against his sturdy shoulder, "I am yours, Jean Luc. Always."_

 _I know we are both so close. With our movements becoming more in sync and our bodies becoming one, we reach that erotic peak. Crying out together, his soft words barely reach my own ears. "It is I who shall be forever yours."_

 _With his humbling words assaulting every inch of my senses, I burst into a million exquisite pieces as he trembles and empties inside me._

 _Trying to retain as much oxygen in our bodies as possible, his forehead rests against mine as the sweat between our bodies makes its lazy way down._

 _Just before he opens his eyes, I pray to every deity in this galaxy that I will not see anger or disgust cross his features._

 _A lazy smile graces his face as his eyes open to me. Once his breathing has returned to normal, he lightly pecks my lips and lifts himself off of me. Rolling onto his back, his dark eyes stares at the ceiling in pensive thought._

 _The loss of his weight shocks me and instantly I miss it. Rolling to my side to face him, I subconsciously bring my knees in towards my stomach as my hands rest beneath my head._

 _For the first time tonight I feel completely naked and vulnerable as I await for the inevitable shoe to drop. I have been dominated one moment and made love to the next. Knowing that he thrives off of dominance at the same time my heart and soul aches for more of what we just had, I bite down on my tongue from crying out in the still room. A rejection from him would be… too much. Biting the side of my lip, I urge myself not to give into my emotional state. Casting a brave peak across his shoulder, I hope that this was not our only rendezvous for the duration of our very long tour._

 _Sensing my gaze, he turns back to me. Reaching over, he caresses my cheek with the back of his two fingers as he murmurs, "For a long time, I never thought I would see you in this room again." Turning towards me, he sheepishly adds, "You were rightfully angry at me and many times I would curse at myself for loosing you the horrible way I did. Then one day, something changed and I just knew that there would be a day that you would come back into this room."_

 _"Really?" Now my curiosity is peaked._

 _Grinning like a Cheshire Cat, he leans in and murmurs into my ear, "There would be times that I would catch you looking at me as if you were undressing me with your eyes, daring me to dominate you."_

 _Busted. Feeling the blush creep up to my cheeks I return a shy smile._

 _"Beside, I began to notice that your dates or plays would always end around 2300 hours."_

 _That's true, but I… Wait… What?! "Were you stalking me?"_

 _"Never, I would just watch you closely." Lifting himself off the bed, he turns towards the bathroom and says, "Let's take a shower." Not long after he disappears behind the bathroom wall, I hear him turn on the water and close of the shower door._

 _Something is amiss, though. His lack of words as to what just happened concerns me. We have just crossed a line he was not comfortable to cross and he's acting as if it is nothing. Stepping into the steamy room, I slip quietly into the shower stall._

 _His palms are leaning against the wall as he lets the hot water cascade down his tense back._

 _Floating behind him, I lay my hands on his waist and give him a light kiss on his shoulder blade._

 _Exhaling, I can feel him release some of the tension he was holding. "I can't do that anymore." I can barely hear his words as the water pounds against the tile._

 _Kissing him again, I murmur against his slick skin, "Jean Luc…"_

 _Dropping his head back, he grabs my hands and pulls them further around his body. "We can't make love again. I allowed myself the indulgence once, but I can't do it again. I'm sorry, I know that is what you want but I can't give it to you."_

 _"Why not?" Once again, I sound like a child not getting her way._

 _Lightly squeezing my hand, he confesses, "I have never given control to a submissive before. You are the first one. I feel uneasy about it, like I am on a shaky precipice ready to fall. I can't let it happen again, not if we are to survive."_

 _Pressing my sticky body into his, I rest my chin on his shoulder and ask, "What about my survival? Without what we just did, I don't think I can last a long time just being your submissive." His sot skin is soothing against my aching nipples. My body is gearing up for round three, but I refuse to give into my desire before I know what tomorrow will look like. Capturing his earlobe between my lips, I selfishly hope this helps make up his mind. "I have seen you and felt you and tasted you like this." Feeling his grasp slacken, I slide my hands down his stomach until I have reached his semi-hard member. "That would be too cruel and I would never put myself in that situation." Gradually gliding my hand along his long shaft, I plant soft kisses along his back._

 _Leaning his forehead back on the wet tile, he moans, "Ahhh… What do… Uhhh… What do you suggest?"_

 _Knowing I have him in the palm of my hand, I stop my movements and request, "Give me just one night. One night each month for us to be Beverly and Jean Luc. I'm sure, for right now, we would be completely satisfied mind, body and soul."_

 _Glancing over his shoulder, he questions, "For right now?"_

 _Kissing his shoulder, I return to lazily pumping his yummy cock. "As a woman, I will want more. So much more. But I can live with a gradual increase of nights dedicated for me to show you how much I want you and only you." Letting go and taking a full step back, I allow him to turn around. Rewarding him with a sweet, sinister smile, I bend down on my knees. Grasping his thighs, I lean in and take in his full cock into my mouth. Pumping back and forth at a leisurely rate, I let my tongue dance around his sensitive head._

 _I have wanted to suck his exquisite cock for a long time. My punishments do not count when my hands behind my back and my eyes closed. I was never able to enjoy it the way I would love to._

 _Circling my hands around his hips, I gently squeeze his ass and push him further into my mouth._

 _Jerking his fingers through my damp hair, he leans against the wall as his deep moans vibrate off of the tile._

 _As much as I am enjoying this, I lean back letting his cock pop out of my mouth. Kissing and sucking along his tight ball sack, I ask over the loud shower, "Do you accept my conditions?"_

 _Biting the side of his lip, he stares at me for a few steamy moments._

 _My knees begin to ache from the tile floor and sweat drips down from my brow, but my eyes never deviates. Finally, my patience is rewarded with a slight nod. My heart triumphs in victory as desire pools in the pit of my stomach. "Keep your eyes on me." Looking through the top of my lashes, I cup his balls with one hand and lift his erect member with the other. "Mmm… I've been wanting to play with your cock for a long time." Starting at the base, I lazily glide my tongue over his quivering shaft before taking it in completely._

 _God, I am so turned on. Being in control is liberating and pleasurable - no wonder Jean Luc enjoys it so._

 _Grasping his cock, my mouth and my hand to pump him to an alternate rhythm._

 _Feeling his fingers scrape through my hair once more, his savage moans escape his hoarse throat. He is so close, I can quite literally taste it. Fondling his balls with my other hand, my finger gingerly slides into his puckered hole._

 _Tightening his hold around my head, his strangled cry of release reverberates off of the tiled wall as he cums. Sucking until he is dry as a bone, I swallow every last bit of him._

 _Leaning back and standing, I smile when I notice that he is trembling against the tile. When he finally opens his eyes, I lean in and give him a quick peck on the lips. "See, if we were playing sub and dom then you would have never experienced that."_

 _Sliding his hand behind my head, he rests my head against his and grins, "You are so sure of yourself. I can order you to blow me anytime I want."_

 _Placing my hands on the tile, I take a step forward and close the small gap between our wet bodies. My lips barely graze by his when I encourage, "Mmm… Anytime, anywhere. I love sucking your cock."_

 _Encircling his arm around my waist, he crashes his lips onto mine. Turning me around, his body pushes me against the wall. Ripping his lips from mine, he breathlessly moans into my quivering skin, "God, you are insatiable." Capturing my thighs, he lifts me up and pushes his cock into my wanting pussy. "This is what you do to me every fucking time. Anytime I see or hear you, I want to bend you over and fuck you right then and there." Setting his steady rhythm against the wall, he looks up and mumbles along my lips, "I can't get enough of you. I can fuck you all night if you give me the chance."_

 _Dizzy from desire, I wrap my arms around his neck as I throw my head against the tile. Capturing one of my bouncing tits in his wet mouth, he swirls his tongue around my sensitive nipple. "Ahhh… Fuck…" Laying my forehead against his, I command, "Anytime you see me, I want you to bend me over and fuck me hard." Crashing my lips onto his, I take in every second I can get._

 _"Commander Riker to Captain Picard."_

 _And then there's Will._

 _Ripping his lips from mine in frustration, he grunts, "What do you want, Number One?"_

 _"Sir, I'm sorry to interrupt you again, but Admiral Kennelly is on a priority one channel. He wishes to speak to you about the attack on Solarion IV. Would you like me to transfer it to your quarters?"_

 _"No. I will take it in my Ready Room in about ten minutes. Picard out." Squeezing my ass, he lightly kisses my lips as he begins to thrust into me._

 _Grasping the pipe above me, I lay my head against the tile as his mouth assaults my neglected nipple. Biting the side of my lip, I feel my orgasm coming in close. Letting one hand fall between our bodies, I rub my clit in the same figure eight pattern he does. "Ohh… Jean Luc…" Reaching that glorious peak once more, my muscles spasm as his cock continues to pump in me._

 _Coming into his own orgasm, he lightly bites down on my shoulder to muffle his moans._

 _Letting my wobbly legs fall to the ground, I wrap my surprisingly strong arms around his neck. Laying limp against his broad chest, I allow myself to close my eyes and wonder how this can happen. Never with any other lover have I had so much pleasure in one night like I do with him. It's like my body can't have enough of him. It's almost unnatural and yet being with him is the most natural thing in the universe. It's scary in a sense. What were to happen if he was no longer here?_

 _Placing my hands on his chest, I carefully push away from him. "You have to get going soon." With as much strength as possible, I offer him a warm smile and slip away from his entanglement._

 _Capturing my elbow, he turns me back around and offers, "If I were to finish early, could I come and visit your quarters." When he sees my arched eyebrow, he clarifies, "Your next night to be in control is in a month. The least you deserve is a full night."_

 _Staring at him for what seems like forever, I honestly can't believe that he made that suggestion. I know he is against our new arrangement, but it is nice to know that he is making efforts to comply with my wishes. That itself makes me wish that this relationship was something more than what it is right now._

 _But we have this and at this moment, I am content._

 _Grasping his cheek, I barely say "If you wish," before my mouth is open for him to take. Allowing his tongue dominance in my mouth, we make out like a couple of naughty teenagers. I must remember to make out with him more often. Placing my hand on his chest, I barely lean out of his embrace and sigh, "Get going, you horny rascal. You don't want to keep the admiral waiting."_

 _For one exciting moment, rebellion streaks across his face, but after a second thought, he nods his head and turns toward the door. Before opening it, he smiles that oh-so-charming smile that shows off his dimples and coos, "Good night, Beverly."_

 _Oh, that dreamy smile. Many nights I have laid awake thinking about that smile. It reminds me of his carefree side of life; before Jack's death, before the destruction of the Stargazer, before the Borg. It takes me back to the good times at the bar before Jack and I got married; laughing, drinking, and making dirty jokes. Then everything changed after we came back from our honeymoon._

 _Hmmm… I've always wondered what made him change._

 _Regardless, it is not often that I am rewarded with that boyish smile and I find it refreshing._

 _Picking up my washcloth, I begin to rinse of my body. In two days we will once again be reunited as a submissive and dominant. As much as I am excited for that prospect, I can't help but wonder will things be different? Will it be easy for me to make the transition back into my old role? Will it be hard for him to take on his new role once a month?_

 _One thing is for sure… I have more hope for our future now than I did two hours ago._

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 **Please review and let me know what you think. The next chapter will hopefully be up soon. :)**


	5. Chapter 5

T **hank you again for all of the support and sticking with me through the long time between updates! I appreciate every single fav, alert and review.**

 **Get comfortable... this is a long chapter! :)**

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We were back and it was amazing! We were able to pick up where we left off but with an added bonus each month.

On our special nights, he would insist on meeting in my quarters. I'm not sure why but, I didn't care. He was there and mine for the whole night and I wasn't going to waste anytime thinking about why he chose my quarters over the dungeon.

Little rest was taken as each passing minute was dedicated to the worship of pleasure and giving into our own fantasies. Each night would start out the same; a quick meal and a silent promise to not take things further than what was comfortable. But that promise was always discarded when I wanted to take the reins. Even in a less restrictive environment, he still ached to be in control.

There was always some sort of bondage or BDSM item used, but again, I didn't mind. In fact, I would always request the spreaders to be used long after my need for gentle touches was appeased. I was able to choose what I wanted to use and instead of being the master, he would give in to my requests.

Yet, despite our flight in and out of the dominant and submissive world, I could tell that he was fighting some demons of his own that went beyond control, but he kept his frustration to himself. Many times I would ask him to tell me what was bothering him, but he would distract me with his greedy lips and needy fingers.

And then one typical night, a few of his demons showed their ugly face and I was able to truly see what Jean Luc thought he saw in the mirror.

..::..::..::..::..::..

Standing back from the mirror, I take one last look at my silly costume.

Shaking my head and rolling my eyes, I still can't believe that I agreed to do this play. I was asked to play the part of Margaret the maid in "Much Ado About Nothing" a mere week ago after Ensign Montgomery was hurt on a mission to Delot Three-Three-Two. Knowing all the lines by heart, I reluctantly accepted regardless of my current experiment in Sickbay and my nights spent with Jean Luc.

Hearing the chime, I quickly grant entrance to Deanna as I hook in my last earring. Meeting here now, we agreed that after the play we would complete the Sickbay crew reviews that we had put off for a long while. Mainly due to the fact that it would have interfered with my submissive sessions with Jean Luc.

Giving a quick glance back in the mirror to check that everything is perfect, I yell out, "You know Deanna, I still don't know why I agreed to do this, but it's hard not to get excited now. It's one of my favorite plays."

"Really? I seem to remember you walking into the room cursing every naughty word out of that smart mouth after your rehearsals were finished."

Letting my arms drop lifeless by my side, I heave a long sigh. Hearing that deep, smoldering voice, I instantly feel a pool of desire sit low in the pit of my stomach as my heart quickens against my caged chest. Letting my hands flirt with the hem of my dress, my eyelashes flutter as I turn towards him. "Why Captain, those same rehearsals made me late to our rendezvous'." In the end, both parties were mutually satisfied when he commanded me to suck his delicious cock to begin our long, gratifying night.

Giving a stern look, he gives a quick nod in agreement. "Yes, but I'm sure you could have excused yourself."

Capturing my hands behind, I sway my hip as I saunter towards him. Leaning in close, my lips barely graze his ear as I whisper, "What would have been my excuse, Jean Luc?" Rocking back on my heels, I sarcastically add, "'Sorry guys, I have to meet the Captain in our secret room so that he can tie me up and fuck me any which way he desires.' I can just see Will Riker's expression."

"Careful Beverly, with that smart mouth of yours, you might not make it to the opening tonight in one piece." His eyes sparkle in a way that I have seen very far and few between.

Surprised, I ask, "Are you coming tonight?"

Taking a step further into my personal space, he growls, "In more ways than one."

Itching to feel his heat under my fingers, I pretend to pick at something on his uniform. Sweeping imaginary dirt off of his shoulder, I rest my hand against his chest and demurely ask, "Seriously, Jean Luc, are you coming to see the play?" My words are coy but my intentions behind my touch is purely primal.

Keeping his hands behind his back, he murmurs, "I wouldn't miss it for the world."

Feeling the pace of my heart quicken by his words, I twirl to give him the full view of my costume and playfully ask, "Do you like what I'm wearing?"

Raking his eyes over my body, he distractedly whispers to himself, "Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?" Catching himself, he straightens his posture and arrogantly smooths, "Ravishing, Beverly, positively ravishing. Although, I have to admit, you are missing something."

Still blushing from his Shakespearean comparison, I timidly ask, "What am I missing?" Glancing down, I check to see if my costume is complete.

Pulling a box from behind his back, he opens it and takes out what looks like an oversized earring. Letting the string hang from his finger, I notice that there are two silvery beads attached. What the hell are those and more importantly, what is he going to do with them? "I still don't understand."

Rewarding my confusion with a secretive grin, he beckons me to follow him to the dining table. Pulling out one of the chairs, he says, "Bend over and rest your hands on the seat."

Following him with a slight shake in my knees, I cover my nervousness with my usual quick wit. "You know Jean Luc, you don't need those silly beads to fuck me shamelessly." Biting the side of my lip, I wink at him over my shoulder just as I appease his demand.

Caressing my ass through my dress, he clarifies, "They are not beads, they are called Ben-Wa Balls. I am not going to fuck you now. I am going to put these in you." Grasping my hips, he savagely murmurs into dense air, "I will be the one to take them out and then I will fuck you." Pushing up the hem of my dress so that it exposes my small back, he hooks his fingers on the top of my underwear and pulls them down. Massaging my clit with two of his fingers, I hear a small sigh escape his lips. "So fucking wet…"

Biting my lip hard, my head fall between my arms as I exhale, "All the more reason to forego the Ben-Wa earring and go in for what you really want to do." Pushing my ass back for him to take more advantage, a rush of excitement runs through my veins as I encourage, "Why wait when you know it's yours for the taking."

His fingers lightly skim over my puckered hole as he murmurs into the stillness of my quarters, "I want to take your ass tonight. Has anyone fucked you there before?"

With my thoughts swirling around his barbaric and sexy demand for anal play tonight, it barely registers in my head that he requires an answer. I've never done it before - not even with Jack. I honestly don't even think he would have suggested it. Thinking back to our time together, I remember that making love to him was sweet. Sweet and safe. He would have never asked me to do half of the things that Jean Luc has demanded of me. If I were to compare the two-

SLAP!

The cold, hard sting of his hand across my warm skin thankfully takes me out of what would have been a trip down the black hole called "Guilt Lane". Why the fuck would I even make that comparison? Feeling the cold air rush between our warm bodies, I glance over my shoulder to see that he has taken a step back.

His chest is heaving as his clenched hands fall to his sides. "Has anyone ever fuck you up your ass?"

Noticing the cold sting of jealousy cross his features, I shake my head and croak, "No. No one before."

Visibly relaxing his body, he closes the distance between our bodies and softly asks, "Are you uncomfortable with it?"

It's a territory I have never crossed before, so there is a little trepidation that clutches around my gut. "A little."

Feeling the weight of him leaning on my body, he lightly kisses my back and murmurs into my skin, "We can take this slow. It is meant to enhance your sexual experience, not demoralize it."

His weight against mine is soothing as my tense muscles relax into his inviting heat. Although I can barely hear his words, I can feel them along my skin and it brings a sense of peacefulness to my nerves. Taking a deep breath as I look back down at the chair, I nod my head and whisper, "I trust you."

Planting another kiss along my spine, the last vestiges of my ever-present guilt are buried deep within my soul as my body shivers from the caress of his lips. Leaning off of me, he trails a finger over my bottom and stops when he reaches the apex between my legs. Inserting his finger, he sighs with appreciation when he finds my folds still slick with desire.

Exhaling a hot breath onto my tense hands, I lift my heavy head and cover my self-reproach with wit, "I don't think they need me anymore. Why don't we carry this on in the dungeon?"

For a quick second, he halts his ministrations and inquires, "The dungeon?"

Glancing back across the table, I smile as my hair cascades around my vision. "Yes, the place where we fuck."

Adding another finger, I can hear the laughter in his voice, "Because I tie you up."

Feeling a bud of pleasure springing within my belly, I add, "Because you can do anything you want to me in there and no one will know." Suppressing a moan that barely escapes my lips, I crossly demand, "Now will you take off your damn pants and fuck me?"

Slapping my ass, he continues to tease my soaking wet pussy. "Very impatient. Your time will come, Beverly. It always does."

Crying out in a mixture of ecstasy and frustration when he playfully slaps my ass, he is slowly driving me to the brink of insanity.

Slipping his fingers out, he takes the stupid earring from the table and holds it up to my mouth. "Suck on them."

The instant loss of his fingers paralyzes me for a brief moment. However, with his odd request, I can't help but take advantage of the situation, especially when I notice his cock pressing hard against his uniform. Bent over with my dress up to my waist and my panties around my ankles, I glance at him through my eyelashes as I take each bead in one at a time. Rolling the beads along my tongue, I close my eyes and imagine that it's his balls that I have in my mouth.

Lightly yanking on the string, I let him take the beads out.

Giving him a cheshire grin through my dilated eyes, I longingly lick my lips as if I had just enjoyed the best chocolate sundae. Two can play this game. "Looks like you would rather stick something else in me instead of those beads." I sound completely innocent.

Clearing his throat, his voice is hoarse with want and desire. "Naughty girl, I just might have to punish you instead."

"No reason we can't do both." God, I am so turned on. I want nothing more than to push him against this table and suck his cock until he explodes in my mouth.

Giving me a quick slap on my ass, I moan as I feel the liberating sting on my heated skin. "Be careful what you wish for, Beverly. You would not want to miss out on these."

"I will take it out when we meet… in the dungeon later tonight. After that I will begin training your ass." Then ever so slowly, he places the balls between my folds. When he's finished, he instructs, "Now when you stand, you will use your muscles to hold it in place."

Standing, I instantly feel the balls moving, pressing against my clit. It is a... curious feeling, but one that I am certainly not opposed to.

Sliding my panties back to its place, he smooths my dress out and quips, "Break a leg, Beverly." Grabbing the box the balls came in, he marches out of my quarters before I can get in a word.

What the fuck?

Shaking my head, I stomp over to the sofa to get my…

Ohhhh… Oh, God...

The balls move with every step I take and it feels…

Holy fuck...

Closing my eyes as my muscles clench around the balls, it takes a few breathing techniques to relax my already heightened body.

Knowing what to expect now, I make it to the sofa to put on the rest of my costume and to pull my hair back into a ponytail. The chime rings as I slip on the last shoe. Glancing around, I make sure that it is orderly before granting entrance.

Deanna strolls in and asks, "Are you excited yet?"

Hitching a breath, I quickly ask, "What?"

"With the play? Are you getting excited for it? I know it's one of your favorites, yet you were reluctant to do it." She beams at me so innocently.

Taking a deep breath to calm my nerves, I slowly nod, "Yes, I am excited." Standing, I stop myself from moaning as I feel once again the balls moving inside. "I was expecting you earlier."

Linking arms, we walk out together towards 10-Forward. "Oh, I'm sorry. Captain Picard wanted me to watch the bridge until delta shift took over. He said he had an errand to run and I was happy to do so. I knew you wouldn't have minded."

Knowing exactly what his errand was, I try to hide my blush from my empathic friend as I nod and murmur, "It was no problem. I was running a little late myself."

.:.:.:.:.:.:.

That fucking asshole!

I am dying with these stupid balls in me and as hard as I try, he won't even acknowledge me, let alone entertain the thought of leaving early!

The play, of course, went off without a hitch; with the exception of dealing with the Ben Wa Balls. The few times where I was bumped into or I had to press myself against someone, I had to hold my breath and bite down on my lip so that I wouldn't shamelessly cum in front of everyone. The worst part about it, is that after pulling myself barely together, I would look up to see Jean Luc grinning from ear to ear.

Smug bastard! He knew exactly what would happen.

Thankfully after the play, we were bombarded with friends and I was able to forget that those damn beads were in me. After about fifteen minutes of shaking hands and saying thank you's, I made my over to Jean Luc. At first he congratulated me and the team and then attempted to make small talk.

Are you fucking kidding me? Small talk!

"Jean Luc!" I blurted under my breath. "Dungeon. Now!"

He partially leaned in so that I could hear him yet, it was still a respectable distance so it would not imply a closer relationship, and swiftly whispered, "I will be the one who says when to leave and where to go." Taking a step back, he then stoically murmured, "Excuse me, Doctor."

Marching away, I was not able to get a word in inch wise, which put me in a dour mood. Cozying up to the bar, that is where I have been for the last twenty minutes talking to Data and keeping a very close eye on the chronometer. Every damn minute feels like a thousand years has passed. Throwing back my drink, I send a silent prayer that the next time I look at the clock it will have jumped five minutes ahead.

"Doctor, are you okay? Within the past eighteen minutes and thirty six seconds, you have looked at the chronometer twenty two times. Are you waiting for someone?" Data tips his head to the side as he stares at me, expecting a logical answer.

"Data, I have been waiting for a long time." I sound desperate. I hate sounding desperate.

"Doctor, could you please clari-"

Reaching over, I place my hand on his arm and sigh, "Nothing Data. I'm just tired and I'm… And I'm… waiting for a perfect time to leave without being rude." Quite on accident, when comforting Data, my body rocked in a way that the edge of the chair pressed against my most sensitive area. For a delirious moment, I could feel my muscles pulsating against the beads. Slamming my eyes shut, I hold my breath as another wasted orgasm presses down my throat. Palming my cheek into my hand, I once again telepathically send a curse towards Jean Luc's way.

Thankfully Data doesn't see or understand that last transgression. Tilting his head the other way and slightly pouting his bottom lip in thought, he continues to try to fix my problem. "I do not see a reason as to why you cannot leave right now."

He's right of course, but I have to wait for Jean Luc to make up my mind for me. Jerk! Twiddling the glass between my fingers, I stare at the amber liquid and sigh, "Thank you Data, but I can…"

"Hey, Beverly. Are you ready to leave?"

Turning, I see that Deanna is standing behind us. Racking my brain as to why Deanna would want to leave with me, it hits me after a moment that we had scheduled to do the Sickbay crew reviews after the play. It had completely slipped my mind when Jean Luc decided to surprise me with his arousing visit and shity gift.

Slowly nodding, I stand and pat Data on the shoulder, "Thank you Data for your advice. You, of course, had an amazing performance."

Slightly nodding, he kindly replies, "Thank you, Doctor. Have a good evening."

As we walk across 10-Forward together, I can feel Jean Luc's eyes boring into the back of my head. It fills me with such rebellion that I ignore Deanna altogether and will myself to stay focused on the door in front of me. Just before we pass through, I hear him call out, "Counselor. Doctor."

Exhaling my confined breath, I turn to him trying to erase any and all traces of stress. "Yes, Captain." My words are clipped and cold. I am still upset with him for the whole 'small talk' conversation that had transpired earlier in the night.

Other than the slight squint of his eyes, he ignores my terse words and requests, "Doctor, I need to speak to you about our upcoming mission to Planitaria." Turning to Deanna, he quickly asks, "Counselor, may I steal her away for a few moments from your personnel reviews?"

If I didn't know him at all, I would have not noticed the slight edge in his voice or the thin sheen of sweat along his temples. But I do know him, intimately, and I know that he wants to be the one to take out the balls. After his diversion earlier, I think I have every right to deny him that pleasurable moment.

Feigning innocence, I softly reply, "I don't know, Captain. We have been trying to finish them for the past month with no avail. May I come by your Ready Room after we have completed the reviews?" I can feel a slight smile stretch across my lips. He would never give into his naughty transgressions in his Ready Room. He believes it would compromise his position. However the thought of him fucking me on his desk has my cheeks beating red. Taking a deep, calming breath to subdue my raging libido, I glance back at Jean Luc.

Oh, I am going to be punished for this but after the balls of torture keeping me on edge all night, I feel rather embolden by my aversion to give into his rather stoic and captainly request.

He looks crestfallen as he jaw works against what he is thinking and what he is allowed to say in public. Secretly, I can't help but enjoy seeing his discomfort.

However, it is Deanna who speaks uneasily before him, "I still have to say good night to Will. How about I meet you at your quarters in about ten minutes?"

Nodding towards Deanna, Jean Luc clips, "Doctor." Not even casting a glance towards my way, he exits 10-Forward where he expects me to blindly follow. I don't want to give in, not after what he put me through.

Looking back to tell Deanna not to bother, I am shocked to find that she has already walked away. Having no other choice, I trudge after Jean Luc. Resigned to the fact that I will be punished for this, I am surprised to find that I am actually looking forward to it. He wound me up so tight earlier, I am quite literally bursting at the seams with every inch of naughty desire.

Just before I turn the corner for the turbolift, I feel a strong hand gripping my arm and pulling me into a strange, dark room. When the door closes, the same hand pushes me against the wall. Having a good feeling as to who has abducted me, I relax against his tense muscles. "You naughty bitch. I will enjoy punishing your greedy cunt tonight." His voice sounds raw and angry, like a caged predator ready to pounce its prey.

If this were any another person, I would be nervous, frightened even. However, I trust him. He would never hurt me, despite my smart mouth. "You were the one who wanted to make small talk earlier."

Pressing his hand over my lips, his hardened grip stuns me into silence. Leaning towards me, his heavy panting is the only thing anchoring me in this pitch black room. Tightening his grip, he vehemently whispers, "If you say one more fucking word or make one sound, I will bend you over my knee and spank you so hard that you will be seeing stars."

His words of violence almost sends my body into a tailspin. Never has he talked this way to me.

Lifting the hem of my dress, he tears my panties away from my body. "Spread your fucking legs." His words ring loudly in my ears even though they are barely above a whisper.

Bracing myself against his broad chest, I open my trembling legs to his needy fingers. Closing my eyes to the dizzy spell he casts, my breathing hitches as he begins to massage my soaking clit with two of his fingers.

This is a very bad idea, but at this point and time, I don't give a fuck.

Throwing my head back against the cool metal, I strangle his biceps as I choke down what would have been an obscene moan. Just as he works my body into a frenzy, he stops his movements and sighs against my ear, "I had amazing plans for you tonight. But, because of your insubordination, I have no choice but to punish you." Without any notice, he pulls the string to the Ben-Wa balls out.

Holymotherfuckingshit! All of the oxygen is forced out of my body as my potent orgasm rocks me to my core. Throwing my head forward, I bite down on his shoulder to swallow my own scream of lust.

Cruelly stepping away from my trembling body, he opens the door and marches out of the room without a glance back.

Feeling like a used piece of garbage against the wall as the blinding light from the corridor trickles in, I take a millisecond to gather my bearings. Just as I see him rounding the corner, I hastily smother my dress down and silently follow him onto the turbolift. When he barks out his order for the deck number, I busy myself by fixing my hair and dress - anything to ignore the thick air that engulfs the confined space around us. Stealing a glance in his direction, I notice that his arms are crossed tightly along his chest as a scowl graces his normally thoughtful features.

Just as the turbolift is about to stop on my deck, he nonchalantly says, "When we meet in the dungeon, I will spank you hard, then fuck you and leave. You are not permitted to have an orgasm tonight."

Folding my arms across my chest, I repress my desire to roll my eyes as my quick response slides off my sarcastic tongue, "I can't wait." My body has been through hell tonight and now his harsh words are starting to piss me off.

Just as he is about to turn to give me another reprimand, the doors open to a pair of ensigns on their way to their duty post. Saved by the ensigns! Just as I am about to step off, his Captain's mask slips over his dominant one and commands, "Doctor, I expect to see your report within the next hour."

Mumbling a "Yes, Sir", I squash down the urge to tell him to kiss my naked ass. Just as I pass by the ensigns, I notice one of them staring at my bare legs. Rewarding him with a quick smirk, I make sure to put an extra swing in my step. Without looking back, I know for certain that he is staring at me. I just hope Jean Luc doesn't show him the same courtesy as he did to me just now.

Slowly, I make my way towards my quarters where I'm sure a highly inquisitive empath is waiting for me to spill my guts. Not to mention the crew reviews, which I hate doing to begin with. As I turn the corner, I am not surprised to see Deanna impatiently waiting for me.

Tired, horny and with no panties on, the last place I want to be is in my quarters. I want this night of punishment to end as quickly as possible.

Deanna's grin is unmistakable as she tries to guess what transpired between the Captain and I. "Satisfied?"

Blushing, I meekly say, "Let's go in and get this finished." Silently following me, I can feel Deanna trying to probe my mind. Going straight for the booze, I pour myself a full glass and swallow it whole.

Stepping behind me, I hear her smugness turn into concern, "Beverly?"

Glancing over my shoulder, I feel my face heat when I see the chair that Jean Luc had me over earlier. Slamming my glass on the table, I turn and make my way towards the bedroom to rid myself of this silly costume. Hoping beyond hope that she will ignore everything she witnessed, I try to change the subject. "Did you enjoy the play? I thought that Will's role as Dogberry was perfect." I don't hear her response as I slip on my uniform. Stealing a glance in the mirror, I am amazed to see that I don't look as trashy as I feel.

Padding up behind me, Deanna places a hand on my shoulder and soothes, "Beverly, even if I wasn't an empath, I would know that there is something going on between you and the Captain."

I should pretend that what she said didn't matter or that it was untrue, but I think out of all of the months of secrecy, I don't have it in me. Picking my nails, I let out a shaky breath, "It's not a big deal."

Shaking her head, she knowingly disagrees, "No. It is a big deal and it has been going on far longer than I think you care to admit." Slipping out of her friendly embrace, I shuffle into the living area and throw myself against the couch.

Never one to give up too easily, she calmly sits in a chair across from me – a choice that was strategically made by the counselor in her. Crossing her legs as she relaxes against the cushions, she says, "The feelings that I feel from either you or the captain goes from one extreme to another." After a pregnant pause, she goes in for the jugular, "If I didn't know you or the Captain, I would say that this relationship is volatile, almost to the brink of violent."

Wiping off imaginary dirt from my knee, I quickly glance up after mention violence and alleviate her initial concern, "It's not. It's just… unique and quite sensitive."

"Shame, anger, the loss of control, not to mention waves of guilt." Her soft words cuts across my tense mind. "This isn't like you."

Staring off to the side, I stay quiet. How could I tell her the reason why without going into great detail as to how our relationship works? A breech of privacy is something both Jean Luc and I can't afford to lose, despite her role as a counselor and a friend.

Taking in my silence, she hesitantly adds, "However, what worries me more is that it just isn't you that is sharing these same feelings."

Strangely, I feel my scalp prickle as panic invades my heart. "Jean Luc?"

Giving a curt nod, she confirms, "Yes."

Standing and walking over to my desk, I gather the PADDs needed and make my way back to the couch. "Could we just leave it and go over these reviews?" Just as she is about to stubbornly refuse, I hold up my hand and calmly explain, "Deanna, I know you have many questions as to the unusual nature of our relationship, however, I'm not going to divulge. That is Jean Luc's call and he deserves the respect of keeping his private life private."

Conceding defeat with a frustrated huff, she holds out her hand to accept the PADD. "I'm just excited that you actually admitted to a relationship." Holding up her hand to stop my impending interruption, she finishes, "But seeing that this is still a private issue for both, I'll leave it for now. However, I don't need to tell you that I'm here if you need to talk about it."

..::..::..::..::..

After an hour of boring crew reviews and ignoring inquisitive glances by a stubborn counselor, I am just now shuffling towards the dungeon. Dragging my feet the entire way there, an unusual sense of dread sits low in my belly. I am always fluttering with excitement when I walk to these doors, yet tonight with my punishment looming over my head like a guillotine ready to fall, I want nothing more than to run back into my quarters and hide under my sheets.

I hate feeling this way.

So far in this unique relationship that we have cultivated together, he has shown nothing but respect for me and my body. However, the feel of cold malice as his hand pressed against my mouth and the animosity in his voice from our earlier transgression has me wondering if I have truly seen the dominant in Jean Luc.

Granting myself entrance into our room, I am surprised to see that my robe is not on the chair. Peeking into the bedroom, I deduce that Jean Luc is not here yet. Approaching the dresser, I open one of the drawers expecting to find my robe, but instead I find it filled to the max with different types of objects for pleasure. I recognize some of them from the BDSM PADD, but there are others that look positively atrocious!

"That is the anal play drawer." His voice growls as he approaches me. "Ironic how you instantly gravitated towards it."

Slightly jumping, I slap my hand over my chest to calm my rattled nerves. Instantly looking down, I can feel his fury from earlier circling, prowling like a carnivore ready to devour its meal.

"Take off your clothes." His primal words does not calm my anxiety. Taking a peak through my lowered eyelashes, I notice that his arms are tightly crossed against his ridged chest.

Timidly appeasing to his demand, I glance back at the drawer with more of a curious eye and wonder aloud, "Have you ever done it?"

"Yes."

Blinking back my surprise, I ask, "By whom?"

Pressing his lips into a thin line, he shakes his head and whispers under his breath, "It was a long time ago. She… She…" His eyes glaze over as he loses his train of thought.

Oh my! 'She' must be the one that first dominated him. Nicknaming her Rosalind the Bitch, I still don't understand the power she still has over him. Naturally, I have asked Jean Luc about her and his other submissives numerous times, but he has always refused to talk about her or them. After all this time, he is still rendered speechless when he thinks of her and the jealousy drives me mad.

Shaking his head once more, he slams the drawer shut and roughly captures my arm. Dragging me over to the dining room table, he throws me across the hard surface. "Bend over and grab the legs."

My heart is raging against my breast bone as my trembling hands reach over to grab the smooth wood. Ripping off my second pair of panties, I nervously wonder why I even put on the damn thing. Hearing him walk away into the bedroom, I take a few deep shaky breaths to calm wild imagination. He wouldn't hurt me.

Would he?

"You will be receiving a paddling. Tell me why." His voice is completely vacant of the soft playfulness I was treated to earlier before the play. Now it's the cold and devoid of life, something I have not heard in this room.

It frightens me.

"You tell me why. You are the one who is treating me like a child." And yet, I have to open my damn mouth. I'm nervous and when I'm nervous I shit talk. Obviously it's a bad habit that I need to break.

"If you didn't act like one, then I wouldn't have to do it." Giving me no room for reply, he strikes my bottom hard with a wooden paddle.

A quick intake of breath paralyzes my entire body. For a brief moment, everything stills except the ringing in my ears from the muffled sound the harsh wood made against my bare skin. Holding my breath for the next one, I close my eyes as my body tenses.

"Tell me why you are receiving a spanking." His voice softens yet the animosity is still behind it. He is enjoying this.

Swallowing my humiliation, I erratically whisper, "Be-because you are m-m-mad at me."

He strikes my bottom again. "Why am I mad at you?"

Squeezing the wooden legs as if my life depended on it, I swallow my whimper in the back of my throat. Mumbling against the hard surface, I curse at myself when a single tear trails down my cheek. "Be-because I refused to g-g-go with you when you asked." Flinching as his paddle strikes harder than the other times, I allow my silent tears to fall freely. I pray that he will stop. I need to be breath. I need to free.

"I will spank you three more times and then I will fuck you hard." The strikes come quick. One. Two. Three.

Just as the third strike ends, my resolve cripples. Tasting the bitterness of hatred in my mouth and suffocating under the pressure of his obvious arousal, I push myself off the table towards freedom. Barely regaining my balance, I shout out, "Captain!" Clutching my tightened chest as oxygen desperately tries to rush through my body, I hurriedly wipe away any evidence of tears.

I hate it all; the slaps, the tears, everything. But most of all, I hate what I've become.

Erratically searching for my uniform, shame stains my cheeks as I try to push down the bile that threatens to leave my body. How did I become this woman? Before him, I would never let a man treat me like this. I certainly would never enjoy it. But most of all, I would never compare my current relationship to the beautiful one I shared with Jack. He has made me just as fucked up as he is and it makes me sick to my stomach.

Taking a quick step towards me, he shows genuine concern as he tries to console me. "Beverly…"

At first ignoring him, I nearly explode when I feel his fingertips burn into my flesh. Taking a step back, I yank my arms from his godforsaken touch. "Don't fucking touch me. Don't even come near me."

His arms fall to his side as his steps falter to a stop. "Beverly, please."

Throwing my hands in the air out of sheer frustration, I shriek, "Please what? Please bend over so that you can humiliate me. Please take a violent beating because you don't get your fucking way. Please don't..." God, I can't even hold myself together. "Please don't get emotional after the person I trust with my body just abused it. Please what, Jean Luc?" My heavy panting blankets the otherwise still air as my tears treacherously falls down my reddened face.

"Please don't look at me like that." His voice is small, child-like as he refuses to match my own gaze. I almost miss his words altogether.

Closing my eyes, I shake my head as I harshly inquire, "What do you mean?"

Crossing his hands along his chest, his voice sounds weak and vulnerable. "You are looking at me as if I am a disgusting monster that abuses women."

A mirth laugh bubbles out of my chest as I throw my hands in the air. "You had me bent over a table while you paddled me." Turning, I cross my arms over my bare chest. For the first time in this room, I feel a cold vulnerability wash over me. I feel dirty, weak. "I agreed, no I trusted you with my body for pleasure but never for this." My words barely reach above a whisper. Resuming my search for my uniform, I stomp into the bedroom.

"Beverly, I'm-"

Instantly turning to him, I throw my hand up between us. "Don't you dare..." Threading my fingers along my scalp, I can't wait to take out this damn ponytail. Taking a deep breath, I once again feel a dirty chill creep along my skin.

I asked for this. I asked for his dominance. I agreed to his rules. I asked him back. I know I feel something more for him than what is appropriate for a sub and a dom. But I never asked to be treated the way he just did. "I never had paddling on the hard limits list."

Glancing at him through my eye lashes, he slowly shakes his head. "That is no excuse though." Staring at the carpet, he barely mumbles, "That doesn't stop me from being a monster. I never want you to look at me the way you just did." Instantly raising his head, his eyes bore into mine. "I'll get rid of it, of all of this." Marching towards me, he captures my hands with his trembling ones, "Don't leave me. Not again. I barely got through it last time and I know I won't this time." His words rush out of his lips as his grip tightens.

Just then, at this precise moment, any and all of the rage that filled my body just mere seconds ago disappears as concern takes it's place. I didn't realize through his cool exterior that he is as emotionally invested into this relationship as I am. "Jean Luc, I don't find you to be a disgusting monster. In the heat of my anger, I hated what you did to me. Worst of all, I hated how it made me feel. Paddling as a punishment is a hard limit for me."

Slowly nodding his head, he murmurs, "I understand." Letting go of my hands, he steps over to the drawers. Opening the bottom one, he takes out all of the paddles, ranging from the basic solid wood ones to the positively atrocious ones with spikes or plugs, and brings them to the trash receptacle. He then picks up the one he used on me from the floor and throws it in with the others.

Glancing down, I push my found uniform with the tip of my toe. "Thank you." I know I should put on my uniform and leave before there is more irrevocable damage to our already fragile relationship, but the choking air that surrounds us is unresolved. There are other things that need to be said before either one of us can leave. The question is, is who is going to speak first?

"I see myself as a monster." His words are barely loud enough to carry along the stifling room.

His words rock me to the core. I would have never thought that he was incredibly self-conscious about his kinky lifestyle. Since the first time he tied my wrists, he exuded a confidence to the point of cockiness. Shame is never a word I could ever associate to Jean Luc Picard, either professionally or personally.

Taking a timid step forward, I capture his hand within mine and murmur, "You are not a monster."

His fingers lay loose in my grip as he whispers, "You still see me that way even after the way I treated you just now?"

Shocked by his self-hatred, I wonder if this is what he sees when he looks into the mirror every morning? "Every once in a while we give into our unappealing desires, but that doesn't make you a monster. Besides, other than the paddling, I enjoy being your submissive. Does that make me a monster?"

His head shoots up as the look of sheer determination lights a fire in his gloomy eyes. "Never. You're a goddess. Every time you orgasm, a heavenly aurora lights your face as your cheeks become flush with desire. Then you look at me with your bedroom eyes and you bite your bottom lip just hard enough so that you leave an impression. And then you say my name as if I am the only one that has made you climax in a way that makes you tremble." His words are so sure of their conviction, he admonishes, "You will never call yourself a monster again."

His command shoots an arrow straight to the pit of my stomach. "Then why is it fair to call yourself a monster?"

"Because I want totally control over you all the time. I have wanted to spank you like that since the first time you asked me to dominate you." Sliding his hand until his fingers capture the back of my neck, he pulls me so close that his lips graze over mine. "Total control." Pressing his body into mine, his other hand squeezes my bare ass. "I am resisting all temptations to retrieve everything that went into the trash." Taking a deep breath, he rests his head against my tense shoulder. "And I hate myself for it. You of all people, deserve better than me." Slipping his hands from my body, he turns away and begins to pace the length of the bedroom. "If you were any other woman, I would have spanked you again and then fucked you despite your safe word."

Immediately missing his touch, my body trembles at his harsh words. "Then why have a safe word to begin with?"

Stopping his movement, he peers over his shoulder and declares, "Because I have the power here." Shaking his head, he resumes his pacing. "Plus, no one has used the safe word with me. The others would have taken their punishment and then open their legs."

"So then why did you stop when I said it?" My words echo off of the barren walls.

Confused, he answers slowly, "You... You're different. You..." His words become lost. "The others, they wanted to be paddled, ached for it, and I gave it to them with full force."

Crossing my arms over my chest, I roll my eyes out of sheer annoyance. "So despite never being told 'no' by your other subs, you were able to follow through with my request. I ask again - what makes me different?"

His pacing stops completely as his shoulders slack against his body. "I don't know."

I can barely hear his words, yet I know without a doubt that he's lying. "Yes you do."

Turning on spot, he stares at the floor as he confesses, "I'm not ready to tell you."

Fucking hell! Trying to thread my fingers through my hair, my frustration reaches a new level when I remember that I pulled my hair back before the play. Ugh! Honestly I'm too exhausted to argue with him further. "Okay. We will continue this conversation at another time, but you will tell me. I at least have the right to know what's going on in that head of yours."

He nods in response, which pushes us back into an awkward silence.

Ready to leave this behind me, I sigh, "Well, I better get go-"

"Stay." His one syllable word sounds foreign in this room of controlled pain. His eyes will not take no for an answer, yet, his command is achingly vulnerable.

It sits heavy in the pit of my stomach, especially after everything that has happened tonight. Placing my hands on my hips, I quickly ask, "Is that a command?"

Trying to relax his body, he closes his eyes and shakes his head. "No. I just… I almost…" When he opens his eyes, the steel is replaced with the same vulnerability that is heard in his voice. "You almost walked away. I want to keep you by my side for as long as possible."

Squinting my eyes in confusion, I ask, "You want me to stay with you?"

"Yes."

Crossing my arms, I'm still not convinced of his intentions. "I thought you wanted to fuck me and then leave me."

My harsh words makes him flinch. Shaking his head, he stutters "No. I-I just want you."

Accepting his intentions as being sincere, I nod my head and make my way to bed. Slipping in under the covers, I wait for him to join me. After an awkward moment, he climbs in next to me. Turning on my side away from him, I am surprised when he places an arm over my hip as he spoons behind me. After a few tense minutes, I begin to relax against his body.

Slightly squeezing his grip, he murmurs against my tingly skin, "And just so you know, I always want to fuck you and if it's my choice, I would never leave you."

Glancing over my shoulder, I sarcastically ask, "Is that your dungeon declaration of love?"

For a brief moment I can sense that he is holding his breath.

God, my stupid mouth. I thought I was able to tame it long ago, but not with him. Not in this room.

Finally he lets his breath go in the form of a hefty laugh. "Be thankful that I let you get away with calling this place a 'dungeon'. 'Pleasure palace', maybe. But 'dungeon'?"

"I can live with 'Pleasure Palace'."

"With no paddling…"

He is asking for my permission, which he should have done before. "No paddling." Calming my harsh tone, I playfully reply, "You should be thankful. You are the only one who has spanked me as an adult and lived to tell the tale." Burying my head into the pillow, I mutter, "Good night Jean Luc. Thank you for coming to the play tonight."

"Good night, my dear Beverly."

I barely hear him lower the lights before exhaustion overtakes my body.

..::..::..::..

The following morning, I am instantly woken by Jean Luc between my legs licking every delectable inch of my pussy. My head quickly clears the sleep as desire lazily takes its place. Glancing over to the chronometer, I wonder if he has slept the whole night. Blinking a few times to clear my hazy mind, I am shocked to see that it is 0400 hours. Is this the time he usually wakes?

Grabbing the back of my knees, he spreads them further apart to accommodate his needy hand.

More than willing to appease to his silent command, an strangled moan escapes my lips as his tongue flicks across my sensitive clit. "A girl can get used to waking up like this."

Inserting his finger between my drenched folds, my hip involuntarily trust forward to match his speed. "I wanted to do this for the past two hours but I didn't want to wake you until now."

My body bucks as his teeth nip at my swollen clit. As my orgasm begins to swirl in the pit of my stomach, I feel him add another finger. Fisting the sheets within my hands, my body trembles with release and his tongue laps in every ounce of desire I offer him.

For a moment after, I hear nothing but our bodies breathing the same air and the reality of what transpired last night hits me like train.

The pain, the tears, the confession he made...

And despite all of the hurt he caused, I would never in a million years consider him a monster. A monster would never make me feel this good. He just has certain baggage attached that most people would find hard to swallow.

However, after my reasonable reaction to his grisly paddling, he still didn't believe me when I told him that I don't think of him that way. He has always viewed himself as a monster and no one will ever change that opinion of himself. Yet, he also confessed last night that I'm different than his other subs. Maybe I can use that to my advantage. "Jean Luc?" I try to soften my voice so as not to startle him.

I can hear his breathing hitch. He knows exactly what I want to do. "I have to take a shower and get dressed."

Sitting up, I capture his cheeks before he can hide behind his poor excuse to leave. "Please." Leaning back down, I bring him with me.

Even in the dark, the moving stars illuminates his apprehension. "Beverly, we can't. I have to be going soon."

"You didn't say anything when you were fucking me with your tongue." My harsh words quiets his trepidation for the time being. Resting my head against the pillow, my arms wrap around his neck. "Last night, I awoke a fear in you that has been lying dormant for God knows how long. It would be rather cruel of me to send you on your way without showing you that I do trust you. You have the right to walk away right now, especially since this is technically not my night, but I think you need it more than you are letting on." Circling my legs around his waist, I bring him closer towards my throbbing opening.

Leaning on both of his hands, he shakes his head. "I don't deserve this, not after last night."

"You do deserve it, especially after last night." His cock stands ready at my threshold, unsure and timid as to what to do next. Lightly kissing his lips, I willingly give him everything, "Jean Luc, make love to me."

Gazing at me with his kind eyes, he eases into me and begins to rock against me at leisurely pace.

Throwing my head back onto the pillow, I close my eyes as I feel many emotions passing through my vulnerable body. For the first time, the word 'love' was used in this room of pain and control and instead of running away from it, Jean Luc accepted it. Sliding my fingers from the nape of his neck down his back, I notice that he is still set and determined to not take this little adventure of ours too far. Too late. Taking in every fiber of muscles I can feel under the pads of my fingertips, I tilt my body towards him and murmur, "I won't break, Jean Luc."

"Yes, but after last night…" He is still unsure.

Resting against the mattress, I gently bring him with me. The weight of his body sits snugly onto mine and I find it very comforting. "I l-trust you, Jean Luc." In my hazy state, I almost used the word 'love' instead of 'trust'.

Crashing his lips onto mine, he quickens his pace to a pounding rhythm that, within moments, has me putty in the palm of his hands. Sweeping his tongue through my mouth, he somehow sneaks his hand between our bodies and rolls my nipple between his fingers.

Tearing my lips away, his name is on the tip of my tongue as my orgasm slowly burns into a delightful weight that settles comfortably on my heart. Scream worthy, no, but just as earth-shattering as the others.

A mere second after my delicious spasms wreak havoc on my body, he follows by grunting, "Fucking hell." Collapsing his tired body onto mine, his head rests along the crook of my neck as his lungs fill back with oxygen.

It feels like hours that we lie together in a perfect yen and yang harmony. The soft thuds of our heart is the only sound in the still room. It is still very early. "How many women have been your submissives?"

Lifting his head off of my shoulder, his gentle eyes turn curious in the glowing light. "Nine."

Wow, not the number I was expecting. In fact, I was under the impression that there were more. "Did you ever feel this content with them like how we feel now?" I don't know where my line of questions come from other than idle curiosity.

"I don't know. I have never slept with them." Slipping out of me, he steps out of the bed and pads over to the drawers.

"None of them?"

Opening the anal play drawer, he shakes his head. "I never wanted to and they never asked." Closing the drawer, he quietly adds, "They knew their place."

Leaning on my elbows, I lift my eyebrow and playfully ask, "Are you implying that I don't?"

"No, you don't, but you get an A for effort." Kneeling on the bed, he grabs my legs and says, "Turn around and rest on your hands and knees."

His confidence is back, which is something I am glad to see. Following his direction, I playfully push my ass in his way. "How is this for effort?"

Lightly slapping my ass, I can't help but flinch as his hand barely brushes over my bruised muscles. Realizing his mistake, his fingers traces over the sensitive skin. "Last night, before you became insubordinate, I told you that I wanted to train your ass. You seemed uncomfortable when I first asked you about it. I will of course take this slow, especially since you have never done anal play before, however, I ask you to try it. It's not as grotesque as you think."

My arms begin to quiver as I take a few deep breaths. "I trust you, Jean Luc." Letting my head fall between my shoulders, I quietly add, "But please don't hurt me."

"What happened last night will never happen again. I would rather lose everything in this room, including my control, than to lose your trust."

Glancing over my shoulder, I strongly reiterate, "I trust you."

Taking a deep breath, I can see his grin even in the semi-dark. "Good." Holding a small mold up in front of me, he explains, "This is a butt plug. It will train your ass so that I can eventually fuck it."

Nodding my head, I brace myself for this new adventure. Slightly jumping when he applies a cool gel over my puckered hole, I try to take a few deep breaths to calm my nervous nerves. I do trust him and I know he will not hurt me but I'm still leery on what will happen next. "Are you going to fuck me right now?"

Letting out a small laugh, he explains, "Beverly, I always want to fuck you. I think that is what makes you different from the others. With them, I required a break, but with you, I can't get enough. Anytime I see you, I want to fuck you, hard." His hand glides across my skin leaving a stimulating trail of electricity in its wake. Barely above a whisper, he adds under his breath, "But it's more than that."

Aggressively biting my lip to keep from moaning, my nipples tighten and desire pools in my most forbidden area. To hear him confess that I am more than just a good fuck to him makes my heart blossom into something warm and comforting. I know there is something more between us. How can I deny the way my body reacts every time he touches me. I didn't even have it with Jack.

Damn.

"You're going to feel a slight pressure. Just breathe through it." Pushing the plug into my puckered hole, I am slightly amazed at how easy it was. "How do you feel?"

Nodding my head, I say, "Good. It was not as bad as I thought." Glancing over my shoulder, I ask, "What are you going to do now?"

Stepping off the bed and positioning my hips in front of him, he smartly says, "I'm going to fuck you." Squeezing my hips, he slams into me. "God, you are fucking dripping wet. I should have done this a long time ago." Taking control of my body, he swings my hips back and forth, back and forth.

Twisting the sheet within my hands, I can feel my eyes rolling back into my head as he relentlessly pounds into me. Each and every time he pulls back, the tip of his cock kisses the hot air between us. The friction that he creates when he hits that hard-to-reach, sweet spot combined with the pressure the butt plug nearly has me undone within seconds. Slamming my eyes, I yell out in between my obscenely loud moans, "Ohhh… Fuck me… Fuck me harder."

Grasping and pulling back on my braided hair, he slaps my ass as he continues to fuck me. "I want you to scream my name."

My toes curl and my mind begins to twirl around this room as my orgasm hits me hard and fast. "Fuck me. Fuck me hard Jean Luc. Ohhh… Ohhh… Ohhh, Jean Luc!" Collapsing, every inconceivable naughty word is muffled into the mattress.

Slapping my ass, he slows to a crawling speed as my orgasm rides out. Pulling out, he takes a step back and pulls me up by my arms. Turning me on my wobbly legs, he slaps my ass again.

Leaning on his chest for support, the pressure from both his slap and the butt plug plays a naughty game on my libido. Even though I had just had my fair shares of orgasms, my pussy still aches for more of him.

Grabbing my cheek with his free hand, he pulls me close to his body. With his slick, hard cock pressing against my hip, he murmurs, "How do you want me?"

Shaking my head, I try desperately to clear the sensual haze from my mind to comprehend his words. "What?"

"Earlier, you gave me your complete trust even though I almost lost it last night. I want to show you that I trust you as well. You still want me to fuck you. I want you to choose how you want me to fuck you."

The one and only way we have yet to fuck is the only way I want. However, he will have to give me the control that he guards so closely. "I want to ride you."

Even in the soft starlight, I can see that he pales at the idea. A scowl crosses his face but is quickly replaced by his dominant's mask. "Very well, however, you will keep the butt plug in."

Honestly, I forgot about it. "Okay."

Stepping behind me, he gently sits on the bed. Leaning on his hands, the muscles in his shoulders tense when I turn towards him. Staring at his lap, it seems as if he is expecting the worse.

Placing my hand on his shoulder, I cover my hurt with wit when he flinches under my touch. "At least you don't have a butt plug up your asshole."

Slowly dragging his eyes up, his hands leave the bed and rests on my hips. Leaning in, his lips barely graze the stretch of skin under my belly button as he mumbles, "You weren't complaining earlier."

My head falls back as his lips continue their lusty trail further south. Taking a shaky breath, my fingers clasp behind his neck when his tongue finally reaches its destination.

Sucking and lightly nipping my clit, he moans against my quivering center, "I trust you, Beverly. I won't like it, but I will do it just to appease you."

Staring at him for a long moment, I give him a comfortable smile and demurely coo, "Thank you, master."

Playfully slapping my ass, he nips at my hip bone before he slides back against the headboard with his feet stretched out. "Ride me to your hearts content."

"Gladly." Crawling to where he is sitting and spreading my legs over his knees, I can already feel the plug stretching my hole. Taking a deep breath, blush creeps through my face when I notice him watching me closely. Bending my knees, I slowly take him in. Slamming my eyes shut, the different position in conjunction with the butt plug has my senses on overdrive. In a feeling that is foreign to me, I am stretched from stem to stern.

His fingers caress my hips when I hear the concern in his voice, "Are you okay?"

Slowly nodding my head, I sooth, "I'm just getting used to it all."

"You're doing good. I should be able to take your ass sooner than I expected."

Opening my eyes to his relaxed, open face, I raise my eyebrow and question, "Is that so?"

Squeezing my hips and pushing them back and forth, all of the laughter leaves his eyes. "Fuck me hard, Beverly."

With my muscles stretched and comfortable, I grip the headboard behind him as I leisurely begin to move up and down along his hard shaft. Biting my bottom lip, I again have to adjust to his cock not only hitting a new sweet spot but also pushing along the plug.

Closing his eyes, his head falls back into the wooden surface. "Ahhh, fuck, Beverly. You feel so fucking tight." Taking in one of my bouncing tits in his hot mouth, his tongue swirls around one of my nipples as his hand slips around my waist.

Slapping my ass, I nearly pass out as I feel my orgasm bubbling to the top. "Oh, God." Digging my nails into the wood, my speed increases to a pounding rate. Biting my lip once more, I taste the bitter copper of blood as my ass begins to slap against his balls. Slightly changing my position, every inch of my body begins to tingle as the plug taps against his balls.

Opening his dark eyes, my nipple pops out of his hot mouth and he commands, "Faster, Beverly. Ohhh… You need to fuck me faster." Kneading them, he pinches the nipple that had yet to receive his attention and rolls it between his fingers.

My leg muscles burns and aches, but I gladly appease to his demand. Keeping my eyes on him, every bit of my pain disappears when his hand reaches further behind me.

Grasping the edge of the plug, he begins to fuck my ass at the same delirious speed that I am fucking him.

"Oh my..." My stomach clinches as my body begins to tingle and quiver from the onslaught of of his perfect touch along every inch of my overwhelmed body. "Oh, fuck… God, Jean Luc…." My muscles feel as if they are about to rip away from my body but I continue to build my speed. Resting my forehead on his, I slam my eyes shut as I feel the intoxicating rush of my orgasm wash over my body. "Ooohhhhh… Jean Luc"

Pressing my hips down, he surrenders to his his own lusty climax just seconds after mine. Throwing his head back, his moan rumbles from deep within his chest, "Ohhh, Beverly."

Having no more strength to hold myself up, I collapse onto his body. I can't move an inch of muscle without my body screaming out in pain. Feeling him slip the butt plug out, I relax against his sticky body. I close my eyes as both of our ravenous heartbeats soothes me into a light slumber.

He rouses me from sleep as his fingers trace along my spine. "Beverly. Do you think you can stand?"

Opening my heavy eyes, I muster as much strength as possible and roll off of him. "No."

Slowly leaning up, he stands before he pushes his hands under my body. Picking me up with no effort, he brings me to the bathroom and sets me down on the seat in the shower. "Just sit here. I will take care of you."

Leaning my forehead against the cool tile, I whisper, "I trust you."

Turning on the shower, he gets to work cleaning himself and then me. After finishing, he lifts me up again and takes me to the bed. "You're not scheduled today."

"Mmm… I wanted to help tear down the set in 10-Forward and catch up on the paper work for my Trazallion Kartha Plant experiment. Dr. Williams is eager for the results." My eyes are starting to become heavy once more.

Covering me with the blanket, he says, "As am I, however, you need to rest first. Stay in here for as long as you need."

"What about you?" My words slur as I try to stay awake.

"I'm scheduled to be on the bridge in ten minutes." Murmuring something incomprehensible, he squeezes my hand and reassures, "I will stay until you fall asleep."

Before I can mumble an okay, I drift into a fitful slumber.

* * *

 **I have the next chapter almost ready to go! Just a few more tweaks and it should be up soon!**

 **Please review or drop me a message to let me know what you think!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry for taking so long to post. I thought I was almost finished with it, but after rereading it, there were many changes I made. Hopefully they were for the best.**

 **Post "Violations".**

* * *

Jev.

He took a memory, my memory that was private and turned it into something horrific. He violated my body in a way that I thought was never possible and it did more damage than if he were to physically rape me.

I hated him. I hated him more than anyone else in the galaxy. Then I heard that right after we left, he was executed for his crimes. It was the one and only time you would have ever seen me praise capital punishment rather than condemn it.

The recovery from his assault was a long and difficult one. There were many things I had to confess to both myself and Jean Luc before I could seek the happiness I had once felt before the rape. However, at the end of it all and as strange as it may sound, we became stronger because of it.

..::..::..::..::..::..::..

 _"Thank you for coming with me." The hallway is sterile yet it reeks of death and despair. Holding my hands together as if they are glued tight, I feel as if I were to let them go I would lose my mind. I can feel his hand brush by my leg and for barely one millisecond, my tears that were ready to fall stand at bay._

 _"It's the least I can do." He sounds just as defeated as I feel, yet it's his strength that his voice holds that is keeping me together. Did he always have that power over me or am I just over thinking things?_

 _Every click of our boots against the concrete floors sings to us a depressing melody; mocking us, mocking me, "Your-hus-band-is-dead. Your-hus-band-is-dead."_

 _Biting my bottom lip down hard to stifle my scream, we turn the corner._

 _That's when I see him. My husband._

 _Correction. My dead husband. My dead husband lying under a thin white sheet._

 _My lungs are burning. They are in dire need of oxygen, yet if I open my mouth I know I will just scream. Feeling warmth spread on the small of my back from the gentle touch of his fingers, I am reminded that I am still among the living world and my body finally draws in a desperate breathe._

 _"You shouldn't remember him like this." His words are meant to be sincere yet they come across as being clipped and cold. Perhaps he doesn't want to remember him like this but I have got to see for myself._

 _"I have to…" My words dies off of my quivering lips as I grasp the top of the sheet. In one fell swoop, I bring the sheet down to his hips. The deep cut along his head and the slight bruising over his chest... It's almost to much for me to take in. Appeasing my need to confirm that this is Jack's body, I cover it back with the sheet. Palming my hands against the table, I let my head fall to my chest as an overwhelming array of raw emotions sear through my veins._

 _Some little part of me was hoping beyond hope that it was a mistake, that it was someone else._

 _Stupid! My husband is dead!_

 _Damn it!_

 _Sharply looking up, my trembling lips press together as I desperately try to hold back my tears._

 _Just as one stray tear falls down my cheek, I take a ragged breath in and turn towards the exit. I need to leave. Right now._

 _Taking one step, a hand comes out from nowhere and captures my arm. Vehemently turning to the unknown person, I am surprised to see Jean Luc staring at me as if he is also on the verge of losing it._

 _Taking numerous staccato breathes, he croaks, "Beverly…"_

 _His grip around my arm tightens like a vice grip but, funny enough, I don't feel any pain. I feel nothing. And in my nothingness, I can sense him trembling just under the surface. When he closes his eyes, I look off over his shoulder. Here it comes, the 'I'm sorry,' or 'I did everything I could' speech. I've heard it from his other crew mates through subspace messages and videos of condolences. I'm sick of it._

 _"Hurt me."_

 _For a brief moment all of the anger and angst that was coursing through my body lifts as concern takes its place. Taking a closer look, I notice that he is in just as much pain as I am and that stoic 'Picard Control' that we used to make fun of him for has disappeared. He is wounded and he wants me to hurt him further. "I don't want to hurt you."_

 _Tightening his grip, his breath shortens as he considers my words._

 _For one slight moment, I think he is going to push me. I should be furious, frightened or confused, but the curious feeling that springs in the pit of my belly is warming and comfortable._

 _Wrenching his hand away, he turns and mumbles under his breath, "I'll take you home." Without a glance back, he stalks out of autopsy leaving me to wonder what the hell just happened._

"Beverly?"

Blinking away my memory, my eyes focus on the room around me. Will and Deanna are sitting across from me. Deanna has concern etched all over her face while Will looks as if he is about to enter a fist fight. Dr. Loeb, who is counseling us on the Ullian home world, is sitting next to me with her hand on my shoulder. "Oh, I'm sorry. What were you saying?"

"Did your memories return to their normal state?" Dr. Loeb's soft voice cuts through my foggy mind.

Even then, he wanted to… "Umm… Yes, they did."

"Yet, you still seem preoccupied, dear." Her hand leaves, making my shoulder quiver from the cool air that seems to sink deep into my chest.

My throat is parched as my mind tries to catch up to everything that I have seen. Glancing through my wet lashes, I lick my cracked lips and croak, "What do you mean?"

"Beverly," Deanna's voice is small to match her translucent parlor, "you wanted us to hurt you."

"No… That wasn't me… It was… It was…" It was him, however instead of seeing dominance, he exuded submission. How was I not able to remember that?

"It was him, wasn't it?" Deanna's voice is shaky.

Closing my eyes, I ignore her question. They knew exactly who was in the memory Jev took from me. It shouldn't be such a big guess. I begged for my own counseling session since I didn't know which memory Jev took, but Dr. Loeb was insistent that we meet all together. She said that since we were all attacked in the same manner that it would make the healing process more productive.

Squeezing my shoulder, Dr. Loeb asks, "Does he know about any of it?"

Again, I ignore the question. My mind is still a jumbled mess of slurred confusion and questions that I will most likely never get the answers to. Bursting with renewed energy that is bubbling under my skin, I stand up and turn away from the group. Taking a few deep breaths, I stare out of the large window.

He wanted submission, he wanted control. And I unknowingly denied it to him. Mind, I was mourning the sudden death of my young husband. I was in no shape to do anything except to breath and I could hardly do that.

I wonder if he visited Rosalind after he dropped me off. Did she give him the absolution he needed? Was she patient and kind with him or did she demand total control? Did she love him like…

Sighing against the thin glass, I thread my fingers through my stringy hair as I let that last thought trail off. I don't know… maybe I'm just over thinking things. Yet, thinking about them two together…

The familiar sting of jealousy course through my heart and sinks down to the pit of my belly. I know this feeling that is racing through my body. The rush of butterflies to my stomach and the way I feel every beat of my heart when I think about him.

It frightens me.

I can't have these feelings, not for him. It was just supposed to be about sex, I was never supposed to fall in love.

Loosing myself in the sight in front of me, I rest my head on the cool glass. The sun is just about to set over the horizon as the two moons are rising in the orange sky. I can hear both women whispering behind me, but I find that I don't care what they are saying. After a few moments, I hear the door open and close.

"Beverly, would you like to have dinner with me. There is a great restaurant not too far from here and it has a perfect view of our famous sunset."

Shaking my head, the last place I want to be is somewhere, anywhere where there will be people. I just want to be by myself. "I have to get back to the ship. We are set to depart soon."

"Not for a few more hours as Deanna tells me. Please, we have a dish called LaBoosh that comes from my hometown and it's the best you can find in the city."

Turning to the Ullian counselor, I give in to her request. I am hungry.

Offering a kind smile, she escorts me out of her office. "After dinner, we will have one more session and then I will be glad to sign your medical release for you to return to work."

"Will Deanna and Will be back?"

"No."

..::..::..::..::..::..

Stepping out of the lift, Dr. Loeb points me towards her office. Her secretary that is normally there is gone for the evening.

Dinner was a rather quiet one; small talk was made on the dish and the country she was from, but I mainly watched the sunset. It was absolutely breathtaking to witness it. Usually I'm not one to enjoy nature in a jungle filled with steel and concrete but the lights from the departing sun bounced off of the buildings that seemed to worship the two rising moons.

Stepping into her office, I immediately sit on the couch furthest from her chair. I know she saw Jean Luc in my memory and she is going to ask me about it. I'm dreading it. To confess to a relationship with him would mean to divulge how our relationship started. And how it will eventually end.

"Did you enjoy our sunset?"

Her question throws me off. "Umm, yes. It was very beautiful. Thank you again for dinner as well." Even to my buzzing mind, I don't sound sincere, but I keep my silence.

"There was a folk tale about our particular sunset that has been passed down by many of our generations. Would you like to hear it?"

I honestly don't but if I say no and leave, she won't sign my medical release form. Sighing against the cushion, I mumble, "Sure."

"Long ago, there lived a woman named Kipko who lived with a large tribe on the lone continent of A'waloo. Prized for her remarkable beauty, she was often seen as a goddess of both love and war. When she was just passed the age of maturity, she fell in love with a warrior named Hermalio. Their love was remarkable, not in the fact that theirs was a powerful love, but that she fell in love with the lesser of the warriors. The honor of the fiercest warrior went to his closest friend, Rematō. A few years after they signified their love, Hermalio was killed in battle against a warring tribe. Kipko was devastated. But no one blamed himself more than Rematō, for he was the one who led the battle. After the burial ceremony, Kipko condemned love and war and committed herself to healing. Rematō, wrecked with guilt over the death of his closest friend, threw himself into battle after battle, yearning to find both vengeance and redemption.

"Years passed by and the only two hurt by Hermalio's death refused to acknowledge each other. Then, one day after a particularly nasty battle, Rematō was injured. The only healer available to tend to his wound was Kipko. At first, both tip toed around each other, neither one not knowing what to say. However, little by little they opened up to each other until one night he had confessed that he had been in love with her since the first time he saw her. After her initial fear to love again, especially another warrior, she took a risk and accepted his love into her heart. Growing old together, the Gods eventually accepted her as one of their own. When Rematō died, Kipko asked the God of Crops to produce two moons for the night sky; one for her first love and one for her lifetime love. Some still believe that when the sun sinks in the sky, Kipko sends out those spectacular colors to kiss both moons."

Mesmerized by her story, neither one of us speaks for a long time after she finishes. I understand why she told that folk tale, but I am amazed as to how much our stories run parallel to each other. I wonder if Rematō liked to tie up Kipko and fuck her up her ass.

"Your story is your story to keep, however I would like for you to talk to your lover. You both have a deep history together and I can tell that there are many important things being left unsaid." Standing from her chair, she walks over to me and hands me a PADD. "I wish you luck, Beverly."

Turning on the PADD, I am see my medical release form signed. Glancing up, I offer her a genuine smile. Stretching and aching, it's been a long time since I had used the muscles in my jaw. "Thank you, Dr. Loeb." Switching off the device, I nervously scratch at the screen. Without any thought to the myriad of consequences that can capture and entrap me, I quietly confess, "I love him and I don't know if he will love me back." Feeling the weight of the entire galaxy sliding off my shoulders, I dig up the courage to glance at the only other person who knows one secret I keep close in my heart.

Offering me a kind smile, she sincerely says, "If there is one thing I have witnessed throughout my long life is that love will find its way even in the most impossible circumstances. Talk to him and be honest. It is what both of you deserve. Not everyone one is as lucky to find true love like the both of you have."

True love… God, I think I'm going to be sick.

Advice that is easier said than done. Nodding, I offer my silent gratitude before stepping towards the door. Just before I turn the old fashioned knob, I glance over my shoulder and exhale quickly, "I sometimes wish that I had fallen in love with Jean Luc before I met Jack." There it is, that last piece of guilt that has me trapped in its own hellish prison. My self-hatred reaches an all-time high.

Gripping her chin in thought, she wisely answers, "I'm sure Kipko had the same thoughts when she finally admitted her love to Rematō. I have to imagine that there is no true way to rid yourself of those thoughts until you confess them to both your lover and yourself."

Damn. It's a hell of a lot easier to swallow the guilt and willingly stay trapped in my own prison than confess to any of what I had said tonight. Solemnly nodding once again, I take my leave, never intending to step foot on this planet for the rest of my life. Tapping my communicator, I command, "Enterprise, one to beam up." Dissolving into the familiar blue shimmering light, I rematerialize in the transporter room. Silently nodding at the chief, I walk through the corridor until I see that I am alone. Tapping the panel, I ask for Jean Luc's whereabouts.

Informing me that he is in his quarters, I silently give thanks that he is not on duty and make my way to him. The trip is a short one, at least as far as I can remember. With my mind twirling around resurfaced memories and possible reactions to the feelings that reside in my heart, I numbly ringing the chime.

Opening the door, he is surprised to see me, but steps to the side to usher me inside. "Beverly. I had wanted to see you earlier but Commander Riker had informed me that you had stayed on the planet. Is everything okay?"

Passing my signed medical release form to him, I march straight to the window. Crossing my arms tight along my heavy chest, my chin falls as I try to take a few ragged breaths. "I'm okay." God, I sound… weak and stupid. With frustration eating at every bit of my heart, I look past his reflection and down at the planet. I thought that if I had confessed of my strong feelings to somebody that I would never see again, that I could go on with my life without this absurd obsession of love weighing heavily on my soul. I should have known that it's never that easy. Now that I have seen him, all I can think about is how much I love him. It's consuming me to the point of suffocation.

"Are you hungry?"

Just for you. Shaking my head, I stare at the two moons just beyond the planet as I replay the story that Dr. Loeb told me. Thinking about her advice just before I left, I should tell him everything, but what would that accomplish?

A love so grand that even the stars would dull around us. Or a rejection so painful that I would never be able to face him. I can be free from my cage built out of guilt. Or I could be forced into a world where I would never feel his heart beat under my fingers. Staring down a forked road; one way leads me down a path that is familiar yet monotonous, the other leads down a darker path that is exciting and free. Which one do I choose?

Sensing his formidable presence behind me, the little hairs on the back of my neck stands as his hot breath tickles my skin. Feeling a chill tumble down my back, the electricity between our bodies sizzles into a seedy bed of hunger. My heart pounds against my chest as my mind tries to make a choice.

Looking up and staring at his reflection in the glass, the stress of my future choice evaporates. Fuck it.

Twirling around, my body slams into his as I throw my arms around his neck. Taking his lips for my own greedy purpose, I sweep my tongue through his warm mouth.

Not yet able to relinquish total control to me, he pushes me against the cool window pane. Ripping his lips from my own, he marks a tantalizing trail down my jaw. "I must stop."

Hooking my ankle around his leg, I pull his body closer to mine as though we are to melt together. Closing my eyes, I brush my lips against the lobe of his ear and whisper, "Never stop."

Suddenly stepping away from me, the cool air sweeps between our bodies and my mind grows dizzy from his lack of touch. Capturing his hands behind his back, he takes a few calming breaths. "I have never done this before - with the other subs I mean, in my own personal quarters."

"Do you honestly still see me just as a submissive?" My question tumbles out of my mouth before I can stop it. I curse my busy mind. I was so intent on losing myself in his touch that I didn't give my mind a chance to catch up. Biting my bottom lip, I stare at his black boots.

"No."

Instantly lifting my head, his simple answer surprises me. Maybe I should have nothing to fear in my confession.

Closing the cool distance between our bodies, he rewards me with a suave smile as he wraps his arms around my waist. "However, someone could interrupt. We shouldn't do this in here."

Tilting my head so that I am once again staring into his warm honey eyes, I can feel electricity pulsating between our oh-so close lips. Desperately wanting to close the distance, I subconsciously lick my parched lips and murmur, "Yes, sir."

For the longest time we just stare at each other not daring to move an inch. Both of our bodies ache to give into to the inevitable, yet something else is holding him back. "What about…" His words falter to deliver his true question, yet I understand what he is asking.

What about Jev? What about the mental rape he committed against me and my friends? What about my mental stability after said rape? What about my unclaimed feelings I have for you? "Everything is still fucked up, but when I'm with you, I feel at ease."

Capturing my zipper, he slides it down at an agonizingly slow speed so that I can hear each teeth catch one another. "You want this, right here, right now?"

Closing the distance, our lips barely touch as I mumble, "More than you will ever know."

He is the one who closes the short distance between our lips as he finishes the zipper's trail. His other hand slips under the band of my panties and roughly squeezes my ass.

Gasping when his hard cock presses against my sensitive center, my hands instantly gravitate towards his uniform zipper to free him of his constricting material. It seems like it has been an eternity since I had run my hands through the soft hair on his muscular chests or felt his heart beating under the pads of my fingers.

Taking a step back, he eyes me with this smoldering look of sex as he divests himself of his boots and uniform. Hooking his fingers around the opening of my own uniform, he pulls it down from my shoulders. Closing the distance once again, his lips takes the expanse of tingling skin just under my collar bone and marks a heated trail down to the top of my bra. Pulling down the straps, his mouth takes in my nipple as his fingers pinches the other.

Slamming my head back on the glass, I bite my bottom lip as I stare blissfully at the ceiling. Every inch of my heated skin erupts into goosebumps as my heart quickens to a breathless rate. "Fuck me." Feeling the cold sting of air caress my nipple that was just in his mouth, I glance down with my hazy rose colored glasses and huskily sigh, "I want you to fuck me, now." There is a time and place for flirting and submission, but it's not now.

Roughly grabbing my wrist, he pulls me towards his sofa. "Turn around and bend over."

Palming the soft material, I can hear the blood pumping in my ears and taste the bitterness of blood mixed with desire. Feeling his fingers hook into my uniform around my waist, he shoves it down my legs. Every inch of my obscenely exposed body trembles as the tip of his delicious cock kisses the drenched lips between my legs. After a mere second of stifling anticipation, he pounds into me to the hilt.

"Fuck!" Damn, I needed this. I need a reminder as to why I shouldn't love him.

Pulling out so that we catch cool air between us, he then slams back into me. He takes the luxury of slowly pumping back and forth.

Biting my lip, I glance over my shoulder to see him staring at me with such raw intensity. That's when I see it, the love that he has for me but is too afraid to admit. And it makes me feel beautiful and desirable, far more than being his submissive ever was. Fuck submission, I need his love more. Closing my eyes, I squeeze the cushion between my aching fingers as I pant and moan like a virgin in heat. "Ohhh, God… Ohhh, Jean Luc…"

Reaching around my waist, he plays with my clit as his speed increases to a driving rate.

Driven to the brink of pleasurable insanity, I yell out his name as I willfully succumb to my delightful orgasm.

Pulling out of me the second my moans quiet, he grabs my hips and pulls me away from the sofa. Taking the place of where my hands were, he threads his fingers through mine and positions me so that I am straddling his legs. Glancing up through his lashes, I am surprised to find them soft with desire rather than hard as steel. "Fuck me until I cum."

Tracing his jaw with one of my fingers, I mindlessly murmur, "Just as long as you yell my name."

Taking my hand and kissing my palm, he whispers into it, "I always will."

Resting my knees alongside his hips, I immediately sink down onto his slick cock. Grasping the back of the sofa to steady myself, I begin to bob up and down along his shaft.

Taking in one of my bouncing tits with his hand, he rolls my nipple between his fingers as he sinks his mouth on the other. Lightly slapping my ass, he silently encourages me to go faster.

Throwing my head back, my mind goes dizzy from ecstasy. Always enjoying what his slaps do to me when we are fucking, I begging for him for more by moaning, "Slap me harder."

His hand stings my fiery skin once more before grasping and kneading my fleshy cheeks. If that weren't enough to send my into a crazed tailspin, I nearly lose all sense of control when his throaty moan reverberates against my heightened skin.

Arching my back as my speed becomes hurried, I ignore all of my aching muscles when I feel my orgasm reach new heights. Seeing the stars pop in and out of my vision, my throat is raw from the moaning, "Ohh, Jean Luc…"

Throwing his head back on the edge of the sofa, he captures my hips and holds them down as he erupts in me. "Beverly, ohh Beverly." His body uncontrollably jerks but his hold on me tightens.

As we both climb down from our nirvana state, he glances up and traces my jaw with a finger. "I was a starving man before I tasted your skin."

I nearly melt in the palm of his hand. Sliding my hands around his neck, my fingers play with his thin hair at the base of his neck as I offer, "It's yours all night, if you want it." Without any thought, I lean in and gently kiss him. At that precise moment, I knew, despite when or how I was going to tell him, I am going to love him for the rest of my life. And in a little corner of my mind, I knew that the road ahead of us was going to be a treacherous yet fulfilling one.

Planting one last kiss on the side of his mouth, I rest my cheek against his forehead. "Jean Luc…" My heart is hammering against my chest as my throat dries like the desert.

Just before I can tell him that I love him, he playfully slaps my ass and says, "Come. Let's wash up and we'll have dinner."

My heart slows to a melancholy beat as my missed opportunity slides by. Covering my unknown hurt with sass, I lift my head and demurely reply, "I'd rather become better acquainted with your couch."

"I'm sure after tonight's activities, you will be famished. I know I am." Scooting to the edge, he slides his hands around my thighs and lifts me up.

Wrapping my legs around his waist, a giggle escapes through my lips for the first time in a long time. It feels amazing as the stress from this past week lessens to an insignificant rate. After stepping into the bathroom, he lets me down and we both step into the steamy shower. Quietly rinsing off our sticky bodies, my mind returns to my confession. After what we did and what I saw when his dominant mask was nowhere to be seen, I can no longer deny him the truth.

After stepping out and drying off, he walks over to his drawers and hands me a shirt and a pair of his boxers. Sliding the soft material over my skin, I feel closer to him than ever before. A profound sense of intimacy envelops my heart as I walk around his quarters in his clothes.

As he steps over to the replicator to make food, I stop in front of the window. Replaying the Ullian love story once again in my head, Jack's handsome face swims in my vision. Darting my eyes over to the sofa Jean Luc and I just made love on, the guilt that usually accompanies his face has diminished somehow. If I am to move on and love Jean Luc freely, I have let go of Jack entirely. Hopefully that's not the barrier that will stop him from accepting my love. I'll be damned if I let him run away from this relationship just because of what happened almost fifteen years ago. I'll be damned if I let him go, period. After experiencing everything that we have to offer each other, losing him is no longer an option.

A warm hand on my shoulder jerks me out of my mental debate. "Beverly?"

My heart is pounding so hard against my chest that I'm certain he can hear it. He needs to know. He needs the truth. "Hurt me." Damn it.

His hand slips from my shoulder. "What… What do you mean?"

My words tumbles out of my mouth as I stare at the sofa. "You told me that once. At first, I thought you wanted me to punch you or hit you. But after everything we have recently experienced, you didn't mean it that way." Taking a deep breath, I drone on, "You wanted to submit to me. You didn't get that chance though." Turning, my blue eyes meet his shame-filled gray ones. "If you didn't submit to me, then who did you submit to?"

Fear crosses his features that I'm sure two minutes ago were soft and relaxed. "What does this…"

"It's the memory he took from me. It's the memory that has been replaying over and over in my mind since the day we started therapy. That monster took-" Taking a deep breath, I choke back my sob. "He violently stole the last memory I would ever have of Jack." My voice breaks as a stubborn tear makes its way down my cheek. I promised myself that I wouldn't become emotional, but to hell with it. He's seen me orgasm fifty million times, seeing me cry should not be such a big deal. "I saw and felt Jack die over and over again in a memory I painstakingly tried to bury." Wiping the tears from my red cheeks, I murmur, "Now that I'm ready to put this horrible memory to rest, I want to know who she was?"

"Does it matter?"

Letting out a spiteful laugh, I demand, "No, it doesn't matter, but trust in this relationship goes both ways. You have barely told me about any of the women in your private life."

He is quiet for a long time, no doubt trying to think of a way to get out of this conversation without ruining our arrangement. "She made me promise not to tell."

Hmmm… Rosalind the Bitch again with her invisible hold of Jean Luc's soul. Turning back towards the windows, I mutter under my breath, "And a good submissive always follow their master's orders."

After that, silence envelops us making the air thick with tension.

Damn it, Beverly! Just say what you need to say. No more bullshit.

Staring at the two moons, my voice barely raises above a whisper. "Jean Luc, I have been holding something back from you for a while now. Somehow, I know I shouldn't expect you to be completely honest if I'm not being honest with you." Drawing in a deep breath, my head falls to my chest. Quickly turning to face him, I stoically whisper, "I'm falling in love with you." My words clumsily falls out of my mouth. Instantly my throat dries as my nervous heart wreaks havoc on the rest of my body.

"I am unworthy of your love." His quiet words slice though my trembling body and I nearly crumble.

"Why?" My meek voice barely covers the hurt.

"Because love equals trust. How can you trust a man… a man like me?" Stepping in front of me, he lightly palms my cheek and murmurs, "I enjoy hurting you for goodness sakes. How can you trust me, let alone love a monster like me?"

"Because, despite what I said earlier, I do trust you, despite knowing nothing of your past." Gliding my hands around the back of his neck, my forehead kisses his own when I softly explain, "It is you who feeds my hunger. I ache for your lips to press against my skin. I long for just one touch. You are the first person I think of when I wake up and the only person I dream of when I sleep. You consume me and yet I yearn for more."

Shaking his head, he tries to slip out of my embrace.

Holding on tighter, I whisper along his lips, "I'm ready to move on from my memory of Jack and I want to move on by creating more memories with you. I am in love with you, Jean Luc and there is nothing you can do to stop it." Glancing back at him, I reach up and trace my finger along his jaw. "You don't have to say it back to me, but please, I beg of you, don't pretend that you don't feel the same way."

Grasping my hand and kissing my fingers, he murmurs, "I am unable to love you the way you want to be loved, the way you should be loved."

Ripping my body out of his embrace, I pace back and forth across the living area. Now that I have confessed my love for him, my mind and soul has opened to the unlimited possibilities that we both can experience. Yet, for some ungodly reason, he is refusing it. And it makes me furious. We have so much to offer to each other but he feels as if he is not worthy. I've seen it; the love that he says he won't be able to give me. I've seen it many times. Threading my fingers through my hair, I let out a frustrated grunt before shouting, "I don't believe you, not for one damn second." Seething from head to toe, I demand, "Is that what Rosalind wanted you to believe?"

His brow burrowing in confusion, he asks, "Rosalind?"

Rolling my eyes, I quickly explain, "The woman you submitted to. The bitch who made you think that you are not capable of love. Was she so unhappy with her life that she had to impose her miserable beliefs onto you?"

Swallowing hard, his lips press into a thin white line as he cradles his forehead. "Beverly…"

Stopping in front of him, I hold up my hand between our bodies. "No, not another word." Throwing my hands in the air out of frustration, I hotly explain, "I've seen the love flicker through your eyes so many times when you think I'm not looking. You've said it yourself that I am different from the other subs you've fucked and yet you hold back." Instantly dropping my hand out of exhaustion, I hug my vulnerable body and murmur, "I love you, Jean Luc, plain and simple. No matter how many times you try to deny it to yourself or to me, it will never change."

I was hoping beyond all reasonable hope that things would have ended differently tonight. If only he can open himself to the possibility of love, then everything would be how it should be or how I think it can be. At least he knows how I feel about him. The weight on my chest from hiding any type of emotions from him has lifted and now I feel like I can breathe again. Noticing that he is deep in thought, I step over and retrieve my uniform. "I had dinner with Dr. Loeb down on the planet. I can leave-"

-Beep, Beep-

Quickly turning towards the door, we both nervously stare at the seemingly innocent barrier. Never once did we have to worry about intruders. However in our defense, we never had sex in his quarters either.

Quite a night of firsts.

Knowing full well that he is not ready to share our relationship to the crew yet, I make myself scarce by grabbing my boots and slipping into his bedroom.

Once I am gone from view, he clears his throat and grants entrance to whoever is on the other side.

"Good evening, sir, I'm sorry if I am interrupting you."

That unmistakable deep voice of Will nearly sends me into a panic. Catching my breath, my hand covers my mouth so that he doesn't hear me breathing.

"I was just about to turn in for the evening." It's his captainly way of dismissing him which is very unusual, however he does have a half-naked woman hiding in his bedroom.

"Then I will keep this short and to the point." Hearing him take a deep breath, I can just imagine him lifting his chin and puffing out his chest. "I have always found that it was my duty to maintain a sense of ease and stability on this ship, despite the unknown we may encounter. However, I never did factor in that this crew would become like a family to me."

"Your point, **_Commander_**." Jean Luc's words are crisp.

"My point is, **_Captain_** , Beverly is like a sister to me. If I find that you have hurt her, even in the smallest way, you will answer to me." I can just imagine Will standing straight to his full height which can be very intimidating.

Although not as tall, Jean Luc has a presence about him that can out piss any pissing match that comes his way. "Is that a threat, Commander Riker?"

"You're damn right it is and one that I will never take lightly. And neither should you."

And then Jean Luc did something that I would have never thought that he would do – he backed down. "Very well, Commander. I just hope it will never come to that point."

"It's a delicate dance, but I can tell that you make her very happy despite our recent trauma with the Ullians. Have a good evening, sir." Within a few seconds, the door closes when he walks out of the quarters.

Poking my head out from around the wall, I notice that Jean Luc is turned towards his desk with his head and shoulders hunched over. Treading lightly so as to not make a sound, I timidly placed my hand on his tense shoulder. "Jean Luc, I never told him. I've never told anybody."

Lifting his head, he assures, "I know. If he truly knew what I did to you, then he would have dragged me to the brig by my toes a long time ago."

Heaving a big sigh, I step around him and shake his shoulders to try and knock some sense into him. "When will it register in your brain that you don't hurt me. I like what you do to me." Seeing him shake his head, I jerk his shoulders and force him to look in my eyes. "Never, with another man, have I orgasmed multiple times and willingly opened my legs for a second round the same night. You make me feel beautiful and exotic and, yes, even loved; something I have not felt run through my veins in quite a long time. Please don't ever feel like you are a monster, because in my mind, you'll never be one. And as far as I am concerned, the only people you have to please is standing in this room."

He is quiet for a long time after my speech. I'm not sure if he took in everything that I said, but I'll be damned if I walk away from him right now. Leaning in, I gently kiss him on his cheek and murmur against his soft skin, "Let me get dinner ready for us. Then after, I can leave or stay – whichever you are comfortable with." Turning, I'm just about to take a step when his hand grabs mine and holds me in my place.

"What I feel for you is something more than I have ever felt with any other woman, but I do not want to trap you in this relationship. I know you don't see me as a monster today, however I would hate for you to one day wake up and find that your perception of me has changed for the worse." Just as I am about to interrupt him, he silences my reprieve by placing his other hand over my mouth. "Please understand that you have barely grazed the surface of the man I can truly be and the moment you witnessed it, you almost walked out on me. All I ask for is patience."

The paddle night. God, I hate that night, but he's right. I nearly did walk out on him, intent on never feeling like the way he treated me again. "I understand." His confession that he feels something more with me is not perfect, but at least he is not denying everything and kicking me out. "However, you have got to understand that I cannot take this at a snails speed. I will need assurances that this relationship will grow and not stay stagnant. I deserve more and so do you."

"It will not be easy, but I will do my best." Before letting go of my hand, he gently squeezes it.

Making my way to the replicator, I make two bowls of my grandmother's vegetable soup and crusty French bread. When everything is settled on the table, I turn to see that Jean Luc is right where I left him. Sitting in one of the chairs, I patiently wait for him to come join me.

His eyes are hooded as they stare at me. Despite everything that has happened before this moment, the air between us is crackling with the same electric energy that emerges when the appetite for desire and lust needs to be sedated. "I'm not hungry for food anymore."

And just like that, the ache to give into his wildest desires washes over me.

Biting my lip, I demurely cross my knees as my eyes rake over his body. My nipples harden against his thin shirt when I see his arousal pressing against his pants. Slowly, my tongue traces the outline of my parched lips before I innocently ask, "What are you hungry for?"

"You." However, he doesn't move a muscle. "Take off your shirt and kneel in front of me."

Feeling the cool air lick my aroused skin, I saunter towards him and drop to my knees. Placing my hands on my thighs, I stare down to the floor and ask again, "What are you hungry for, Master?"

After a long pause, he answers me in his dungeon voice. "Open your fucking mouth." Sweeping my tongue along my lips, I appease to his demand. "Sit on your knees. I'm going to fuck your mouth until I cum."

"Yes, master." My thighs tremble in want as his command shoots an arrow of lust straight to my center.

"Take off my pants."

Unbuttoning and sliding the soft material down his muscular legs, my mouth instantly waters when his cock springs free from his binding. Taking him in to the hilt in one fell swoop, my heart skips a beat when I hear him gasp with pleasure. Clasping his hands around my head, he rides my mouth back and forth with the speed of a race horse. My jaw instantly begins to ache, but I dismiss the pain when I hear him panting and wanting more. Barring my teeth along his shaft, I swirl my tongue along his head.

"Touch me. Squeeze my balls." His voice is scratchy from all of the heavy breathing.

Reaching between his legs, I caress his heavy sack with my feather light tips. Then ever-so-slightly, I extend my finger so that it traces along the bridge between his scrotum and his ass. Applying just enough pressure on his sensitive skin, I then let my finger slip into his tight hole.

"Holy fuck!" He stills my head as he cums in my mouth. Sucking every last drop that spurts out, my finger continues to circle around his puckered opening.

Great satisfaction settles like fresh morning dew across my body when I feel him trembling from stem to stern.

Taking a step back, his semi-soft cock pops out of my mouth. Swiftly pulling up his shorts, he turns towards his desk and pushes everything off in one swoop. Grabbing me by my arm, he lifts me up and growls, "Stand in front of my desk."

Walking over to the sturdy piece of furniture on my own, I can't help but feel the tremble in my knees. Lightly leaning on the desk so that my ass playfully sticks out, I ask, "Is this where you want me, master?" Ohh, the endless amount of day dreams I would have of him fucking me on his desk. Grant it, it was the desk in his ready room, but this one comes as a close second.

"Turn around." His hot breath caresses my lobe, making me slightly jump.

Turning, I instantly look down at his bare chest. Although it is a practice we have gotten away from, I know he was most comfortable when I was wearing a blindfold.

However, to my surprise, he lifts my chin with two of his fingers and murmurs, "I don't want you to ever feel like you have to hide your face from me. I yearn to see you lose all of your inhibitions because of me." Leaning in, he peppers my cheeks and lips as his eyes never leaves my own. Hooking his fingers into the band of his boxers that meekly covers my pulsating center, he lets it slides down my quaking legs and commands, "Lay back on the desk and put your feet on the edge."

"Yes sir." Never letting my eyes deviate as I move back, a small moan escapes from my lips when his fingers lightly graze over my knees. My nipples tighten as goosebumps erupt over my heated skin.

Replacing his fingers with his lips as they make their sinful path towards my pulsing center, he stares at my every move and murmurs, "You are exquisitely beautiful just as you are now." His words are soft when they touch my skin but the meaning behind them warms my heart and calms my trembling body. Leaning down, his lips marks a scorching trail along my stomach as he mumbles against my blushing skin, "Yet the word 'beautiful' seems faded in comparison to what I see in front of me."

When his fingers barely ghosts over my clit, I stop myself from closing my eyes. He wants to see every emotion that passes through my mind and who am I to deny them to him. I had confessed not yet an hour prior that I am in love with him. What better way to convince him of my love than to show exactly what he does to me. When his finger slips between my slick folds, I press my heels into the hard surface of his desk to keep myself from closing my eyes.

"Do you always become this wet when I fuck your mouth?" His question comes out of left field in my hazy brain, but thankfully it is something that I am growing accustomed to.

Slipping back into my submissive role, I subconsciously lick my parched lips and nod, "Yes, master, every time."

Inserting two fingers as he plays with my clit with his thumb, he roughly asks, "Why?"

Mmm… Talking dirty, I love talking dirty to him. My eyes never wavering from his own, I demurely explain, "You always cum when you fuck my mouth."

The dilation in his pupils and the speed of his skillful fingers are the only changes to his demeanor after my observation. "Is there anywhere else my cock can fuck you?"

My mind grows dense as his other hand begins to play with my pert nipple. "Mmm…" My eyelids become heavy with desire, but I follow his rule. "You can… Ohhh… You can fuck my pussy, master."

Giving my nipple a slight pinch, he hoarsely declares, "No, I'll be fucking your cunt with my mouth. I want to taste you tonight. Where else would you like me to fuck you?"

My nipple become painfully tight as his fingers slow to a crawling speed. How did he know? After that disastrous night with the paddle and the subsequent morning after, he made it my choice to when I will allow him to fuck my ass. Just prior to our rendezvous with the Ullians, I was going to give him the permission he needed, but with everything that happened, I never got the chance. Until now. "I want you to fuck my ass."

"Are you sure?"

His question gives me an out, but I don't need it. Within the span of the two months since he first used the butt plug, he has used other assortment of objects to further my resolve. I feel like I am comfortable now to cross that next step with him, to give him every piece of my body to use at his will. "Yes."

Picking up his speed once more, he self-consciously murmurs, "Even after everything…?"

Pushing myself on my elbows, I blurt, "He raped my mind, not my body. The effects of which have been lessened with my counseling sessions with Dr. Loeb and when I confessed my love for you." Grabbing his chin with two of my fingers, I make sure that there is no confusion as to what I want. "Fuck my ass, Jean Luc."

"Yes, master." His eyes are light and playful as a giggle erupts from deep within my chest. Growing serious once more, he reclaims his dominant mask and orders me to lay back down. "Place your hands above your head and keep them there." Bending down on his knees, his fingers glide down my thighs. "I want to see you."

Fixing my eyes on him, I remind myself numerous times to take in a little bit of oxygen. "Yes, master."

His eyes, his soulful eyes never leaves me as his tongue takes me at its mercy. Many times, I wanted to give in to the overpowering need to close my eyes, but I hold out. Looking at me as if he had never seen me before, he whispers just as I feel my orgasm building, "Say it again."

His words are so quiet that I nearly miss them. Grasping the edge of his desk as I rock back and forth, I breathlessly ask, "What?"

"Tell me you love me." His warm words caress the inside of my thighs.

Oh God... Drawing in a labored breath, I feel my heart strain against my chest as my mind becomes dizzy with heated anticipation. "Ohhh, Jean Luc… I… Ohhh, I love you."

Blissfully exploding into a millions pieces as his tongue presses and circles against my throbbing clit, my breathy and hoarse moans scales these barren walls. Allowing myself to finally close my eyes, it nearly shook me to the core to share a connection as intimate as the one we just had. He was able to see everything; love, lust, desire, contentment and a hint of apprehension. Now as I collect myself and prepare my courage for the next part of the evening, I am surprised when I feel him fill me to the hilt. Lazily lifting one lid, I silently question what he wants.

Gliding his hands down my thighs, his movements are slow as he takes in deep, calming breaths. "You are… God, I can't even think of another word other than beautiful. Do you know how beautiful you are?"

Lifting myself on my elbows, I feel my cheeks burning like a wildfire by his words. "Only because of you, do I know." Wrapping my legs around his waist, I bite my bottom lip as a throaty moan escapes my lips. "The way you make me feel…" Shaking my head, I lift myself up on my elbows and exclaim, "Don't be afraid to take me the way you want. I completely trust you, Jean Luc." After a moment, I reiterate, "I love you."

Grabbing my arms and lifting me off the desk, he quickly walks me to his bed. Kneeling on the sheets, he gently lays me down, never breaking our connection. "I'm going to fuck you until my cock is soaked with you. Then I will fuck you from behind. It is important that you follow my directions."

Biting the edge of my lip to calm my raging heart, I nod and murmur, "Yes, master."

Resting his hands near my head, his broad chest towers over me. Pumping in me at a break neck speed, I can feel my muscles tremble as ecstasy and apprehension takes over my body. "God, you are dripping wet." Stopping, he kisses me and asks, "Are you ready?"

Gripping his wrists, I vehemently nod.

Pulling out, he sits up on his knees and flips me over. "Get on your hands and knees." Stepping off the bed, he slips out of his boxers and moves my hips into position. "If you are uncomfortable at any time and you need me to slow down, please use the word 'yellow'. If you want me to stop, use the word 'captain'."

"Will you heed my words?" A very important question since he had confessed during the paddle night that he would not have stopped regardless of the use of the word.

Caressing my hips, he lowly whispers, "I will never be that man with you"

Glancing over my shoulder, I nod and say, "Okay." Staring back at the shimmering sheets, I shiver as he squeezes lube over my puckered hole. Letting my head fall between my arms, I feel goosebumps erupt across my skin as I take many deeps breaths to calm my raging heart.

Spreading the silky lube along my skin, he inserts his fingers, going deeper and deeper with each thrust until he hits his knuckle.

Used to the pressure and lusting after the delectable feeling it creates, I moan into my arm as his movements become faster.

He then adds another fingers and begins to massage and stretch my hole further. "You're ready." Grasping my hips, he positions his cock at my opening. Pressing his tip in, he slides out and pushes back in deeper. Each time he pulls out, he pushes further in until he is buried deep.

Squeezing the sheets between my fingers, I urge my body to take in oxygen. "Yellow… Just stay still for… For a moment." The fullness of his cock nearly has me losing consciousness, but after a moment, my body starts becoming accustomed to him and requires more movement. Glancing back over my shoulder, I whisper, "Okay."

Easing out and slamming back into me, his movements become faster and faster with each stroke.

Relaxing my muscles as the friction becomes a delectable sensation, pleasure blooms deep within my belly when I feel his balls lightly slap against the bridge of sensitive skin of my ass and my pulsating pussy.

"Oh, fuck," he rasps in the lust filled air. "You feel so fucking good." Grabbing onto my ponytail, he pulls my head back as his movements become erratic. "Touch yourself. I want to feel you cum."

Resting all of my weight on one hand, I reach between my legs and circle my fingers along my quivering lips. With my fingertips slick with my own desire, I press and pinch my swollen clit. The duel sensations from his cock in my ass and my hand fucking my clit, my orgasm comes fast and hard. "Oh fuck!" A million colorful pin pricks burst in my field of vision as all of the air is pressed out of my lungs.

Grunting out my name between each strangled breath, he holds my hips still in a vice grip as he cums.

Allowing him just enough time to pull out, my arms go numb as I collapse onto the mattress. Exhaustion doesn't even come close as to how I feel right now. However, even with my body too stubborn to move, the second he touches my cheek, my eyes spring open to see that he is lying next to me. Giving him a half dazed, half sleepy smile, I drunkenly slur into the sheets, "I love you, Jean Luc."

For a long time after, he gently caresses my slick body as I lie in a light slumber. No thought crosses my mind other than how content I feel when I am lying in his arms in his bed. It's as if I am cocooned, safe from whatever is beyond his door.

"Beverly?" His voice is as soft as the engine's hum under our feet.

Grunting into the mattress, I turn my head towards him.

"Can you stand?"

"Ready to get rid of me so soon?" My words are muffled by the cotton under my body, but I follow my question with a tired smile.

"Far from it. I want us to take a shower before going to bed."

Hmmm… Wait, what? "You mean you want me to stay?"

"I would be remised if I didn't confess that I never want you to leave my side."

Glancing through my eyelashes, a curious new feeling springs through my heart and warms in my belly. "All because I said 'I love you'? I should have done it sooner."

A lopsided smile plays across his lips as he says, "I would have said it regardless of your confession tonight."

"Then my decision to tell you was the correct one," I whisper to myself. "I have to admit, I was fearful that you would push me away."

Biting his bottom lip, he murmurs, "I thought about letting you walk away." Just as I am about to ask why, he silences me by adding, "Then Will came in and I remembered that he was the one who picked you up when I made an incredible stupid decision to take in Vash."

Shaking my head, I correct, "But it was Odan who picked up the pieces, not Will."

Closing his eyes, he mumbles, "No matter, it's Will's face I see and thinking about it, I become enraged with jealousy. I never want anyone to see you like the way I see you."

"I won't love anybody else but you and believe me when I say I will love you fiercely."

Letting a crooked smile play across his face, he quips, "Then I better not fuck it up."

Humming in agreement, I use every bit of my overworked muscles to pick myself up off of the mattress. Stepping onto the carpet, my legs nearly give out when I stand, but Jean Luc is there to hold me up.

Gripping my elbow, he leads me into the bathroom. Turning on the hot water, we both walk into the stall together.

Ahhh… The warm water feels good as it cascades down my back.

After rinsing our bodies, Jean Luc turns the water off. Stepping out, he grabs my arm and helps me to the bed. Placing me on the bed, he goes back into the bathroom and brings out two towels. After quickly drying himself, he covers himself around his waist and begins drying off my damp skin.

The towel feels soft against my skin or maybe it's his touch. Or both.

Hmmm… I don't know. My eyes are barely staying open. Once my body is dry, I lie back on his pillow.

Covering my cooled skin with a blanket, he soon joins me after throwing his towel on the ground. Spooning behind me, I cover his hand with my own as he mumbles a drowsy good night.

* * *

 **Please let me know what you think! :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello! First of all, thank you for those who are still sticking with me and this story! It means a lot! The updates should be coming in a lot faster since I already have rest of the story mapped out.**

 **Again, thank you for taking the time to read! Enjoy! :)**

* * *

Months passed within a blink of an eye.

Although I have told him that I loved him, he was still hesitant to recite it back.

No matter, he still enjoyed my company and I very much enjoyed his. Every now and then he would ask me to voice my love just before climaxing and every time we would both see a new universe expanding into a million stars.

Every. Time.

It was like the word 'love' was the nonexistent missing piece we had both been searching for.

Most of our time was still met in the dungeon, mainly because it had all the things needed for him to exude his control over me. There were few nights though that he slept in my quarters or vice versa. Those were the nights I liked the most. We could just be a normal couple that met and discussed work over dinner, but with the added bonus of fucking against any and every known surface that could withstand our constant pounding.

Very rarely did we show any affection on the other side of a closed door. It was understandable that he didn't want any to know of our unique relationship. However, now thinking about it, I'm sure our close friends knew that there was something more going on between us other than an occasional breakfast.

Then one ordinary day he was taken for forty three minutes. Not physically, but emotionally with his soul to place called Kataan. When he returned, he was in agonizing pain. So much so that it could not be solved by simple sexual submission.

For weeks, the pain from his experience took its toll on him and throughout the whole time I felt like there was nothing I could do to lessen it.

..::..::..::..::..::..::..

"Come on. We'll get you to Sickbay." Grasping his elbow with a vice grip, I silently let him know that he will not be able to wiggle his way out of his requirement to come with me.

However, to my surprise, he doesn't fight me on it. His muscles are slack in my hands and he nearly trips over his own feet as we step into the turbolift. That thing must have put him through hell.

I just hope there are no lasting repercussions.

Glancing at him through the corner of my eye, I notice a gray-green hue coloring over his cheeks. Placing the medi kit down between us, I begin to gently rub his back. "Jean Luc, are you going to be sick."

Squeezing his eyes shut tight, he slowly nods his head.

Looking past him, Alyssa is already starting to get the motion sickness bag out from her nursing kit. Opening it up, she barely gets it in front of him before he loses everything from his stomach. Grasping the bag for dear life, he is knocked down to his knees as he continues to hurl.

The stench in the turbolift thickens with the smell of eaten and rotten food.

Remembering to breath though my mouth, I tap my communicator to inform Sickbay that we will need a clean up crew in here and to have many motion sickness bags ready when we get there.

When the turbolift doors open, his heaving quiets.

While I lift him up by his arm and wipe the corners of his mouth, Alyssa grabs the bag and closes it tight. Laboriously walking the ten feet, we step into Sickbay and head straight to a private room. Laying him on a biobed, we begin work on checking his vitals and running tests.

In between orders and checking off diagnosis after diagnosis, I steal hurried glances at him when I think no one is looking. His parlor is still translucent and he remains quiet. Usually he is itching to get out of here but for some reason he is staring off into space as if he is still tethered to that thing.

After an hour of checking, double checking and cross checking, I officially clear him for duty. However, before I tell him, I clear the room and sit in the chair next to the bed. Threading my fingers through his hand, I lay my head on his shoulder. Closing my eyes, for the first time since being called to the bridge, I take a deep, calming breath. For forty three minutes I was on high octane adrenaline thinking that at any moment he could die and I could do nothing to stop it.

"Do you think we should get married?"

What? Glancing up, I notice that he is extremely serious, yet he is still staring at the far wall of the room. So instead of giving him a witty response, I decide to give him the honest truth. "You have yet to say that you love me. Maybe you should think about that before proposing to me."

Hearing a small bubble of laughter escape his lips, he murmurs to himself, "That's what Eline would say."

Lifting my head off of his shoulders, I ask, "Who is Eline?"

He simply answers, "My wife."

This time, I couldn't help the quick words rolling off of my tongue. "Then I think you should be unmarried before you ask someone else to marry you."

"I lived a lifetime. I was a well-respected community leader, loved by a wife who I didn't deserve and a father to two beautiful children. I lived a lifetime only to be dropped back into the real world." He hurriedly swipes away a stray tear when he mentions his children.

My heart aches for him. I may not know what it's like to be in his exact shoes, but I do know what it's like to have your world turned upside down after the death of a loved one. There were many loved ones I lost throughout my life yet I have a feeling the loss he just went through hits closer to his heart. Sitting up straight, I squeeze his hand and murmur, "Tell me." It's more of a plea than a request.

He looks down at our clasped hands and whispers his story, everything, right down to the last detail of the drought, the death of his wife and the confession at the end of his own life.

All I do is just listen. Every now and then when his emotions start cracking through, I gently squeeze his hand which I think gave him the encouragement he needed to finish his story.

After he is done, we sit in silence for a long time. I replay his story in my mind over and over again. How lucky he was to experience something so beautiful. For a long time, I felt bad for him for choosing his career in Starfleet over a chance to have a family. But in the end, it was his choice to make. "I know it's hard now, but you should feel honored to have experienced everything that you have gone through. To have had a family to go home to every night is something some people dream about."

Ripping his hand from my lax grip, he mumbles, "I don't feel lucky. I feel… lonely. I don't have them to go home to anymore. I never have and I never will."

Standing, I place a timid hand on his shoulder and gently say, "You will always have a home with me." After kissing him on his cheek, I make my way towards the door.

Just before crossing the threshold, he calls out, "Then marry me. Be with me forever."

Stopping, every ounce of oxygen leaves my lungs high and dry. After an agonizing moment, I clutch my pounding chest and force myself to take in a haggard breath. I want to say yes, I have to say yes, but one thing is holding me back. I know it's silly but I have to hear him say it. I have to know that he feels the same about me that I feel for him. Glancing over my shoulder, I sigh, "When you are able to whole-heartedly tell me that you love me, then and only then, will I say yes." When the heartbreaking sound of silence fills the room, I push down my sob that catches in my dry throat and walk out of his room.

When the doors close, I notice Deanna is leaning against the wall waiting for the room to empty. Giving me a pitiful smile, I know then that she heard his proposal.

Covering the obvious hurt that is coursing through my body, I flippantly say, "The things he just went through, he will need you."

Lifting her brow, she says, "Sounds like he already found someone to confide in."

Looking down, I pick at my nails and mumble, "He needs someone who is not emotionally connected to him."

"You love him." Her words are a whisper, but for all I know they could have been said over the comm. system.

Stealing a glance around me to make sure that we are alone, I confess, "Very much so." Smothering down my uniform, I inform her, "Now if you will excuse me, I have to make my report." Marching into my office, I sit at my desk and turn on my terminal. Just as I pull up a new report, I see Deanna step into Jean Luc's room. Heaving a big sigh of relief, I turn off my terminal and slip out of my office hoping that no one notices.

Making my way to my quarters, the only plans I have are to take a long, hot bath and to drown myself in a big glass of anything that will numb my mind from replaying his proposal.

..::..::..::..

-Beep, Beep—

Looking up from the study I am reading, I timidly ask the computer who it is at my door.

"Captain Jean Luc Picard," she responds in her cold, mechanical voice.

Ten days.

Ten long damn days.

After ten days, he is just now coming to see me. Although I have seen him a few times beyond the secured doors of our bedroom universe, I have yet to see him in a more private setting behind said doors since his proposal. I wanted to give him his space. And being honest only with myself, I didn't want him to compare me to his wife on Kataan.

"Come in." Lifting myself from the sofa, I throw the PADD on the table and greet Jean Luc with a strained, questioning smile. "Hello."

"Hello." His lonely word leaves the air stale and heavy around us. Gripping the box behind his back tighter, he brings it out and quietly asks, "May I play this for you?"

Shrugging my shoulders, I quip, "It's not the strangest thing you've done to me." Damn my stupid mouth! Jesus, he just got over an emotionally tolling experience and I have to bring up whips and chains.

Letting a warm laugh escape from his chest, he opens the box and says, "True, however this requires you to keep your clothes on."

Quietly sighing to myself, I love hearing his laugh. It suddenly lifts my dark spirits that have been raining on me since his proposal. Inviting him to sit on the chair, I make myself comfortable on the sofa by covering my legs with Nana's quilt. "I didn't know you were able to play a flute."

"Not before my time on Kataan." Putting the instrument between his lips, he begins to play a slow, lovely melody. Entranced in his musical ability, he ends one song and swiftly begins another.

For a long while he plays. No explanation or talking required. All of his melodies gives off the emotions that are plaguing his heart.

Slowly the cloud that had left, comes back and sits heavily on my chest. Not because of the sad songs, but because I know his heart is aching and I can't do anything about it. After a particularly melancholy song ends, I voice his heartbreak, "You miss her."

He pauses, however his lips never leave his instrument. "At first I did very much so." Lifting his head, he stares at me and murmurs, "But then my thoughts of her changed to thoughts of you. And I knew I needed to see you." Letting his instrument fall into his lap, he hangs his head. "At first I thought I could just come in and everything would be okay, but then I thought that after what I said in Sickbay, it would be awkward. It took only a day for me to realize that I was being an idiot."

Reaching over, I place my hand on his knee and say, "You weren't being an idiot, you were just trying to get your life back in order. You went through a whole lifetime of something so wonderful that you thought you would never experience only to be brought back to your old life."

"It's more than that. I went through that lifetime with a woman I wasn't prepared to live with and I did things with her that I wouldn't have ever thought to do. It's like my path was already made, I was just the dummy there for the ride." Laying his hand on mine, he exhales a frustrated sigh and says, "I have these feelings and these memories but I didn't put them there by my own free will. It's as if they were programmed into me." Squeezing my hand, the way he looks at me places the same rain cloud back over my head. "Now, I feel more like the casualty of someone's prank rather than a man given the chance to view life on a planet that has been gone a long time ago."

Placing his flute down on the table in front of us, he quickly stands and sits next to me. "I just want to go back to where it was just me and you and the rest of the universe." Leaning in, he lightly pecks my cheek. Leaving his lips to sit along my skin, his warm breath tickles my skin when he moans, "Will you take me back? Will you forgive me?"

Leaning out of his embrace to look at him, I clarify, "There is nothing to forgive. I knew you had to take some time to figure things out."

Pushing me back so that he is lying on top of me, my grandmothers quilt is placed over the cushion so that it is out of our way. Grabbing one of my knees, he opens my legs further to accommodate his needy body. His lips automatically gravitates towards the little divot of skin between my ear and neck as his hands begins to explore the rest of my quivering body.

Already sensing a heady mixture of sex and desire emanating from both of our bodies, I place my hand on his chest and say, "However, before we take this any further, I have to say that I know what it's like to lose someone that was very close. All I ask is that you never compare me to her, at least not out loud. I would never be able to compete with a ghost."

"You've never compared me to Jack?"

A reasonable question. "At first I did, but it was more about my lack of knowledge on the different ways you wanted to use my body as a release. After realizing that the feelings I have for you are more than what we do between the sheets, I never had to compare since."

He shakes his head as he covers my hand with his other. "I never knew."

Giving his hand a gentle squeeze, I lightly say, "I made sure you never knew. I would never want to put you through that." After my confession, we silently gaze at each other, neither one of us knowing what to do or say next.

After a while, my fingers begin to trace along the seam of his uniform as his lips inches closer towards my skin. Making his connection, my head falls back as my eyes close in wonderment. Mmm… It has been a long time since my skin has become intoxicated by the touch of his lips. Too long. Melting into his strong hands as they trace over my pert breast, I wrap my leg around his waist to bring him closer to my warm and wanting center.

"Riker to Captain Picard."

Ugh! I swear someday, we are going to go somewhere where the beeping sound of someone interrupting us will be a forgotten memory.

Just before he pushes himself up, he dives in and kisses me like a madman. Then he pulls himself up and taps his communicator, "Yes, Commander?"

Untangling myself from his body, I stand and try to cool myself by lifting my hair and fanning the back of my neck with my hand.

"We have just entered the Terran System and will be in orbit around Earth within twenty minutes."

Peering over my shoulder, I notice that his eyes have not left my body since standing. Evilly grinning, I go to work slowly sliding the zipper of my uniform down so that I can hear each teeth catching each other.

Clearing his throat, he responds, "Any, uhh, any word yet on why they recalled us back?"

Once my zipper hits the bottom of its path, I take my arms out of my sleeves and bend over to slide the rest of it down my legs.

"No, sir, however, they have sent us a set of coordinates that will take you and Mr. Data to a set of caverns just outside of San Francisco."

Capturing my waist, his shifty fingers wiggle under the band of my panties and pulls them down just as slowly as I have been stripping off the rest of my clothes. "Very well, Number One. I shall transport down using those coordinates from Transporter Room Three in half an hour."

"Very well, sir. Riker out."

When the communicator chirps to signal the end of the transmission, he leans in and hungrily takes my ass. "Mmm… You naughty girl." His lips vibrates against my tingling skin as his hand circles around to the front. "Mmm, stand up and turn towards me." Before letting me go, he playfully slaps my ass.

Goosebumps erupt over my skin as the sound from his slap reverberates off of the walls.

Sinking down to the floor on his knees, his fingers mark a light trail down my quivering thighs. Starting from my knee, he makes the same trail with his heated tongue until he finds the apex between my legs. Burying his nose into my already dripping wet center, he mumbles, "I have you all to myself for thirty minutes and I will pleasure you for every second that I have." Swirling his tongue around my clit, his teeth nip and kiss every delectable inch.

Lifting my foot so that it is resting on the table, I grasp the back of his head to pull him closer.

Slipping a finger into my ass, his tongue begins to fuck me in a rotating melody.

Feeling both sensations assault me in the most devious manner, it is not long before my head rolls back as the rest of my body grows dizzy from my orgasm.

Taking in every ounce I have to offer, he then begins a trail of steamy kisses along my stomach towards the hem of my bra. "You taste magnificent." Slipping my strap off of my shoulder, he takes my nipple into his mouth.

Reaching around his shoulders, I start to bring down the zipper of his uniform. I slightly moan in frustration when his zipper keeps slipping out of my grip. Taking my foot off of the table, I step out of his warm embrace and turn towards the bedroom. I don't have to look behind me to know that he is following me. Unhooking and throwing the last remaining barrier towards my dresser, I sit on the edge of my bed and patiently wait for him to come to me.

Toeing off his boots, he unzips the rest of the way and slips off his uniform.

Ohh, the sight of him naked has me in a trans. It was only ten days, but it felt like a lifetime. Tearing my eyes from his body, I glance up through my hooded eyes and whisper, "I have missed you."

Kneeling on the edge of the bed, he wraps his hand around the back of my neck as his lips collide with mine. Pushing me down into the mattress, he opens my legs and takes me in to the hilt. As one of his hands holds his body over mine, his other makes a ghostly trail down my chest to take in one of my nipples.

Bring my legs around his waist to deepen his movements, a familiar yet spontaneous sensation takes over my senses. We have done this too many times to count, yet for some reason the air between us has changed. It used to be charged with lust and a desire to increase pleasure, but now there's a new feeling of warmth and stability behind his touch. Something I have been searching for for a long time.

Feeling a blossom of warmth spread through my body, I lean out of his needy kiss so that he can see every bit of emotions pass through my features. "I love you, Jean Luc."

Moaning into my shoulder, his speed increases to a flushing rate. "Mmm, Beverly…" Glancing back up at me just before climaxing, a look of calm serenity passes through his features. "I… Uhh… I… Ohhh!" Collapsing onto my sweaty body, our lungs and hearts begins to work in unison together.

He was going to say it. He was going to admit his true feelings. Is he still going to or will he leave before getting the chance?

Slightly lifting his body up, he glances at the chronometer and mumbles, "I have to get going soon. May I use your shower?"

Sighing against the mattress, I nod and say, "Of course. Use what you need."

Pushing himself off the mattress, he makes his way to the shower. Knowing that he has got to be in Transporter Room Three in ten minutes, I cover myself with a blanket and wait for him to finish. Hearing the shower turn off, I lean on my elbows to greet him as he walks out of the steam filled room.

Quickly slipping on his boxers and uniform, he throws the towel on the chair and sits on the edge of the bed in front of me. "I have to get going, but depending on the situation we are going to encounter down on the surface, I would like for us to meet in the dungeon tonight at our usual time."

"I'll be spending the night finishing my report for Admiral Handson. I promised that it would be sent before the Enterprise breaks orbit. Plus, depending on how long we have, I also wanted to check in on Wes. Since the accident a few months ago, I sense that he has not yet recovered from the ramifications. Maybe we can meet in the dungeon tomorrow, if your schedule allows."

Giving a slight nod, he says, "I will let you know, although chances are, we most likely won't meet again until after this mission."

There have been many times where duty takes the place of pleasure and I don't get to see Jean Luc for days, or sometimes weeks. "Okay." Glancing at the chronometer, I notice that he has two minutes to spare before meeting Data in the transporter room.

Placing his hand on my knees, he commands, "Open your legs."

An arrow of lust shoots straight down to my core as my knees fall to the side.

Leaning down, the feeling of his warm tongues nearly sends my body into overdrive. "The taste of you is the nearest thing I have to perfection." Slipping off the bed, he licks his lips and walks to the side of the bed. Gently kissing my forehead, he says, "If you see Wesley, give him my best. Hopefully we will see each other soon."

I barely squeak out a goodbye before he makes it to the door. Throwing my head back on the pillow after he leaves, I wonder if I can sleep away the day. Ohhh, what a glorious feeling that would be, however, there is too much that has to be done. Heaving a big sigh, I sit up to get the rest of my day started.

..::..::..::..::..

This stupid, fucking dress is killing me! God forbid, women could walk around without ten pounds of underwear on!

The aliens just had to go to the 1880's to get their human DNA. Why couldn't they go to a time where it didn't take me thirty minutes to get dressed and thirty minutes to go pee and thirty minutes to take off this ridiculous costume!

But I digress. We were able to retrieve Data and now we just have to find a way to get us all back home. As they are examining the walking cane downstairs, I needed to change out of my nursing uniform. It was one that I had to steal on our first night here to secure a position at the hospital. We also had to steal the officer's uniform. However, with two of our communicators destroyed in the transport over here, we were able disassemble them and trade in the gold pieces for money. That was enough to get the rest of our clothing at a second hand store and one weeks rent at this boarding house.

After two weeks of double shifts in the hospital working for some idiot doctor and on the street looking for Data, here we are one step closer to going home.

Unbuttoning the pinstripe shirt, I take the apron off and then the shirt and skirt follow after. Leaning against the bed post, I wait for Deanna to come through the door. I will need her help to take off the rest of the dress and to put on the purple one.

"May I be of some assistance?"

Letting my head rest against the wooden post, I let out a frustrated sigh. For two damn weeks we have not laid one naughty finger on each other and it has driven me to the point of insanity. But with having to share rooms, we haven't had any privacy to ourselves. "Shouldn't you be down stairs?"

Hearing him step into the room, he explains, "Deanna and Data went to go find some maps of this area, Will and Geordi are keeping watch outside for any signs of the police. That leaves only one person to help you change."

Turning towards him, I put my hand on my waist as I quietly exclaim, "Jean Luc, do you think they are stupid? When they see that I have changed, they will know that it was you who-"

"- helped you do it. Yes, I understand that, but I also know that their minds won't necessarily conclude that it is strictly for sexual reasons. So I decided to take my chances." Silently closing the door, he turns back and looks at me as if he is ready to pounce. "Not being able to pleasure you is driving me to the brink of insanity. And once more, we actually have the opportunity to at least be near each other and you are treating this precious time arguing with me." His voice rolls with anger as each step he takes towards me becomes more pronounced than the last.

"How much time do we have now?"

A mere inch away from each other, he breaths, "Five minutes." Diving in, his tongue instantly gravitates towards my breasts as his hands captures and presses my waist closer to his body.

Letting my head fall back on to the post, a breathy sigh escapes my dry lips. Biting down on my bottom one, I stifle a moan when one of my nipples pops out of it's confined garment and into his hot, needy mouth.

Bang!

Jean Luc nearly jumps back twenty feet at the sound of the front door closing. Racing over to the bedroom door, he silently opens it and stops it just before it creaks.

Pushing my exposed breast back into the corset, I whisper crossly, "I thought you said we had five minutes!"

Returning back to me and taking the purple dress in his hands, he begins to pull it over my head. "It was a guess," he grits through his teeth as we hear someone coming up the stairs.

"Captain, it's supposed to go the other way." Grasping the hem, I try to push it the other way.

"May I be of some assistance?" Data's cool voice makes me heave a silent sigh of relief.

Unfortunately though, Jean Luc has to step away to allow Data to take over the ladies maid position. Within the span of two minutes Data has me dressed perfectly.

Hearing the front door open and close again, Data silently turns and walks out the door leaving Jean Luc and I standing next to each other. Following suit, we make our way out of the room. Just before we get to the top of the stairs, his hand brushes by my wrist as his fingers thread through my own. As we get to about the half way point, his fingers slip away as the rest of our party meets us at the bottom.

Deanna gives me a slight smirk but otherwise says nothing.

Passing through everyone, I calmly say, "Let's figure out how to go home so that I can get out of this damn thing."

Will playfully jabs, "Impatient are we?"

Examining the cane with my tricorder, I mumble under my breath, "You try walking around with a corset rearranging your ribs." When the air is met with silence, I hand the tricorder over to Geordi to see if he can activate it with the right frequency.

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 **Please review**.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello! New chapter! YAY! And so early too! LOL! Thank you again for all of your support!**

 **I read your reviews on the length of the last chapter and I apologize if you were hoping for a longer read. I could have put the last chapter and this one together but, in the end, I broke them apart. This one is a nice, long one... Hopefully you will enjoy it! :)**

 **To Lindsay: Your kind words fills me with such joy. I know I'm not the best writer on this site and I have no aspirations to be a** **novelist, yet I'm beyond humbled that this story (and I'm sure others) have gotten you through a tough time in your life. I can honestly say it has done the same for me. :)**

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 _Things were so idealistic before Celtris Three. They weren't perfect by any means, but they were ideal. We had each other and although Jean Luc was not able to tell me his true feelings, I knew without a doubt that they were there._

 _Before Celtris Three, we were happy. Plain and simple._

 _However, after Celtris Three, what we had had become too real for Jean Luc to handle._

..::..::..::..::..

Stepping back from the mirror, I finally see the finished product on me and I have to say I look positively delectable. Slightly rearranging the corset so that the tops of my nipples are playing peak-a-boo over the hem, I then check the garters to make sure they are secured in their place.

Heaving a nervous sigh, I am thankful that this corset is more comfortable than the one I had to where when we were in 1880's San Francisco a few months back. This corset is a mix of deep purple satin with a hint of black lace along the hem. The little scrap of material between my legs has an opening straight down the middle so that when Jean Luc wants to fuck me, he won't have to worry about taking off a stitch of clothing. Then to polish it all off, I have a simple black garter holding up sheer black stockings and a pair of strappy heels that can easily be slipped off.

Although I am apprehensive as to his reaction, staring at myself I look - and feel - so damn good.

This morning after our staff meeting was finished, I told him that unless we were under dire circumstances – for instance we were being boarded by the Borg - we were going to meet in the dungeon to get reacquainted with each other. After the hellish week we both had with the Teltris Rova disaster, we both rightly deserved a night to ourselves.

I had to run a triage center for all the wounded that came my way and search for survivors while Jean Luc had to delegate between two warring factions for a peaceable treaty. After the two sides came to a resignation, both teams of doctors were able to go in to care for the wounded. Gladly handing off my triage notes, I ordered everyone involved at least twenty-four hours of rest before returning to duty. Now that it has been a few days and there is considerable distance between the Enterprise and Teltris Rova, I can now afford the luxury of being sexually controlled in the most delicious way possible.

Smirking to myself, little does he know of the surprise I have waiting for him.

Glancing at the chronometer and noticing that I have two minutes before he arrives, I quickly step into the bedroom. Putting the spreaders at a comfortable distance, I hook them around my ankles. Then placing the handcuffs I want him to use between my teeth, I finish the setup by placing a silky blindfold over my eyes and grabbing onto the bars attached to the ceiling.

Sometimes, it still shocks me on how far I have come in this role I play with Jean Luc. I can still remember a time where a timid shiver overtook my body when reading his contract.

-Swish-

-Swish-

-Click-

The sound of the door and it locking sends my body into a frenzied state. Clamping down on the handcuffs with my teeth to stop them from chattering, I grip the bar above me tighter to remind myself not to let go. The bar is slick with the sweat from my heated palms as the cool air licks my tight nipples.

Just as I hear him step into the bedroom, a surprised breath is sucked in between his lips.

Successful with my surprise, I can feel my heart banging with delight and adrenaline against my ribcage. Biting down on the hard metal, I can feel my slick desire pooling in the heat of my core.

The anticipation of his touch is amplified by the loss of my sense of sight. Quivering under the delightfully heavy burden, I know one touch is all it will take for me to lose all control.

Then it happens in a place I would have never associated as such an erogenous zone. Feeling his tips of his fingers sizzle onto my elbow, the swollen muscles between my legs trust back and forth. Throwing my head back, I unabashedly let out a guttural moan as my unintended orgasm wreaks havoc on my body.

Releasing the handcuffs from my mouth, he connects my wrists to the bar above my head. "Are you ready to do," leaving a trail of goosebumps as his fingers softly slide down my arms, his lips barely makes contact with my tingling skin, "as I command?"

I am barely able to stifle my moan when his nimble fingers take out my breasts from it's lose confinement. His hot tongue plays with one nipple while the other is being pinched. Biting the bottom of my lip hard, I vehemently nod my head.

"Mmm, what a lovely surprise when I walked in. I never thought I could be as hard as I am right now." Jean Luc's breath tickles the skin between my breasts as his fingers make their way down my body. "Let's see what other surprises we have here." Knowing full well what these panties are capable of since I got them from one of his drawers, he slowly lets out a ragged moan when his fingers reach the slick apex between my legs. "You are too good to me." Slowly circling his finger once around my clit, his lips sweetly glides along my chest as he mumbles against my heated skin, "I can't wait to feel you orgasm around my cock." Hesitating for a millisecond, he takes a step back. "You are not to orgasm until I say you can."

Feeling the rush of cold air as his body leaves mine, my mind grows dizzy at the temporary loss. However, I muster up my voice and call out, "I serve at the pleasure of my master."

For a long while the only sounds I hear is the zipper releasing him of his uniform and the gentle close of some of his play drawers. Feeling my heart rate double when the heat between our bodies escalates, I know he has returned back to me. Reaching under the band of my panties, he gradually brings them down to my knees. His tongue then reaches between my thighs and licks me from stem to stern. My mind goes blank as a universe of stars burst within my field of dark vision. "This master is going to fuck your delicious cunt all night long. Is that what you want?" His words leaves a heated mark between my legs that makes me yearn for more.

Excitement budding as his tongue circles around my cunt, my head lulls back as I moan out, "After you fuck my pussy and my ass, I want to suck your hard cock."

Sensing the rumble of his moans from my naughty words along my quivering core, he nips my clit with his teeth, and huskily agrees, "Your wish is my command." Feeling the lick of cool air caress between my legs, I hear him click something on and vibrate against my thigh. "I'm putting this plug in while I play with your pussy." Pumping the vibrating plug between my drenched folds a few times to get it wet, he then takes it out and inserts it up my ass. Hungrily going forward with a grunt, his nose then presses against my clit as his tongue swirls and fucks my cunt.

The duel sensations of both the vibrations and his tongue has me withering in the palm of his masterful hand. Grasping my constraints for dear life, I grit my teeth to stop my body's natural reaction for release. In a last minute ditch to stave off my impending orgasm, I tightly clinch my vaginal walls and try to think about something other than his tongue gliding along my pulsating clit.

"Your resistance makes me want to fuck you right now." Once again stepping away from my panting and sweaty body, he playfully adds, "But what fun would that be?"

His brief respite allows me to calm my raging libido to a semi-manageable level. I know that I will be done for if he continues to eat my pussy with that exquisite tongue. And then I would have to endure his punishment for breaking his rule. He would deny my desire to suck his cock and instead would masturbate in front of me and leave without suppressing any of my carnal desires. I have worked too hard on surprising him tonight for it to go to waste.

Taking a deep breath, I find a new resolve coursing through my veins. I will be strong no matter what he sends my way.

Feeling his lips kiss my furrowed brow, he lightly says, "There's no reason to overthink. Tonight is all about enjoyment." Easy for him to say, he is not being restricted. "Relax."

Releasing the tense muscles in my shoulders, I lick my lips and nod my head for him to continue. Feeling something short and smooth glide across my chest, I lift my chin in slight anticipation as to what he wants to do to my body next.

Reaching between my legs, he passes over my trembling lips and presses another button on the plug. Instead of it vibrating, now it is pumping up and down. Sliding my panties back up, the soft leathery material returns to my stomach. "I will be whipping you tonight." Sensing my sudden apprehension, he adds, "This is the hardest it will strike." He flicks his whip just above my nipple. The leather barely licks the skin to leave a mark, let alone hurt me.

Nodding my head, I murmur between my teeth, "Harder, master."

"Like this?" The tongue of his whip cracks just above my other breast.

Letting my head fall back to rest on my arms, I groan, "Just like that, master."

Tracing the whip along my heightened skin, every so often he stops to lightly spank me with the soft leather. His markings are sporadic over my body; along my collar bone, the back of my thighs, up to my shoulders blades and back down to the fleshy part of my ass. The light yearning of where he will strike next coupled with the way his whip works in sync with the soft pumps from the plug has me high on cloud nine.

Then quite out of nowhere, his whip cracks along one of my nipples and I yell out in unadulterated pleasure. "Oh, master…" Whipping the other nipple, my fingers curl around the chains on the cuffs for dear life as my body jerks forward.

Tracing the whip down my body, he presses it against my wanting apex. "Mmm, I dream of tasting you every night."

Feeling rather emboldened by my actions tonight, I stick out my tongue wanting to sample what he does to me. Resting the soft leather between my lips, I relish my salty desire. My knees tremble as they try to hold up my euphoric filled body.

Removing the whip from my mouth, he quickly, yet lightly, strikes my over worked pussy.

Holymotherfuckingshit! My knees literally give out under a tidal wave of sensations. Panting into my arm, I thought I had experienced everything... But nothing like that. It makes me want to rethink paddles and floggers. A curious sensation prickles the back of my neck as the thought of a paddle hitting my ass in a most delicious manner.

Lifting my chin with the handle of his whip, he commands, "Stand up straight." Following his order, he then raises the bar so that my toes barely scrape the ground. Feeling his body bend down, he divests my ankles of the shackles around them. Throwing them off to the side with a loud clank of metal, he then traces the whip along my nipples striking them with lightning quick speed.

Gripping the bar above me with a vice grip, I continue to pull myself up. Oh, God! The pain sparking my shoulders works beautifully in concert with the whip and the plug.

Tracing the leather around my body, he gets in a few more licks on the back of my neck and behind my knees - both places I would have never thought that would send an arrow of lust straight to my center. Letting my head fall all the way back, I let out a purely primal moan. Fuck! If he doesn't give the order to orgasm soon I know I will simply burst.

Hearing the soft thump of the whip falling on the floor, I feel Jean Luc's warm arms encircling my waist to lift me up. Guiding my legs around his hips and supporting me under my ass, he fills me to the hilt.

"Ohhh…" Feeling the fullness of both his cock and the plug filling me nearly has me passing out. Straining against the shackles that bind my wrists, I long to throw my arms around his neck as he begins to pound into me.

Kneading my ass with his fingers, he sighs along my skin, "Let go, Beverly."

Ohh... The pain is starting to become unbearable, yet I can't stop him now, not when I am so close to this eternal bliss. Feeling a wave of lust starting from the tip of my scalp, it gains momentum as it rushes full force through my body. Letting my head fall back between my arms, my body delightfully convulses as he continues to rub against my sensitive clit.

Tightening his arms around my waist, his movement becomes hurried and relentless. "God, I can feel your cunt tightening around my cock." Slapping and gripping the flesh of my ass, he lets out a grunt as I feel him bursting inside me. Resting his sweaty head in the crevice between my breasts, he fingers dig into my skin as he continues to cum in me.

Other than the muscles spasming along his cock and around the plug, I feel no pain as adrenaline courses through my veins. Hearing our heart beating together as one between our hot bodies, my head rolls so that it lies along his heated forehead. "Captain, I would be eternally grateful for the key to these handcuffs." I tried to make it nonchalant, but my words come out painfully strained.

Keeping a strong grip around my waist, he unhooks me from the handcuffs. My arms fall limp around his shoulders as he carries me to the bed. Once I feel the soft bedding conform under my heavy body, he removes both the plug and mask.

Blinking several times against the soft light, I cover my eyes with a few of my fingers and murmur, "I need just a few moments."

Slipping off my shoes, he thankfully begins to massage my feet. "You have already given me more than I expected tonight."

Biting the bottom of my lip, I mumble under my breath, "To be honest, I'm a little embarrassed that I only lasted this long. I thought I had more resolve than this." Trying to lift my arms so that they can lay above my head, I find that my muscles refuse to work. Grunting in both pain and frustration, I quietly ask, "Could you please get a medi-kit?"

A flash of worry crosses his features before he stands to get the kit. Coming back, he reaches in and grabs the pain reliever hypospray. After giving me sweet relief from the pain in my shoulders, he reaches back into the kit and takes out the sub-dermal stabilizer.

As he runs it along my shoulders and arms, I detect a bit of self-hatred and doubt returning to his eyes. Resting my hand on his thigh, I confidently say, "That was utterly amazing, Jean Luc. I would like it if we were able to do that again on another night."

Continuing to stare at the instrument in his hands, he shakes his head and murmurs, "You are clearly in pain."

"Yes, but if you remember, I was the one who wanted it when you walked through the door." With the relieving help of both the medicine and the stabilizer, I feel more in control of my own muscles again. Lifting my hands above my head and spreading my legs wide open, I proclaim, "I'm ready, master."

For a split second it looks as though he is going to protest, but in the end, he throws the medi-kit and the instruments into the chair beside the bed. Standing erect in between my legs, my body quakes in sensual hunger when I hear his dungeon voice returns, "Sit on the edge of the bed." After following his order and making sure not to show any pain, he adds, "Open your mouth. You're going to fuck my cock, however, you are not allowed to touch me. I will tell you when to stop."

Licking my parched lips, I murmur, "Yes, master," before I open my watering mouth.

Slamming his cock in to the hilt, he easily rides my mouth back and forth.

With my hands are captured behind my back, I widen my legs and start contracting my muscles between my thighs. Closing my eyes, the feeling of him sliding in and out of my mouth mimics the sensation of him fucking me and it drives me to the brink of insanity.

Threading his fingers through my hair, both his breathing and his movements become erratic. Through gritted teeth, he commands, "Touch yourself. I want you, uhhh, ready for me."

I don't need to touch myself to know that I am soaking wet between my legs, however, a good submissive always follows orders. Easily finding it slick between my folds, a low moan escapes through my lips as I allow my fingers to slip in and out.

Stopping his thrusts just as his cock is barely reaching the back of my throat, he his fingers lightly caresses my cheekbone.

Opening my eyes, I allow myself to glance at the beautiful specimen in front of me. A thin sheen of sweat covers his muscular chest and the look he gives me is pure, unadulterated sex with a hint of love. After a moment of stilled silence, I subtly let my tongue swirl around his head as I bob back and forth.

In one swift move, his cock pops out of my mouth as he takes a step back. Grasping my arms to twirl me around, he silently encourages me to get on my hands and knees. "Are you ready for me?"

Peaking over my shoulder, I confidently say, "I am always ready for you, master."

Slapping my ass, he replies, "Good, because I'm going to fuck your cunt then I'm going to finish by fucking your ass." Gripping my hips, he positions me in front of him and thrusts in me a few times to get his dick wet.

Fuck! The feel of his cock reaching that hard to reach place numbs any and all pain that was once paralyzing my shoulders. Squeezing the sheets between my fingers, my tits bounce deliciously as I stare down at the cotton between my hands. Sensing the room spin, I clamp my eyes closed as I feel my third orgasm of the night take my body hostage.

Just before I am able to scream out from my release, he pulls out and perches himself at the puckered opening of my ass. Reaching out, he touches the small of my back and softly asks, "Can you keep going?"

Frustrated at his lack of touch, I can't stay too mad when I witness the caring side of Jean Luc as he is in his dominant role. Once again peering over my shoulder, I purr, "Fuck my ass, master."

Bending over to retrieve the lube and condom on the bed, he squeezes some of the cool gel over my skin and wraps the latex on just before his cock plunges in. Groaning as the tightness chokes his cock, I can feel his hands shaking as he holds my hips still.

Having done this numerous times now, the trembling nerves are still there just before he takes me and the initial uncomfortable pressure from the fullness of his cock inside me takes my breath away. Thankfully, though, he has become aware of me and stops when he is to the hilt so that I can gather my bearings. Once I nod, his movements starts out slow and creeps to a faster pace.

Reaching over, his nimble fingers begins to play with my clit by pinching and sliding along my slick folds. Grabbing onto my hair, he rides me to the brink of insanity as he mumbles through his gritted teeth, "Ohh, Beverly, you are so fucking tight."

Drowning in the millions of sensations that prickle over my body, my head goes dizzy as my orgasm rushes through. Barely giving me a chance to breathe, the blinding light flashes in front of my eyes as a stream of hot cum spurts out from between my folds. "Fuckingdamnit!"

Pulling back on my hair, he stills my hips and nearly collapses as he spills into me. Thrusting to milk the last remaining drops, he rests his knees on the mattress to allow his lungs to catch up with the rest of his body. After a brief moment to collect himself, he gently pulls out. Placing a piece of cloth over my stretched ass, he snaps off the condom and throws it into the waste basket.

In an exhausted state, I willfully let the mattress catch my overstrained body. With my heart keeping a beat along my chest and his soft breathing filling my ears, I feel my body lull into a light slumber.

Throwing himself next to me on the bed, the deep timber of his voice rouses me from my dreamless sleep. "I have to say, I was quite surprised when I walked in tonight."

Taking a deep breath in, I exhale when I roll onto my side. Lazily lifting my eyelids, I murmur into the mattress, "I took the risk of you being disappointed in me taking the initiative. I have wanted to do that for you since coming back from San Francisco."

"Beverly, look at my cock," drawing my attention down with his hand, "after all that we just did, I still want to fuck you. You are absolutely insatiable tonight."

I don't know what it is about seeing his dick still hard after our strenuous activity, but I feel my body breath in a second wind. Absolutely gob smacked at what he does to my sexual appetite, my blood starts coursing through my veins, revving me up to go another round. "Good, because my appetite for you has not even come close to being sedated." Lifting myself up and off the bed, I coyly ask, "Can you help me take this off?" Turning so that I am facing away from him, I glide my hair over my shoulder and add, "Please?"

Sitting on the edge of the bed, he holds out his hand and says, "Come here."

Taking a step back, I slowly lower myself down onto his lap. Feeling his semi-hard erection pressing into the small of my back, I peer over my shoulder and sigh, "Thank you."

Grasping the small zipper, he slowly brings it down as he plants feather light kisses on my shoulder. "Mmm, your skin is incredibly smooth. How do your shoulders feel?"

Gripping his thighs, I tip my head to the side to give him full advantage. "Mmm Hmm… Much better."

Unhooking the catch, he lets the corset fall to the floor in front of our legs. "I think for the rest of the night I'm going to take my time and rightfully worship your beautiful body." Spreading my knees so that I am straddling his legs, his hands trace up and down my inner thighs as he pecks and nips the expanse along my neck and shoulders.

Peering over my shoulder, I reach up and caress the back of his neck. With my eyes heavy with desire, his lips barely graze mine as I mumble, "We have all night-"

"Riker to Captain Picard. Priority One message from Vice-Admiral Nechayev."

Lifting his head, he asks, "Did she say what it is about?"

"Classified, sir."

Silently sighing into my skin, he mutters, "Very well, Number One. Picard out." When the end of the communication beeps, he wraps his arms around my waist and rests his head in the crook of my neck. "I have to take this."

Sliding off his lap onto the bed, I smile at him, "Go ahead, I'll make myself scarce."

Standing, he opens one of the drawers to get a shirt and a pair of shorts out. After covering his body, he walks out to the computer terminal and turns it on.

Not wanting to eavesdrop on his classified conversation, I step into the bathroom and turn on the shower. Ridding myself of the rest of my clothing, I walk into the steaming shower. Just as I'm about to rinse the shampoo out of my hair, he opens the door and joins me. Noticing that he is biting the side of his mouth, I timidly question, "Can I ask?"

Shrugging his shoulders, he reaches for the soap and stiffly says, "She will be coming aboard within an hour to discuss a new mission."

"That's it?" Threading my fingers through my hair to make sure all of the shampoo washes out if my scalp.

Stepping under the scalding water, he rinses off the suds and angrily adds, "Another night ruined. She also said that after meeting with me, then she will need to briefly meet with you and Lieutenant Worf." Allowing me back under the water, he mutters, "I wanted to spend the night with you."

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I step closer to kiss him. After a few seconds I feel his body relax against mine. Planting sweet kisses along his jaw, I murmur, "We will have other nights. We always do."

..::..::..::..::..

 _Little did I know that that was the last time we would met as a sub and dom for a long time._

 _Within a few hours after meeting with Admiral_ _Nechayev_ _, the three of us were training for a new, unknown mission. Throughout our training exercises, I tried to keep my relationship with Jean Luc professional. Many times I either wanted to scratch out his eyes, hug him dearly or slam him against the wall and demand him to fuck me. His eyes were steely cut with determination, yet, the rest of his body looked as if he was a man condemned to death._

..::..::..::..::..

Slapping my leg hard as Jean Luc orders the Cardassians away from the holodeck, my frustration reaches a new high when he turns to me and yells in his quiet, demeaning, 'I'm-disappointed-in-you' way, "You needed to set this properly in order for it to work. Do I need to show you how to do it again, **Doctor**?" The way he emphasized my title implied that I didn't know what the fuck I was doing.

Taking the stupid device from his hand, I let my anger show through, "It was a dummy. If you want me to set it correctly then provide an actual working one, **Captain**." Idiot.

Taking a menacing step towards me, he steals the device back and throws it against the rock wall. "If you knew it was a dud, then take another one from your pack and use it instead of looking to Lt. Worf as if you were some lost puppy." Shoving his finger in my chest, he grits, "I will not have this mission compromised because of your recklessness."

"Sir..." Worf intercedes.

Throwing my hand up to stop the rest of his words, I continue to stare at Jean Luc seething from head to aching toe. "I was ordered to take part in this mission, a mission by the way that I still have no clue as to what in the hell we are doing. If you feel that I will not be an asset to this team then I suggest you talk to Admiral Nechayev before we are set to leave tomorrow morning." Not backing down, I take a small step into his personal space, swat his finger away and spat, "You are the one who gave me the bag. If you want me to do my job correctly, then you are the one who needs to make sure **all** devices work. Otherwise, you can count us all dead." Needing to be out of this suffocating cave and away from his condescending face before I punch him in the nose, I command, "Computer, exit," and stomp out of the holodeck without another glance back.

..::..::..::..::..

Turning over in my bed for the millionth time, I lay on my back as sleep eludes my body. With the thought of our impending mission weighing heavily on my mind, a slight headache pierces my lobe like a dull knife. My whole body aches from both our training exercises and a lack of physical touch from Jean Luc. I have been wanting to touch him, to let him know that I care about him, since this whole thing started, however anytime I brought my hand out, he would turn away from me. At first, I thought it was because Worf was around us, but after what happened tonight, his reasoning is different and whatever it is, he's bottling it up inside.

Never once had he questioned my skills as a doctor or an officer. What makes this time so special? It's obviously the task we have before ourselves, but why start questioning my reliability right now?

Does he not trust me? Did he ever trust me?

Taking the pillow next to me and throwing it over my face, I squeeze it as I let out a cry of annoyance. What a preposterous thing to ask, my subconscious screams. He trusts me to keep guard his deepest, darkest secret. I mean how many other people know about his kinky lifestyle?

Ten - including me…

Regardless, if it isn't trust, then why?

Throwing my pillow across the room, I stare at the ceiling. Humph! Nothing from this mission makes sense. The secrecy surrounding it, how the Cardassians are involved and why we are digging though deep caves. Maybe when it is reveled then everything will make -

-Swish-

-Swish-

-Click-

Quickly turning on my side away from my visitor, I bite down on my lip to keep from shouting any and all obscenities in the known language. It's him. I know without a doubt that it's him. He probably wants to apologize for his rude behavior from before and to half explain his reason.

Stay strong, Beverly. Rebuff his advances and ignore him until he begs for forgiveness.

"I love you." His words are soft and barely above a whisper.

Well, shit… Out of all the times to proclaim his love, he wants to do it now.

Figures.

Stay strong… don't give in to his sorrow. "Out of all the times, why now?"

"You set my soul on fire with the simple touch of your finger. I can't breathe, let alone live without you. I yearn to wake next to you, to hear the sound of your soft breath, to have the luxury of your lips on mine, to feel your fingers run along my pounding chest. Knowing within every inch of my being that I could never find that with anyone else but you. You consume me and, yet, I crave for more." The rise of his timber voice fills this room with a heightened sense of passion - something that has never been seen before on this level. "I didn't want you to ever think that I see you as less than perfect. You will always be perfect to me."

Just as the last remnants of my resolve happily fades away, I peak over my shoulder and notice that his face gives off such sorrow in the soft glow of the stars from my window.

Forgiveness and begging be damned.

Shoving off my sheets, I step out of my bed and walk straight to where he stands. Cupping his cheeks within my hands, I quietly ask, "How would I be able to live up to those words?"

"All you have to do is to allow me to love you. I cannot live without you, Beverly." Pushing through my hands, he circles his arms around my waist and gently kisses my lips. "Forgive me."

This doesn't make sense. Why say it before this mission, unless he knows for certain… Trying to get past the hazy, euphoria induced fog, I mumble, "Are we going to die?"

His lips glide across my cheek and down my jaw as he hums in sheer delight against my heightened skin. He is ignoring my question.

Pulling my head out of his embrace, my mind tries to comprehend his actions as my body screams for more of his touch. "Jean Luc?"

Bending down on his knees and gripping my hips for dear life, he glances up at me through his eyelashes. "Run away with me. Run away and let's never look back." At my utter bewilderment, he bows his head and rests it on my thighs as he murmurs, "I have been wanting to tell you that since I first meet with Admiral Nechayev. And although, I would have no reservations on wishing for you to say yes, I know you won't."

Running my fingers along his scalp, I take a few deep breaths to calm my pounding heart. No wonder he has been ignoring my touch since this whole thing started. Lifting his chin, I mumble into the darkness, "I love you."

Standing, he shoves my night dress over my head and throws it on the ground. Crashing his lips onto mine, he lifts me into his arms and steps over to my bed. As he gently lays me on the mattress, he looks at me with such love in his eyes that I feel it can propel this ship clear across the galaxy. Never wavering, his fingers crawl to the hem of my panties and peels off them off one leg at a time. Spreading my thighs so that I am completely open, he kneels on the carpet. As his hand circles around my knee, his eyes leaves my own when his lips begin to mark a scorching trail down my thigh.

Staring back at the ceiling, I take in a big gulp of air. Feeling goosebumps erupt along my skin, I tremble as he nears my pulsating center. He is so close, I can feel his hot breath tickling my swollen lips. Fuck! I can cum right now with this mounting anticipation.

Then with the tiny spark from his tongue, he ignites my soul and sets my body on fire.

His tongue makes contact with my skin and lightly traces around my bikini area. Feeling his moan rumbling straight to my core, he pecks my clit with the slightest suckle as he sighs, "I can taste your desire for me and it is the most divine thing that has ever passed these parched lips." Without any other provocation, he dives in towards my center, lapping in every inch of what I can offer him.

Letting my knees fall to the side to allow him to go deeper, my fingers scape along his scalp, wanting him, needing him to take all of me in. Arching my back, I bite down on my bottom lip when I feel his tongue fucking me. With his nose circling against my clit, my nipples stretch to their highest peak as a warm wave of pleasure overtakes my body. "Ohhhh, Jean Luc!" Feeling my whole body tremble, his tongue still pumps me until I can give no more.

Once I release him from my vice grip, he pushes himself from the mattress and peels the black clothing from his body.

He looks gorgeous, almost god-like, in the soft hue of the bright stars. His skin glistens from the sweat coursing down his chest and his cock stands perfectly erect, swollen and ready to take the charge. Returning back to me he grips the back of my thighs and spreads my legs to accommodate his needy hips. Sensing the tip of his cock at my opening, he takes one smoldering look at me before plunging in.

God, he fills so good inside me, almost as if he belongs there. Wrapping my legs around his hips, I let my fingers thread through his chest hair to pinch his erect nipples.

Letting his eyes close, his hands catch the mattress on the side of my head as he falls over me. Rocking back and forth in a smooth rhythm, he allows himself to open his eyes. Leaning down and capturing my lips with his own, he murmurs between each kiss, "I will always love you."

Taking his cheeks, I confidently whisper, "I am yours to love forever." Placing my feet on his calves, I use the momentum to push my hips into his. Reaching that oh-so-delicious spot with full force, I feel my eyes roll back as pleasure rakes through my senses.

Plugging and pinch my nipples in a way that shots an arrow of lust towards my already drenched center, he grits through his teeth, "God, I'm about to cum."

Starting to see the flurry of stars along the dark walls, I bite down hard on my bottom lip and huff, "Let go."

Then, as if a supernova burst between our bodies, we both orgasm together. And damn, does it give all of the kinky stuff a run for its money. To know that he loves me as much as I love him makes our connection to each other run deeper than any handcuffs or flogs in the universe.

Collapsing on me, we stay glued to each other as both of our hearts clamber down from its delectable precipice. Feeling as if my mind is permanently in seventh heaven, his achingly soft words tumbles across my shoulder, "I'm sorry for what I said earlier in the cave. I implicitly trust you and your work ethic. I suppose, subconsciously, I wanted you to drop out of the mission."

Letting a small giggle escape my chest, I reply, "I'm surprised you didn't write me up for insubordination."

Feeling the rumble of his laugh between our heated bodies, he says, "I could have, but I think Worf would have made me redact it." Lifting himself up on his elbows, he rolls to the side.

Scooting so that we lay side by side in each other arms, I sigh against his chest as he covers our lanky bodies with the covers. Feeling sleep finally overtake my senses, my eyes fall heavy as his soothing heartbeat lulls me to a fitful slumber.

My dreams takes me to a lush field filled with rows and rows of grape vines. A pair of familiar figures tangled in a passionate embrace as a bottle of opened wine left to the side forgotten. Off into the distance is a house standing proudly at the entrance of the vineyard. It looks absolutely perfect. A place far away from the hustle and bustle of Starfleet. A place far from the dangers that can be found in deep space.

Just as quickly as the image can into my mind, it left with an air of sadness surrounding the grey clouds. Slowly returning back to my quarters on the Enterprise, I grasp the arm that has settled along my waist. Feeling his hard cock pressing into my back, I peak over my shoulder to see that he is waking as well. Turning over so that I am facing him, I lean in to gently kiss him on his cheek. "Where would you take me?"

Pressing his nimble fingers into my hip and pulling me towards him, he groggily asks, "Pardon?"

Throwing my arm around his neck, my eyes flutter as the delectable stir of lust starts to build in the pit of my stomach. Stretching my body along his, I innocently let my thigh graze past his cock. "Last night, you said you wanted to run away together. Where would we go?"

With his arm fastened around my waist, he rolls onto his back and pulls me as well so that I am straddling his hips. Grasping my hips to guide my body up his sculpted body, the tip of his cock presses between my slick folds. Snapping his eyes shut as a rush of emotions overtakes both of our senses, he moans into the dark room, "I always loved Haven, but I wouldn't mind taking you to see La Barre." With his eyes open, a dreamy memory passes through them. "You would fall in love with the picturesque view from our room. The sun coming up along the village, the wind basking in the soft leaves of the vines, the smell of fruit permeating your every senses."

Getting lost in his memories of his home town, an image from my dream floats through my mind. They must be the same place. Leaning down and taking his cheek within my palm, I whisper, "Promise to take me there after our mission."

Getting lost in the calm sea of his eyes, I barely hear him murmur, "I promise."

I smile serenely as the thought of our trip to his home town flutters through my heart.

Lifting himself up, he wraps his arms around my waist and lightly kisses my chest. Shaking myself from my daydream, his lips mark a trail to my nipples. Taking a rosy peak between his warm tongue and his front teeth, he pulls my body towards him so that I take him in the rest of the way.

Sliding my arms around his neck to steady myself, I let my head fall back as I glide back and forth along his hips. "Ohhh, Jean Luc."

-Beep, Beep-

"Lt. Worf to Captain Picard."

Ceasing any and all movement as Worf's growling voice breaks though our climatic moans, Jean Luc steadies my hips as my breast pops out of his mouth. Clearing his throat, he commands, "Go ahead."

"Sir, our shuttle is prepared and ready for takeoff."

Resting his forehead along my chest, he sighs in what sounds like defeat. "Very well. Doctor Crusher and I will meet you there in twenty minutes."

"Very well, Sir. Worf out."

Hearing the soft beep to signal end of the communication, I lift his chin with two of my fingers to gently kiss his cheek. Sweeping my lips along his warm skin, I take in the lobe of his ear with my teeth as I purr, "Lay down, Jean Luc." Leaning out of his embrace, I help him lie down with the simple push of my finger pressing against his chest. Treading my fingers through the hair on his chest, I then begin to rock back and forth along his hips. Closing my eyes as the myriad of emotions course through my veins, I sweep my hands through my hair as my movements become erratic. "Oooh, touch me, Jean Luc."

Plucking my rosy pink buds until they painfully stretch towards his comforting palms, he then grabs my wrists and pulls me down so that our noses are touching, tip to sizzling tip. Lifting his knees, he drives his hips up as he pushes mine down.

Squeezing the sheets as both of our bodies work in concert together, the feel of his pelvic bone rubbing against my clit sends a rush of adrenaline straight to my head. Biting down on my bottom lip, I try to hold back my impending orgasm so that we can both reach it together.

Suddenly gripping my hips to stop both of our movements, he holds me in place as explodes inside me.

Finally letting go myself, a bright light prickles in the back of my mind as a rush of uncontrollable desire sweeps through my veins. Grasping his cheeks, I close the small distance between our lips, oxygen be damned. I need him, all of him. As the rest of my body collapses onto his, his lips allow entrance to my greedy tongue. I am not yet ready to let him go, not with so much uncertainty in our near future.

Sliding his hand down, he playfully squeezes my ass as our tongues wrestle for dominance. Gliding his hand around my neck, his tongue reaches the back of my throat.

Imagining that he was doing that between my legs, I groan as I feel a new wave of slickness slide between our connection. Immediately leaning out of his embrace, I hear him groan as my foot catches the ground. "Come along, Jean Luc. We have to get cleaned up before we leave and I have to say, you are very dirty." Licking my parched lips in anticipation, I turn and make my way towards the bathroom.

Just before I reach the threshold, he calls out, "I love you, Beverly."

Peeking over my shoulder, I see that he is still where I left him, spread eagle and with a just-been-fucked smirk across his face. However, the look in his eyes is what almost brings me to my knees. Despite his cockiness, he's scared of what will happen once we leave this room. Giving him a warm, honey smile, I murmur, "I know. Just remember that you have a promise to keep at the end of this mission." Glancing back into the bathroom, I add with a husky voice, "Now quickly come in before I have to clean my own body by myself." Stepping in, I add over my shoulder, "You wouldn't want that, would you?"

Hearing him clambering off of my bed and into the bathroom, I barely take one foot in under the hot spray when he has me against the wall. "We have a lot of travel time ahead of us. I'm sure they won't mind if we are ten minutes late."

Wrapping my hands around his neck, I mumble into his wet skin, "You better make that twenty."

..::..::..::..::..

 _Okay, so we were twenty-two minutes late with meeting Worf, but if he had any problem with our tardiness, he never said it. Packing in the rest our gear, we would soon be off._

 _Just as we left the protective shields of the Enterprise, Jean Luc turned and told us of the mission we were about to embark on._

 _Metagenics… Jesus…_

 _That was the last thing I was expecting that we would be chasing after._

 _Now looking back at that precise moment he told us, it was no wonder he thought death was immanent..._

 _It was for all three of us._

..::..::..::..::..

Opening the sink, I try my best to suppress the urge to vomit my breakfast.

The last breakfast I will ever have with Jean Luc...

Clambering over to the toilet, I barely lift the cover before heaving into the bucket. Ignoring the sound of the door closing behind me, my knees slams against the tile floor as I go for round two. The stench in the air hangs heavy as my tired body lies across the toilet seat. Feeling the warmth of a familiar hand caress my shoulder, I murmur restlessly into my arm, "You should have said something."

"I was under direct orders to keep it confidential until we were on our way." Even through the commanding presence of his captain's voice, I can still detect a hint of fear quivering behind it.

He wanted me to run away with him. That should have been my clue, but I was too preoccupied with his words of love and the swift action of his lips along my skin. How was I able to resist? _Resistance is futile._ Swallowing another round of bile, I croak, "I would have liked to see my son one last time."

Wesley – not only does he lose one parent to Starfleet when he was very young but now he is about to lose another when he is set to graduate from the Academy soon.

Barely lifting my head, I peer over my shoulder and ask, "Is that why you came by early this morning? Is that why you said you loved me? A ruse to feel something before sending all of us to our deaths?"

Taking a cup from one of the drawers, he fills it with water and calmly hands it to me. "I came by because I couldn't sleep."

Sipping the water and swishing it around my mouth, I spit it in the toilet to wash out the remaining pieces of vomit. "And your love?"

Taking the glass and refilling it, he hands it back to me as he says, "My love for you still stands now and forever."

Snorting through my nose, I add under my breath, "Well thanks to the Cardassians, forever will be a lot shorter for us." Taking the water and swallowing it this time, I try not to roll my eyes.

"Maybe not." Sitting on the floor next to me, he captures my limp hand and presses his lips along my knuckles. "Ohh, my love. Forgive me for not having the courage to do this earlier…" He takes a piece of wire from his pocket and wraps it around my left ring finger, "I love you and I'm sorry that most likely after this mission we will not be able to see the fruits of this marriage, but I wanted to go in knowing that my life isn't just a service record. That there is someone who loves me just as much as I love them back."

Oh my God, is he really saying this? "Jean Luc, what-"

Kissing the finger he just wrapped the wire around, he professes, "I, Jean Luc Picard, take you, Beverly Crusher, as my wife, to have and to hold, for better, for worse, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish until the day we are parted by death." Caressing my cheek with the crook of his finger, he shyly looks up at me only to find confusion instead of delight dancing across my features. Pressing his lips together, he nervously pleads, "Say something, anything."

Shaking my head when nothing comes out of my mouth, I look down at the makeshift ring with wonderment. It amazes me that after all this time, I was content with him expressing his love to me with his words. But now with the thought of death imminent within the next few days, I can't help but feel that marriage was what I truly desired as the endgame. However, no one will ever know of our love, of our marriage. Maybe that's where that old adage 'love knows no boundaries' comes from. Taking a deep breath to calm my nerves, I cover his hand with my own and confidently say, "I, Beverly Crusher, take you, Jean Luc Picard, as my husband, to have and to hold, for better, for worse, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish until the day we are parted by death." Sighing into his embrace, I wrap my arms around his waist as his arms circle around my shoulders. I can feel all of the tension between our bodies disappear into nothingness.

Kissing me on my forehead, he whispers, "I'm sorry I won't be able to keep my promise, but we have a few hours until our rendezvous to acquire a new transport. Perhaps we can stay locked away in here."

Glancing at him through my eyelashes, I smile, "I would like that."

..::..::..::..::..

 _Yup, that's right. Not only did he propose and marry us, but we also had a mini-honeymoon within the span of a few hours on the ground of a puke stained bathroom on the way to our impending deaths in Cardassian territory._

 _Astonishment doesn't even begin to describe it._

 _Thinking back, I should have thought about the ramifications of it all, but again, we thought we were going to die in the service of Starfleet. So, I went for it with all of my heart._

 _For the rest of our time on the way to acquire a more low-key passage to Cardassian territory, we held each other and occasionally kissed. It wasn't until Worf knocked on the door that we had to return back to reality._

 _Then everything after that was a blur. Meeting Solack, arranging transportation to Celtris Three, combing through the caves, bursting through the door just to find a trap lying in wait for us and then our abrupt departure without Jean Luc._

 _On the run and hiding from the search party, we overheard one of the soldiers saying that they had who they were looking for. Finding out that the trap was set for him, I knew the Cardassians were not going to kill him right away. Barely escaping to Solock's ship, I told Worf that once we regrouped with the others that we would return for him. Grunting, he ignored me the rest of the trip back. However, the moment we stepped into the conference room, I knew my plans for a rescue mission would be quickly denied. Apparently, our newly, esteemed captain had made a fine mess for us while we were away._

 _So I waited with baited breath on any and all news that came our way. Then after what felt like an eternity, I received word from Captain Jellico that the Cardassians were transporting Jean Luc over to the Enterprise. To him it was like a cold, piece of fact that anyone and everyone should have known. But to me… He was coming back, alive; maybe not in one piece, but alive. And I was on cloud nine._

 _He had multiple contusions, sprained wrists, cracked ribs, a mysterious implant just under his clavicle and who-knows the bevy of cocktails injected into his system. He was over dehydrated, malnourished and sleep deprived. I could fix the physical torture marks and Deanna would have to help with the psychological ones, but he was alive._

 _Yet, the only thing I could think of when the blue transporter beam disappeared was that he was home and safe._

 _After fixing him up as best as I could, I waited for him to wake. However, before I could get a chance to see him, both Deanna and Will kicked me out of Sickbay and ordered me to rest._

 _Catching a few hours rest was not enough to prepare for what was going to happen next._

..::..::..::..::..

Stretching as the cover runs down my stomach, I throw off the sheets and step onto the carpet. What a long day. It was a great day, but very long indeed.

Feeling my joints and bones crack back into place, I quickly fling my robe around my shoulders before setting off to make my breakfast. Now that I know that Jean Luc is back and safe on the Enterprise, my stomach growls ravenously for food. "Cup of lemon tea, hot, and a cheese and spinach omelet with tomatoes on the side." After it materializes, I take the warm plate and place it on the table. Just as I am about to sit, someone rings the chime.

Not rushing to open it just yet, I make sure my robe is tied around my waist before granting entrance. Glancing back down on my plate, I pick up my fork and take in a delicious bite. I'm sure it's just Deanna checking on me. "Just to let you know, I have been sleeping this whole time."

"I'm glad to hear that."

The sound of his baritone voice has a forkful of egg frozen in front of my open mouth. I'm sure if I was on the other end of the room, I would find my pose comical. Throwing my fork down with a clank, I can feel the anger rolling through my veins. Knowing full well that he should not be out of Sickbay, I turn to face him with a hand on my hip and a scowl between my brows. "Who the hell discharged you?" Raking my doctor's eyes over his body to try and find any more physical damage, I can't help but notice the dark shadows under his eyes and the gray parlor of his exposed skin. God, he looks like he has been through a wrap nacelle.

He shrugs his shoulders and offhandedly says, "I can be rather convincing."

Rolling my eyes, I mutter, "That's captain speak for you ordered them."

"I don't think they like the current captain and were eager to see me return to duty."

Stepping up to him, I gently shake my head and explain, "Jean Luc, you have just been returned to us after being held captive and tortured. The last place you need to be is on the bridge." Gently laying my hands long his cheek, I am slightly hurt when he pushes away from my touch. Letting my arm fall to my side, I hang my head and murmur, "I'm sorry we left you behind. If you should blame anyone, then I would gladly take it."

Unable to look him in the eyes, I slightly jump when I feel his fingers reach for my necklace. I put the makeshift ring on a simple chain after fusing it together so that I can still wear it. "You are never to blame for what happened to me. I'm glad you and Worf were able to escape. The last place I wanted you to be was at the mercy of the Cardassians. At one point they told me that they had you in a prison cell waiting to interrogate you." Letting the necklace slip through his fingers, he cracks, "The feeling of knowing what they were going to do to you was worse than any torture they could inflict on me."

For a long time, we just stare at each other in silence.

I hate them, I hate them all! The Cardassians, Starfleet, the Ferengi, the whole damn universe.

Breaking my thoughts by grabbing my wrists, he lifts and inspects them, "They held me up by my wrists for days. It was only when they wanted to interrogate me is when they let me down." Kissing the inside of my wrist, he slightly loses focus when he stares down at the carpet. "Why I do it to you for the sake of pleasure is beyond…" His voice trails off.

Ripping my arms out of his reach, I mumble, "Jean Luc, you know-"

"I love you, Beverly." Grasping the ring once more, he pulls it until the necklace snaps off of my neck. "But I think that we should reconsider the thought of marriage."

"What?!"

Stuffing my necklace in his pocket, he looks down as he quickly mutters, "They used you to get to me. I can't have that. I will never put your life in danger just for the sake of possibly knowing strategic spots on a map." The look of pure terror crosses his features as his voice drones on, "You deserve better, better than what I can provide for you."

Grasping and shaking his shoulders, I can't help but yell, "But I don't want anyone else, I want you and only you." Taking a calming breath, I persist, "We took an oath when we joined Starfleet. I know more than anyone the dangers that can follow us, but I'm not going to let that stop me from loving the only person in this damn universe I want to love."

Shrugging out from under my touch, he steps back and scoffs, "I can't. You deserve so much more out of a man's love, more than what I can give you."

This is not him. I know that he has just returned from a horrific experience with the Cardassians, but these words are not his words. The way he is droning on, it's like he has been repeating them over and over in his mind. Despite his recent experience, there is only one person who can put these thoughts in his brain. "Who is she?"

Caught off guard, he asks, "What do you mean?"

Rolling my eyes, I demand, "Who is the bitch who made you think that you are not capable of love?" At his loss of words, it dons on me that he doesn't see Rosalind as the great manipulator I see her for. "She has twisted you into thinking that everyone else deserves love except you. I want to know who she is so that I can punch her in her mouth."

Shoving his hands in his pockets, he takes another step back. "Beverly, knowing who she is won't change my mind."

Are you fucking kidding me? "I can't believe this." Treading my fingers through the knots in my hair, I try to expel my frustration by stalking back and forth between the dining table and my desk. Throwing my hands in the air, I rave, "After how many years and she still has this choke hold over you." Maybe she wants this. Maybe she wants to see our relationship fail so that he can come running back to her dungeon. "No. I won't let this happen. I won't let you give up on us so easily. Not when I know your true feelings. Not when you have made a promise to me." Squinting, I cross my arms along my chest and huff, "The Jean Luc I know, who is honorable and true, would never go back on his promise."

Taking another step back, his head hangs so low that it looks as if it is unhinged. "Maybe I was never the man you thought I was."

Taking step for step with him, I poke my finger into his chest and argue, "I don't believe you. Not for one damn second! If you didn't think you were an honorable man, then you wouldn't have chosen Starfleet as a career."

Chewing the side of his mouth, I know that he is processing all of my words. Proof that he is taking someone else's words into consideration instead of his own feelings. Just when I thought he was going to give up this preposterous argument, he shakes his head and mumbles under his breath, "It won't work."

Just as I see his body about to retreat, my hand darts out to stop him from turning around. "You say that now and you might believe it, but one day you will look back and think how much of an idiot you are being right now. Then you will thank every heavenly being for me not giving up on you so quickly." Letting go, I take a step back and murmur, "So, go ahead Jean Luc. Test your little theory that you will be happier without me; hell, date around, fuck other women, but I assure you, the only person you're going to think of is me." Turning away from him, I walk back to the table that now holds my cold omelet. With each laborious step I take, I pray that he will change his mind and apologize for going back on his promise. However, after hearing the door swiftly open and close, I fall into my seat dejected and alone.

* * *

 **Don't hate me... :(**


	9. Chapter 9

**WOW! Thank you again for all of your support! Sometimes I'm still amazed that you guys have received this story with such an open heart and mind! Thank you, thank you, thank you!**

 **This chapter was definitely a challenge to write. Through its many drafts, there was a lot of changes going on that on some days is was overwhelming to write. But it is done and I really hope you like this piece. There will be parts that I know some will not like, but it fit with the story and it increased the drama (and who doesn't like a good dose of drama?!).**

 **So, please sit back and get comfortable. This one is a long chapter! :)**

* * *

 _The moment he left my quarters, I instantly regretted it. I wanted him back. I needed him back. I was willing to do anything. He was a drug to me and I was completely and utterly dependent on him._

 _A thought, I remembered, had frightened me._

 _Then I thought about what he said and it angered me. I understand where he was coming from, don't get wrong, but he was willing to let go of everything we had built up with one another within a snap of a finger._

 _The thing is, is that he saw pain as something physical and tried to distance himself to protect me, but all it did was to destroy me._

 _I hated him. I hated that I was addicted to him. I hated that I couldn't see myself without him. But, most of all, I hated knowing that he loved me as much as I loved him._

 _Gone were the days where sex could be the only thing we shared, we were two loving people who had pledged marriage to each other. And he took that away in the most violent manner possible – quietly and unobtrusively, which made it seem as if he didn't care._

 _I knew deep down in my gut that his apprehension stemmed from one women – Rosalind the bitch. I have never hated someone more than I have hated her. She made him think that he didn't deserve to love and that repulsive thought still makes me sick to my stomach. I was tempted to try to find her true identity, but after a lot of thought, I gave up on the idea when I realized I had nothing to go on. No clues, not even a damn crumb._

 _So I was stuck, in limbo, for what felt like forever. I did what I always do when the pain from my crumbling heart paralyzes me – I threw myself in my work. I made sure that the only time I would see him was when I had to through my position as the Chief Medical Officer. I took on more projects and insisted on learning more about ships operation with the help of Geordi in engineering. I had to promise him that I would no longer try to convince him to take parts in my plays, but with most of my time spent either in Sickbay or Engineering, that was not a difficult promise to make._

 _Then, as if the galaxy gods didn't hate me enough, Jean Luc was injured on Linara. I spent the next few minutes trying anything I could think of to revive his damaged heart. In a last minute decision to defibrillate, the beautiful sound of his heart beating nearly brought tears to my eyes._

 _When he woke, there was a change about him. Small and undetectable to someone who would have only known him as their captain, but glaringly apparent to me. I admit I would have missed the sudden charge in his eyes if it wasn't not for the melancholy I would normally see whenever I saw him. Then he laid his eyes on me and the new spring in his mood morphed into the heart wrenching look of guilt. Like he was about to break my heart again._

 _Walking away, I promised myself then and there, that he was no longer going to scare me away or ignore me. Showing up for breakfast the next morning, I gave him a silent offering of friendship with no room for refusal. Never once did I bring up our relationship. We mainly stuck to topics of recent studies being published and the ship's gossip._

 _It worked for a while. Yes, my heart still ached for his love while my body silently begged to be touched, but I kept my silent promise to keep things between us platonic. There were times, under stolen glances, where I could have sworn I saw his fingers itching to make contact with my buzzing skin or where his palms twitched when I said things that he didn't agree with. Each time that would happen, I would excuse myself earlier than normal to slip away into my quarters to bang away the delicious stress he would cause on my sensitive libido._

 _Masturbation was vital to my survival during those days of torture. Every time I would cum, a violent sting of loneliness would envelope my soul as my body tried to rationalize that the perfect fit of his cock would no longer be there._

 _Then Nella came into his life. Every inch of my being begged for him to refuse her, to come back to me. I was enraged with a deep and carnal jealousy that drove me to sheer insanity. But in my late night thoughts while I was supposed to be sleeping, I reasoned that he needed to experience what life was like outside both dungeons of love and control. That no matter who you care about, the risk of putting on the Starfleet uniform was the same regardless of the person in it._

 _My life during those few weeks was painful as hell. My brain refused to function. My lungs refused to breath. My heart refused to care about anything around me. Thankfully Worf, who seemed to have forgiven me for Celtris III, invited me to his advanced calisthenics program during the evenings. It was a god-send. The class kicked my ass, but at least I was able to not think about Jean Luc and Nella together._

 _Then I heard that she was stuck on the planet side with a few members of her team during that disastrous storm. While I prayed for them to return safely, I could sense from clear across the ship that Jean Luc was tormented by the mere thought that she could be hurt or dead. When she came back on the Enterprise alive, we all heaved a collective sigh of relief while at the same time mourned the death of her colleagues. I heard from the water cooler mill that she broke it off with Jean Luc not far after._

 _When she left the Enterprise, for some reason the time Jean Luc and I spent together doubled. Our relationship was still platonic but with the added bonus that we were becoming friends once more by talking and actually getting to know each other. It came to a point where I could lean back in my chair and relax other than trying to run out so that I could sedate my lusty needs for desire through masturbating._

 _I actually enjoyed his company and I know that he enjoyed mine. Our relationship was still an off limits conversation but we filled it with mindless gossip or ships business. His face lit up in pride when I told him that I had taken a liking to engineering. In return, he gave me many fascinating articles and recent studies on the subject. Rarely did our skin touch, but when it did, the attraction that held us captive was magnetic and sizzling, ever present and needy for us to give in to her wild and lusty ways. But we never did, at least not on purpose. The gentle trace of his finger along my thumb as he handed me an article to read or the caring grasp of my arm when I almost tripped over his long forgotten boots had my mind swimming in a hazy pool of desire and longing to be pressed against the nearest table to be fucked._

 _At that time I desperately needed a distraction, so I decided to go to the Altine Conference that coincidentally Jean Luc had helped set it up for me to go. That's where I found Dr. Reyga. I thought his theory on subspace technology specifically with a sun's corona had extensive merit that deserved to have a trial and discussion. What a disaster! I thought everything was planned perfectly, but in the end two people died and I was on the frightening end of a formal inquiry. Not to mention Jean Luc's disappointment in me had me cowering to the shadows in embarrassment. I took a chance and stuck my neck out for something that I truly believed in and in the end I was royally fucked over. Sound similar?_

 _After the inquiry, freshly bruised and eager to return to my rabbit hole, an old friend of mine contacted me about Dr. Reyga's work. He was unable to come to the first trial, but he had read my report on metaphasic shielding and wanted to take back the shuttle for a deeper research._

 _Thinking nothing of his request and wanting to get this all behind me, I greeted him on board with open arms and a natural curiosity of how his life shaped after twenty-five years of barely seeing him._

..::..::..::..::..

"Damn, Beverly. If you didn't look so beautiful, I'd say you look like shit."

Rolling my eyes and smirking, I dramatically flare, "Well, don't you know, that's what a formal inquiry will do to you." Knowing that he loves cursing as much as I do, I add under my breath, "Asshole."

Laughing out loud with a boisterous chuckle, Jax shakes his head and downs the rest of his drink. "You haven't changed one damn bit." Closing his eyes as the bitter taste of his drink marks a path down his throat, he coughs, "God, this synthohol tastes like shit. Please tell me there is real alcohol on this bloody ship."

Smacking him on the arm, I stand, "Come with me. I've got the good stuff in my quarters."

"Music to my ears." Standing with me, we make our way out of Ten Forward. "I'm glad that I was able to make the trip out here."

Rolling my eyes, I sarcastically say, "You are taking a piece of technology back that can help with your scientific research. I think you would have come out regardless."

Taking my hand into his own, he quietly explains, "I get to see a great friend, who I have not had the pleasure of having dinner with in a long time. All I'm saying is that I'm lucky if I went back empty handed." Just as the turbolift doors open, he lifts my hand and kisses my knuckles.

Blushing at his complement, when I turn to step in the turbolift, I see Jean Luc standing right in front of us. Agitation crosses his stoic features as his arms sit tightly along his chest. Chewing the side of his cheek, he covertly sizes up the man next to me.

Is he really fucking doing this? Right now? For months, I have silently begged for his attention while I waited patiently for him to throw me a fucking bone. And all it took was seeing me with another man? Good! Now he knows how it feels to be enraged with jealousy.

Feigning complete innocence, Jax and I step in together as I pleasantly make introductions. "Captain, this Dr. Jax Hepburn from the Mars Science Station. He is here to pick up the shuttle that was used in the metaphasic shielding experiment to bring it back for scientific research. Jax, this is Captain Picard."

Thrusting his hands out in a friendly manner, Jax replies, "Thank you for allowing us the shuttle. I'm sure Starfleet has already dispensed on getting you a new one to replace it."

Stiffly shaking his hand, he quickly removes it and crosses it back along his chest. "Yes, they did. I look forward to reading your findings." Standing in a defensive position, his jaw is working in a furious manner as he looks everywhere else but at me.

Karma is a fucking bitch and I can't help but enjoy this. Tomorrow, I'll hate myself, but right now it feels so fucking delightful. Not as good as his mouth between my legs, but it damn near comes close. Shit! Just the tiny thought of his tongue relentlessly fucking me until I climax has my heart pound against my tightened chest. Taking a calming breath to stagnant my raging libido, I squeeze Jax's hand.

"Beverly has been kind enough to give me a tour of your ship. I have to say that out of all the ships I have been on – which I can count on one hand – this one is absolutely gorgeous." When Jean Luc doesn't return a comment, it propels us into an awkward and stifling moment.

I have known Jax since we were teenagers. He doesn't take to kindly to awkward moments.

"So… Ummm, would you like to join us in Beverly's quarters? She has offered a real taste of alcohol as opposed to the synthohol found in your bar."

Jax meant for it to be a joke and a friendly chance for him to break the ice that has covered this lift with Jean Luc's frosty attitude, but with the flare of his nostrils, I am willing to bet that all he heard was the first sentence. I notice that the pulse in his neck is throbbing mercilessly as a thin sheen of sweat cover his head.

I can't believe this! He is actually jealous.

Wanting to milk this for all that I can, I lean over and whisper, "He's the captain. I'm sure he has other duties to perform." When the doors open to our destination, my eyes bore into Jean Luc as I purr, "Good night, Captain." Taking the lead, I literally drag Jax out without a glance back.

Desperately trying to look over his shoulder, Jax throws a hasty good night before catching up to me. Just as we get to the door of my quarters, he places a comforting hand on my shoulder. "What the fuck was that all about?"

Shrugging his hand off, I grant us entrance as I moodily murmur, "Nothing." Marching in, I point to my makeshift bar and soften my over anxious voice, "Can you please be a doll and fix us both a drink? I'll be right back."

Narrowing his eyes, he firmly asks again, "What the hell just happened?"

Closing my eyes and heaving a defeated breath, I sigh, "Make me a big, strong drink and I will tell."

"That bad, ehh?" His brow turns up in concern as he relents, "Okay, you go change into something sexy and I will get us some BFDs."

Smiling as he uses our special coding for 'Big Fucking Drinks', I turn and make my way towards my bedroom. Quickly picking up my discarded clothes and shoes, I shove them into my bottom drawer right next to the Tarcasian Pleasure Stick. Staring at it, a renewed sense of desire shivers through my body. Jax and I used to be together when we were teenagers, however we went our own separate ways after high school. It has been a long time since we had sex but when we did, it was the stuff of legends. For the whole summer before going to Starfleet Academy we couldn't keep our hands off of each other.

Slamming the drawer shut, I erase those memories from my mind. When he came aboard a few hours ago, I was under no assumption that we would hook up and as far as I'm concerned it will stay that way. Not when the tear in my heart is still fresh from when Jean Luc dragged his knife through it.

Kicking off my boots, I throw them in the closet before walking out into the living room. Feeling a rush of gratitude when I seeing Jax waiting for me on the couch with a BFD, I offer a sweeping smile before cuddling up to him. With no preamble, I begin the shortened version of our story. "Jean Luc and I have been seeing each other off and on for just about two years. He made a promise to me and he didn't keep it. He broke it off with me."

Rubbing my shoulder, he asks, "What was the reason?"

Hating the feel of hot tears welling behind my eyes, I mumble into his uniform, "He didn't like the thought of us being together and being my commanding officer at the same time."

"I have to admit Red, that's a pretty big reason."

Pushing away from him, I passionately explain, "But that's the risk of joining, marrying, or being born into Starfleet. The probability of death grows exponentially as opposed to other planet side careers and they are very careful to prepare you for it. If the fear of having someone you love die in the service of Starfleet was overwhelming, then it would have never existed beyond its formidable years." Stopping to catch my breath, I finally steal a glance at Jax.

A perplexing look of apprehension crosses his features. "You… You love… Him…" his words tumble out of his lips at a slow, deliberate rate as if he was still trying to comprehend my words.

Oh goodness... I was under the impression that there would be no sex but apparently he was not under that same impression.

Oh, dear.

Grasping my cheek, he offers a warm smile to compensate the awkward moment being shared. Like I said before, he hates awkward moments. "My dearest, no need to explain anymore. I was just a foolish man living out a wet dream of seeing an old lover and wooing her into a quaking pile of desire."

Rolling my eyes, he always had a dramatic flair for the romance novels. We would read them together and try to mimic their sex positions. Almost always we would fall to the floor laughing our asses off. Covering his hand with mine, I kiss his palm. "It happened recently and, I hate to admit, it's still a little too painful." More like my heart has exploded into a million tiny, fragmented pieces that is impossible to put together unless Jean Luc is the one picking them up. But I won't tell him that.

Smirking, he laughs, "After all these years, a man has finally gotten the elusive Beverly to chase after him. I have to know his secret."

Amazing mind blowing sex where every orgasm that rips from my body worships the ground he walks on. A love so powerful that it nearly knocks me unconscious yet, at the same time, lifts me so high that I feel as if I can fly. "There is no secret, just love."

Lifting my chin with the tip of his finger, he leans in closer to get a better look into my eyes, "And, yet, he let you get away. No man would ever let someone as beautiful as you slip through their fingers." Leaning in closer, the tip of his nose barely touches mine as he states rather seriously, "Unless he is gay."

Letting out a bubble of laughter that I have not heard in a very long time, I place my hand on his knee to support myself from falling over. "He is not gay. Foolish, maybe, but not gay." Threading his finger through my hair, the feeling sets my skin of fire. It has been a long time since I have had the caring touch of a man. Closing my eyes, I get lost in the sensation of ecstasy filling every inch of my body. Ever since Jean Luc walked away from me as a lover, I have had to depend on myself to satisfy my carnal needs.

Ohhh… I would love to feel the weight of a man lying on top as he glides into me. I long to have his warm lips cover my nipples as he laps them into harden peaks. I ache for the sight of him between my legs licking and fucking my drenched folds until I scream his name. However, the most horrible affliction to theses wants and desires is that I only see Jean Luc doing it. No one else.

After he pulls me forward, my eyes open to find light blue crystals staring back at me. For a sheer moment I am sent into a panic until my mind catches up to my body.

Jax. Not Jean Luc.

Foolishly blushing, I drop my chin to my chest. "I'm sorry."

Giving me another kind smile, he murmurs between the heated space of our bodies, "No need for any apologies, my dear." Biting his bottom lip, he stares at my mouth in contemplation before nervously voicing, "Let me help you tonight. If you wish, you can call out his name instead of mine."

A rush of desire pools deep into my core as the thought of sex excites all my senses. However, I could never use him like that. He is a good friend of mine. "I couldn't-"

Pulling me towards him, our forehead gently collide as he quickly interjects, "I would rather play second fiddle than no fiddle at all."

Smirking, I sarcastically ask, "So am I supposed to be the fiddle in this analogy?"

"If that means I get to be with you, even one more time, then hell yes." In my moment of contemplation, he takes the initiative and charges forward. Our lips collide into a sweet fastening between two eager bodies.

For once, I let my body take control. Threading my fingers through his soft brown hair, I pull him closer as one of my legs swings over his hip. Pressing down on his evident arousal, he moans as my tongue darts through his mouth. Pumping my hips along his shaft, the clothes between our bodies only seems to cause more friction to add to my growing desire. Enjoying the delicious rush of satisfaction to the pit of my belly, the need for skin to skin contact makes my fingers itch along the base of his neck.

Grasping the top of my uniform, he slowly brings my zipper down, inch by glorious inch. When it reaches the top of my panties, he mumbles along my greedy lips, "Stand up."

Breaking away from him, my eyes remain shut as I step back on wobbly knees. Hearing him grunt as his takes off his clothes, I slide my uniform off of my shoulders.

Stripping it off the rest of my body, his fingers trace along the small of my back as his nose dives in between my legs. "Fuck, you taste of sweet heaven." Gliding his tongue along the wet seam of my panties, his hands roughly grabs my ass to pull me closer. "You used to be such a demanding lover." Reaching in underneath the band, his fingers hungrily slide the thin cotton down my quivering legs. "Did he actually sedate the insatiable Beverly Howard?"

Running off of fumes of pure imagination, I gather my hair between my fingers as a groan of pleasure courses through my heightened body. "It is far more enjoyable."

Tracing his tongue between my swollen lips, he flicks the tip along my clit. "You are fucking wet. Is that what he does to you every time you think of him?"

Feeling my eyes roll back against my closed lids, I sigh, "Every time."

Leaning away, I hear him snap on a condom before he pulls me towards him. "Come here." Kneeling on the cushions, he helps guide my hips down so that the tip of his cock brushes along my opening. "Keep your eyes closed. When you fuck me, imagine it's him. When you cum, call out his name." Pushing my hips all the way down, his cock fills me with a rush of satisfaction.

Grabbing onto the back of the couch, I ride up and down his rock hard shaft. Other than the grunts and moans of pleasure there is no other sounds bouncing along the walls. Taking his advice, my mind instantly fills in the dark shadow in front of me as Jean Luc.

Taking in one of my bouncing tits into his hot mouth, I groan in appreciation as his other hand reaches between our sweaty bodies to find my clit. Rubbing long, hard circles against my sensitive nub, he gently scrapes his teeth along my painfully erect nipple.

Sensing the familiar wave of my orgasm starting from the crown of my head, my speed gets faster and faster to keep up with his thumb. Feeling the hot air escape through his moist lips, I know he is just as close as I am. Tipping my head and arching my back, the rush of pleasure overtakes my body as my walls convulse along his throbbing cock. Jean Luc's name quietly leaves my lips as I feel him cum inside me.

Resting his sweaty head along my pounding chest, my eyes finally open to the bright lights around me. Blinking a few times, I look down momentarily startled to find a different man under me. When my mind catches up to what has happened, a bitter taste of guilt covers my mouth. Pushing off of him, I take a few steps back. As this guilt starts spreading towards my chest, I turn and run to my bathroom. Quickly turning on the shower, the dirtiness of my actions slides down my thighs as I step under the scalding water.

I should have never done that. I should have never asked him to come back to my quarters.

Pressing my back into the tile, I slide down into the corner wishing to disappear from existence. Letting my ungrateful tears flow down my cheeks, I allow guilt from my actions wreak havoc on my sobbing body.

 _..::..::..::..::.._

 _For a long time after that night, I tried very hard to ignore seeing Jean Luc. I knew just by the way that he looked at me that he knew what I had done. That I had betrayed him. Betrayed my own promise to him._

 _For the longest I blamed Jax for exploiting me when I was at my weakest, but in the end, it was me who made the decision to do what I did. No one else._

 _Poor Jax. I used him and then I left him without a single word. A few weeks after he left the Enterprise, he sent a simple message to me stating, "Chase him with all of your heart. Show him that he is a fool without your love. When I see you in twenty-five years, I expect you two to be married." A fresh sting of guilt and depression encircled my heart after I read that._

 _My decision to ignore Jean Luc worked for a few months, until I had to take command of the ship. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. The weight of keeping the Enterprise safe from the Borg just to save a few lives on the planet was overwhelming._

 _Thinking back, I had a sliver of understanding what Jean Luc meant when he broke his promise to me. But at that time, I was too stubborn to admit it and I had yet to learn the true facts of Jean Luc's history._

 _After being relieved of duty, I went straight back to my quarters and vowed to never step foot on the bridge again._

 _That vow lasted for about an hour when Jean Luc came knocking._

..::..::..::..::..

Downing another shot of whiskey and taking solace in its burning trail down my throat, I rest my forehead against the unrelenting tile. The feel of scalding hot water cascading down my back tries to erase today's stresses.

What a shit day. Never again will I take command. The amount of pressure that Jean Luc has on his shoulders on a daily basis is unbelievable. No wonder he needed time in the dungeon to exercise his demons.

One wrong move…

One error in judgement could have risked everyone's lives.

Thankfully everyone who needs to be on the Enterprise is here, but it could have gone horribly wrong.

Refilling my glass, a glorious sense of desire moves through me at the thought of that rush of anticipation and power to the pit of my belly when we were able to defeat the Borg vessel. However, I would gladly trade all of those in just to never sit in that big chair ever again.

Shooting down my third glass of alcohol, a delectable numb feeling courses along my muscles as my mind slows to a comprehensible rate. Ready to crawl in between my sheets and to put this day behind me, I turn off the shower and reach for my towel. Stepping out so that I face the mirror, I throw my damp towel onto the toilet seat. Taking a long stare at myself, I notice that some of my fair complexion has returned since my brief affair with Jax. Feeling my cheeks burn at the thought of my deceit, I briefly wonder if my rosy complexion is from my time in the captain's chair or in the shower.

Shaking my head, I reach into the stall to gather the bottle and my glass before turning towards my bedroom. Placing the breakables on the bedside table, I grab the fluffy white robe from my bed and cover my cooling body. Then a curious sensation of anticipation shivers its way up my spine as the little hairs on my neck stand erect. I know that feeling as if it has been burned into my brain. There are only a few places he can be. Peaking around the corner, I spy the reason of my quivering state sitting comfortably in a dining chair.

Lifting an empty glass in the air, he calls out, "I came to have a glass of your whiskey. However, you were already preoccupied. So, instead of disrupting you, I decided to wait." Letting a smirk cover his lips as his eyes rake over my barely concealed body, he gruffly adds, "I hope you don't mind."

After months of walking the friendship route, you better believe I mind. But I would never tell him that… Not out loud. Silently, I grab the bottle from my bedside table and walk it over to him. Every step I take towards him, my heart rate doubles in speed. It has been a little over a month since my transgression with Jax and I have refused to see Jean Luc in a more personal environment such as this. Just by the way he is staring at me, he knows what I did. Moistening my parched lips when I finally reach him, I pour him a glass full.

His stormy eyes never leaves my body as he tips the glass forward to take a small sip. He crosses his leg as the tip of his delicious tongue darts out to capture a runaway bead of whiskey along his upper lip. "You were amazing on the bridge."

His deep voice shakes me from my purely primal thoughts. Wishing I hadn't forgotten my glass in the bedroom, I sweep my tongue across the roof of my dry mouth and murmur, "Never again, Jean Luc."

Smirking as he relaxes against the chair, a rebellious glint crosses his eyes when he says, "You know when I was first given the Stargazer, my first day as Captain I was so nervous I could barely give orders. That night I threw up what little I had in my stomach and convinced myself that I should hand in my resignation to Starfleet immediately."

Staring at him in disbelief, I ask, "What stopped you?"

"Just as I was about to contact Starfleet, a Varkarian ship started to attack us. You see, we ventured into their territory and they didn't like that at all. So, naturally, they decided to fire on us. It was like a switch turned on inside of my body and right then and there, I knew what I had to do. Racing to the bridge, we fought them off and somehow maneuvered our ship back into neutral space. After experiencing that rush, that thrill, I never looked back, I never questioned my role again."

Shaking my head in wonderment, I murmur, "Something could have happened. Someone could have been killed." My words easily slipped out from under my lips without a conscious thought as to how they would affect him. Instantly staring down at the carpet, I pray that my embarrassment won't show on my cheeks.

"It's the risk you take when you are in command." His voice is different from when he told his gallant story of heroism. Now, it's muffled, damp under a cloud of sadness with a spark of anger right behind it.

Shivering as the cool air between us harshly licks my skin, I immediately change the subject, "How is Data doing?"

Clearing his throat of any and all emotion, he drones in his crisp captain's voice, "Geordi is running a diagnostic scan to make sure Lore didn't cause any irreparable damage. He offered to place himself in the brig and to be brought up on charges of insubordination and treason." Sighing, he mumbles to himself, "I couldn't do that, especially knowing that he was under the direct control of Lore. With all that is said and done, he will forever have to live with the knowledge that he almost killed his closest friends. That itself is like serving a lifetime sentence in the stockade." Crossing his arms over his chest after a few silent minutes, he says, "If you take command during the beta shift, maybe you would become more accustomed to the demand of the ship."

Shrugging, I clasp my hands protectively in front of me. "Maybe."

Staring at me, he hesitantly takes the rest of the glass in one gulp. "Smooth." He sets it down with a harsh clink on the glass table. His fingers nimbly play with the cup as he gazes at me with such heat that I could cool off in the sun's corona. "Beverly…" The melancholy in his voice sits heavily in the awkward air between us. Yet, despite our sour moods, a spark of heated electricity is beginning to charges between our close bodies.

Partially glancing at him through my eyelashes, I confess, "I miss you too." Looking back down, I imagine that he will be leaving soon. After everything that has happened to us, I'm sure he does not want things to get too messy.

"Come closer." His low, commanding voice rumbles through the thick air and straight to the center of my legs.

Willing my eager body to refuse to give in to his command, I keep my eyes down as my arms cross tightly along my chest. Don't look at him. Don't give in to his command for desire. I am strong enough to say no, just don't look at him.

Slipping his fingers through my own, he bypasses through my own self defenses and sends an electrical charge straight to my heart.

Going against everything I had just promised myself, I barely lift my eyes up to find the desperation in his voice mirroring the desperation crossing his handsome features. Within an instant, I ignore what I should do and give in to what he wants me to do.

Taking a timid step towards him, his hand falls back into his lap as he silently looks over me as a predator spies for his prey. Keeping my hands by my side, I wait for further instructions. My mind is screaming at me to run far away from him, but the lick of desire sets my body on an uncontrollable fire. The promise of his next command has my core pulsating back and forth as the delicious taste of sex covers the steamy air between us.

Reaching over, his fingers inch their way into my simple knot and pulls it away from my body. When my robe falls open, he lazily lifts one side open. "Take this off."

My trembling hand grasp the soft terry cloth collar and slides it off of my shoulders. My eyes flutter close when that delightful anticipation clenches along the pit of my belly. Biting down on my bottom lip, I try desperately to calm my raging heart by breathing slowly through my nose.

Just as my robe crosses my elbows, he commands, "Open your eyes." Seeing my flinch, he calmly adds, "I want you to stay focused on me."

Nodding, I let the robe fall to the ground. Staring into those hazy gray eyes, the familiar sensations of being controlled by him erupts all over my body. My pulse painfully throbs along my neck. My nipples stretch towards his warmth like flowers to the sun. Excitement and desire pools between my quivering thighs.

"Did you fuck Dr. Hepburn?"

His harsh voice instantly puts my mind on alert. He knows the answer to that, yet he wants me to say it. "Yes."

Reaching forward, his hand dives between my legs as his fingers deftly stoke along my swollen lips. "Did you enjoy it?" His voice is low, dangerous, as if he is ready to strike at any moment.

Gritting my teeth, I try my best to ignore the growing seed of pleasure blooming in my belly. "No."

Circling along my opening, he languidly slides in one finger. "Did you fuck his cock with your mouth?"

Closing around his finger to subdue my moan on the tip of my tongue, I instead sigh, "No."

Stroking my clamped muscles, he presses his thumb along my clit. "How did you fuck him?"

Swallowing nervously as he continues to defiantly stare at me, I mumble, "We kissed, then he took off my clothes and licked my pussy until I was wet. Then I climbed on top and rode him until he came."

Adding another finger, he leisurely finger fucks me as his thumb rolls into my clit. "Did you cum?"

"Yes."

My one syllable word stills any and all movements from him as an angry storm passes across his features. Jerking his hand away from between my legs, he leans back into his seat and quietly asks, "Why?" At my puzzlement staring back at him, he reiterates, "Why did you fuck him?"

Taking a moment to still my mind from scrambling, I croak, "Because I was lonely."

Uncrossing his legs, I desperately try to not stare at his rock hard cock pressing against his pants. "Do you still want to fuck him?"

"No." My answer comes before he finishes his ridiculous question.

"Sit on the table in front of me. Keep your legs wide open."

Biting my bottom lip once more, I step in front of him and climb onto the table. Feeling incredibly exposed to him, I can't help but feel a rush of primal desire as his eyes never wavers from my body.

Straightening in his chair, he commands, "Lay down and put your hands under your head." Once I follow his orders, he adds, "Keep your eyes on me."

For the longest time, he doesn't touch or talk to me. We just stare at each other as if he is challenging me to look away. I know better. I might be punished for my indiscretion, but I'll be damned if it will include insubordination. Setting my jaw tight in resolution, I stare back with a tight rein on my smart mouth.

Catching a small smirk faintly crossing his features, he leans in and sighs upon my center, "Are you in love with him?"

His warm breath seems to breathe oxygen into my body. He is so close, yet so far away. "No. I love you."

Tracing my inner thighs with his tongue, he quips, "And yet you fucked him." His fingers marks a heated trail up my legs to join his mouth. "So, I ask again," his tongue lightly pirouettes on my clit, "why did you fuck him?"

Furrowing my brow, I thought I already answered that question. "Because I was lonely."

Nipping my clit with his teeth, I can't help but cry out. "No, that's not the answer but I have confidence that we will get there soon." Before I can think about his words, his mouth converges onto my center. His middle finger thrusts hungrily in me as he laps in my salty desire.

I desperately want to close my eyes to ride this glorious wave of pleasure, but the thought of punishment banishes that want. Feeling my fingers dig into my palms, my toes curl as his thumb circles along my puckered hole. Gently pushing in, both fingers work in a sinful concert together.

With so many sensations attacking my senses, I am already on the brink of an orgasm when he slows his ministrations to a stop and blows cool air along my center. Just like the warmth from his touch, so close, yet so far away. "Why did you fuck him?"

Is this going to be my punishment? Him bringing me to the brink of an orgasm and then taking it away from me. Even he wouldn't be that cruel. Grunting in dissatisfaction, I bare through gritted teeth, "Because I was lonely."

Quickly standing and divesting himself of his uniform, his beautiful cock springs out of its confinement. Pulling my hips forward so that my ass is teetering on the corner, he grasps my thighs and drives his cock into me. At the speed of warp, he pounds into me to the hilt. Every time he thrusts in and strokes the most delightful spot, his eyes bore into my soul as if he is searching for keys to the universe. It unnerving to feel so connected to him while the love that is usually shared between us is cooled to a shade warmer than space.

Fucking damn it! The strong desire to shut my eyes works against what I know I'm ordered to do. Biting down on my lip hard, a faint moan escapes my throat. As the metallic taste of copper helps sedate my need to succumb to this powerful wave of pleasure, I wrap my legs around his sculpted waist.

Tracing his fingers between our sweaty bodies, the pad of his thumb finds my swollen clit. Pressing and circling along my sensitive area, a fresh new wave builds within me, larger and more powerful than the last. Just as I am on the cusp of spilling over, he stops his movements altogether. Leaning over so that his hands on the table holds up his frame, he quietly asks, "Why did you fuck him?"

Pursing my lips like a petulant child, I decide to ignore his question. I have already answered it three times and if he doesn't believe me then it then that's not my fault. With my eyes still on him and my hands under my damp neck, I try to use my legs to pull him towards me. I want my orgasm, damn it, and he has cruelly denied me twice.

Smirking that annoying little smirk, he unwraps my legs from his waist and pushes my knees to the side with a slight trust of his hips. Sliding in at an excruciating slow rate, his nimble fingers return back to between my legs. Bending over and resting one hand on the table, his warm mouth descends and sweetly covers my nipple. Pulling and plugging my erect peak with his teeth, his tongue swirls around it and flicks across the rosy bud. His hips stay at an agonizing pace, however his finger and tongue works quickly.

Needing him, silently begging him to speed up, I am surprised at my body's reaction to his sexual torture. Slowly blossoming from deep within my chest, my head grows dizzy in euphoric delight as the rest of my body falls numb. If only he would go a little faster, then I would be able to reach that beautiful precipice I have been wanting to jump from since the moment he left my heart in two. Bucking my hips to encourage his pace, I am surprised to find that the same hand that is pleasuring my clit is also effectively holding my hips down.

Growling in frustration as his slow pace defiantly electrifies my body, he glances up through his perch above my breast.

Feeling trapped like a caged wild animal under the heavy blanket of this unachievable orgasm, I scream, "I fucked him because I wanted you to suffer as badly as I have been!" The air between us stills as the sharp prick of tears threatens to roll down my cheek. Choking back my sob, he stops his movements as I whisper, "I wanted you to feel my pain as I helplessly watched you fuck another woman." As one tear escapes, I leave it to marks its trail down my temple. "You fought for her in a way you never fought for me and it-" my body shivers as it tries to keep everything in, "-And it broke me. So I fucked the first man to show any interest towards me."

Feeling exhaustion rushing through my body like a tidal wave, I pull my hands out from my neck and lift myself up. I try to push him away as hard as I can. Embarrassment stings my cheeks as his body keeps me from standing, I relentlessly pound against his muscular chest as I scream, "You broke me, goddamn it! I fucking hate you!"

Grasping my wrists, he brings them down by my side and circles his arms around my body. I fight him, of course, but he doesn't let up his hold over me. After exhaustion completely overtakes my body, he kisses my forehead and whispers over and over again, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

Slipping my hands around his waist, I tighten my grip and ask with all of my convictions and dignity behind me, "Erase it, erase it all."

"I don't want to dominate you." His words draw a comforting trail along my forehead.

Leaning out of his embrace, I murmur, "Then love me." A look of anguish crosses his confused features when I utter my words. Palming his cheek, I sadly remind him, "You have already broken me. All I have left in me is anger, which you have already witnessed." Gently kissing his lips, I quietly offer, "I would rather have ten minutes of marital bliss with you than a lifetime of just your friendship."

Taking a deep breath, he pulls out of me and lifts me off of the table. At first I thought he was going to reject me, but when he lays me on the mattress, he spreads my knees and nudges his hips between my thighs. With his dominate persona thrown to the side, the heat between our bodies doubles as a look of love adorns his features.

Leaning over me, he nervously croaks, "I'm sorry for my actions earlier, but I had to know everything that had transpired. Knowing what you did nearly had me reverting back to my old ways and I never want to be that man again. It just doesn't feel right to have you like that when I prefer to have you like this." The slick head of his penis poises itself at my quivering entrance. "Will you forgive me?"

Feeling his empty words surround me in a loving embrace, I pretend to believe them for the sake of this experience. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I sigh a low yes along his nose before our lips exuberantly collide. A set of fireworks explodes behind my eyes as the feeling of being loved runs rampant in my heart.

Pushing through my slick and wanting barrier, he breaks from our kiss and moans along the corner of my mouth, "I know my promises don't mean anything to you after all that has happened, but I will never be with another woman as long as we are close together."

He's right, I don't believe him, but I block out the negativity as my legs circle around his waist. "No more promises, just talk to as if I am your wife."

Stopping his movements once more, something different crosses his features as his mouth forms a perfect "o". Kissing the tip of my nose, he whispers, "I'll be right back." Pulling away, he disappears around the corner.

Lifting myself up on my elbows, I am slightly more curious as to what he needs to get.

Stepping back in, a familiar thin gold chain dangles from his hand. Crawling on the mattress towards me, he lifts my left hand and slides my makeshift ring on my finger. "I couldn't tear this away from me. It's been kept close to me like a tether unwilling to leave my side."

Swiping away several tears that have fallen down my cheek, I am unable to say anything back. Reaching up, my hand circles around his neck and pulls him down into a sizzling kiss. I don't know how I am going to let go without a fight…

Easily thrusting in me with such conviction, his hand crawls into my left hand and holds it down against the mattress. Back and forth he rocks as his lips never gives up on mine. His tongue draws faint lines along the roof of my mouth with every push of his hips.

That absolute lovely feeling of total embracing tenderness ties itself around our bodies. Nothing brings me closer and harder to that ocean of bliss more than knowing that love is being shared by both of our bodies. As his thrusts become more erratic than the last, I gloriously fall head first over the precipice of desire and I willingly open my heart to its demands.

Pressing his hips into mine, he succumbs to his own powerful desire. Emptying every last drop into me, our lips stay connected, never daring each other to let go.

Sighing into the mattress, a feeling of helplessness encapsulates me when I lean out of his embrace.

Glancing up into his eyes, a look of gut-wrenching sorrow crosses his features as he stares into my heartbreaking soul. I warned him that I was going to be angry when we got to this part of the evening, but I also begged him to stay and pretend that we were making love like a married couple. Just as he is about to step back off of the bed, I grab his biceps and quickly say, "Jean Luc, you don't have to..." God, I sound so fucking desperate.

Looking up to him to help with what I want to say, a sheer look of panic cross his features before his captains mask schools them into compliance. He slowly opens his mouth to offer a hasty apology or a cruel reason as to why he is needed on the bridge.

Not wanting to give him a chance, I place my hands on his chest and push him off of me with all of the anger that is building within my veins. Feeling used and extremely exposed, I stand and march straight to my bathroom. Before I reach the door, I turn quickly on my heels and spurn, "Your reasons for not loving me are ridiculous and self-centered. You were fine with waltzing in here unannounced to dominate me into submission and punishment, but you are unable to love me for fear of me dying?" God damn it! The tears are threatening to fall as I feel my exhaustion making my mind dizzy. Staring down at the carpet, I feel the heat from his eyes boring into me. Lifting my chin as confidently as I can, I call out with a trembling lip, "You are a coward and I will no longer be your whore." Instead of feeling liberated, my heart defeatedly sags against my chest. Shaking my head, I whisper, "Please leave," before turning into my bathroom.

Leaning against the counter, my body aches for his touch, for his love. Noticing the crisscross red and blue wires around my finger, a surge of hatred seeps into my throat. Wrenching it off of my finger, I stare at its beauty resting in my palm. Gently covering the ring with my fingers, I finally allow my tears to fall.

"I love you and I find that I can't let you go." Hearing his rumbling voice behind me, I turn to find that he is still naked. Barring everything to me, he steps towards me and continues, "My intention for tonight was to discover if you had sex with Dr. Hepburn. Then I saw you come out in nothing but a robe and I wanted you. I wanted so badly that I could taste you, even in the whiskey. Then you asked me to make love to you and to treat you as my wife. How could I deny you? You are an addiction to me, my drug that I refuse to share with anyone else. You were never, in no way or shape, a whore." Pressing his body into mine, trapping me against the counter, he leans in and sighs along my neck, "I love you more than anything else in this universe and it scares the shit out of me." Letting his forehead rest against my shoulder, he murmurs, "I could…" Stopping and lifting his chin, he croaks, "I might have to send you into harm's way or order you to your death." Shuddering in fear, his eyes drop to the little space between our bodies. After a few short breaths, he looks to me for understanding, where he finds it.

Why, I know more than anyone the risks and dangers that comes with a Starfleet uniform.

Shaking his head, he quietly asks, "What if you had to leave me down on that planet at the hands of Lore and his henchmen?"

Without batting an eyelash, I give him the best answer I can come up with – the honest one. "I don't know, Jean Luc. What I do know is that I deal with things when they present themselves to me. I hate letting my mind speculate what could happen. I've been down that long dark path before and I can tell you that there is no light at the end of that depressing tunnel." Covering his cheek with my hand, I lean in and whisper, "All I can promise you is that at this precise moment I love you and I'll be damned if I let what could happen in the future dictate my happiness in the present."

Shaking his head, my hand falls back to my side. "I can't do that. I am in charge of this ship and if that means sending you in harm's way for the sake and safety of the rest of people on board-"

"-Then I will gladly do it." My interruption irritates him, but it's because he knows I'm right. "I understand what serving in Starfleet means and I am aware of its risks. If I didn't want to do it, then I wouldn't be here. However, regardless of where I could be, there is always danger lurking. So it doesn't matter if I'm on this ship in your bed or on another planet dreaming of being in your arms, I will continue to love you, despite the unknown."

Lifting my hand, he kisses my palm and whispers, "I don't know if I can face the unknown and love you at the same time." Taking a step back, he releases me from his hold.

Just as he is about to turn around, I murmur, "Then I pity you. You will live the remainder of your life as lonely as the horrible being that senselessly killed Tasha." Shaking my head, I turn away from him as a tear escapes down my cheek. Wiping it away, I clear my throat and croak, "By the end of my tour, I will transfer back to Starfleet Medical."

"Beverly, you can't-"

Looking up at his reflection in the mirror, I interject, "I can't live my life with the fear of you lurking behind me." When will he learn that he can't have his cake and eat it too? Biting my lip to keep it from trembling, I put on my brave face and, as confidently as I can, say, "If you won't let me love you, then at least let me go."

Heartbreak rips through his features as my words settles in the thick air between us.

For one split second it looks as though he is going to fight me on it, but at the last millisecond, he closes his eyes and turns to leave the bathroom.

Not wanting to see him leave, I stay rooted to my place in front of the sink. When I hear the doors open and close, I finally lose my resolve and crumble into a big heap on the floor.

..::..::..::..::..

 _A month later, I was still that same jumbled pile of tears with the only exception that anytime I walked out of my quarters, I put on a brave face._

 _Many times, Troi would come to see me to check up on me. I knew that she could sense my unhappiness despite the fake smile and bright eyes that laboriously took me an hour to put on every morning. She would try to let me talk about it, but I refused. I felt as if I betrayed our friendship, however, at the same time I didn't want to burden her or anyone else with my ridiculous drama. I needed to let him go and to move on with with as much dignity as I could muster._

 _Besides, the type of relationship Jean Luc and I shared was still a secret that I was only too happy to keep to myself. Despite everything he has done, I would never want his secret to get out. He's a great leader and something like that would destroy his career._

 _So braving a new outlook on life, I dived head deep into my duty as a CMO with the added bonus of serving on the bridge during the delta shift. Every now and then I would run a drama class or participate in Worf's calisthenics class, but majority of my focus remained on learning any and everything about ships operation._

 _Very rarely did I see Jean Luc unless I had to. Thinking back, he probably made sure to never visit the bridge when I was up there for my shift. He never participated in Worf's class and he certainly never came to my drama class._

 _Also, at that time, I began looking for potential positions on Earth. I didn't have to put in for a transfer until I was ready to, which gave me a little more time before I had to confront Jean Luc about._

 _I was not that same person before this volatile relationship between Jean Luc and I started, but I believed with a little time and effort I was going to get there. I believed that if we were to stay out of each other's way, the break would be clean and clear of any more heart break._

 _What an idiot!_

 _It's never that simple…_

..::..::..::..::..

"Shit!" Muttering under my breath as the tricorder I had been working on falls to the floor, I quickly sweep it up with my shaky hands and input the rest of the data that we need.

With Jean Luc missing, time is of the essence to find answers before the trail gets cold. He should have never gone on this dig. It was supposed to be a simple R&R with a site dig not to far away. I remember Deanna talking to me about to help fill in the awkward space of silence. He has been missing for a few weeks – weeks!- and we are just now getting to his last known whereabouts. A seedy bar close to the Ruins of Nafeer on Des-Ika II. Our plan is simple, go in as black marketers and try to gather as much information as possible, maybe even a witness if possible.

Resting the last tricorder on my desk, I allow myself time to relax against my chair. We don't have to meet in Transporter Room Five until an hour from now. With my clothing sitting on my desk next to me and a short walk to the transporter room, I should be able to have about thirty minutes to just rest for a little bit.

Ever since we found out that he was missing, I have been running non-stop to make sure that everything here is taken care of. Fearful that the worst case scenario is going to work its way into my already dreadful nightmares, I refused to rest until now. Now, exhaustion sweeps across my body as I feel sleep numb all of my senses.

"Lieutenant Worf to Dr. Crusher."

Slowly stirring from dreamless slumber, I check the chronometer to see that I now have fifteen minutes to get changed and into the transporter room. Jumping from my seat, I gather my clothes and dash to a private room next to my office. Slapping my communicator, I hurriedly respond, "Dr. Crusher here."

"Doctor, I wanted to inform you that we will be transporting to the surface from Transporter Room Two. Transporter Room Five is undergoing maintenance."

"Very well, Crusher out." Stripping myself of my uniform, I now have a longer walk since Transporter Room Two is further across the ship. Shit! Why did I allow myself to sleep without putting on an alarm?

Shoving on my civilian clothing, I rush back into my office to gather the tricorders for the away team and my weapon. Cradling all in the crook of my elbow, I swipe my hat from my desk and turn towards the door.

However, before I can take one step, I collide into something blocking my path. Dropping all of the things to the floor, my hands and chin hit a big wall of muscle in front of me before collapsing into a messy pile. Just as I am about to let out a stream of cuss words that would make Worf blush, I feel two strong hands capture my arms to pull me up.

Glancing at the man who unwisely blocked my path, I am surprised to see Will staring back at me with a curious, yet infuriating smirk. "I was coming to see if you needed any help before transporting down, however with all of the tricorders that fell onto my feet," we both look down at the mess on the floor, "I would say you've got the situation under control."

Taking a step out of his embrace, I nod curtly my head and reply, "Well, if your barrel chest didn't block my door then none of these things would have fallen, including myself." Bending down, I pick each tricorder up and examine it for any scratches. When I check that all are fine, I pick up my weapon and holster it in my concealed belt. Handing him a few to hold, I inform, "All the tricorders are ready for us to use. All we need now is a sample and hopefully it won't come to that."

Smiling a smile that doesn't reach his eyes, he blandly says, "Thank you." Moving out of the way of the door, he gallantly let's me go through before following me out. Our walk to the turbolift is then met with a comfortable silence. A mere second after the doors close, his body slightly turns towards me as he mutters under his breath, "We will find him."

Sighing under the building pressure in this confining space, I mumble back, "I hope so."

Concern clouding his handsome features, he asks, "Are you okay?"

Fluttering my eyes to gather my bearings, I plaster on a smile and say, "I'm fine. Why?"

Clasping his hands behind his back, he nervously mutters, "The last few months… I've just noticed that…" Letting out a frustrated sigh, he takes a deep breath, "You have not been yourself lately. Anytime I see you, your head is down as if you are ashamed or worse, hurting. For some reason, you have buried yourself in work and not given yourself enough time to relax." Grasping my shoulder, he softens, "I worry about you." With his hand trembling against my arm, I notice a hint of anger crossing his chocolate brown eyes. He seems a little too agitated to just be 'concerned'.

"I'm fine, Will." Even to my ears, I don't sound too convinced with my overly recited answer.

"That's not true and you know it." Taking a deep breath, he lowers his voice and asks, "Did **_he_** do anything to you?"

Understanding his implications that the 'he' Will is talking about is Jean Luc, I slowly shake my head and add, "No." Sensing his eyes raking over my body for any signs of stress or sickness, I protectively cross my arms along my chest. Slightly annoyed at his protectiveness, I tut, "Will, you don't need to act like my big brother. I've had many heartbreaks before him and I might have a few after him. I can take care of myself."

Mirroring my stance, he looks off to the side and petulantly remarks, "He promised that he wouldn't break your heart."

Rolling my eyes, I quip, "Well that's a silly thing to promise and shame on you for thinking that he was going to be able to keep that promise." He is, after all, a man with no promises kept. But I keep that to myself.

Feeling him grasp my bicep, I look to see that his agitation has turned into anguish. With a furrowed brow, he mumbles under his breath, "But he married you."

Stumbling back wanting to escape his scrutiny, my heart begins to mercilessly pound against my ears. "I… I don't know…"

Gripping my arm tighter, he whispers into my hammering ears, "Beverly, Worf overheard him speaking his wedding vows to you on the way to Celtris III." Sensing now the rage that is shaking through my muscles, he tries to quickly sooth, "There is no use getting mad at him, he told me in confidence and I had never spoke a word of it until now. And I promise that I never will. I just… I just worry about you and him. Both of you are like family and I don't want to see anyone hurt."

My temper cools into grief as the sound of his sympathy lessens the pounding in both my heart and ears. Taking a deep breath, I confess, "He… he changed his mind." Hearing my voice crack against the stale air between us, I turn back towards the door and focus on the tricorders. In truth though, I don't want him to see my eyes fill with tears. Out of childish desperation, I add, "I'm sure you know how he feels."

"Beverly-"

Stopping when the doors open, I take advantage of his silence and march towards the transporter room. I try to erase the hurt that I heard in his voice. It was a low blow and I should be ashamed of myself.

Before getting to the doors, Will takes my shoulder and pulls me back. "Beverly, I'm sorry if I upset you further, but…" Encircling me with a big bear hug, he sighs against my ear, "I'm sorry."

Sliding my arms around his waist, I squeeze him tight. "I'm sorry for worrying you," tipping my head back to look into his eyes, I murmur, "and I'm sorry for what I said back there. It was uncalled for."

"Don't ever apologize about that. I just don't want you to think that you have no one to talk to." Leaning out of our friendly embrace, he offers, "And as for your truthful remark, I earned it. I broke her heart all for the sake of my career. So I do know what he is thinking, even if I don't know the whole story." Giving me a brighter smile, he adds, "If we have dinner together, I can probably tell you why he broke your heart if you give me a chance."

Briefly thinking back to a time where he charged into Jean Luc's quarters like a bull in a china shop after Jev's mental assault, I shake my head and murmur, "Thanks Will."

Threading his finger along my cheek, he insists, "I'm serious. Or if anything, I know a great counselor that is easy to talk to on this ship. I can help you find her office."

Squeezing his hand and taking a step back, I smile my first genuine smile in a long time and graciously say, "Thank you, Will. I know my way."

Leaning in and giving me a sweet kiss on the cheek, he reminds me, "Don't forget, we are black market traders."

Feeling my muscle contort into a full blown grin, I whisper with a glint in my eye, "Who has been scorned by her lover and seeks revenge."

Giving me a dazzling smile, he adds, "It'll knock their socks off."

As we walk into the transporter room to meet with Worf and Deanna, I can't help but laugh at the irony of our made up story.

..::..::..::..::..

"Beverly?"

Refusing to turn around even to talk to my friend, I keep staring at the only picture of Jean Luc and I. It was from my wedding reception. I nearly had to beg him to take one lousy picture, but after about four drinks and a lot of teasing and persistence, he conceded. Now looking at the photo that Jack had put in a frame, I can't help but feel cheated.

Maybe I should have pushed him harder into a relationship. Maybe I should have ended it a long time ago. Maybe I should have not even started it. But now all that is gone because he is-

"Are you pregnant?"

Deanna's soft question has me turning around, the picture kept safe in my hands. Barely shaking my head, I quietly mumble, "No. That was a made up story."

Stepping a timid foot into my office, I wince at the pain crossing her features. She is suffering as well. Maybe not as much, but she is suffering. "I know you want to be alone, but I just want to let you know that you don't have to be. There are many people around you that will gladly give you a shoulder to lean on. In fact," her voice begins to break and the sound of it nearly has me in tears, "others here could probably use your shoulder to cry on."

With my lips trembling, my hand darts up towards my chest and moves over the slight bulge from around my neck. Jean Luc's ring. He left it after… after our last time together. I was going to throw it away, hell bent with moving on with my life. But I didn't have the courage to do it. Somehow I felt that if I were to throw it away, then I would throw away everything from our relationship and despite our unwillingness to fix what is broken between us, we did have some amazing moments together. Moments that I will always treasure now that he is…

Just as I see Deanna turning away in the corner of my eye, I softly call out, "I love him." Holding our picture close, I mutter, "A lot has happened in the past few months, yet, despite everything, I still love him. It's like I can still feel his presence surrounding me, begging me to call out for him."

Sitting in the chair in front of me, she whispers, "He has loved you for as long as I have known him. Grant it, it was not as powerful as it has been recently, but it was still there. In the beginning he was frightened to acknowledge it, but I think after being around each other for so long, he came to accept this love. It was like it flowed through him like a vast and mighty river, yet it gave him peace to know that his love was returned with as much passion from you."

Staring down at the picture, I quietly confess, "We secretly married each other right before our mission to Celtris III." Glancing up, Deanna's face is impassive as if she is patiently waiting for me to finish. So I did. "After coming back, he broke our relationship off citing that he couldn't love me and be my commanding officer at the same time. So I let him go and it… it was… painful." Not afraid to show my true feelings anymore, I welcome the tears to fall freely down my cheek. "I had never felt a heartbreak as deep as that with another living soul. Not even after Jack died. Now that I have finally come to the moment where I want to move on, he dies." Hugging the thin picture frame as tight to my body as possible, I confess, "I knew he loved me, but I didn't know how far that love went. And now that he is dead, I will never hear of his love from him again."

For the longest time we sit in silence staring off into different corners of my office. Neither one of us having anything to say, we comfort each other with closeness rather than words.

After a while, Deanna lifts her chin and offhandedly says, "Will is going after the people responsible. He won't stop at anything until the Captain's death is avenged."

"I will support him with whatever he needs me to do." Never backing down for my taste of revenge, I hold her gaze until she breaks the contact.

"Okay."

"Okay."

..::..::..::..::..

What a stupid, fucking idiot! Who the hell demands their way into a seedy bar and asks about missing or stolen artifacts?

Apparently, Jean Luc does. And, not only that but then also get himself caught and in the process concocts a web of lies and stories to simultaneously keep himself alive to find said artifacts.

Someone needs to cut off his Dixon Hill time in the holodeck!

Stepping into the turbolift, I can't help but feel angry at him. He could have died for the sake of stupid, old artifacts. Grant it, it made weapon that could kill millions with just a thought, but still. For a long while after learning that he was confirmed dead, I could barely do anything but breathe. However, after rudely finding out that he's alive and playing some real life 'Dixon Hill' drama bullshit, I hoped with all of my heart that he would come back alive to us so that I could kill him instead. Rolling my eyes, what a fucking—

Feeling the swish of the turbolift doors opening, I lift my head from my internal rantings to find the primary source of said ranting staring back at me. For a split second, the air in this tiny compartment decompresses and all I can do is hold my breath. Held captive by his stormy eyes, I briefly wonder if he can hear my heart pounding against my chest.

Taking a timid step in between me and the metal wall, his murmurs his destination, "Bridge."

The unique sound of his deep voice resuscitates my lungs into breathing once more. Moistening my lips with my dry tongue, pure elation fills my heart and then spreads through my body like wildfire. He is alive.

Feeling hot tears prick the back of my eyes, I glance up towards the ceiling to blink them back. Biting the bottom of my lip, the heat between our close bodies escalates. Reaching out with my fingers, I let out a surprised sigh when his needy fingers grasp mine. Interlocking our fingers together, a tear escapes and marks a path down my cheek. He is alive.

Slowly turning my head so that I am looking at him, I moisten my dry throat and take a deep breath.

However, before I can speak, the doors open again and I find Willand Worf standing behind Yranac, the informant that helped us in the seedy bar. Quickly letting go, we step away from each other to allow them access. Wiping away the tear with a flick of my finger, I tightly cross my arms along my chest and stare down at the carpet.

The silent air in this stuffed lift is palpable at best, heavy with unspoken words.

At least until Yranac speaks, "So you're the despicable man who knocked up this man's sister." His voice is low and sinister like a lion waiting to strike.

Turning towards the scene, it's like an accident happening in slow motion yet I can't move a muscle to stop it.

Facing the alien, Jean Luc drily says, "Excuse me."

Just as they come face to face, Yranac pulls his arm back and punches Jean Luc square on the cheek. "As a man with a sister, you are a disgusting piece of filth."

Falling against the wall, Jean Luc grasps his jaw before pushing himself up.

Both Will and Worf clamber to hold Yranac back, but it doesn't stop his big mouth. "You got her pregnant and then decided to leave her at her most vulnerable. I hope you rot in Narnic." When the doors finally open, my one savior finishes the deed by spitting in Jean Luc's face.

Scrambling to push him out, Will turns around horrified and stammers a hasty apology, "I'm so sorry, Captain. It was… It was just a…"

Rubbing his bruised face, he commands just as the doors are about to close, "I don't care, Commander. Just get him off my ship."

The doctor in me takes over as I step in front of him. Wiping the yellowish-green spit from Jean Luc's nose, I gently grip his chin so that I can get a better look at his cheek.

Grasping my wrist, he demands, "Computer, halt." Feeling the soft hum of the machinery stop under my feet, he threads his fingers through my hair and to the base of my neck. "Are you pregnant?"

I can't help but quip, "Will knowing stop you from being an idiot?"

Gritting his teeth and taking a measured breath, he repeats, "Are you pregnant?"

Pressing my lips into a thin, white line, I close my eyes and slowly shake my head. Opening my eyes, I thought I would see happiness or even relief staring back at me, but instead I see his brow furrowed in deep thought.

"I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have…" The sorrow dripping from his voice stops him from finishing his sentence.

Knowing that he is talking about the night he came in to my quarters, I crossly interrupt, "No, you shouldn't have." The weight of his body pressed against mine and the way he made my heart quiver every time his fingers ghosted along my heated skin makes my mind heavy with burning desire. Reasoning, he shouldn't have come, but I wouldn't have changed it for the universe. Subconsciously, my hand reaches to the hidden golden chain around my neck. "I miss you." Again, it's been a long time since we have allowed ourselves to go down this treacherous road and, in the end, I know I will be heartbroken once more, but I can't help but tell him how I feel.

Catching the movement of my hand under his watchful eyes, he reaches out and let's his fingers thread through my own. "I love you." His soft words silence any and every thing in my head. "I promised myself that if I were to ever make it out alive, that I would tell you when I saw you."

I blanket myself with the love he professes, however, a chilly wind sweeps across my heart. My mind, which these days is not easily swayed by his romantic gestures, chastises that he can use all of the words he likes, but it's his actions that will show his true feelings. "And, yet, you still won't commit to a relationship?" My harsh words sting but I don't like being yanked around on his chain.

Letting his hand fall down to his side, the loss of contact temporarily leaves me numb. "She said that this would happen when I talked to her before I left for the archaeology dig and she-"

Wait… "Who?"

Biting his lip, he murmurs, "Rosalind. She said that maybe-"

"Wait a minute," holding up my hand in between our bodies, he takes a sloppy step back as if I forced him by sheer telekinetic powers, "you still talk to the bitch who has mentally and emotionally abused you? And worse, you are actually considering her advice?!"

"She can give rather good-"

Throwing my hands in the air, I once again roll my eyes at his stupidity. "Seriously?! The same woman who said, you don't deserve to love, that you are incapable of having a loving relationship that is not based off of whips and chains. That woman?"

"You may not agree with her-"

Crossing my arms tight along my chest, I mutter under my breath, "That's an understatement."

Louder, he reiterates, "You may not agree with her on some things, but I do."

"So you love me and want to marry me, but you are incapable of following through because someone says you shouldn't based off of her own twisted and demented intuition." Rolling my eyes, I vehemently ask, "You know what she wants, right?" At his profound silence, I fill in the blanks for him, "She wants you back in her dungeon."

Slowly shaking his head, he disagrees, "No, she has not expressed wanting to-"

"You know, for a Starfleet Captain, you are looking pretty dense right now." Grabbing his shoulders with both of my hands, I sternly say, "She wants to fuck you so badly, she can taste it. Of course she wants you to leave me. Leaving ensures her status in your life."

Confusion settling across his features, he weakly says, "But she doesn't know who you are."

Shaking his shoulders, I yell, "Does that make a difference? She knows that we love each other and that threatens everything she has built with you." Still not convinced of her trickery, I ask, "When you told her of the wedding vows we made to each other, what did she say?"

"She said that loving and marrying you would put my role as your commanding officer at stake."

"And you believed her because you take your command seriously. However, what she didn't tell you is that she knows that too. She played into you weakness of losing someone you love. And you fell for it hook, line, and sinker."

"I didn't fall for anything other than your love. Everything that I have said is true." His fingers trace along my cheeks as he take a step towards me. With the tip of our noses barely touching, he confesses, "The truth is, is that if I had to choose between saving you or the ship, I would choose you in a heartbeat." His words hangs in the air between us, his obvious guilt encasing and trapping his body.

"Jean Luc-"

Barely lifting his stormy eyes, he quietly adds, "Moreover, if someone else were at the hands of your death, then I would stop at nothing to exact my revenge, and I would not be able to rest until all parties would be held responsible." Silently pleading for me to understand, he reiterates, "As a man with unlimited means at my disposal, I would murder them in cold blood and not once regret my decision."

His chilling voice, which is devoid of any and all emotions, has me taking a frightened step back.

Not ready to let me go, he pulls me towards him. I can feel his body trembling against mine as he barely whispers, "Can't you see, you are my weakness. I think of you every moment of my life because I cannot imagine a universe without you. My biggest fear isn't losing a friend. My biggest fear is losing you."

My goodness… Feeling the pinch of a headache making its way into my frontal lobe, I circle my arms around his waist and murmur against his chest, "Then you know without your commitment to love, you have already lost me." The most heart wrenching thing is, is that I would do the same for him, because love is not love unless it is worth dying for. Reaching behind my neck, I unclasp the necklace and lay it in his palm. "I love you and I always will. I hope one day, we will be able to freely live with our love rather than hide it away in the dark." Stepping out of his embrace, I look towards the ceiling and command, "Computer, resume turbolift." Feeling the tick-tock beating of my heart pounding against my chest, I know we are getting close to my stop when I confess, "You would be an amazing father."

When the doors open, I take a quick step out as I hear him mutter, "Beverly, I'm-"

Whatever else he said falls on deaf ears when the doors slide close.

* * *

 **Please don't hate me... I promise that it has to get bad before it gets better. And it will be getting better soon!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Oh-my-lanta! I am incredibly sorry that this has taken FOREVER to post. There has been a lot of stress put on my family the last few months, but now that things are slowly getting back to normal (as normal can be), the writing has started to flow once again.**

 **Thank you to all those that have read, commented, liked and/or favorited this story so far. You guys truly light up my day!**

 **I'm thinking 2 more chapters until this story is marked complete.**

* * *

After that last encounter, we fell into the same routine as we had before he got himself kidnapped. An occasional breakfast here and there with no mention of our failed romance.

At that time, I was at my all time lowest. I wanted to be with him, to love him the way that we should, however with everything that was said now made that seem impossible. Essentially, we were so close to each other, yet, so far.

Thankfully, with the help of Admiral Bozarry at Starfleet Medical, my transfer at the end of my tour was to come up very soon! Possibly at the end of the year. I figured I could keep it hush-hush until it was about time for me to leave.

I didn't tell a lot of people at the time. Knowing that they knew of our relationship, I didn't want to put Jean Luc or I through the gossip mill ringer. I, of course, told Wesley, but he didn't bother to ask too many questions as for my reason for leaving. So the only person that was left to tell was Jean Luc.

As told by the code of conduct, I have to inform my superior officer within six Earth months if there is to be a transfer and with his approval, I can put in the paperwork for said transfer.

Well… I worked a little backwards. I wanted to make sure that I had a guaranteed position at Starfleet Medical, so I snooped around with some of my closer colleagues before contacting Admiral Bozarry. She, very willingly, agreed to keep my transfer to herself, of course, with the proper transfer approval.

So, in order to get his approval, I did everything I could to ensure that we were still on good terms. I kept my tongue in line and made sure not to rip out his little eyeballs. But in reality, I wanted to cause him as much pain as he caused me.

Then Kespryt…

Oh Lord...

The day started out pleasant enough, a quiet breakfast with mindless talk about gossip. I remember thinking that after getting back, I would tell him about the transfer. However my plans were put to a halt when we were kidnapped by the Pryt. Those goddamned jerks! I was dead set on leaving the Enterprise – Jean Luc – at the end of the year with no other drama holding me back.

However, because of our forced union, everything I thought I knew quickly muddled into more questions than answers that I desperately needed to know.

..::..::..::..::..::..::..::..::..

"Bow down to me pet and beg for mercy." The strange woman's voice drips with disdain yet is held in tight by her masterful control.

Blinking a few times to get accustomed to the dark lighting, a wave of nausea from being ripped from my pleasant dream passes. Taking in my mysterious surroundings, my heart beats rapidly against my chest as I glance around the dark room as to who she is speaking to. Noticing a body in a shaded corner, the man she is commanding to is bent down on the carpet with his palms resting on his thighs. Staring down at the red carpet in front of him, he takes a deep breath and murmurs, "I beg of you to punish me."

That's… holy fuck hell... that's Jean Luc! Then the woman must be…

Turning toward the only woman that would dominant him, I quickly jump out of her way when she marches towards her prey. Stopping in front of him, she places the handle of a whip under his chin and lifts his head. After a quite moment of glaring at each other, she suddenly strikes his cheek with the back of her hand.

SLAP!

"NO!" The cold, hard sound of her hand leaves a chill in the air as my unheard cry for help hangs on deaf ears. Slamming my eyes shut, I choke down my rising bile as the smell of sex permeates my nose and slowly crawls along my skin. Feeling my nails cutting into the palm of my hands, I silently plead to take me away from this nightmare.

Slowly peeling my eyes open to the hope that my prayer were answered, I am greeted with the same scene of both sub and dom stubbornly staring each other down. The stench of both desires surrounds them and infiltrates the large room in a heated wave, itching and silently begging each other to be resolved in the most violent manner possible.

Taking a trembling step forward, I selfishly try to get a glimpse of her face. Her perfume familiarly tickles my brain, yet with everything else from this dungeon attacking my senses, my mind is slow to think of who it could be. When I spark the courage to lean in for a closer look, I am surprised to find it clouded by a dark shadow.

Reaching out and snatching what little hair he has on his head, she pulls him towards her body and threatens in a low voice, "I want your mercy, pet. Not your fucking desires." Pulling him towards her center, she commands, "Fuck my pussy with your tongue. Make me cum and I will give you what you desire most. Fail, I will make the next five days so miserable that you will beg for the sanctuary of hell." Throwing her whip down, she pushes away his head and sways to the black leather chair next to them. When she sits, she opens her legs, inviting him to fuck her nasty cunt.

Turning back to Jean Luc, he openly stares at her, visibly weighing his options that she presented to him.

Throwing myself in front of him, I yell as loud as I can, "NO! DON'T DO IT!"

Making up his mind, he stands on all fours and crawls through me towards her. It's like I am a ghost – an unwilling participant of this nightmare of a dream – and there is nothing I can do to stop it.

Craving no desire to witness anymore of it, I spy around the room to find an exit. When I spot the door, I quickly run to it and reach for the handle. However, my hand goes straight through the metal. Taking a deep breath to calm my anger, I lunge forward to try to walk through the wall. Alas, my body refuses to go through the solid door towards freedom, trapping me in the infernal dream. Covering my ears from the throes of pleasure emanating from Rosalind, I refuse the urge to bang my head against the wall. Instead, the cold hard sting of jealousy grips my insides as I hear her shouts turn into heavy petting. With the room growing quiet, curiosity blooms and I turn to see what has happened.

He is still fucking her, but now her head is lying against the back of the chair as she rocks along his mouth. Suddenly, she becomes rigid as she grips his head to still him. Through her clenched lips, she breaths, "Suck me dry, pet, and fuck my ass just like I showed you."

Rolling my eyes, I lean against the wall and slide down until my ass meets the floor. Hugging my knees close to my chest, I cant help but stare at them. This longing desire to be with Jean Luc settles in the pit of my stomach as jealousy once again clenches my intestines. I have missed him dearly since walking away from our relationship. And although, it was the best decision I made, I still regret it with all of my heart. I just wish there was a way for us to be together, but long ago I have come to realize that some relationships, no matter how much love is being shared, is just not meant to be. I loath that it has come down to that.

"Oh, yes! Fuck me hard right there, pet." Throwing her head back against her seat, she lets out a low mumble of curse words in French.

Hmmm… Does that mean Jean Luc knows her from his village? Can't be, I don't know anyone from La Barre and he had specifically said a few weeks ago that I knew her.

Using her feet that were resting around his neck to push him away, she murmurs, "You have come a long way with that talented tongue, pet. Stand up."

When he stands erect, I am surprised to see that his cock, that is usually rock hard, is lying limp against his leg. Euphorically smirking, I wish that she could see my triumphant face. He might have been forced into fucking her pussy, but he sure as hell didn't enjoy it.

An ugly color of puce covers her body as her fingers clinch the arms of her chair in anger. Leaning forward, she grabs his hips and pulls him towards her to suck his cock.

Quickly stepping out of her vice grip, he firmly commands, "Punish me, Mistress."

Stepping close towards him, his jaw is stubbornly set as he crosses his arms along his chest.

Standing from her chair, she crosses her own arms defensively and rebukes, "My words were very clear earlier tonight. This will be the last of that type of punishment." Taking a deep breath, she steps closer to him and rests her hand on his shoulder. Softly, she tells him, "There is nothing more you can do… She's happily married." Squeezing his arm, she sympathetically adds, "If you wish, I can show you how to harness your anger and turn it into control."

Sighing in defeat against her touch, he shakes his head and mumbles, "One more time is all I ask, mistress." Glancing at her with a defeated look, he croaks, "Please."

Taking a rigid step back, she roughly grabs the collar around his neck and pulls him towards the bed.

Sensing the adrenaline pumping throughout the room, I quickly stand from my voyeuristic perch and move next to the dresser Jean Luc was sitting next to when I was dropped in here.

As Jean Luc backs up towards one of the posts, Rosalind steps over to the drawers nearby and takes out what looks to be a flogger and a pair of handcuffs. "Assume your position, pet." Gone is the caring voice from a moment ago, now she has returned to her dominant, bitchy self.

My God! I would love just five minutes in the same room with her. And if I have to hear her call him 'pet' one more time –

Cuffing his wrists to the post, she softly asks, "Safe words?"

With hooded eyes, he drones, "Yellow to slow down and red to stop."

Raking my eyes along his body, his cock is raging hard juxtaposed against his quaking, sweaty body. I wonder what this punishment is that gets him this excited.

Knowing the routine, he stands tall as his eyes flutter closed. Erasing any and all emotions from his features, for a brief moment, he looks vulnerable.

For the millionth time since entering this strange dream, I want to hold him close and take him away from this hellhole at the same time.

Smirking evilly as if she had just captured her prey, she turns and pulls out a long, red wig and stretches it over her head. Stretching her hand out, she gently stokes his cock with enough feather light touches to drive any man crazy.

Leaning heavily against the wall and crossing my along my chest, I dramatically roll my eyes. I don't have the stomach to watch this crap again. That is until I hear her mew, "I will never love you the way I love him."

What?

Almost as if he is in a trans, he slowly repeats, "You will never love me like the way you love him."

Coiling back, she strikes his chest with the flogger with her entire weight behind it.

If it weren't for his restraints holding him back, he would have doubled over. Lifting his chin defiantly, his parlor is shaken when he sees the bitch dressed with a wig. A twinge of green colors his cheeks as he tries to speak.

Obviously he had never played these games before. Or at least not with these rules.

Taking a step towards him, she smoothly runs her fingers through his chest hair as she sighs, "I will never love you, Jean Luc. You are not capable of loving me the way I should be loved."

The fuck?!

Jerking his wrists so that the cuff cuts into his skin, a look of pure humiliation and pain stains his cheeks red. Gritting his teeth, he slams his eyes shut and murmurs, "I am not capable of loving you."

Trailing her lilth fingers down his happy trail, she takes his cock once more and pumps methodically him until he visibly relaxes. Kneeling down on her knees, she takes all of him in her mouth as her hand cups his balls.

Sucking in a quick breath, he slams his eyes shut as she bobs back and forth. Opening wide, he stares down at her and bravely whispers, "I may not be capable but I love you damn it."

Popping him out of her moth, she quickly stands and strikes him again – however this time it was along his shoulder. Little angry red marks stain his beautiful skin as she demurely crosses, "Call me by her name."

A sheer look of panic quickly passes his sweaty features and for a moment, it seems as if he won't give in to her demand. Swallowing what little moisture he can muster, he softly whispers, "I love you, Beverly."

I double over, ready to heave what little I have in my stomach. Closing my eyes, the shallow sound of my short breaths along with Jean Luc's guttural groans drowns out Rosalind's obvious attention to a certain needy region. I have to get out of here. I don't think I can survive another moment. Running and banging my fists against the door, I pray this wakes up a conscious part of my brain.

"Oh, Jean Luc," her annoying voice cuts through my muddled mind, "you will never be able to pleasure me the way Jack pleasures me."

For one moment, all movement ceases and the only one to notice is the ghost about to loose her marbles while trying to make her escape. I glance at him over my shoulder, silently begging him to not say what she wants him to say. For one blessed second, I think that he can hear my plea, but in the end he mutters, "I am unworthy of you, Beverly."

I can't take it anymore! Covering my ears from the short leather strips biting into his skin, I yell as loud as I can, "WAKE UP! WAKE UP! I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE ANYMORE! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!"

Stirring from the wretched dream back into reality, I bolt up to the sound of my heart pounding against my eardrums and cold sweat dripping down from my cheek. Turning towards the campfire, I notice that Jean Luc is still in fitful, yet disturbed slumber.

He's probably still stuck in that cold bitch's chamber being tortured into thinking that he is not capable of loving anyone.

And not just anyone…

Shuddering against the chilly night wind, I slam my eyes shut to try to erase what I saw in his dream. Choking down the vile that threatens to come up, I can still see everything from his dream.

The cold clip of her hand slapping his cheek and the moans and groans that escaped through her lips as he was pleasuring her still rings in my ears.

The sight of his raw, red marks along beautiful skin… God, what made him want to do that? Was it penance for loving a married woman? Was it punishment for exposing that love to his mistress? Or maybe both?

Jesus, that smell…

Forcefully standing and wiping the dirt and sand from my uniform, I carefully step over Jean Luc to warm my hands over the dying fire. Looking around for more wood, I place a few pieces on top and then stroke the fire to get it going like it was before I went to sleep.

The smell of sex dominated the air, however, I remember getting a whiff of something different when she passed by me. I can't remember where I know it, but I have smelled it before. It's a flowery perfume with a hint of something else… Mint maybe.

Picking up a few stray pieces of wood as I try to remember the scent, an unyielding rush of anger sweeps through me. Looking back at the sleeping figure next to the fire, my anger intensifies to full blown rage.

Damn it, Jean Luc! If you were so in love with me, then why didn't you say something?!

"I couldn't tell my best friend that I was in love with his wife." As his simple explanation carries through my hazy brain, my mind counters that he knew me before we married. With his obvious affection starting before our wedding day, why didn't he come to me before? Or confide in someone who was not going to take advantage of him?

That must have been Rosalind. She must have been able to sense his feelings for me and stopped him from confessing them with the only way she knew. Poor Jean Luc… She was the only one to see right through his rough exterior into his heart and soul and boy, did she do a number on him.

No wonder he doesn't feel worthy of our love. With her fucked up method of eradicating any and all love he had for me in the most violent manner possible, it's no wonder why he has had such a hard time accepting the relationship we have cultivated together. So, instead of just giving her a piece of my mind, now I want to slap the bitch until she begs me for mercy.

Dumping the twigs and dried leave on the fire, I stoke the fire with the longer stick we used last night. Staring as the beginning embers take hold of the dry greenery, the anger that I had just a moment ago dissipates into disappointment for not being able to notice his true feelings before marrying Jack.

Why? Would it have changed anything? Besides, my subconscious reasons, I was head-over-heels in love with Jack that I could barely see straight past the end of my nose, let alone detect how someone else was feeling.

I just wonder who that woman was! Other than recognizing her unique floral smell, I was unable to see her face. It was Jean Luc's dream I was in… does that mean he tries to subconsciously block her out even in his dreams or did he consciously try to block out her image knowing that I was going to be privy to his thoughts?

Her voice also seemed distorted, like it was being filtered.

Feeling the cutting chill from the wind roll across my body, I stroke the fire and quietly watch as the first strings of daylight reaches the earth around me. It's been a long time since I have seen the sunrise. Last time I was able to enjoy a sunrise was when Jack and I were visiting his parents cottage in Colorado Springs –

"Beverly?" His heavy bedroom voice instantly warms me more than the fire ever could. Anger with a mixture of lust and desire stirs in the pit of my belly. Now with the thought of him and Rosalind together permeating my mind, I have an overwhelming need to erase it.

Watching him stand and stretch out his aching muscles, I can't help but notice his erection pressing against his pants. I know the exact way I can get rid of that horrible dream. I have no shame. We might not be together in our corporal form but I can still fantasize about him. I soon realized after our first break up that it was the memories of our times together that kept me sane. My eyes lazily flutters as my arms hug my chest to keep me warm. Leisurely peeling off his layers one by one until his hard member stand erect in front of my face, begging me, teasing me to pleasure him until he screams my name. Staring at the little bead of moisture that drips from his tip as he anticipates my warm mouth, I stick my tongue out and lightly swirl it around his engorged head. Hearing him sigh with pleasure, I gradually slide my lips down his rock hard shaft, inch by itty bitty inch until his tip lightly touch the back of my throat. Then as I glide back up, my tongue and teeth skims along his skin. Reaching around his waist, I squeeze his fleshy cheeks as I pull him closer towards me.

"Beverly..."

His growling voice steals me away from my very pleasant daydream and I have no choice but to open my stubborn eyes. Noticing that his ears are bright pink, which sends me into a fit of girlish giggles, I see that his pressing erection has not dissipated in the slightest.

Scowling, he petulantly mumbles, "It's not funny." Putting out the fire with the sand, he then cleans up our little camp.

It was funny and all so incredibly erotic – being hunted through this unknown land and yet there is time for a mind altering blow job. If we weren't being hunted down by these xenophobic people, then I would have considered jumping him right here, right now.

However, with dawn breaking, my mind reasons that we have a lot of ground still left to cover before making it to the boarder.

Just as I sweep my foot across the sand to hide some of our tracks, an image of me lying spread eagle on a rock just behind me sears into my mind. Jean Luc is between my legs as he licks every inch of my pussy. My heart begins to pound as I feel adrenaline pumping through my blood stream when I see my body contorting from an orgasm.

Lifting my eyes, I search for the man who just altered my erotic daydream. Laying my eyes on him, his own stare heavily bores into mine as the open air around us fills with anticipated desire.

Standing from his position in front of the fire pit, I bravely take a step towards him. Silently daring him to take the next step, my eyes fall to that hard to miss bulge pulsating against his pants.

My subconscious mind, who is barely trying to grasp reality, asks why it's so hard to restrain myself from his erotic ways. My heart evenly replies, it's because I love him. My mind can come up with many reasons as to why being with him is stupid and irresponsible, but those excuses fly out the window when my heart yearns for the same love and affection he wants to willingly give.

And by now, after daring each other to move closer and closer, I can now feel his warm breath along my cheek as the heat from his palm reaches out towards my skin. Aching to give myself to him, I lean in ready to –

CRACK!

Snapping out of our drowsy, sex-induced stupor, we quickly take in our surroundings to make sure that no one is close by. The delirious anticipation of sex quickly leaves our minds as the instinct of survival kicks in. Busily covering up what's left of our makeshift camp, we start heading west towards the boarder.

However, just before I open my tricorder to check our direction, I empty my thoughts of my earlier excursion into his dream and settle my buzzing mind by promising myself to inquire about it the moment we are back on the Enterprise.

..::..::..::..::..::..

God damn it!

A tear trails down my cheek as I barely make it past the threshold into my quarters. I promised myself that I would never give that man anymore of my tears, but here I am bawling like a lovesick teenager.

Ah, hell... what am I saying, I am lovesick.

Angrily wiping them away, I stomp into my bedroom and shred my clothes off my body. Stuffing them down the cleaning shoot, I dive through my drawer and instantly dig out my favorite nightdress. It's faded from the years of use, however, this faithful dress has been with me since I first started Starfleet Academy. Pulling it over my head, I hug the soft material close to my naked skin.

Cocooning myself within the thick sheets on my bed, I finally allow myself to give into my tears.

After everything that was said and done while trapped on that hellish planet, he wanted to be together, like a real couple, but I just couldn't. Not with the memory of his tortured dreams invading my mind.

God, it was horrible. It still is. The sight of every part of his dream invading my memories, the smell clogging my nostrils, the sounds pounding against my ear drums; but worst of all was experiencing the torture she had set for him. I swear I can feel the same blows that she cast along his skin on my own. I can feel his pain, his anguish deep within my soul. And what cuts me deep is that he still protects her identity. She should –

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Bolting up from my bed, I faintly hear his baritone voice urgently demanding, "Beverly, let me in!"

Standing, I quickly grant him entrance.

Rushing in as if my life were in danger, he wildly looks around until his eyes find me. Raking over my body to see if I'm physically alright, he notices my tear stained, red cheeks and takes a sympathetic step forward. "I don't know what happened. One moment, I am reading a report and the next thing I know I feel an immense sense of sorrow. And then I saw you – No! – I felt your presence in my mind and I thought you were in trouble." Staring at my nightdress, he takes a timid step back and whispers, "I'm sorry to have disturbed you."

How was he able to sense my feelings. Our implants were taken out hours ago. I wonder if there is any residual effects?

"I, umm... I am sorry. I will leave now." He turns and makes his way towards the door, however before activating the mechanism, he swings back around and quietly asks, "Why did you say no?"

What? "I don't underst-"

"Earlier tonight. I wanted us to take things further, to make a go of a relationship, the proper way, but you said no. Why?"

Caught off guard, I stutter with a response. "I… ummm… well, I…" Closing my eyes and taking a deep, calming breath, I gather my wits and try to explain, "I felt as if nothing has really changed between us. I mean we have a better understanding of our past, but that doesn't necessarily help piece together our future or fix the situation we are in now." Hugging my chest tightly, I sigh, "You are still a mystery to me." Letting myself think back to the night we spent down on the planet and the promise I made to myself about his dream, I timidly ask, "You have told me bits and pieces about your past, but I still want to know about the woman that dominated you?"

Clearing his throat, he asks, "Why do you want to know her identity so badly?"

"Because I saw an incomplete image of her in your dreams and I'm curious as to who she is." Staring intently at the carpet, I'm glad for the trace lighting from the stars so that he doesn't see my embarrassment clearly colored along my cheeks. As my rushed words hangs in the stale air between us, I look up to see his jaw set tight against the anger flashing through his features. Even in the dark, I can feel the tremble from his anger deep within my soul.

"You saw my dream?" His voice starts out clipped, yet turns raw from embarrassment.

"Yes." After confirming his fear, his embarrassment quickly turns into disgust.

Turning towards the large window, he stares at the stars for a long time deep in thought. Many emotions cross his beautiful face, yet the one most prominent is pure, gut-wrenching self loathing. Crossing his arms along his chest, he quietly asks, "After seeing what she did, why do you still want to know her identity?"

Choking in amazement, I incredulously ask,"Why do you still protect her identity? She tortured you and you still…" Reigning in my anger as best as I can, I simply say, "Damn it, you can be so infuriating!" Huffing out a frustrated breath, I quickly turn away from him. A woman verbally and emotionally tortured him into thinking that he is unable to love or to be loved in return. Hell, apparently she is still doing it. "What hold does she have over you?"

His brows furrow in deep thought as he slowly explains, "She doesn't have..." He lets his thoughts run off. Shaking his head, he he quietly says, "You know her and respect her as a person. I'd hate for you to take that respect away just because of what you saw in my dream." Taking a deep gulp of air, he confesses under his breath, "The truth is, is that I wanted her to say those things to me. I was hopelessly in love with you and I wanted her to cure me of my ridiculous obsession of wanting you mind, body and soul." Staring off to the side, he mournfully adds, "I'd hate for you to have a wrong impression of her when it was I who requested her to do and say those things."

"So you requested her to dominate you? You literally went up to Rosalind and asked her if she would dominate you?" Something does not add up.

Hesitant at first, he clarifies with a side to side tip of his head, "No, that was her idea to help me."

Rolling my eyes, I can't help but let out a cold laugh. Is he so dense to see that she took advantage of his vulnerability for her own pure, selfish gain? Apparently not... "And did it work? The words, the dominance, any of it… Did it work?"

Rubbing his chin with his pointer finger, he takes a timid step towards me. "At first, I thought it did, but I promised myself to see you as less as possible. After Jack's funeral, there was no reason for me to call on you and I was able to successfully bury my feelings. It wasn't until you came aboard at Farpoint, did I begin to realize that my love never truly went away, it was just waiting for the perfect moment to reveal itself again."

Staring off over his shoulder, I distractedly add, "Hence the real reason you didn't want me on board seven years ago." Shaking my head, I can't help but quietly laugh to myself. "You know, it seems like every time we fight, I learn something more about you." Looking up towards the ceiling, I quietly confess, "I'm putting in for a transfer back to Starfleet Medical. After talking with Admiral Bozarry, she believes I will be able to transfer as soon as Stardate 47705." After a moment of heavy silence, I glance back at him and plead, "Please approve my transfer."

Closing his eyes, his head falls back down to his chest. "Not even an hour ago did I ask you to take our relationship further, how do you expect me to take the news that you want a transfer away from me?"

Staring down at the carpet, I mutter, "I expect you to take the news like my **Captain** would take the news."

Sharply lifting his chin, his eyes grow wide and wild as if I had just slapped him across the face in front of the entire crew. Then his shoulders sag as he sighs, "How about as a man who is deeply in love with you?"

"As a man who fought tooth and nail against the idea of a proper relationship for the last four years, I would expect you to accept the news as a blessing."

Throwing out his hands, he scrambles, "Beverly, I love you. Can't you-"

Holding my hand out to stop him, I shakily reply, "If you truly love me, then you will let me go."

Opening and closing his mouth several times, he closes his eyes and presses his lips together in frustration. If I were anyone else, I would have thought that he was angry, but knowing him as intimately as I do, his self-loathing is at an all time high. Shaking his head, he turns away from me and throws over his shoulder, "Transfer approved. Good luck with your future, Doctor." Without a backward glance, he marches out of my quarters.

Staring at his retreating figure and then the closed doors, my mind frantically runs though if there were any other options I could have used without hurting him. This is my only alternative, however my heart screams out that I can take him back and love him as if the past few months had never happened.

No, this was the only way.

Slipping into bed knowing that I essentially made the right decision and content with the fact that there will be no sleep for me tonight, I slowly grab my PADD to begin writing in my transfer request.

* * *

 **Thank you again for your patience! Hopefully the next chapter will be up soon.**


	11. Chapter 11

**I am on a roll! Whoop-whoop! Thank you again for all of your support! I really hope that I haven't lost you guys!**

* * *

So now that everyone who needed to know about my transfer, knew about it, all I had to do was to play the waiting game. With only a few vacation days left, I wanted to spare them so that I could get comfortable when I reached Earth.

I decided to lay low until then. My breakfast dates with Jean Luc were back to being non-existent and I did not want to start another play or project for fear that I would have to leave in the middle of it should they enact my transfer earlier than the set date. In fact, I'm pretty sure that Jean Luc was dead set on ignoring me. Do you blame him? I all but shoved our precious relationship into the garbage. I can't tell you how many times I had aimlessly walked to his quarters wanting to tell him that everything I said to him untrue, but I needed to break free from his bindings. The restrictiveness that I loved was also slowly killing me.

Sadly, as we were set on ignoring each other until the inevitable, was about the same time I was told that my Nana had died.

Oh, what a beautiful soul! In the long run, I knew that she was getting old, but you wouldn't have been able to tell from our weekly talks. She was vibrant and full of life. She seemed as if she were twenty years old again by the way she was carrying on. She even told me to get myself a lover. Oh, if she only knew, I think she would have blushed even in her frisky state. However, what was going on on the outside was just a smoke screen for what was truly going on in the inside.

At least that was what I first thought after the communication with Governor Maturin.

And when I found the true answer…

Ronin.

What a gorgeous man. I had often wished since returning to the Enterprise that he was as real as I felt him to be. The way he made me feel. It was… magical.

He knew everything about me without saying a word. He knew of my desires. He knew of my history. Most importantly, he knew how to make me happy. All I had to do was to accept him to be a part of me - a decision at that particular time was a rather easy one to make under his hypnotic influence.

The hard part was facing Jean Luc to inform him of my plans. However, I took the easy route by sending him my resignation via e-mail. I guess, now thinking back, even my subconscious knew that he could put some sense into me. But then he came to see me as I was just about to transport down. In my desire induced haze, his stern voice came through to me loud and clear. His disappointment sat heavily on my mind until Ronin told me to forget about him. And I did, until later that night when Jean Luc decided to pop in for a visit at the most inopportune time.

The way Ronin could make love to me was humanly impossible, but oh-so-deliciously good. The way I could feel his tongue both circling around my nipple and licking my drenched folds had me high with unrequited desire. And for the first time in a long time, Jean Luc was nowhere to be seen.

Until he came barging in. The jealousy coursing through his eyes gave me a great sense of satisfaction, especially after Ronin came to us in his corporal form.

However, that's when things started to get incredibly fuzzy. I wanted to be with Ronin, yet, there were things that weren't adding up. Then he struck down Jean Luc with an energy from within and that's when I knew what I had to do. Clambering down to make sure Jean Luc was alive, a sobering wave of guilt washed over me. Barely opening his eyes, a hint of a smile showed in the corner of his mouth as he told me to go after Ronin. He knew, as I knew, that Ronin had the capabilities to hurt and kill our unknowing friends at my Nana's grave.

Returning a small smile, I lifted the hem of my silk gown and ran as fast as I could to the cemetery. The trip there felt as if I was running clear across the galaxy, however when I got there, time seemed to have passed in an instant. With the phaser in my hand, I knew that Ronin would not be able to live peacefully in this community. After less than a split second, I fired at the candleholder that has been passed down through several generations and destroyed it.

Remembering very little from that moment from sheer adrenaline, I do recall feeling as if a little chunk of my heart had died away. Now thinking about it, I'm curious if that was the thought of losing Ronin forever or destroying the lamp that had been in my family for generations. However, in essence, they were both the same.

After coming back onto the Enterprise with my head shamefully hung between my shoulders, I was dead set on ignoring Jean Luc. Embarrassed about what he had witnessed, the last thing I wanted was for him to bring it up with me.

Apparently, though, he didn't get my clairvoyant memo.

..::..::..::..::..

 _Oh, my! What a long day._

Before reading the next chapter in my Nana's diaries, I grab one of her quilts from the back of the couch and wrap the soft cotton around my legs. Taking in the old leather with my gentle fingertips, warmth fills my heart at the thought of my grandmother touching this very same book. Fingering through the worn pages, I start from the last entry I left off from; the day of my wedding to Jack.

 _Beverly's Wedding_

 _Oh my! What a long day… But what a beautiful wedding to witness. Jack looked handsome as he stood staring at my granddaughter. I have to admit that whenever I go to weddings, I'm always amazed at the look the groom gives his future wife as she is walking down the isle towards him. A sense of wonderment and awe passed through his face as the wedding march brought Beverly to him._

 _Curious though is the fact that Jack's best man, Jean Luc I believe his name is, has the same wonderment and awe shining on his face. Smiling to myself, he must have had a little crush on her. Then as though he can sense my eyes on him, he adjusted his face so that it showed nothing but a stony feature._

 _Young men and their unrequited feelings…_

Slamming the book shut, I throw the now offensive leather bound book onto the coffee table with a loud thud. Shoving the quilt off, my now jittery legs carries me to a pacing stomp around my quarters. Seething from head to toe, I huff at the thought of apparently everyone knowing about Jean Luc's true feelings except for me. And Jack.

That one simple claritive thought stops me in my tracks. Did Jack know about Jean Luc's true feelings? If he did, did he say anything to Jean Luc about it?

It's not the first time these questions have rattled my brain but for some reason this time my heart breaks for Jack. Understanding that Jack simply hated being out of the know, I send a prayer that this is something he wouldn't mind not knowing.

-beep, beep—

Staring at the door, I take a second to wonder who it could be. "Come in."

Waltzing in like the night we came back from KesPryt - the night I broke his heart - he quietly asks, "Are you okay?"

How would he… "Yes, I just read something in my grandmother's diary and it was rather shocking." Squinting my eyes at him, I begin to ask, "How did you-"

Tapping his temple, I now understand why. Since our telepathic connection during our KesPryt mission, we have had residual… sensings. We can sense incredibly strong emotions from each other in close proximity. Deanna said that it should go away with time, however she seemed very hesitant. When I asked her about it in private, she said that because of our shared – and rather intense – affair, it was likely that it would never completely go away while we were in close proximity to each other.

He must have been walking by…

"She wrote that during my wedding to Jack, she could see that you had a crush on me." I don't know what made me tell him that. I could tell that he was about to leave, maybe, subconsciously, I want him to stay. God, I'm pathetic.

Scrunching his brow in thought, he explains, "It was more than a crush, but I remember catching her staring at me. I tried to hide it, but she had seen it. She never said anything to me afterwards."

Folding my arms across my chest, I timidly ask, "Did Jack know of your feelings?"

Slightly biting the side of his bottom lip, he takes his time before answering. "I think he was aware, just like your grandmother, that I had a crush on you. However, after realizing that when it comes to you, I wear my heart on my sleeves, I had to constantly adjust my face anytime I thought of you. Eventually, he thought the actual true love I harbored for you was nothing more than a passing crush."

"Then, that is when you meet Rosalind?"

Clasping his hands behind his back, he is once again thoughtful before speaking. "I knew her before I met you. Our… relationship, for a better word, didn't start until a few weeks before the wedding."

Remembering what Rosalind had said before while I was trapped in his nightmare, the thought of him depending on her to erase his love for me angers me all over again. The stupid wench should have never touched him.

"Hey…" Shaking my head of the dense fog suffocating my heart, I look up to see him a breath away from my trembling body. Lifting his finger, he gently traces his knuckle along my cheek.

Closing my eyes, I give into his glorious touch. Oh, my, how I have missed this. "I miss you." The words slip out from my lips without any thought on stopping them.

Not saying anything, he continues to caress my cheek. After a few tender moments, he quietly says, "Then don't leave."

Opening my eyes, my mind takes control as my feet takes a step back. "You know why I have to leave."

Glancing down at the carpet, he murmurs, "I know why and I take full responsibility as to the reason, however, I still believe that we can be happy together."

Shaking my head, I stand bewildered as to his thought process. "After everything said and done, you still believe that we can skip off into the sunset as if the past year hadn't happened."

Cutting through to my soul with his laser like focus, he quietly says, "After everything that had happened, I still have faith that we can be happy together."

"What makes you think that you are not mixing your feelings for love with lust?" The moment it left my lips, I wanted so desperately to take them back.

Tipping his head to the side, he shakes his chin and admonishes, "That was a low blow, even for you." Rubbing his long, slender finger along his chin, he sinks deep into thought. "Despite what has happened between us this past year, I have and will forever love you all the way to the depths of my heart and soul. You are everything to me and quite frankly that moment you told me you were leaving, the world around me dimmed to the point where I couldn't see color. Then, when I found out that you had resigned from Starfleet altogether to take over your grandmother's home, everything around me became a blanket of darkness, as if I would never feel happiness again." Briefly looking over my shoulder, he cleared his throat and explains, "That's why I came to your grandmother's home at such an inconvenient time."

Crossing my arms tight to my chest, I angrily mutter, "Inconvenient hell! If you hadn't come, then my fate would have been sealed to live out the rest of my days chained and slaved to Ronin."

Pursing his lips, he quips, "Didn't seem so rough from my point of view."

Smirking, I can't help but reply, "Jealousy is not a handsome color on you Jean Luc."

"Humph! The sight of another man giving you an orgasm is hardly anything to make me giddy. However..." Taking a step towards me, invading my personal space, with a look of pure carnal ferocity washing over his features, he desperately whispers, "By the looks of it, he didn't know how to make you quiver under his touch."

Sweeping his finger along my upper arm, my body gives my true feelings away by trembling in desire.

Grinning like a carnivore capturing its prey, his other hand captures my arm and pulls me closer so that my hand collides against his muscular chest.

Looking into his eyes, my body quenches as desire courses along my veins. Licking my lips, my breathing hitches as his grin slides into a warm, sexy smile.

Wrapping his arms around my waist and pressing his raging erection into my hip, he leans in ready to take my mouth.

"No!" Pushing myself away from him, I stagger backwards to gulp some much needed oxygen. After all this time, I can barely resist him. "We can't, not after everything that has been said or not said."

Confusion crosses his beautiful features as he groggily asks, "I beg your pardon?"

Squaring my shoulders and planning my hands on my hips, I say one word and one word only, "Rosalind."

Throwing his hands in the air, he blows, "Why do you care about her so much? She is just a woman I fucked, that's it." Rolling his eyes, he turns away as if he is going to walk out, but decides halfway through his step that he should turn back. "All of the women before you were women that I just fucked, including Rosalind. With you, it's... it's..." Sighing, he looks to the ceiling for inspiration. "It's so much more. When I'm with you, I feel as if time literally stops. You consume me, my heart, my soul, my everything; however, the more you consume me, the more I want to be consumed by you." Stepping close to me, he captures my cheek and whispers, "You believe that I can be a better man and, although, it took me a long time to realize, I am a better man because of you in my life."

I'm losing my resolve. "That's not how it started." God, I sound petulant.

Letting his tense arms fall to the side, a bubble of laughter erupts from between his lips. "That's because I was an idiot. I resisted you even after you had declared your love to me because I stupidly believed that I didn't deserve you. Now that we have grown up a bit and we know the love that can be shared between both of us is strong enough to bind us together, I'll be damned if I let you go without a fight." Taking a step close to me so that we are centimeters apart, he leans in and gently kisses my cheek. "For a long time, I thought our love was dead in the water, but now I have something worth fighting against." Turning towards the door, he makes his way out.

Before the door opens, I call out, "And what, pray tell, are you fighting against?"

Glancing over his shoulder, he simply says, "Time."

"But you knew for at least a few months of my transfer, why are you choosing now to fight?"

"Because in the split second you had to choose between being with Roland for the rest of your life and defending me, you chose me. I have every confidence that in the end, you will once again choose me." Clasping his hands behind his back and turning towards the door, he sings a lofty "good night" before walking out.

Watching the door close, my curiosity is peeked and my heart begins to race once again. Looking around my quarters, I am surprised to see that things around me looks brighter with bursts of color.

..::..::..::..::..

Despite the bubble of hope I had felt that night, I was still hesitant to expect anything but disappointment from his promise to fight for me. He had let me down numerous times before, so what made this time different?

And for a month, I heard nothing from him. And I shouldn't have. Our relationship was done and, hopefully within a few months, was left in the dust when I would transfer out.

I tried to ignore the bursts of excitement at being wanted and loved. I tried to ignore the bright colors that now filled my keen eyes. I tried to ignore the ways he would stare at me during our staff meetings. But, for the most part, I just tried to ignore him.

Obviously, it didn't work.

Especially after what he had pulled at Deanna's celebration when she passed her Commander's test and our subsequent conversation in his Ready Room. After that, how could any woman resist?

..::..::..::..::..

What an amazing night this is turning out to be. The champagne is bubbling, the jazz that is filling the air is fantastic and everyone is having a sensational time.

I am so proud of Deanna for passing her commander's test. She deserves it. It's not the easiest test to pass and with hard work and perseverance, she did it! Hence the party in her honor.

That, and it has been a while since there has been a party in 10-Forward.

Swallowing the last bit of my third glass of champagne, I turn back to both Will and Data and I silently nod to tell them that we are ready for the performance of the evening. Making their way to the stage, I follow behind them. Taking the old fashion microphone, I announce, "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. We are here to celebrate our dear counselor being promoted to commander!" Pausing, the whole room erupts in applause as Deanna blushes a deep, crimson red. "For your enjoyment, both Commander Riker and Lieutenant Commander Data will join our fantastic jazz ensemble to perform a ballad they had been working on for the past month titled, 'I've Been Loving You Too Long'." Skipping off the stage, I envelope Deanna into a bear hug as Data starts his soulful performance.

Tears shining in her eyes, she whispers into my ear, "Thank you, Beverly."

Beaming, I shake my head as I silently wonder if there's anything this android can't do? No one can sing it better than Otis Redding, however, with Data's soaring vocals, it almost feels as if he is feeling what he is singing about. Never mind the nearly three-hour discussion we had on what love is and why a person would want to stop it if it was so wonderful.

Rolling my eyes, I can't help but grin like an idiot as I let the music fill my ears.

That is until I hear his voice behind me, "Excuse me Counselor, but may I have this dance with Dr. Crusher?"

His voice sends a chill along the base of my neck, causing goosebumps to erupt all over my body. Instantly my eyes are wide with fear as I can feel my heart hammering within my chest. He's supposed to be on the bridge. Please Deanna, say no. Please!

Alas, my silent prayers go unanswered as he grabs my hand and pulls me out so that we are the center of attention. Swinging me around, my hands crash against his warm, hard chest as his arms circles around my waist. At first I resist him by refusing to move to the sway of the music, however, with everyone in the room staring at us, I have no choice but to easily sway my body against his. Stepping side to side in a simple waltz, he pulls me closer to him by folding my arm between our heated bodies.

Anger tumbles through my veins at his unwanted attention. He never asked me to dance. And if he did, I would have said no. Yet, his quick move to grab me and pull me out surprised me before I could resist him.

I knew I shouldn't have had that third glass of champagne!

Swiftly taking stock of who all is watching, I notice that everyone that was in 10-Forward has surrounded us. Most people are either staring or, worse, whispering about us to another.

What in the hell came over him? He would never want to put his personal life in the open like this!

Sweeping my attention back to his kind hazel eyes, a curious sense of calmness envelopes my tense body. Hearing him softly hum this song so that I'm the only one to hear, he tightens his grip around me, cocooning us from the scrutiny that is suffocating us.

Sliding my hand along his shoulder, I lightly play with the little hairs along the nape of his neck as a small smile plays on my lips. Staring at his gorgeous mouth, I long for them to touch mine, to take me anywhere but here. Eventually the sound of the music behind me drifts away as I focus on the small space between us.

Leaning in towards my ear, he gently whispers loud enough for just me to hear, "You are mine." Stepping back, he lets me go with a gentle kiss on my knuckle. Turning, he leaves the still room with a slight nod to a shocked Will and a rather curious Data.

Feeling like a complete idiot as embarrassment stings my cheeks, I return back to where I was standing before. Crossing my arms tightly along my chest, I am glad that the band starts up again with an upbeat, jazzy song. Oh, that man! I'm going to kill him!

"That was rather interesting." Deanna's sing-song voice floats through the dense air. Hearing the laughter in her voice, she asks, "Care to share what he said to you?"

Rolling my eyes, I scan the room to see that a few people are still whispering and pointing directly at me. How rude! "No."

Chuckling to himself, I hear Geordi supply, "Well whatever it was, it must have been something astounding. I'd never seen someone turn red so quickly in my life."

Taking a few deep breaths to calm my anger, I have to tell myself to get ahold of my tongue before I say something that I will regret in a few hours.

"After all these years, I have never seen the Captain do something like that in public; other than when that doppelgänger took over." Geordi's voice loses its laughter as he delves into a deeper thought.

Worf then puts his two cents in, "It is called 'The Oath' or the taking of a rightful mate. He has made it aware to everyone that she is his mate and that no one is to touch her."

Finally turning to the group of supposed friends, I look straight at Worf and sarcastically huff, "You have got to be kidding."

Crossing his arms and lifting his chin as if he is more versed in the ways of love than I, he mutters so that only the four of us can hear, "No doctor, I am not kidding. He has claimed you as his one and only mate. If anyone were to impede, then he has a right to kill him."

"About damn time," I hear Deanna quietly mumble under her breath.

Softening his stance, he gently says, "In comparison, that is the same as a human marriage proposal."

Staring into his eyes, I can tell that there is more to the meaning of his words than what he is showing to everyone else. He is part of the handful of people who knows about our brief engagement from our mission to Celtris III. In fact, other than Jean Luc and I, he is the only other soul to have witnessed it, albeit he was on the other side of a closed door.

As the comprehension of Jean Luc's actions dawns on me, my anger lashes out and fills my veins with fire. After all this time, after all this drama, now he wants to claim me. To marry me. "Like hell." Seeing nothing but red in my vision, I turn and make a beeline towards the door. Slipping out and catching the open turbolift from the couple going into 10-Forward, I seethe, "Location of Captain Picard."

The computers cool voice says, "Captain Picard is in his Ready Room."

"Bridge." The computer beeps in response to my command and begins its trek to my wanted destination.

That mother fucker better have a good explanation to his actions other than what Worf has provided or so help me God I will punch his smug little face. Pacing back and forth like a caged animal, the seconds seems like hours as I make my way to his Ready Room. He said he was going to fight for me, but this is just fighting dirty. Never once in a million years did I ever think that he was going to put on a public display like that for everyone to see what kind of relationship we have. Although, I guess I'm thankful that he didn't bring out the flogs and handcuffs.

Feeling the cooler air rush against my heated skin, I turn towards the skeleton crew manning the bridge. Stepping out with renewed purpose, I march straight to his Ready Room. Pressing the button, I stew in my anger as I wait for him to grant me entrance. After a few seconds, I press the button again. Does this fucker think that he is going to ignore me? Just as I reach to press it one more time, the door opens.

Stepping in, I take one look at Jean Luc and I do everything within my control to not slap him across his smug face. He is sitting behind his desk and, although he looks cool, calm and collected, I can tell the he is brimming with anticipation. The tension between us is heavy with a heady and dangerous mixture of lust and anger - a combination that will either lead to bloodshed or us fucking against his desk.

Never losing sight of me, his hawk-like grey eyes penetrate straight through to my overstimulated libido. "Please, sit."

His two words stir me out of my lust induced haze and moves me to the chair in front of him. Holding onto my anger like an anchor in a stormy sea, I take a deep breath before lowering my bottom onto the chair.

"Computer, lock the door to my Ready Room." After the computer beeps to his command, he folds his arms on his desk and quietly says, "Doctor, I'm sure you have not checked your messages within the past hour. I regret to inform you that the vacancy at Starfleet Medical has been given to someone else."

WHAT! "Are you fucking kidding me?" My mouth hangs open as rage pounds against my already brimming skin. Eyeing him suspiciously, I whisper hotly under my breath, "What did you do?"

Relaxing in his chair, he softly answers, "I gave my approval after you sent me your transfer request. Although, personally I didn't want you to go, there was no professional reason to deny your request. If you don't believe me, then I can show you my approval right now." Staring at me with an air of coolness icing across his features, he silently awaits my response.

Pressing my fingers into my palms, I grit through my teeth, "That is not necessary, I saw your approval when you sent it to Admiral Bozarry. I meant, what did you do to fill that vacancy?"

"I did not do-"

"Bullshit!" Standing, I begin pacing the length of his office. "So you're telling me that the whole show in front of everyone in 10-Forward was a coincidence?"

"First of all, I did not have anything to do with your transfer falling through. Call Admiral Bozarry right now, if you wish. She will be the first to tell you that these things happen and that she probably had to reshuffle personnel. It happens all the time. Besides, no matter how quickly you rescinded the resignation you sent to Starfleet Headquarters a month back, it automatically put your transfer request at the end of the line." Standing from his desk, he barricades my movement by grasping my shoulders and saying, "And second, that was not a show. I wanted everyone to know that you are mine and no one else's. Despite transfers, I wanted every little fucker within the galaxy to keep their dirty hands off of you."

Snorting, I smoothly cross my arms and slyly inquire with the lift of my brow, "And what makes you think that your little stunt will stop me?"

For the first time in a long time resentment and jealousy crosses his handsome features as he timidly asks, "Are you telling me that the love you have been professing for the past two years is a lie? That you can give up on me, on us, at the drop of a hat?"

Letting go of all the hot air I had been holding inside, I coil in embarrassment and slowly shake my head. "Of course not, but a year ago you were so quick to give up on us because you were scared at what would happen if I was hurt or killed during a mission. My question to you Captain is; what makes me think that you are not going to have another meltdown and push me away?"

Furrowing his brow deep in thought, he slowly says, "I can't promise you that the need to keep you safe won't hinder any decision I make as your lover and Captain, however, I promise I will never push you away." Just as I am about to interrupt, he holds up his hand and adds, "Ever since we started our relationship, I have been keeping you at arm's length. Now that I have experienced life with the threat of you leaving me forever, I found myself wishing I could go back and change everything." Stepping closer, he rests his warm hand on my cheek and smiles, "I love you, Beverly Crusher and if I have to scream it from the roof tops so that everyone can hear then so be it." Letting his hand drop back to his side, he solemnly adds, "I understand if you don't want me and you prefer a transfer. The truth is, I have let you down many times before and you have taken me back, tail between my legs each and every single time. But I am here to tell you right here, right now that I will try my best to make you as happy as you make me."

Holy shit… What do you say to something as heavy as that? Part of me wants to leave and never look back. He has broken my heart and toyed with my feelings too many times to count. However, the other part of me loves him to the other side of the galaxy and back. I honestly can't imagine my life without him and with my impending transfer coming up, I admit that I was nervous as to how I was going to be able to cope without seeing him whenever I wanted to. But does that mean I can open my heart and soul to another possible heartbreak? No, to another guaranteed heartbreak?

Quietly standing in front of me, I notice that he is trying not to impose himself on me as I think about my choices.

However, before I can even think about my answer to him, I quietly say, "Then tell me about her."

Closing his eyes, his head falls to his chest in resignation. He is so quick to keep his lips shut. Will knowing who she is be that detrimental to our relationship? Will knowing who any of those women who submitted to him?

"Mark Bradford." Oh, God. His name subconsciously slips from between my lips. Feeling my face grow red from embarrassment, I bite down on my lips.

Lifting his chin, an air of confusion passes his features, "Pardon me?"

I give him a small smile as the thought of a small automobile parked in front of the lake passes through my mind. "Mark Bradford, I lost my virginity to him in his dad's old automobile. I have never told anyone that I had lost my virginity to him. For the most part, no one really cared except for a few of my friends. I remember them constantly nagging me to give it up, but I never did because I knew they would have made fun of me."

Seeing his brain thinking in double time, he slowly asks, "Why would they have made fun of you?"

Feeling my heart sink deep within my chest, I answer, "Because they didn't particularly care for him. They thought that he was nerdy and uncool. They would be so cruel to him, but he lived next door to us and his family were the first to greet us. He was friendly when no one else would even talk to me. The summer before he left for the Dystrom Institute, we spent a lot of time together. One night, he told me that he wanted to kiss me. After that, we fell head over heels in summer love with each other, including being each other's first."

Crossing his arms along his chest, he hotly asks, "What ever happened to Mr. Bradford?"

Feeling my throat constrict, I barely whisper, "He died while serving aboard the Melbourne." The air between us thickens as the thought of how the Melbourne was destroyed flickers through our minds. "Then after him, there was Julian Cardones from our rival high school." Grasping his hand, I pull him to his couch and tell him my entire sexual history including the parts I was not too particularly proud of. I even drummed up the courage to tell him about Lola, my curious relationship with another girl. For the most part, he patiently listened to the list of people who I was intimate with.

After I was finished, he told me briefly about the women he was with including the women who submitted to him. I was surprised that one of them was a high ranking JAG officer, however, in his defense, she was not in Starfleet at the time. As expected he skipped over Rosalind, but I was happy to have learned about some of the women that had been his submissives along the women he had before learning of how to dominate. Other than the JAG officer, all others had nothing to do with Starfleet or space travel for that matter. It makes sense that he chose women outside the field of his career.

After he finished, we both sat in silence as we mulled over our new information. Tucking my feet under my bottom, I rest my head on my knuckles as I softly say, "I couldn't help but notice that you left someone out."

Taking a deep breath, he fiddles with his fingers in his lap as he mutters, "I… I just can't. I'd hate to see disappointment grace your beautiful face at finding out who it is." Lifting his chin to look at me, he inhales and sighs, "Can you give me a little more time? I want to tell her so that she is not blindsided."

I concede by nodding my head, yet I sternly add, "However, I will not entertain the idea of accepting you back until you have told me about her." Grasping his arm, I softly say, "If we want this to work, then we have to be completely open with each other. Hell, I've told you about Lola and I didn't even tell Jack about her."

Oh, God! What the hell am I getting myself into? One things for sure, he does make me happy and, in the end, that is what we all want.

Supporting a boyish grin that makes him look ten years younger, he slyly says, "What a delightful surprise." Placing his heated palm on my knee, he leans in and conspiratorially whispers, "I would love to hear about your many sexscapades."

Feeling a giggle erupt from my lips, I question, "Did you just use the word 'sexscapades'?" The heat from his slight touch does wonders to my lonely libido. Feeling a pool of desire between my legs, I never noticed that we were sitting so close to one another until this exact moment. The heat between our bodies can be felt bone deep as we both itch for more skin to skin contact.

Taking the initiative, I stand on my knees and swing my leg over his so that I am straddling him. Drawing my arms around his neck, I lay my forehead along his own and whisper, "You may have claimed me as your one and only mate, but you have some homework to complete before I accept you as my mate." Crashing my lips onto his, my hips subconsciously stroke along his engorged center.

Feeling his arms tighten around my waist, his fingers press into the fleshy part of my hips and grounds me into his lap.

Languorously, I pull out of his embrace by stepping off the couch. Keeping the connection by holding on tight to his hands, I give him a Cheshire grin and murmur, "I've got to go."

Tugging my arms down, I catch myself by tumbling my thighs against his chest. Wrapping his arms around my waist, he almost whines, "But I don't want you to go." Trailing his wanting lips along my hipbone, he squeezes my ass as his hot breath trudges towards my wanton center.

I can't give in, not when I am so close in finding out who she is. Snapping my eyes open, I also remind myself that he claimed me as his mate in front of everyone in 10-Forward. I should be mad at him, or at least make him think I'm mad at him.

Pushing against his chest, I take several steps back and shake my finger at him. "No, no, no."

Treading his fingers along his bare head, he lets out a frustrated breath and asks indignantly, "Why not? You started it."

Rolling my eyes, he sounds as if he is a child not being able to play with their new toy. I cross my arms along my chest and evenly reply, "Two reasons; one, you have to contact Rosalind to let her know of our plans; and two, you had the gull to claim me as your mate in front of everyone."

Smirking, he murmurs under his breath, "It got you in here."

Shrugging my shoulders, I flippantly say, "It might have gotten me in here, but now I am leaving." Winking, I turn and walk towards the door. Stopping when the door doesn't open, I sigh under my breath, "So much for a dramatic exit." Turning back towards him, I am slightly annoyed that he is grinning like an idiot. Letting a sweet smile grace my lips, I coyly ask, "Can you please unlock the door?"

Standing, he strides towards me as if I am a prey caught in his trap ready to be eaten. Leaning in so that his lips barely graze the lobe of my ear, he whispers, "After all this is said and done, you'll be the one locking the door and throwing away the key." Taking a step back, he walks back to his seat behind his desk and commands, "Computer, unlock Captain's Ready Room door."

When the computer beeps in response, I smoothly add, "Just as long as you keep up your end of the bargain." Giving him another bright smile, I walk out of his Ready Room with an extra sway of my hips.

* * *

 **The end is coming soon! Please review!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Well, here it is... the last chapter. I do have a epilogue in the works, which will finish out the series. Thank you for those who have stuck with me through this crazy ride. I truly appreciate every single one of you who has read this story.**

* * *

 _So now that I have told the whole story of how Jean Luc and I got this point in our lives, I have one more entry to write until I delete you, old friend._

 _It's funny. At first this assignment started out as an inconvenience, but now that I am looking back and reflecting on everything that has happened, it breaks my heart to want to delete you. You are like the best friend that listens to what I am saying without having the chance to respond back. I guess, in the grand scheme of things, I can only answer for myself._

 _Oh, Jean Luc…_

 _What a web we weave…_

 _It happened about a week ago and with everything going on, I have not been able to fully comprehend everything that has happened until now._

 _I wish I can say that now that I know everything, we can both live happily ever after, but I just… I don't know. Out of all the women, SHE had to be Rosalind._

 _I wonder if anyone knew? Out of all the times we have been at their house, never once did I see any evidence of a sub/ dom lifestyle. Grant it, their house was massive and very rarely did we stay indoors when we were there._

 _I don't know… Everything is just so fucked up…_

 _I almost wish I had left the past in the past and not worried about the woman who dominated Jean Luc. But, damn it all to hell, she fucked him up in the worst way possible. It makes me sick to know that I will not only be connected with her through Wesley but also through Jean Luc. It's almost to cruel a pill to swallow._

 _It all started after the de-evolutionary virus was neutralized. I was still in Sickbay recovering from my injuries when Jean Luc paid me a visit…_

..::..::..::..::..

The soothing sounds of a quiet Sickbay comes into my conscious as I wake from a horrid dream. As my eyelids flutter open, they are stopped by something covering my eyes. Its soft, yet tightly wrapped around my head. Lifting my heavy arms, my slightly numb fingers trace over the bandages.

I guess it wasn't a dream.

Then like an old freight train I had once seen in a holo-movie, I am hit with gritting fear. What if these injuries are permanent? How could I continue on with my duty? What had happened to the Enterprise? What about Jean Luc? As the dread of what had happened fuels my already racing heart, the thought of Jean Luc nearly has me gasping for breath. Is he okay? Did he come back? Is he hurt?

Then, for the first time since waking to darkness in Sickbay, I feel a sense of warm calmness spread through me like a wildfire. Through the beeps and sounds emanating from the machines and the soft cool voices of my staff, I can feel his presence coming close to where I am.

A slight shake of anticipation slips through my lips as I feel his warm hand cover my wrist. Squeezing my eyes shut, I rejoice in the warmth he provides for me. After everything we have been through, his comfort can sooth me even through the worst of panic attacks.

Caressing his thumb along my skin, his lips barely strokes my ear as he whispers, "Are you awake?"

For a brief second, I childishly contemplate if I should answer him. It's not that I don't want to hear his voice, but I want to see him with my own eyes - which I still don't know if they can be completely healed. However, my body gives me away as goosebumps erupt all over my skin. Shivering against the thin Sickbay gown, I give him a small smile and croak, "I just woke."

"I'm glad to see that you look far better than when I saw you a few days ago." Feeling his grip tighten, he quickly moves away from me, however, his hand stays connected to my skin.

"Good evening, Captain. Doctor Crusher, I am satisfied to see that you have waken and I am sure you are anxious to know your prognosis." The cool voice of Dr. Selar flutters around us as she waits a beat to delve into what exactly had happened to me. "Doctor Crusher, your eyes were burned when you had lacerated the lump on Lieutenant Worf's neck. Acting quickly, we decided to place you in stasis as we started to flush your eyes. However, with the Enterprise crew deteriorating, we decided to place you in a stasis chamber and scheduled your treatments at different increments. The Enterprise lost main power for a few days, however, with your chamber connected to life support power you were still able to receive at most a quarter of your treatments. After Captain Picard and Lieutenant Commander Data restored the power and we began to regress back to our normal state, we continued with a more aggressive treatment."

Already feeling a headache inching along my crammed skull, I skip the obvious question of how all of this happened and instead testily inquire, "How much longer do I have to stay in here?" Despite waking just a few minutes ago, I am itching to get the hell out of here. I'm a great doctor, but I also know that I am the worst patient. Sighing into the soft mattress, if the roles were reversed, I would say -

"At the earliest, by tomorrow afternoon."

Even though I knew what she was going to say, it still burned my buttons hearing the confirming words. Crossing my arms along my chest, I snort, "Well seeing as I can't see the chronometer, that can mean anything!"

"Beverly, I-"

Jean Luc's soothing timber voice is interrupted by Dr. Selar's monotone one. "Doctor, the time is 2127. If treatment goes well, you could be discharged by 1100. So far you have been responding very well to the regeneration process, however, you know as well as I do, that if we were to disrupt your treatment that it could cause more damage. Which would mean more hours spent here."

My eyes are literally rolling to kingdom high right now. Of course she's right, but I'm anxious to be out of here. Blowing out all of my hot air, I simply nod my head.

"We do have a private room for you to sleep in. Captain, if you will excuse us, we will be moving her and taking care of a few personal tasks. If you wish, you may wait in Doctor Crusher's office. One of the nurses will come by to let you know when she is ready to receive guests."

"Very well." Feeling his weight pushing down on the mattress beside me, he lightly kisses my forehead before silently walking away.

As hard as I try, I still feel the slight twinge of red creep along my cheeks as the orderlies place me on the transport. The next hour passes amazingly fast as they clean me up, pull out the catheter and give me a sponge bath. By the time I am dressed, exhaustion slips over me like a thief in the night. As much as I want to stay up and talk to Jean Luc about what had happened, I know that I will be passing out as soon as my head hits the pillow.

Just as I feel my eyes starting to droop and that warm, fuzzy feeling of climbing into REM sleep takes over my muddled mind, I hear the soft whisper of the door opening and closing. Groggily holding out my hand to reach for his own, I murmur, "I'm glad you stayed."

Combing his fingers through my own, he sighs, "I'm glad you're alive." Threading his other hand through my wet hair, he leans over and peppers a few kisses along my forehead. "I had thought the worst when we returned to the Enterprise."

Feeling my mind turn to mush, I barely whisper, "I'm here."

As the last vestiges of consciousness leave my body, I hear him murmur, "As will I, for as long as you want me."

Just as quickly I was swept off to dreamland am I brought back by the churning sound of the regenerator machine and a quick blinding light. Taking in a deep breath through my nose, I take stock of the rest of my senses. I can hear the swift close of the door as a familiar sense of warmth returns to shoulder. My mouth is impossibly dry and in dire need of water. Placing my hand over Jean Luc's, I simply croak, "Water."

Leaving my side, he comes back and helps me swallow a few cup fills.

By the time I finished my third, I hold up my hand and say, "Thank you. What time is it?"

"0740. They just started the last treatment and if you respond well to it then they will be able to remove your bandages and will hopefully be discharged." With my other senses picking up the slack of my lack of sight, I can hear the excitement bubbling from deep within his chest. It makes me smile. "They told me that this last treatment will be the longest one."

A little giggle escapes my lips as I mumble under my breath, "Eager beaver."

Threading his fingers through my hand, he lazily asks, "What did you say?"

Smirking, I coyly answer, "Eager beaver over here is more anxious for me to spring out of Sickbay than I am. Although, I am talking to the only person who can weasel his way out of here without so much as a raised objection."

"Yes, well, there are some doctors in here that are stricter than others. I just know when to break free and when to keep my mouth shut."

Stretching some of my worn muscles out, I sigh, "Alas, if I didn't know that this is the most critical regiment in the regeneration process, then we would have hatched a plan for you to create a diversion while I escaped."

Leaning over and planting a light kiss along my lobe, he hotly whispers, "Well, regardless of when you get out of here, there is a bubble bath and a message waiting for you when you get to your quarters." Trailing a steamy path down the most sensitive area of my neck, I can taste the anticipation in the small air between us as his fingers lightly trail up and down my arm.

Tipping my neck to the side to give him all the access in the world, I moan, "I hate to break it to you, hotshot, but I was already given a sponge bath."

"Hmmm…," the vibration from his mouth sends delicious shivers all the way down to my toes, "what a shame. I give amazing sponge baths." The tips of his fingers deliciously teases my erect nipple as his tongue darts along my naked collar bone.

Feeling completely relaxed, I quietly moan, "Another lesson from Rosalind?" Shit! Damn my unfiltered mouth.

Feeling the air between us frost to a cool standoff atmosphere, he rigidly leans out of our embrace.

Trying to reach out for him, I regrettably say, "I'm sorry. That was uncalled for."

Hearing him pull a chair closer to me, he sighs, "She doesn't want me to tell you about her. She actually panicked when I told her that I wanted you to know about her. I've never seen her act that way." Sensing that he wants to add more, I smartly keep my mouth closed as he figures out what to say next. "I have come to the realization that I have to tell you. Otherwise we are going to have this large elephant between us where the only way to address it is with cynical remarks just like the one said." Falling into an apprehensive silence, I subconsciously hold my breath for him to finish his thoughts. Hearing him exhale a few heavy breaths, he quietly mumbles, "Joanne. It was Joanne."

Losing the ability to take in a much needed breath, I squeeze my eyes shut as her name bounces around my jumbled brain. How can… how can this be? She… She… It can't be. It just can't. He must be talking about-

"Joanne Crusher." His voice drips with self-hatred and guilt as he supplies her full name.

Unable to keep anything from falling out of my mouth, I sarcastically clarify, "So you fell in love with me at the same time you were fucking Jack's mother?"

Sensing an overwhelming feeling of rage rattle along my bones, he kicks the chair clear across the room as he swiftly yells, "God damn you!" Pacing back and forth within this confined space, the tremor of his fury pounds against my eardrums. Standing barely a few inches from me, he sneers, "You have no right to judge. That is… God! That is the same reason I never wanted to tell you in the first place. You fucking hypocrite." Pushing himself off the mattress with enough force to throw me clear across the galaxy, he takes in a few deep breaths before he hisses, "I was angry at the world because the one woman I loved with all of my heart was also the one woman I couldn't have. You might think it's menial in your high opinion, but it wrecked me to the point that I was drunkenly fucking any woman against the side of any bar that I could stumbled out of. She saved me from that life of misery and showed me how to harness my anger into control. It might not have been the most conventional way, but it saved me." After a brief moment, his voice cracks, "The one thing that saved me was also the one thing that brought us together and you have the gull to criticize me." Clearing his throat of any and all emotion, he snidely remarks, "Speaking with a voice of experience, it's quiet lonely at the top of your own self-obsessed perch." And with that, the door slides open as he walks out.

Trying desperately for my mind to keep up with everything being said, I didn't quite comprehend that he had left until it was too late. His anger is still pressing hard against my chest.

Fuck! He left the room…

I have to go after him.

Picking myself up by my elbows, a wave of nausea slams into me. Trying my best to ignore it, I sit on the edge of the bed and begin to take all these infernal wires off of me. Hearing the door open and close as the last tube is pulled from my arm, I hear Alyssa running up to me frantically calling out, "Dr. Crusher, what do you think you're doing?"

Cautiously placing one toe on the carpet, I lean all of my weight on the bed as I try out my bedridden legs. "I'm getting the hell out of here." Despite feeling her stronger arms circle around my chest to hold me back, I wrench myself from her grasp. I hurt him, damn it, and I have to go to him. Despite everything that has happened between us in the past, I didn't have a right to judge him.

"No you are not!" Standing in my way between my legs, she grips my shoulders and pushes me back on to the bed. "Your treatment is not finished and you know as well as I do that this one is the most critical one that you need." I still fight against her. I need to get to him. I need to - "He's gone." Alyssa's stern voice stops my near panic to escape. As my shoulders slack against her strong hands, she quietly adds, "He left Sickbay and as far as we know, you are still blind. It would take you longer to find him blind then if you were to wait for your treatment to finish."

An air of defeat leaves my lungs as my nausea finally catches up to me. Exhausted just from my little excursion, I let Alyssa help me lay back down. Cursing under my tongue at my lack of health, I feel tears beginning to well. "He…" Closing my eye against the wretched bandages, the soft cotton catches each tear as it tries to make itself down my cheek. Taking a deep breath to catch my emotions, I think of something else - anything else - to fill in this uncomfortable silence that has enveloped around us.

Alyssa, for her part, is quiet as she applies all of the wires and tubes on my skin. Then out of the stillness, she asks, "Would you like me to get him for you?"

Shame staining my cheeks, I willfully swallow the lump in my throat before I croak, "He wouldn't come. I…," I let the rest of my sentence die along my quivering lip. I was cruel and downright condescending. And although the truth of the woman who abused him came out and damn near paralyzed my sense of control, that's no excuse for saying what I had said. That being said, after I apologize to Jean Luc and trying to salvage the relationship we still want to share, I will be giving old Joanne a call and I will not hold back from reaming the bitch out.

UGH! That woman has always hated my guts and was constantly pointing out my weaknesses any chance she could get. She showed no mercy, unless she were in front of Jack or Wesley. On no, she resorted to little snide remarks on how anything I did was not what she would do; like her way was the perfected standard. And yet, now I find out she was having an S&M affair with Jack's best friend and Captain. I mean when was she able to actually have this affair? Where did she go? Surely he wasn't the first she dominated…

"I'm sure whatever was said between the both of you can be resolved." The hope I hear in her voice is comforting, but it does nothing to raise my own moral.

Biting my bottom lip, defeat once again sweeps through my body. "I… I said something that was rather hurtful."

Placing her hand on my shoulder, I nearly hear the mirth in her voice as she says, "Doctor Crusher, the way he looked at you when he pulled you into that dance at Counselor Troi's party told everyone in the galaxy that you were his and no one else's. He might be mad you but it will pass." After a moment to let that sink in, she easily explains, "He loves you and obviously you feel the same way. You will find a way to forgive each other for whatever was said."

Her confidence slightly lightens my dour mood, yet my impatience beats against my stomach as I wait for my treatment to end. If, and only if, these treatments have been successful, then I will have to put in some physical therapy for both my legs and eyes. The reality of the time I have to put into being at one hundred percent healthy sits heavily on my chest. God, I'm an idiot. I won't be able to – wait, the baby! Oh, God! How could I have been so dense! "Alyssa! The baby! Is everything okay?" Kicking myself at my selfish self-absorbance, I pray that whatever had taken over the Enterprise hadn't taken her baby away.

Gently taking the regenerator off of my face, I can practically hear her smiling, "Everything is just fine. I was able to hear his heart beating a few days ago."

Relief sweeping across my heart, I reach out and chirp, "So you think it's a boy, huh?"

Pressing the hypospray into my skin, the hiss of it releasing medicine is drowned by Alyssa's laugh, "Call it a hunch. Andrew, of course, wants a boy, but we are both excited to see our little nugget."

The sound of someone so happy that they are bursting at the seams literally has me in tears. "Oh, Alyssa… I'm… I'm so happy for you!" My voice sounds raw from the overabundant emotions pouring out of me, but I am genuinely happy for her.

"Thank you, ma'am. Now let's see if we can't get you out of here within the hour."

Knowing that that will be impossible, I smartly chide, "Ready to get rid of me so quickly, hey?"

Stifling a small laugh, she says, "Me, never, however you have to find a certain someone and apologize for whatever you said to him."

Fiddling my fingers on my stomach, I whisper, "I was not very nice to him." Quite atrocious actually.

Humming her understanding, she simply adds, "He loves you and that is all that matters." With that, she leaves me to myself to contemplate how to approach him.

..::..::..::..::..

 _It's been a full week and I have yet gone to him to apologize. I can sit here and blame it on my busy schedule or that he has been unavailable to talk to, however, those are pretty weak excuses._

 _Truthfully, after thinking about it - possibly overthinking - I don't know how I feel about being connected once again to such a hypocritical and maniacal woman. She hated me since Jack and I decided to get married. How petty is she going to act if she knows that I took her star pupil away from her?_

 _Yet, my mind screams at me that I have seen her a record of two times in the past seven years. Besides, why should I care what she thinks?_

 _I love Jean Luc. Shouldn't that be enough?_

Sighing as I lean back into my chair, I stare at my last two sentences on the screen for a long time.

Sitting back up, I type one more sentence before I close out my diary;

 _I love him, fuck everything else._

Standing, I march with a renowned purpose behind my step. The distance between our respective quarters is a short walk down the corridor. Just as I come up to his door, I nervously chide myself for not checking his location before I left. Rolling my eyes, I push back my shoulders with the same anxious confidence running through my system as when we started our exotic relationship and sound the chime.

There is a moment - or a million it feels like - that there is no answer. Confidence wavering as each heart beat ticks by, I am about to slink back to my quarters when I hear a muffled, "Come in," float through the door. When it slides open, his warm and familiar scent wraps itself around me like a long, lost lover and carries me inside.

Taking a clipped breath in, I spy around the room to see that he is blankly staring at me as he rigidly sits behind his desk. Looking as if he is expecting the worst out of my sudden visit, he drops his head against his chest as he slumps dejectedly in his seat.

Feeling white heat anger fanning my cheeks, my mind stays resolute to what my heart is beating through my veins. Right then and there, I know, without a doubt, I will no longer play to Joanne's terms or her games. And neither will he. She has dictated both of our lives for far too long.

No. More.

Pushing my anger towards my feet, I stalk towards Jean Luc ready to pounce, as if I am a predator who has mercilessly caught its prey. As my pounding steps brings me closer, he quickly stands and within seconds we are standing a hair's breathe away from each other. For the longest second of my life, I simply stare into his stormy grey eyes. Just as the corner of his eyes crinkle with satisfaction, I close the slim distance by placing my palms on his sturdy chest and kissing the curve of his mouth. Leaning out, ever-so-slightly, I glance up to see that his eyes have dilated to the darkest seas on Pacifica as I feel his heart hammering against the tips of my fingers. Leaning back in, my lips tease the outline of his mouth as my hands press against his teeming chest.

Wanting to reconnect on a deeper level than before, I take my time as I continue to pepper his lips and cheek with butterfly kisses. I want to - NO! - I need to savor my time with him. Yet, when I don't feel the heat of his hands on me, a flicker of despair rolls through my mind and instinctively I think to back away.

Just I rock back on one foot, his hand dart out from his side to capture my cheek. Pushing my chin up so that we are once more staring at each other, his thumb sweetly strokes along jaw. Pulling me into him, his lips connect to mine and the electricity that has been sparking between us since walking in here ignites into an all-consuming fire.

Fluttering my eyes closed, I take in the feel of his soft lips as his other hand slides around my waist to keep me from moving away. Gliding one of my arms over his shoulders, I stretch and press my body against his. My body buzzes with excitement as the hand around my waist inches over the curve of my ass. My heart jumps from my stomach to my throat as an elicit moan reverberates from his lips. I never knew how much I missed the erotic touch of his mouth until I didn't have it anymore.

Untangling my arms free, I am itching to feel his warm skin under my fingers. Shoving his jacket over his shoulders and down his arms, his hands pulls away from various needy areas of my body to throw the offending garment over his desk. Reaching around his neck, I hungrily pull down the zipper from the nape of his neck to the top of his ass.

Zippers, zippers - so many fucking zippers on his uniform! I just want to taste his skin, to relish in the safety of its strength and cloth myself in its warmth.

Following the path of its jacket counterpart, my hands clamber to press against his nearly bare chest.

Ahhh...

Home - that is the best way to describe the feeling that sweeps through me. The feeling I get when I step into my home. Jean Luc is my home. Everything is so familiar to me - the electricity when we meet skin to skin, his mouth knowing every secret to my body – that it cocoons me and reassures me that whatever lies outside that door is no match for us.

Pushing my neck back with the tip of his nose, he takes advantage of amount of skin awarded to him by trailing his lips along my jaw. Then, with the brunt of his eager hips, he hungrily presses me against the edge of his desk.

Slipping my hands between our trembling bodies, I blindly grasp and fumble with the zipper to his pants. Hearing him encourage me as another moan erupts from his lips, I grip the small metal barrier and glide it down. The cadence of the metal catching each teeth rings loudly over our heavy breathing as our exotic desires thickens the already tense air.

For the first time since our silent dalliance started, I feel his hands stiffen along my cheek and neck. Pulling his lips away from my tinged skin, he rests his forehead along mine, thankfully keeping our connection intact. His now warm honey eyes rakes along my flushed face as he tries to take control of his lungs.

Letting my hands rest on his hips for a moment, I give him the time he needs to catch up, for I too need a moment to take ahold of my own breathing. The brief space between our lips itch and crave for more attention. Once my breathing has returned to almost normal, my hands flutter their way along the curve of his hip to the opening of his pants. Boldly reaching in, the tips of my fingers barely graze the rigid surface of his pulsing member before his hand captures my wrist.

Holding it steady just outside the seam of his pants, he leans out of our blessed connection with a hardened gaze and roughly barks, "My past has not changed."

The quick change of emotion has me taking a ragged breath to help bring oxygen to my overstimulated, yet, muddled mind. Subconsciously, after I shake my head to help clear the fog at a quicker pace, I steal a moment to slowly comprehend the few words he had said. Glancing at him through my eyelashes, I murmur, "I don't care about her." At the expense of his disbelieving snort, I roll my eyes and clarify, "At first, I thought I did and I took it out on you." Bowing my chin so that it rests on my chest, I murmur, "What I said to you was uncalled for and childish, and I'm sorry."

After a tense moment, a quiet hum that slips from his lips, disbelievingly mocks my apology.

Swiftly lifting my chin, my eyes furrow in frustration as I feel his tightened grip slack along my wrist. "I was perfectly content on transferring to Starfleet Medical. Then you barbarically claimed me as your one and only mate in that one stupid dance. I was tied to you, linked, no matter where I went within the Federation. Then, to top it all off, the only way I could step out from under our now awkward relationship was suddenly taken from me when the position at Starfleet Medical was given to someone else. While you smugly sat in your high and mighty chair, I was seething from head to toe at the missed opportunity to leave."

Removing his hand from me, he grumpily asks, "So what's stopping you now?"

My gaze softens as his hardens into fury. Quickly grasping his wrist, I continue on, "Within the span of a quick second between my scorned rage against you and your promise to no longer push me away, I had to confront my own feelings head on. For the past few months I had believed, and secretly relied on, that you wouldn't chase after me, that you would not have me confront my own decisions. Then there we were in your Ready Room with your promises and my anger and I was forced to compare the weight of my unconditional love for you against the heartbreak that always comes with that same love. So I did what any other diplomat would do, I stalled. And for the most part it worked, yet, when I walked out of there, I was flustered, bewildered, aroused as all hell, but most of all I walked away with the anticipation that we can be together once more. The single thought of sleeping beside you once again felt like a drug that I could not stop thinking about.

Then to add to everything else, you finally confess after all this time that the woman who first dominated you, the one who literally beat it into you that you will never deserve love, is the same woman who is the grandmother to my only child. This unforgivable woman fucked you up in ways that I don't know if I'm capable of fixing."

Taking a breath, I notice that Jean Luc is staring hard at the ground between our feet with every trace of contempt gone. Using my free hand, I lift his chin with the crook of my finger. With the barest of smiles, I continue, "After I was discharged from Sickbay, it was suggested that I write everything down from the moment I first begged you to dominate me to now. And through all of that, I found myself writing the one thing that has been the constant between all of our drama. And honestly Jean Luc, it's the only thing that should matter."

Pushing off of the edge of his desk, I lazily wrap my arms around his neck. Leaning my forehead against his, the tip of my nose brushes along his as I whisper, "I love you, plain and oh-so-simple. Everything else is just static, a sneaky way to blind us from the most important thing in our lives – the simple, yet damning love we have for each other. We both have a past, we both come together with all of this emotional baggage, it's suffocating to the point that that is the only thing we see when we look at each other. Well, no more. You know everything about me, I know everything about you. Let's just leave our past and baggage at the door and concentrate on the most important thing in this room – us."

Gently leaning out of our embrace, I notice that, although, his eyes have softened at my confession, he still seems to hesitate making any further moves. Knowing exactly what he needs, I take a step back and ask, "Do you love me?"

Reaching out to caress my cheek, the first hint of a smile graces his mouth and traces up to his warm eyes. "More than anything else in the universe."

Feeling a familiar warmth spread along my chest at his confident words, I softly ask, "Do you trust me?"

Taking a step closer to me, trapping me between his muscular body and his unrelenting desk, he mumbles along my lips, "Implicitly." Taking my mouth with the sheer fury of a wild man, I give in to his innate desires as both of his hands possessively circles around the base of my skull.

Momentarily giving in to my own starving needs, I press my aching body against his. As I feel his lips starting to trail along my cheek, I forcefully turn my body around away from him. Peeking over my shoulder, I command, "Take off my clothes, but leave my panties on."

Leaning his knuckles on the desk around my hips, his body presses into my backside as he eagerly hums along my neck, "And what do I get for following your directions?"

Shivering from his heated breath, I glance back over my shoulder with a cheshire grin and easily reply, "Me," glancing down at the growing bulge between his opened pants and my ass, "sucking your cock."

Trailing his fingers up my back, he clasps the zipper to my uniform and eases it down my spine. Pressing his nearly bare chest along my naked back, I feel his lips ghost along the base of my neck, "May I touch you?"

Oh God, yes! Taking in a deep breath as a delicious shiver runs through my veins, I throatily concede, "You may."

Dipping his thumbs under the seams of my split uniform, he pushes it over my shoulders and down my arms. "Thank you, my love."

Treading my hands out of the cuffs freeing my arms, I lift them over my head and rest them on my shoulders. "Touch me, Jean Luc. Pleasure me with the fingers of a lover."

His thumbs trail down my sides as he pushes my uniform until it hits my waist. Gripping my hips, his lips begin to mark a hot path from the peak of my spine to the top of my ass. Bending down on his knees, his fingers flutters down my legs to unbuckle my boots. Helping me step out of them, he throws them off to the side before bunching my uniform in his hands. Easing the thick clothing down my legs, I lift each foot to help him slide it off my body.

Catching the back of my head in the tired muscles of my arms, a small moan escapes through my parched lips as his fingers gently slide up the inside of my leg. Fucking hell! The taste of his fingers lightly tracing the hem of my panties nearly sets my half naked body on fire. Taking in a drunken breath, I close my eyes and allow the anticipation do naughty things to my imagination.

Standing erect behind me, his hands venture back along my spine. Marking a light kiss on my shoulder, he softly whispers along my heated skin, "You are trembling." Grasping the clasp of my bra, he easily unhooks it and pushes my arms down so that it can come off and join the rest of my clothes.

Letting my arms hang next to my body, I glance over my shoulder and say, "You're taking your time."

Allowing a small grin to cross his handsome features, he explains, "It has been almost a year since we had been together. I'm afraid that things between us will end before they can truly begin."

Hearing the trepidation in his voice, I turn to face him. Taking his cheek within my shaking hands, I press my naked body into his and mumble along his lips, "We have all night, Jean Luc." Before his fingers can distract me any longer, I gracefully fall to my knees and assume the position I have been craving to take since our relationship collapsed. Folding my hands behind my back, I wait with baited breath as to what he will want next.

Reaching down and lifting my chin with a trembling finger, he croaks, "You don't need to do this."

Looking at him through my eyelashes, I whisper, "I want to do this. You gave me the power and this is where I feel most… formidable." Biting my plump bottom lip, I beg him with my hazy, bedroom eyes to allow me to do this. Just the sheer thought of his cock filling my mouth and making him cum sends a delectable shiver down my spine.

Relenting with a heated moan escaping between his clenched teeth, he slips his thumb between my wanting lips. Letting my tongue swirl around the pad of his thumb, I glide my lips along the shaft up to his knuckle. Fluttering my eyes close, another groan erotically charges the air and plummets all the way to my core.

Pulling his finger out of my mouth, he hotly commands, "Take off my clothes and fuck me until I cum in your mouth."

Reaching up with quivering fingers, I grasp at the band of both his pants and boxers and slowly pull them down his legs. Salivating with lust as his erection springs free, I lean forward and trace my tongue from stem to mouthwatering stern. Slipping my lips over his throbbing head, my tongue lightly teases his tip before taking all of him in my mouth. Settling back on my heels, I allow him the opportunity set the tempo.

Threading his fingers through my tangled hair, the scrape of his nails against my scalp sends an electric charge to the tips of my nipples. Grasping my head behind my ears, he pulls me to the base and pushes me along his shaft at the silent rhythm of my erratic heartbeat.

Scraping my teeth along his sensitive skin and swirling my tongue around his head, I peek up through my lashes to see him lustfully staring down at me.

Guiding my head back and forth on my own accord, he whispers through gritted teeth, "Touch me. I want you to touch me." Reaching up, I cup his heavy balls within my palm and gently message them. Throwing his head back, he lets out a guttural moan that I can feel all the way down to my toes. "God, I'm about to…" Grasping my head to keep it still, he arches his back and pushes his hips forward so that the tip of his cock grazes the back of my throat.

Feeling his whole body tremble, I slip my pointer finger along the expanse of skin between his balls and anus. Exploding within my mouth, I struggle at first to catch every ounce, but I suck him dry.

Feeling his hands literally trembling along my scalp, his cock pops out of my mouth when pushes my head back to get a better look at me. Still trying to catch his elusive breath, his words barely tumble out of his lips, "Marry me."

Dumbstruck as to where this came from, my mouth hangs open unsure of what to say next. Blinking heavily to jumpstart my cluttered mind, I hoarsely utter the first thing that comes to my mind, "Technically, we are married."

Comprehension finally downing on him as to what he had just said, his fingers lightly trace down my cheekbone as he bends down on his knees in front of me. "I need you, Beverly. I have gone almost a year without having you and I regret with every ounce of my being for letting you go. I promised you that I would never push you away and that promise will always remain true until the day I die. Despite the promises I gave in years past, whether you will truly take me back or not will never hinder me from fulfilling this promise." Just as I open my lips to remind him of what I had said earlier, he covers my mouth with the tip of his finger and says, "I know what you are going to say, but I want you to make sure that it is I that you want to spend your life with. If there is any inclination, any little tick that I have that annoys you, if you don't trust me, even just a little, then walk out and I will never pursue you again. But, from here on out, it's all or nothing, no in between."

Taking all of about ten seconds to make up my mind, I give him my answer by leaning in and peppering his collar bone with light kisses. Feeling his goosebumps scrape along my lips, I quietly murmur, "Take me as your wife."

Burying his finger and gently lifting my chin, a look of pure joy crosses his beautiful features making him seem as if he is a young man experiencing love for the first time. It's infectious as I feel the same blissful emotion bursts from every inch of my body. Letting his hand drop into his lap, he stands and quickly discards his shoes and the rest of his clothing. Offering his hand to me, he pulls me up into his chest with ease. Squeezing my hands between both of his, he then leads me into his bedroom.

I can tell that he wants our first time being back together to be… perfect, but I don't. I want fire and ice to melt me into a puddle of drool.

And then we can make love.

Maybe.

Stopping just before he gets to his bed, I slip my hand out of his and take a few steps back. Letting my inner diva out, my hands sit firmly on my waist as I raise my chin defiantly. Taking in a deep, calm breath, my chest puffs out as my tongue darts out to moisten my slightly cracked lips. Staring into his anxiously hooded eyes for the longest time, I mentally plan what I would like for him to do. I am limited to the items in his quarters. Or am I? Slowly, a smile spreads along my lips as I easily command, "Bring out all of your sex toys that you have in here."

Clearly not expecting that, he hesitates before walking over to his closet. Leaning down on his knees, he reaches into the deep side and pulls out a locked box. Picking it up, he looks at me expectantly to see where I would like it.

Good boy. "Bring it in front of me. When you open it, you will sit and wait for me on the bed." A rush of power fills my lungs and an arrow of lust shoots to my core seeing him follow my orders to the T. Raking my eyes along his body, I can tell by his incredibly hard cock that he is appreciating it too. When he sets the box at my feet, he briefly gives me a smoldering look of lust just before he unlocks it. As he turns his back on me to walk to the bed, a devil-may-care grin dances along my lips but disappears when he sits.

Bending down, I lift the top to peruse what kind of goodies I can use. A lot of it is the standard stuff that he has used with me; handcuffs, butt plugs, vibrators, clamps, and different types of ropes. However, there is one thing that catches my eye. Reaching down and picking up the item, the cool metal sends tiny electric shocks through the tips of my fingers. Through my earlier research when Jean Luc and I began our kinky relationship, I remember looking at this and wincing. Although it looks painful, apparently it can be extremely pleasurable for Jean Luc. Smirking, I hold up the cock ring so that he can see what has held my attention and by the way he gasps, I can tell he is intrigued as to what we will be doing. "We had never reached this stage in my teachings."

Giving his own cocky grin, he demurely provides, "You never saw me wear it."

Leaning back on my heels, I cross my arms along my chest and raise my brow, "Really?"

Straightening his back, his grin falters yet the humorous glow shines brighter in his eyes. "When I knew that we were going to be meeting, I would slip it on and masturbate right before so that I would be ready to take you to new, yet, taxing limits." Crossing his arms along his bare chest, his brows furrow in thought as he slowly says, "Yet, it has been a long time since I've had to use it. When we made the transition into making love more than fucking, I've never really had to use it."

"Why?"

Taking a moment to think, he finally says, "When we were fucking, I wanted to prolong my endurance so that when I eventually orgasm, it was an all-consuming, tiring event. When we would make love, I wanted to be able to go all night long, constantly cumming and getting hard to be able to keep up with you. Towards the end, we would make love more than we would fuck." Staring at my flushed features with more of a curiosity, he tilts his head to the side and lightly confesses, "Other than with Rosalind, you were the only one I ever had to use it with."

Intrigued, I ask again, "Why?"

Shaking his head in disbelief, he chuckles under his breath before exclaiming, "You are breathtaking when you orgasm." Squinting his eyes, he corrects, "You are stunning in any light." Glancing up towards the ceiling, he takes a long breath and slowly exhales, "Just the thought of you as the unbridled throes of passion take over your body can have me cumming within a few minutes." Staring back at me, he shakes his head at my obvious discomfort. Making a move to stand, he firsts looks to me and quickly asks, "May I come to you?"

For a second I hesitate. I don't want to give up my control but I am curious as to what he is going to do. Nodding my head, I let my hands fall to my sides as I throw my shoulders back.

Looking somewhat miffed that he had to wait that long for permission, he quickly shakes it out as he comes closer to me. "Beverly, do you know what I see when you orgasm?"

Feeling my shoulders subconsciously sag, I quietly mumble, "A woman's body goes through many changes while-"

Lifting his hand to stop me, he shakes his head and says, "I'm sure what you were going to say was what you would have read in your textbook from medical school. No, do you know what happens to YOUR body when YOU orgasm?" Looking at me with big, round eyes expectantly, he growls something incomprehensible when I shamefully shake my head. Throwing all caution to the wind, he captures my cheeks with both hands and confidently says, "Don't ever be ashamed. If I knew you had never seen yourself during sex, I would have put in a mirror in the dungeon." Letting go, he looks apologetic from touching me without permission.

Curious as to what he sees when I cum, I leave my diva attitude in the dust and quickly grab his wrist. Feeling the last vestiges of wanting to be in control leave my body, I make one final command, "Show me." Feeling my face heat from both giddy excitement and anxious interest, my quivering legs can barely keep me standing when a look of pure, unadulterated ecstasy flitters across his face.

Licking his lips, his eyes inquisitively rake along my nearly naked body inquiring as to where to start first. Stepping into my personal space, his fingers decidedly begins along my cheeks. "Your cheeks become red, wild from the exertion your body is giving to me. Your lips," he traces his nail along the edge of my bottom lip, "swell from the constant tugging and biting from your teeth." Moving the tips of his fingers down to my neck, he first stops at my throat, "Your voice grows hoarse as your moans become increasingly exuberant," then down to my chest, "while your chest heaves at different lengths to keep up with your pounding heart." Traveling over the curve of my breast, his eyes still focus on mine as his finger nimbly plays with my erect nipple. "These delightfully pink nipples stretch like a tree reaching for the suns warmth. They want me - are begging me - to play, tease, lick and fuck them until they are exhausted."

Fluttering my eyes closed as the feel of now both his hands easily glide along the expanse of skin between my rib cage and my hips, my head falls back as the echo of both of our desires rings loudly into the electrically charged air.

"Your skin erupts in heated goosebumps as it stretches along your body." Tracing his finger lightly over the drenched center of my panties, his middle finger suggestively flicks against my clit. "When my cock is in you, your muscles clench around me, begging for me to cum with you. When I am eating your pussy, I can feel your clit quiver along my tongue." Bending down on his knee, his hands glide down the inside of my thighs, "Your legs tremble and, if I'm incredibly lucky, the tips of your toes will curl." Looking up at me with hooded eyes, he quietly adds, "And while all of this is happening, you are looking at me with such love that everything else doesn't matter."

Ho-ly fuck! I am nearly cumming right now. Trying with everything that I have to gain back my control, I take a shaky breath in.

Tracing his hands along my body as he stands, he quietly asks, "Where do you want me?"

Clearing my throat, I stutter, "Umm… on the… uhh… on the bed."

Stepping away from me, the cold air mercilessly rushes against my heated skin, making me shiver from the loss of warmth. Giving myself some time to compose myself, I pick up the cock ring from the floor and throw it back in the box, mentally saving it for a 'rainy' day. Eyeing what else we can use and, without any thought, I make a grab for the handcuffs. "Lay down with your arms stretched above you." As he completes what I have asked him to do, I quickly turn back and nip the blindfold out as well.

Stepping to the side of the bed, I throw the pillows on the ground so that he can lie flat. Fishing out the hidden metal loops that are attached to the top of his bed frame, I loosely cuff both wrists and then slip the blindfold over his head. "Straighten yourself out." Overlooking his movement with a stern eye, I nod in appeasement when he is in the best position.

Feeling the rush of pure animalistic exhilaration coursing through my veins, I shove my panties down and kick them off to the side. Bending down on the mattress with one knee, I swing my other over so that my clenched center is resting against his cock. Reaching over and pinching his already excited nipples, I coyly murmur, "I'm going to fuck you but only enough to soak your cock. Then I want you eat me out. You make me cum, you will be rewarded. However, be warned, if you don't make me cum then I will rob your chance of seeing me orgasm by keeping the blindfold on as I masturbate. Do you understand?"

Barely moaning out a breathless, "yes," he grips the metal cuff for dear life.

Pushing myself up, I position him at my wanting entrance and slam down hard, taking in every little inch I can. Both of us moaning into the stillness of the room as one, my sweaty brow furrows in concentration rather than in pleasure. God, how I want to just let go and feel him rather than controlling everything we both do, to rid himself of the shackles and blindfold and encourage him to touch me.

But I started this and now I have to finish this.

With a little less confidence than when we started, I stop my hips and lift myself off of him. Hearing him groan at the loss of contact encourages me to move quickly. Shuffling my knees along the soft mattress, a new wave of controlling poise sweeps through me as I hover my pounding center above his hungry lips.

Opening his mouth, his tongue darts out and taste the salty air between our bodies. He is starving, ravenous for more contact, but I wait.

Not to make him uncomfortable, but to gather my own bearings. These waves of euphoric yet demanding motions weighs heavily on my shoulders. I know we will enjoy our time together regardless, but now I'm having second thoughts on going through with what I started.

Shirking out of my thoughts by a light kiss being pressed along the inside of my thigh, Jean Luc bravely steps out of character and calmly soothes, "I love you."

That being the catalyst that I needed, I lightly press my pussy along his lips and hoarsely command, "Suck and fuck me until I cum."

Grunting in pure pleasure, his nose gently presses the bundle of sensitive nerves just above my pubic bone as his tongue darts out and circles around my clit.

Feeling a rush of desire coat the lining of my walls, my hands automatically captures my breast, twisting and pinching my nipples in concert with the performance of his skilled tongue. "Fuck me," my words barely leave my lips as a moan.

Groaning in appreciation for my kind platitudes, his whole mouth converges onto my center, hot and desperate to taste every inch of me. Pressing hard circles along my clit, he then leaves the small confine of my clit and traces down the small trail to my opening. Driving his tongue into me, he continues the blissful pace he instilled when he was fucking my clit.

Ahhh, fucking hell, I feel the pit of my stomach stirring with the satisfying rush of an orgasm. Enjoying every little flick of tongue, my head falls back as my hips grind along his hot mouth. "Ohhh… you're about to make me cum." My heated words barely leave the breathless confines of my mouth when I feel his nose starting to press and circle my clit.

Feeling his mouth widening with a satisfied grin, his tongue continues to wages a delicious war along my pussy. Sensing his distress at his lack of touch along my buzzing body, he pulls down on his restraints with such force that he almost brakes his wrists free.

Not wanting him to suffer under my control any longer, I bend over and gently take his hands into mine. Gripping him with all the strength I can muster in my mind-numbing state, my orgasm powers though me with so much electricity that I feel my heart stop beating against my chest. Squeezing my eyes shut, I subconsciously take in a much need gulp of oxygen, revitalizing my body out of its drunken stupor. Leaning on his hands for more support, I carefully throw my wobbly leg over him.

Despite the juices that cover his mouth, he smugly grins like a man who has just struck gold. "I've taken my prize and it tastes like sweet nectar on my lips."

Technically, he is talking out of turn, but I find that I could care less. Now that I have had the proverbial taste of dominance, I find that I never want it again. Content on giving my control to him, I quickly release him from his shackles and place my hands on my knees, waiting for him to take back the control. When he doesn't move, I quietly provide, "Jean Luc, I don't want to do this anymore."

Slowly sitting up and ridding himself of the blindfold, he uses it to quickly wipe the evidence of my orgasm from his face. Throwing it off to the side, he then turns to me and places his warms hands over mine. "It's incredibly overwhelming, but you took everything in stride. Maybe with some training-"

Vehemently shaking my head, I stare at our joined hands and murmur a soft, "Maybe for play, but not every night."

Gently squeezing my hands, he timidly asks, "May I?"

He wants me to submit to him and after everything, I look forward to it. I don't want to think anymore; I just want to feel. Nodding, I mentally prepare myself for what he has in store for us.

Slipping off of the bed, he takes the handcuffs and throws them in the box. Closing and locking it, he picks it up and places it back in the closet. Walking back to the bed, he throws the sheet down and softly says, "Come under the covers." Picking the pillow up from the ground, he lifts my head and replaces it back on the bed. "I'll be right back." Placing a feather-soft kiss on my forehead, he turns and walks into the bathroom and closes the door behind him.

Trying to figure out what he is wanting to do, my body treacherously relaxes against the yielding mattress as my mind becomes heavy with some much needed rest. Seeing the light from the bathroom hit my closed lids, I lazily lift one of my eyes open to see his naked form walking out. Furiously blinking sleep out of my mind, the silhouette of his form stands in front of me and the stars streaming by outside his window.

God is he gorgeous.

"Are you still awake?" The gentle lilt in his timber voice is soothing. I could listen to him read about quantum mechanics from a textbook and feel instant relaxation coat along my muscles.

Nodding my head, I mumble a heady, "yes."

Stepping to the side, he turns down the sheet and quickly slips in next to me. Threading his arm under my neck, he pulls me close to his warm body.

Placing my hand over his chest, we snuggle against each other's bodies like two lost puzzles pieces finally completing the picture. Breathing in his scent, I feel like I can die a happy woman laying here just like this.

"I am going to make love to you the way you should have been made love to all those years ago." A hint of repressed self-loathing passes through his voice, but quickly disappears when he adds, "Are you up to it?"

The last vestiges of sleep leaves my body as his fingers trace along my arm, deliciously electrifying my skin. Glancing up and taking in his relaxed features, I murmur along the soft contours of his cheek, "Our past is our past and I wouldn't change anything about it. Make love to me, but make love to me as a reunited lover, not one who is guilty of the paths we took to get here."

Taking in my words with such heart that I can see them etching along his eyes, he lifts himself up on his elbow and lets his finger trace the outline of my jaw. "I am a lucky man to have you in my life." Crashing his lips on to my wanting ones.

Heavens! My body wakes with fire in my soul as he marks me as his one and only lover. Opening my mouth to his probing tongue, the scent of soap mixed with my musk invades my senses.

Not letting go - never letting go - he pushes my wrist against the mattress as he curls his body possessively over mine. Pressing his hips into mine, I spread my legs open, inviting him to come closer. Aching to melt into his skin, I arch my back and fold my legs behind the small of his back.

Poising the tip of his cock at my entrance, his kiss becomes serene as if he is trying to savor this exact moment. Snaking his arm out from under me, his fingers mark a heated trail down my side and around the outside of my thigh. Within the span of a fiery breath between us, he squeezes my fleshy ass and dives in deep.

Throwing my head back as a guttural moan leaves between my lips, fireworks explode in my head as we are together once again. "Ohh, Jean Luc, this is where you belong."

Grunting something incomprehensible against the salty skin of my neck, he begins peppering my shoulder with soft kisses as his hips begin rocking against me at a pace that I'm sure will drive me absolutely wild.

Closing my eyes and becoming blissfully lost in his touch, I mutter, "What did you say?" The friction between our bodies becomes frenzied as the feel of the hair on his chest rubs along my painfully erect nipples. Ohhh, fuck. I'm about to lose my mind if he keeps it at this rate. Yet, his slow, yet, melodic drumming has me once again climbing that great precipice. Feeling my body go numb as that unforgettable sense of dizziness sweeps across my mind, I close my eyes as I gladly dive head first straight into my built up orgasm.

Treading his fingers through the hand he still has captured against the mattress, he clutches my fingers tight as the rhythm of his hips becomes untamed. Claiming my mouth again, he moans when I softly bite his bottom lip.

Tasting the bitter copper on my salivating tongue, my own moans become uninhibited, wild, as my body trembles, heady as another orgasm presses along the outer rim of my mind.

Clutching my thigh, his hips are now slamming into me, reaching for his own release which is oh-so-close at hand.

Sensing the intensity tightening every string of muscles, it takes one more thrust before I am seeing little stars pop within my vision and the air leaving my overworked lungs.

Feeling my muscles tighten along his shaft, he stops and grasps my hip to finally give into his own release.

A delicious afterglow settles lightly on my skin as he rests his forehead against the little alcove between my collar bones.

Staring down at him, an overwhelming sense to touch him has me reaching out and caress his cheek. I need to be as close to him as possible. I never want our connection to waver, not even in the slightest.

Just as his breathing returns to a somewhat normal rhythm, his eyes flicker open and a wide smile encompasses his seemingly young features. "I think I just had an out-of-body experience."

Tracing my thumb along his lips, I bat my eyes and dramatically sigh, "Thank God you came back to me."

"There is no place I'd rather be." Kissing the pad of my thumb, he lifts himself up and carefully pulls himself out. Stretching his gangly limbs up towards the ceiling, his eyes never leaves my own.

Leaning up on my elbows, my legs sorely falls to the side as I take in the oh-so-delicious view in front of me. "Alright Dorothy Gale, how about you help me up and we can take a shower together."

Holding out both hands, he pulls me up and straight into his broad chest. Just as he circles his fingers around my neck, he asks, "Who is Dorothy Gale?"

Just as my lips are about to graze his, I grin, "There's no place like home." Closing the minuscule space between us with a slight lift of my chin, my body once again melts in his embrace. Very corny, but damn it to hell if it's true.

The next hour is lazily spent making love against the tiled shower wall as well as thoroughly cleaning each other off. Still smiling at the beautiful turn of our relationship, I pillage through his drawers to find something to wear. Settling on a standard Starfleet issued shirt and a pair of his boxer briefs, I make my way back into his waiting arms on his bed. Pulling the hair brush from the bedside table, I begin the tedious task of working through my thick hair.

Giving me a feather light kiss on the base of my neck, he murmurs, "I have missed having you in my bed. At the beginning of our relationship, I would have never imagined, let alone allowed, for you to stay here with me; however, after leaving the Ullian home world, I couldn't imagine anywhere else I wanted you to be."

Dropping the brush in my lap, I peer over my shoulder and timidly ask, "Did you mean everything you said?" At his look of confusion, I stutter, "I mean, what you… umm… what you said in… uhh… Sickbay and here?" I grasp both of my hands together to stop my body from trembling.

For a long while he ponders what I have asked him, it's unnerving to say the least, but I hold my own – barely -as I wait for his answer. "I fell in love with you the moment I met you. I realized there was more to that love than lust the first time I heard you laugh. Then I knew I was completely fucked the next second later."

Turning completely around, I take his cheeks with my hands and beseech, "But why didn't you say anything?"

Cupping his hands around my own, he softly answers, "Because you were my best friend's girl and even at that early point in your relationship, he was already talking to me about wanting to marry you. Besides, you two were so in love with each other, I didn't want to be… the barer of bad news."

Looking down onto the bedsheets, I voice what is being said in my mind, "It wouldn't have been bad news, it just would have been… inconvenient. Even at that point in our relationship, I knew what Jack and I shared was different than anything else I shared with any other man." Wanting to break the contact, he holds my hands steady and gives me an encouraging smile.

Kissing me on the tip of my nose, he continues on, "For about a year after, I fell into this pattern of… self-hatred guilt. Anytime we were able to stop off at a star base or back to Earth, my first pit stop would be a bar where I would get obliterated drunk and fuck as many women as I could. For a brief moment, a blessed moment, I was able to forget about you. But in the process, I was losing myself and I abhorred at what I was becoming. Then came Jack's bachelor party…"

Pausing, I know what is going to come next. Honestly, I don't know if I want to hear it. When I told him earlier that I was never going to speak her name again, I meant it.

Before I can stop him, he plows on, "I was a complete bastard. It was the first time that I had reared my ugly head in front of my friends and they were not impressed." Letting his hands fall into his lap, he sighs, "I'm surprised Jack still wanted me as his best man." Glancing back up at my curious features, he supplies, "In a nutshell, I got drunk and fucked about three out of the eight strippers we got for the party. Then if that weren't enough, when Joanne called the party quits, I got in her face and called her a right, old bitch."

Wincing, I can only imagine how Joanne took that. She was not a woman that you could cross without coming out of it scarred. Now knowing everything that she has done, I'm pretty certain she left major scars on the people that trusted her the most.

"Obviously she was not very happy with me the next morning, however when I woke up, she was there, sitting across from me. She looked as if she were going to rip my head off. That is when she conducted her first lesson. Ordering me to shower and shave, she just sat there as if seeing her son's best friend naked happened every day. Then she asked me about you. When I tried to deny it, she told me point blank that I was talking about you in my sleep. Busted and nowhere else to turn, I told her that I had feelings for you. She then took me into her dungeon-"

"Wait! She had a… it was the locked room, wasn't it? I remember on many occasions that we would try to break in to see what was in there but it was impenetrable. She even caught us once trying to do it. She reamed us both out and kicked us out of their house. She later told Jack that once we were able to respect her privacy, then we were allowed back in."

Shrugging his shoulders, he continues, "All I was told to do was to follow her. At first I thought she was the one who was fucked up with all of her gadgets and gizmos of torture. Then, as if she could read my mind, she said that if she was fucked up for wanting and harnessing control in a safe sexual environment, then what did that make me for fucking three strippers." Laughing mirthfully to himself, a pain that I had never seen before crossed his handsome features. Taking a shaky breath, he nods his head and mumbles, "She was right. I was a complete fuck up and I felt as if I could no longer see the light. So I agreed with the sole provision that she would teach me how to forget about you. Everything she said to me, I begged her to beat it into me because at the time, I knew there was no way we would ever be together."

Grasping his hands, I whisper, "And here we are."

Kissing both of my knuckles, he softly repeats, "Here we are." Squeezing my finger together, he sorrowfully adds, "I have many years of someone convincing me that I will never deserve love working against us and I will not lie and tell you that everything is fixed. I am a work in progress and I need your love and your patience and your understanding that I am just as fucked up as I was when I was younger." Just as I am about to defend his honor, he quiets me by covering my lips with his finger and saying, "I broke off our relationship, our unofficial marriage, because I was scared of what would happen if you had been hurt or killed all for the sake of Starfleet. That is the epitome of fucked up and you know it." Drawing me into his lap, he says, "Be patient with me, but for god sakes, don't be kind. There will be times that I'm going to push you away. Don't accept it, refuse to leave my side until I am able to see the error of my reasoning." Resting his head along my bare chest, he pulls me so close that I feel we will melt together as one.

Wrapping my arms protectively around his neck, I lovingly kiss the top of his head. "I love you, Jean Luc. I know we have a lot of catching up to do, not to mention the conversations that need to take place, but I just want to sleep next to you and kiss you and wake up next to you and make love to you."

Leaning out of my embrace, he wiggles his eyebrows and slyly says, "How about we skip right to the making love part."

Demurely shaking my head, I sigh, "Bed first. I'm exhausted." Crawling out of his lap, I throw my brush on the table and pull him down next to me. Just as he throws the blanket over us, I pull his arm over my side and snuggle into his warm body. This is where I belong, where we belong and a lot of things might try to fight it, but our love is stronger than anything that comes our way.

Squeezing me close to him, he tiredly slurs in my ear, "I love you."

And as my mind becomes numb from exhaustion, I softly murmur back, "I love you, too."

* * *

 **Again, thank you for letting me take you on this journey! I hope you enjoyed it.**

 **There will be an epilogue! :)**


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